Young Wife, Broke Older Husband - Preg Again

[shortycocoa]

On a semi- serious note, I would be up for having a thread with posts of the week or month, especially funny ones. The fun that could be had would be epic.

I concur!

 

[mzpurp]

Old, broke and Asian?

 

[Enyo]

"They" should have saved the $During her pregnancy

Please don't tell me that shes just finding out she has to return so quickly. Barring some unforeseen circumstances, THIS sounds to me like poor planning on both their parts; And both parties are too old for that. (Outta their 20s)

They were married and pregnant within 18 months. Considering how my friend's running theme is "not getting any younger" (her often repeated words, not mine), my guess is that they just wanted kids ASAP and started trying pretty much from their honeymoon on. I'm pretty sure she knew her maternity leave was only going to be 6 weeks, but their biological clocks were most likely louder than their common sense.

She might as well cheat on him and trade up.

Judging how gaga she is about an average looking 53-year-old man, I'm pretty sure he's the only man she's been with sexually and emotionally. She has the giddy teenager aura about her despite being 30 years old. She's probably going to have to get to the point of realizing she's going to be both a mom to minor children and a nurse at the same time before she gets frustrated.

Not one white friend advised her not to do this? Them white women are cutthroat when it comes to this kind of stuff, so I'm surprised.

I wonder the same thing, but I'm sure they realized she was desperate at this point, so how much can you say?

 

[shortycocoa]

Yay @Crackers Phinn! Thanks for getting started lol!

This is what happens when we back women in a corner. They feel like they only have two options: marry whomever will marry them so that they can feel whole and accepted by society or be single, unfulfilled, and longing for a man.

Single men are seen as players, bachelors, catches, etc. Single women seen as lonely, unfortunate, etc. Women have LOTS of options and we need to promote them more and more.
•Only marry a good match for you.
•Don't get married at all and date long-term, set in place legal contracts that protect you and your child(ren)
•Don't get married at all, don't have children, date whomever you please, move on when you get tired, be a happy, satisfied bachelorette who enjoys her freedom and options to live however she wants.
•Don't get married and have child(ren) via a sperm bank or adoption.
•Women can do whatever they want to do.

As long as we allow men and not us to be the center of our lives we will lose. This whole binary way of thinking that our society promotes is detrimental to everyone: win/lose; black/white, married/single, etc.

There is a reason these older men prey on these successful, younger, single women: they are catches made to feel less than so they end up settling for whomever will have them. Young, black (or otherwise), beautiful, educated women: you are a catch and you are unique and special. Don't believe any of the foolish lies. You have options. And you are enough.

All of this is awesome big-sister advice, especially the bolded! I meant to say this yesterday. This past year has definitely made me re-evaluate my life in terms of personal relationships and also helped me to determine how I want to move differently in the future in regards to dating. I'm not ruling out getting married again, but the way these dudes and these "only gay on Tuesdays and Thursdays" chicks are set up, it's doubtful.

I think I would be comfortable just worrying about myself and my kids and dating several people but not getting into any more serious relationships. When I think back to 10 years ago, I was the most happiest then and this is what I was doing, I just didn't have any kids yet.

 

[FearlessNik]

At 30 her options were :Single motherhood, broke older man who wanted to marry her ,or wait for guy on her level who may never materialise .

She wouldn't have made the same choice at 20. She settled early but maybe based on her dating history she didn't see much better coming along .

No, there's other options. She could have had an abortion.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

No, there's other options. She could have had an abortion.

She got pg deliberately. Why would she get an abortion ?

 

[Enyo]

She got pg deliberately. Why would she get an abortion ?

Exactly. This was a completely planned child.

 

[ForestRose]

Sad. I don't feel sorry for her though. She planned for the child after they were married meaning she knew his finances. I doubt it will last. Women who prefer to date older or richer men tend to want to be kept and looked after in the long run. I'd be surprised if that's not what she wants deep down. She'll soon realise that their current arrangement won't work and want out especially when his health starts to fail.

 

[moneychaser]

hmm sounds like he ran some good grandpa game on her... you cant let these old men get in your ear sis lol

 

[Enyo]

Sad. I don't feel sorry for her though. She planned for the child after they were married meaning she knew his finances. I doubt it will last. Women who prefer to date older or richer men tend to want to be kept and looked after in the long run. I'd be surprised if that's not what she wants deep down. She'll soon realize that their current arrangement won't work and want out especially when his health starts to fail.

For me, older men are about security. I've expressed that to the few older men I've dated and they were okay with it. I think the fact that went to school for a master's degree and often talk about my desire to get my clinical license and work with the mentally ill helps. Most likely because a woman who talks about having a career clearly plans on earning her own money. Still, as someone who has dealt with financial instability many times over my life, I find that I'm actually a nicer person when I don't live in fear of that.

