Your hair aint like other black girls!!! :-(

[JollyGal]

That is most unusual for someone to say.

I guess she was trying to compliment you because according to her other black girls do not have great looking hair.

It's her opinion but don't worry about it. You handled it well and taught her something.

I always find people suspicious when they compliment you whilst insulting someone else.

Odd.

 

[LadyMacgyver]

I just can't.. lol

A couple blinks, blank stare, maybe an "oh"

I have a coworker who dates mainly black men and she's white. She said she didn't want to date a black man too dark b/c she don't want no "darkskin" babies and he needs to have "good" hair so the baby would have that curly stuff

I really didn't think they thought about it like that.. I know Tyra had a show where the women were black and they made comments like that about not dating black men it was one girl in particular said there is no way she would date a black guy because she don't want any babies with nappy hair..

 

[Avaya]

HA!!! I get that all the time! But I take it as a compliment... I don't think they try to be rude, they just don't know, and are in shock. My cousins think my hair is fake because they have been raised in a fam where all the girls hair is short! And when they found out it was my hair they were shocked and they talk about it everytime they see me, can't believe it.

Okay so short hair = ugly hair? 'cause yt chick didn't say "OMG your hair is so long" she told OP her hair was pretty and not like the other negroes hair, implying that black people's hair as a whole is ugly and OP was bestowed the honorary, almighty whitey "exception to the rule". That is hardly a compliment IMO .

 

[Bnster]

The YT lady was dumbfounded at that moment of time and couldn't believe her eyes. Really when would she or they see a lot of black females walking around rocking their own gorgeous long sleek hair. You’ve given them a treat that is not normally seen. Those AA women on a normal day would be rocking a bun or ps instead which pls is not as impressive.

How would they (YT & others) ever know? I think we are a secret society – people don’t know, not even some from our own race.

Well one thing I can say for her 1) She recognized you as a black lady – not mixed with something or the other – Black African American Woman- Amen to that! (no offense to anyone) 2) The hair on your head was yours – not thinking ah a weave. So she gets some kudos for that but lacks knowledge in the small world she lives in.

What boils down to it OP you shocked the living daylights out of her and you almost gave her a cardiac arrest walking around like that all un-bun, tsk, tsk.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Unfortunate that she had to say that...ignorance...But I wouldnt have been able to leave it either...

Thats what I was telling my SO. I just couldnt leave it at that.

 

[Dee Raven]

Chocolate Diva, considering that you had to take so much time to explain to try to explain to this woman, do you feel that it was worth it? I often have the urge to kind of correct people, but usually don't because I don't always feel like it's going to be effective. What has been your experience in general in situations like this.

 

[Barbara]

You handled it well. I'm sure it gave her something to think about.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Chocolate Diva, considering that you had to take so much time to explain to try to explain to this woman, do you feel that it was worth it? I often have the urge to kind of correct people, but usually don't because I don't always feel like it's going to be effective. What has been your experience in general in situations like this.

Im not sure if it was effective or not, but it made me feel better to "straighten her" so to speak.

Its like my mama used to say: Now I have armed you with the best information available to you, what you choose to do with it is up to you............

My experience is that some "get it" and some pretend to "get it" and some are never gonna "get it" and will continue to think the way they think-not matter what. They are "stuck". But its my duty to myself to try and educate them as best I can or at least give them something to think about.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I think your SO was right. I find myself arguing and making comments that go right over peoples head and I come out of feeling like I lost a couple of brain cells and frustrated. I would have said, "Actaully this type of hair is very common but thank you." And change the subject.

 

[JJamiah]

Im not sure if it was effective or not, but it made me feel better to "straighten her" so to speak.

Its like my mama used to say: Now I have armed you with the best information available to you, what you choose to do with it is up to you............

My experience is that some "get it" and some pretend to "get it" and some are never gonna "get it" and will continue to think the way they think-not matter what. They are "stuck". But its my duty to myself to try and educate them as best I can or at least give them something to think about.

I love this comment of what your mom said. I agree. You educate so that lack there of is not an excuse. I would have said similiar and then said thanks though for the good intentions.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

a girl did that to me in high school. instead of being flattered, i was pissed! she said that i had pretty hair that wasn't like other black girls, because my hair was long and moved. i was pissed! she said it in a full room, and i was so scared somebody was gonna get upset and beat us both down. don't be includin me in your ignorance girl! if you wanna get beat up, do that ish on yo own, but don't put me in harms way with you! ♥

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

i agree with your response.

i personally hate when people just say "thank you" because they are perpetuating the ignorance. i remember being at my university's community center and hearing this black girl tell this other black girl who had naturally straight hair, "oh you've got that good grade of hair" and the other girl chucked uncomfortably and said "thank you". maybe i'm wrong but i felt like she didn't actually appreciate the comment and was just saying thank you and leaving it at that and i really did wish she had said something. i mean it's so sad that a grown woman still believes in the "good grade of hair" nonsense. smh.

i applaud you for your reaction because, even if the person continues to be ignorant, at least you know that you tried to educate them instead of allowing them to insult black women

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

To be honest I don't see the fuss. I see where you are coming from, but your hair IS probably "better" than most of the other black girls' hair that she has encountered.

Just like like a heap of cotton on the ground outside. It is not taken in for all it's splendor until it has been changed until a beautiful piece of cloth. That doesn't make that piece of cotton on the ground any less "nice" than that piece of cloth, but it appears to be that way. And appearance and the world "better or nicer" are both subjective.

