Your friend befriending your S/O on social networks.

cubanspice said:
I am mobile and I don't know if this topic has been covered already but how would you feel if a friend befriended your significant other on social networks? I'm asking because I have a friend who took it upon herself to follow my boyfriend on Instagram and twitter (before she met him) and she met him once in person when we all had lunch together one afternoon and those two barely spoke a word to each other. I just find it kind of funny. He brought it to my attention and I didn't say anything at first because I didn't think anything of it but now I feel some type of way especially since they don't know each other. He is attractive. He's offered to remove her and I want to confront her but I don't want to seem insecure. This really puzzles me because she's the type of female that will hound you if you make any compliments toward her guy (she's single now) but I've seen her in action with her ex. I don't know. I would never follow my friend's S/O even if I knew them out of respect.
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If he was ugly would you feel the same way?

That comment makes it seems like you think she wants your man. Maybe you are not friends like you think.
 
Let him delete her. Her response to it will reveal her motives/ intentions for adding him.

Eta: I have never followed or added friends and relatives husbands or SOs :look: Only one and it was because he requested. Interesting topic...
 
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I take it this friend is likely more of an acquaintance. This isn't the same as your BFF adding your husband or your boyfriend whom you all hang out multiple times. The friend aka the "acquaintance" friended him prior to even meeting him. I have friends who have friended my bf after we have interacted and hung out multiple times and these we're close friends. But if a not so close friend randomly add my bf before even before meeting him yeah it's weird and I would want to know why
 
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Are you using the term "friend" loosely? I have no problem with my friends friending DH on social media sites. But if it's someone who is more of a mere acquaintance, then I might be suspicious. I mean, if you barely know me, why would you be interested in knowing my spouse?
 
Glamorous_chic said:
I take it this friend is likely more of an acquaintance. This isn't the same as your BFF adding your husband or your boyfriend whom you all hang out multiple times. The friend aka the "acquaintance" friended him prior to even meeting him. I have friends who have friended my bf after we have interacted and hung out multiple times and these we're close friends. But if a not so close friend randomly add my bf before even before meeting him yeah it's weird and I would want to know why
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This is the case. Thanks.
 
Sosoothing said:
Are you using the term "friend" loosely? I have no problem with my friends friending DH on social media sites. But if it's someone who is more of a mere acquaintance, then I might be suspicious. I mean, if you barely know me, why would you be interested in knowing my spouse?
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We aren't as close as we used to be. She surely isn't my BFF nor is she an acquaintance. I just found it interesting.
 
cubanspice said:
It doesn't matter if he was ugly or not. I don't think she wants my man.
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Do you think she's doing this to annoy/hurt you?

Because if she's not into your man, I don't know any other "malicious" reasons that would justify her actions.


Unless she just randomnly added him? That's always a possiblility.
 
cubanspice said:
We aren't as close as we used to be. She surely isn't my BFF nor is she an acquaintance. I just found it interesting.
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I can see where you're coming from especially if you're not that close and if she hasn't even met him yet (I didn't read whole thread). I would probably just make a mental note..but don't overthink it.

Some people just like to follow everybody and their momma and the dude who makes sandwiches at the bodega. Don't stress yourself my dear (IMO). He's your man not hers!
 
Quite a while back, I ran into an ex on FB. We started communicating and flirting with each other and started making plans to meet. I was crushing really hard as he was gorgeous as an adult. I shared my feelings about him with a female friend from school (at the time) when she saw his pic from a comment he put on my page. Quite a few of my GF's had remarked about how good looking he was. Not too long after that, the guy contacts me and tells me the girl sent him a friend request. I was surprised and annoyed and started to give her the side eye after that. I felt I could no longer really trust her and I did not care to be around her that much after that. :ohwell:

OP, if you feel uncomfortable than go with you feeling :up:
 
vani said:
Do you think she's doing this to annoy/hurt you? Because if she's not into your man, I don't know any other "malicious" reasons that would justify her actions. Unless she just randomnly added him? That's always a possiblility.
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I don't know what her intention was. Maybe you're right. She knew who he was before she requested him.
 
I guy I dated a few years ago: he and I were in school together and both went to a classmate's party. I was with two friends and he was with a friend. After the party, we all went out for breakfast. the guy and I started dating after that--i think we may have actually had a date planned that night we all hung out. Either way, it was clear that he and I were into each other. After we started dating, one of the friends there friended him on fb and he accepted. I never made a big deal about it bc I wasn't that pressed, but its honestly made me look at her sideways ever since.

My current SO is not on social media and if he were and a friend sent him a friend request I would sideeye everybody :look:

I think it may have been different back in the day when you just randomly followed everybody, or if its the kind of person that has 5,000 social media friends they dont know, but when you got like 35 friends and one is the man I'm dating that you met once, oh. OK
 
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JewelleNY said:
Quite a while back, I ran into an ex on FB. We started communicating and flirting with each other and started making plans to meet. I was crushing really hard as he was gorgeous as an adult. I shared my feelings about him with a female friend from school (at the time) when she saw his pic from a comment he put on my page. Quite a few of my GF's had remarked about how good looking he was. Not too long after that, the guy contacts me and tells me the girl sent him a friend request. I was surprised and annoyed and started to give her the side eye after that. I felt I could no longer really trust her and I did not care to be around her that much after that. :ohwell: OP, if you feel uncomfortable than go with you feeling :up:
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Maybe this is the case. I haven't been feeling her actions as of late and I know her habits and she isn't a random person. I haven't done anything to her for her to try to be malicious. I do know she made a comment once that if any of her friends complimented her man she would try to kill them. I gave her the side eye after that. I don't know about her anymore.
 
spelmanlocks said:
I'm Facebook friends with my bestfriends man. She is also friends with my dh. I don't see the big deal. Do you think she is going to start contacting him on the side or something?
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I'm not sure. Honestly she really doesn't have a reason to so I don't know why she would request him in the first place.
 