 

[FearlessNik]

She got pg deliberately. Why would she get an abortion ?

Exactly. This was a completely planned child.

Ooohhhh... I did not read that part.

 

[Petal26]

I find older men attractive, but I would NEVER date a broke older man (heck, not a younger one either, but that's not an issue at this point), let alone marry one. If you got the nerve to be 23 years older than me, then my job is to raise your child and be a good wife. That does not include being employed outside the home. If you can't afford to raise a kid and fully support a wife, then you should keep your old penis in your pants and get to work.

 

[ForestRose]

For me, older men are about security. I've expressed that to the few older men I've dated and they were okay with it. I think the fact that went to school for a master's degree and often talk about my desire to get my clinical license and work with the mentally ill helps. Most likely because a woman who talks about having a career clearly plans on earning her own money. Still, as someone who has dealt with financial instability many times over my life, I find that I'm actually a nicer person when I don't live in fear of that.

I wonder if that's more for age gaps that are smaller. Their age gap is pretty big. Like how much security can someone have with that age gap. In 10 years this man will be close to retiring and their baby will still be a baby.

I dated a much older man and we had a larger age gap then this couple (30+ years). This man ran circles around me! I was too naive to realise and told him to get lost after I put up with it for way too long. I now realise that these struggle grandpas are the true players!! Not the young ones who are looking for a come up.

I still prefer older men but he needs to have money. Then again if I ever get with a man that old again it's because I'm looking to get kepted. Yes I want to work but he also need to be able to look after me and himself in old age so that I don't have to work.

For a smaller age gap I agree with the security thing. I think it's more about career for both parties because then you can move up in the world together.

 

[shortycocoa]

For me, older men are about security. I've expressed that to the few older men I've dated and they were okay with it. I think the fact that went to school for a master's degree and often talk about my desire to get my clinical license and work with the mentally ill helps. Most likely because a woman who talks about having a career clearly plans on earning her own money. Still, as someone who has dealt with financial instability many times over my life, I find that I'm actually a nicer person when I don't live in fear of that.

I agree with these statements, especially your last sentence. In regards to your first sentence, I met this older man when I was out shopping one weekend several years ago. He looked like he was every bit in his 60s or so, maybe more. He was very respectful and wanted to know if he could spend some time getting to know me. I can't remember if he asked me for my number and I said no, but he gave me his card and told me to call him if I changed my mind.

I think I was tripping over the considerable age difference at the time. Now that I reflect back, I wonder if I should have given him a chance or if it was a good thing I decided to keep it pushing because there's a possibility he could have been broke. Well, I guess I'll never know...

 

[JerriBlank]

Exactly. This was a completely planned child.

When she and her old man couldn't afford for her to stay with the baby for longer than 6 weeks? That's kind of messed up. He should have been able to fund his family being at home by himself. I'd be expecting SAHM lifestyle from an old man. Omg, what is the freaking point?!

 

[JerriBlank]

Isn't that how old men try to pull everyone in? I'm tryna pay your bills?
Sorry, but she is a straight loser for settling for that lifestyle. He's not even young and able bodied and broke.

 

[shortycocoa]

I find older men attractive, but I would NEVER date a broke older man (heck, not a younger one either, but that's not an issue at this point), let alone marry one. If you got the nerve to be 23 years older than me, then my job is to raise your child and be a good wife. That does not include being employed outside the home. If you can't afford to raise a kid and fully support a wife, then you should keep your old penis in your pants and get to work.

^^^^I know that's right!!! #church

 

[hopeful]

Isn't that how old men try to pull everyone in? I'm tryna pay your bills?
Sorry, but she is a straight loser for settling for that lifestyle. He's not even young and able bodied and broke.

Right! Pick a lane. Broke, young, and fine. Or old, well off, and established.

 

[Enyo]

When she and her old man couldn't afford for her to stay with the baby for longer than 6 weeks? That's kind of messed up. He should have been able to fund his family being at home by himself. I'd be expecting SAHM lifestyle from an old man. Omg, what is the freaking point?!

Girl, they couldn't even afford a honeymoon! Their excuse was that they already live in paradise. I know pretty much everybody rolled their eyes is that. You could go to another island and have a cozy weekend at a resort.

 

[Enyo]

Dupe post.

 

[chocolat79]

I don't understand any of this. I don't mind older men, but at that age difference, he'd need to be paid. So old, broke and Asian and she thought that was the best she could do at 30?? I could kinda see if she was 40+ and wanted a child. Maybe.