Same thing goes for women of color. Until they take the time and embrace their hair and nourish it instead of slapping gel, grease, and ORS Relaxer ever 3 weeks in it, your hair probably DOES appear to be "nicer" than theirs. She didn't mean anything negative by her statement so I would have kept it moving.

IMHO

 

[CurlyMoo]

To be honest I don't see the fuss. I see where you are coming from, but your hair IS probably "better" than most of the other black girls' hair that she has encountered.

Just like like a heap of cotton on the ground outside. It is not taken in for all it's splendor until it has been changed until a beautiful piece of cloth. That doesn't make that piece of cotton on the ground any less "nice" than that piece of cloth, but it appears to be that way. And appearance and the world "better or nicer" are both subjective.

Same thing goes for women of color. Until they take the time and embrace their hair and nourish it instead of slapping gel, grease, and ORS Relaxer ever 3 weeks in it, your hair probably DOES appear to be "nicer" than theirs. She didn't mean anything negative by her statement so I would have kept it moving.

IMHO

This makes a lot of sense.

 

[Vashti]

It's Foot-In-The-Mouth-Disease. I get the impression sometimes that when some white people make comments like that, they think they're doing you a favor or something.

It's funny to me when I hear stuff like this about black hair because now I visit long haired forums for white hair every now and then and compared to the women on those forums, most white people have "bad" hair too. However, I would never actually say something so asinine to somebody. It would be nice if people would just keep comments like that to themselves.

 

[CurlyMoo]

a girl did that to me in high school. instead of being flattered, i was pissed! she said that i had pretty hair that wasn't like other black girls, because my hair was long and moved. i was pissed! she said it in a full room, and i was so scared somebody was gonna get upset and beat us both down. don't be includin me in your ignorance girl! if you wanna get beat up, do that ish on yo own, but don't put me in harms way with you! ♥

Hmmm, interesting. It sounds to me she was making an honest observation as she saw it. Granted it was inappropriate but don't you think it was based on fact? This is some kind of weird female thing going on. But then again that was highschool. In certain highschools people get cut for just being cute.

I think there is a rivalry between Black and White women that goes unspoken. Which explains why some of my Black girlfriends get really salty when a White girl says I have beautiful hair. They start mocking the girl and twisting their faces into these weird positions. It's not that serious. I enjoy the compliment and I DESERVE IT. I work hard to keep my hair healthy and growing long. Why can't I receive and take a compliment? White people have yet to insult Black people and tell me my hair is better than the rest. Black folks do that and it's ok but when a White person even says they like it and the claws come out.

I know my story is a little differernt than OP's but I think Black people need to take cues from other races and just ignore some stuff. I know it's hard because as Black American women we have a kneejerk reaction to put on our warrior pose when we feel we've been insulted. But I for one think it's a waste of time trying to educate someone who is set in believing all the negative things about Black people and our hair; every single time it happens. Some of these comments may come off as rude, disrespectful and downright insulting and racist but many of them are actually true.

How many threads have been started where posters are shocked at how they are surrounded by busted heads but when they come to LHCF we have the most beautiful heads of hair. Well none of this is lost on people of other races and I'm noticing that people of other races are becoming more and more upfront about their racial observations.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

^^^ i can understand how her observation was true, but some things don't need to be said. especially in a situation with a lot of attitude, rebellious teens are around. if someone had overheard, it could've been something. i agree with you about that high school attitude and thats what pissed me off and scared me when she said it. we've all got 'compliments' in front of other girls, only to have that group attack, tombout 'you think you so cute' '8itch you ain't all that' and whatever. she could've got us sliced. ♥

 

[PapillionRouge]

OP ur avatar still shows neck length hair.
Please update with this pretty APL hair that awes the white girl.lol.
We would Love to see it!

 

[Esthi777]

Story of my frickin' life!!!! What I can't stand is the next statement after the first stupid one.."well, what are you mixed with?". WT H-E- double hockey sticks?? Nothing!! I'm black and just because my hair is like this, don't assume I must be something else...geez!!

 

[LadyRaider]

Like I said, I never got it for my hair, but I do get that statement all the time, "You're smart. You're not like other black people. You're funny and friendly. You're not like other black people."

If you've heard it outside the context of hair, you recognize it as baaaaad juju.

You see that explains Oprah. Black people a monolithic bad group. There are a few exceptions who are "not like" the regular blacks however. Watch your step though, because you can easily be thrown back in with the "regular" blacks.

Booooo.

 

[BostonMaria]

Common sense isn't as common as it used to be

SMH

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

...........................................................

 

[lexiwiththecurls]

I think you had a good response but educating her... I could care less though what a white woman says who doesn't know anything about black hair. Its when black girls say it that bothers me. To me its more insulting when someone of our own race makes comments like that and brings us down as a race.
I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, so now with you educating her about it, she won't make that mistake again.

 

[Bella_Atl]

OP, you responded properly IMO. She complimented you (personally) while also insulting you (generally/black women as a whole.

Yup, they call that a backhanded compliment down herr.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

OP ur avatar still shows neck length hair.
Please update with this pretty APL hair that awes the white girl.lol.
We would Love to see it!

Im not into the picture taking like I was at the begining of my journey. I will try to update after my next relaxer.

Here is a thread from a year ago and half with some progress pics. This will give you an idea of what my hair looked like then...I have about 5 inches more now. ( I did some trimming of thin ends)

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=297415&highlight=