SuchaLady said:
Whhat? Me and my BFF always befriend our boos on social networks! Whats there to hide? If you share more on Instagram and Facebook about your relationship to your friend/a human that may be a bigger issue.
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If she was my BFF I wouldn't care but we aren't this is why I'm stuck.
 
RocStar said:
If he was ugly would you feel the same way?

That comment makes it seems like you think she wants your man. Maybe you are not friends like you think.
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she said they weren't close friends...
i'd be suspicious... and it's probably best to be.
 
Thanks for the answers. A couple people were being unnecessarily harsh for a few laughs which was totally uncalled for. I wanted feedback and I got it.
 
JewelleNY said:
Quite a while back, I ran into an ex on FB. We started communicating and flirting with each other and started making plans to meet. I was crushing really hard as he was gorgeous as an adult. I shared my feelings about him with a female friend from school (at the time) when she saw his pic from a comment he put on my page. Quite a few of my GF's had remarked about how good looking he was. Not too long after that, the guy contacts me and tells me the girl sent him a friend request. I was surprised and annoyed and started to give her the side eye after that. I felt I could no longer really trust her and I did not care to be around her that much after that. :ohwell:

OP, if you feel uncomfortable than go with you feeling :up:
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InchHighPrivateEye said:
I guy I dated a few years ago: he and I were in school together and both went to a classmate's party. I was with two friends and he was with a friend. After the party, we all went out for breakfast. the guy and I started dating after that--i think we may have actually had a date planned that night we all hung out. Either way, it was clear that he and I were into each other. After we started dating, one of the friends there friended him on fb and he accepted. I never made a big deal about it bc I wasn't that pressed, but its honestly made me look at her sideways ever since.

My current SO is not on social media and if he were and a friend sent him a friend request I would sideeye everybody :look:

I think it may have been different back in the day when you just randomly followed everybody, or if its the kind of person that has 5,000 social media friends they dont know, but when you got like 35 friends and one is the man I'm dating that you met once, oh. OK
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These two posts... you have good reason to be a little :scratchch.
Just be vigilant about it... she's either just friending him for friending purposes, being competitive, or she's really after him.
i'm paranoid so i'd think she was trying to slight me or after him... people pull things like that all the time.
 
Threads like this are why I am not interested in a relationship: too emotionally draining.


It would serve the OP right if the boyfriend didn't remove the friend because the OP should have been honest. Women need to stop expecting men to be mind readers.

But at the same time, I wonder why he mentioned it instead of just deleting the friend.

All I know is that the friend is grown and can follow whomever she wants. Didn't he have to accept some of the requests to follow? If so, then why did he accept? I always put it on the guy, not the third party.
 
nathansgirl1908 said:
Threads like this are why I am not interested in a relationship: too emotionally draining.


It would serve the OP right if the boyfriend didn't remove the friend because the OP should have been honest. Women need to stop expecting men to be mind readers.

But at the same time, I wonder why he mentioned it instead of just deleting the friend.

All I know is that the friend is grown and can follow whomever she wants. Didn't he have to accept some of the requests to follow? If so, then why did he accept? I always put it on the guy, not the third party.
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I'd put in on the guy too if he were to cheat but if the third party is supposed to be a friend and is actively chasing that's another matter that should be handled accordingly :look:.
 
Arlana said:
I'd put in on the guy too if he were to cheat but if the third party is supposed to be a friend and is actively chasing that's another matter that should be handled accordingly :look:.
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Yeah but the guy is the one who owes the girlfriend loyalty and fidelity. I wouldn't actively deal with a third party unless it was getting to the level of stalking or the third party tried to do physical harm to me. I wouldn't expend the energy. I expect the guy to handle it and make sure it's handled. Women coddle men too much and fight battles for them. Make him work to prove he wants YOU.
 
This thread is reason #22,0000041515 why its not always wise to ask for certain types of advice here. SMH

OP your SO came to you. If you want him to delete tell him. Don't add extra drama nor should you let others bring it to you either. Good luck.
 
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nathansgirl1908 said:
Yeah but the guy is the one who owes the girlfriend loyalty and fidelity. I wouldn't actively deal with a third party unless it was getting to the level of stalking or the third party tried to do physical harm to me. I wouldn't expend the energy. I expect the guy to handle it and make sure it's handled. Women coddle men too much and fight battles for them. Make him work to prove he wants YOU.
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I agree with you. I'm not the type to take anything up with the woman if I were handed this kind of situation but if the woman was my friend she'd be spoken to. If she were a good friend who betrayed me in that way, the friendship would be over. In the end though the burden is on the man to be honest and if he's not, he's gone too.
 
cubanspice said:
I told him that he didn't have to prior because he asked if she was my friend when she first initially requested him and I didn't think anything of it. Another friend (who introduced me and my beau) and who has met my friend too pointed it out. I am just trying to get other's opinions on the matter. Thanks for the responses.
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She shouldn't friend him unless they cool like that. I don't trust stuff like that.

She shoulda asked you if you mind her following him. She basically snooping.
 
Tamrin said:
This thread is reason #22,0000041515 why its not always wise to ask for certain types of advice here. SMH

OP your SO came to you. If you want him to delete tell him. Don't add extra drama nor should you let others bring it to you either. Good luck.
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I dont think its the topic but the ops presentation.
 
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