Maybe it's Hawaii itself. I had a really good friend who was fabulous! Through a series of moves and life changes, she ended up in Hawaii. She ended up marrying and procreating with an old, broke, literally homeless White dude. He was in his 50's and she was in her 30's. To this day, I don't understand it.

I'm going to stay out of Hawaii until I'm married, lol.

 

[ForestRose]

Isn't that how old men try to pull everyone in? I'm tryna pay your bills?
Sorry, but she is a straight loser for settling for that lifestyle. He's not even young and able bodied and broke.

Yep. They'll play you hard.
They're the type to tell everyone that they don't want a gold digger as if they actually have have gold for women to dig at lol.

 

[shortycocoa]

I don't understand any of this. I don't mind older men, but at that age difference, he'd need to be paid. So old, broke and Asian and she thought that was the best she could do at 30?? I could kinda see if she was 40+ and wanted a child. Maybe.

Maybe it's Hawaii itself. I had a really good friend who was fabulous! Through a series of moves and life changes, she ended up in Hawaii. She ended up marrying and procreating with an old, broke, literally homeless White dude. He was in his 50's and she was in her 30's. To this day, I don't understand it.

I'm going to stay out of Hawaii until I'm married, lol.

Wow...that's a shame. This reminds me of a couple of memes I remember seeing on Facebook every few weeks. One meme said "be careful who you attach yourself to/enter relationships with. Some people are looking for help, not love." The other one said something like "beware of the hobosexual: a person who is only in a relationship to prevent being homeless." I can't help but think that in the situation OP described and the one you just mentioned that if the tables were turned those men would have taken off running upon meeting women like that. We gotta do better.

I wonder if these women have an expectation that the men will step up and improve their financial situations or if they don't really care whether they do or not.

 

[TCatt86]

I don't understand this. She could be with some one young and struggle.

 

[shortycocoa]

I don't understand this. She could be with some one young and struggle.

Right! Or she can keep her money and do bad by herself. I went to school with someone that was not about the BS when it came to men. She used to tell me about some of her outings, dates and past dealings with men. When I asked her why she chose not to see anyone exclusively or find a husband, she said, "for what? I can do struggling and broke by myself. The next time I get with a man for any relationship, he has to be independently wealthy." After I got divorced, she told me to make sure I got some type of benefits out of being in a relationship and the men came with something other than just a hard D. She kept it real!

 

[Enyo]

I'm thinking it has to do with a church background. Aren't very religious people pressured to get married younger? I can see why she may have felt like she was drying up if she's around people who are her age who are married with at least 1 child.

 

[MarcustheWu]

I know a couple of women who are married to men 20-30 years older and significantly poorer. These men are below average, and the women are pretty-gorgeous. I was always really confused by this. I assumed maybe I was missing something, because I would go younger over older.

 

[shortycocoa]

I'm thinking it has to do with a church background. Aren't very religious people pressured to get married younger? I can see why she may have felt like she was drying up if she's around people who are her age who are married with at least 1 child.

You might be on to something with this, but I'm not 100% sure. From what I have witnessed, the super religious types that are in church 24-7 seem to be the ones that have the hardest times finding mates. Especially since they are strictly "no sex before marriage" and they don't usually go into typical settings where lots of singles are around, unless it's a church function.

Women like this are always frustrated and complaining that there aren't any men, but then they don't go anywhere except for work, church and home. They expect the men to just appear at their doorstep, but it doesn't work like that.

 

[Enyo]

You might be on to something with this, but I'm not 100% sure. From what I have witnessed, the super religious types that are in church 24-7 seem to be the ones that have the hardest times finding mates. Especially since they are strictly "no sex before marriage" and they don't usually go into typical settings where lots of singles are around, unless it's a church function.

Women like this are always frustrated and complaining that there aren't any men, but then they don't go anywhere except for work, church and home. They expect the men to just appear at their doorstep, but it doesn't work like that.

I would have gotten on Christian Mingle, and that's not a joke. Maybe she was opposed to online dating, but it'd be worth a go. Better than settling.

Also, I'm trying to casually get info about his job. We've been texting back and forth about our clients (she has a homeless client and I worked with a housing program). Trying to delicately move to the subject of his work.

 

[jeanghrey]

I find older men attractive, but I would NEVER date a broke older man (heck, not a younger one either, but that's not an issue at this point), let alone marry one. If you got the nerve to be 23 years older than me, then my job is to raise your child and be a good wife. That does not include being employed outside the home. If you can't afford to raise a kid and fully support a wife, then you should keep your old penis in your pants and get to work.

Let the church say Amen!!!!