Yeah, I Know I'm a Wimp...

[aribell]

So, any other ladies out there feel guilty when they don't want to give a man their number? I know I do and end up doing so even when I'm not interested at all (which seems like it's most of the time).

I think I feel like if I say "no" then I have to have a good justification for it, especially if we've had a nice conversation; and I would feel snobbish saying "Well, I'm in professional school and you're the janitor here..." Not that there's something wrong with them, just don't see much common interest...

But maybe I don't need to justify myself? Can anyone relate? Or got any tips?

 

[Duchesse]

lol! I used to be like that, feeling guilty for rejecting a dude to his face..but in the end it never made sense anyway, because when he called or if I saw an unknown number, I would ignore it anyway and hope that he got the point.

This one time a guy left me the angriest message on my voicemail, almost cursing me out saying "If you wasn't feeling me, why the hell did you give me your number". I felt so stupid because he was right.

Nowadays I just refuse to entertain a man just because he asks for my number. I don't owe a stranger anything. Just cut the BS and say point blank "No. No thank you. Have a great day!". Be blunt but polite.

Or you can just lie and say that you have a boyfriend. And when the inevitable "oh, can we still be friends?" question comes, say no, my BF is crazy and I don't want to mess with him lol.

 

[abordeaux]

Don't feel bad, you don't owe them anything. I don't even give guys the chance to ask for my number if I'm not interested. I'm never interested because I'm in a relationship.

On the off chance that they do ask, usually after a random conversation that I couldn't escape, I just say, "No thanks, I'm not interested." It's very blunt, to the point, but not rude. If they ask if I have a SO and I tell them yes, they'll ask to be friends. They always do. I just tell them "No thanks" and smile politely. I don't leave openings for more questions or requests. They get the hint and KIM.

Believe me, when you get annoyed enough with the constant requests from guys you aren't interested in, you'll learn to be more curt with them.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

lol! I used to be like that, feeling guilty for rejecting a dude to his face..but in the end it never made sense anyway, because when he called or if I saw an unknown number, I would ignore it anyway and hope that he got the point.

This one time a guy left me the angriest message on my voicemail, almost cursing me out saying "If you wasn't feeling me, why the hell did you give me your number". I felt so stupid because he was right.

Nowadays I just refuse to entertain a man just because he asks for my number. I don't owe a stranger anything. Just cut the BS and say point blank "No. No thank you. Have a great day!". Be blunt but polite.

Or you can just lie and say that you have a boyfriend. And when the inevitable "oh, can we still be friends?" question comes, say no, my BF is crazy and I don't want to mess with him lol.

This right here says it all.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Nowadays I just refuse to entertain a man just because he asks for my number. I don't owe a stranger anything. Just cut the BS and say point blank "No. No thank you. Have a great day!". Be blunt but polite.

Agreed. There's nothing to feel bad about. EVERY man who approaches me is simply not going to be for me. That's the reality. Sometimes there will be obvious things (physical/intellectual/circumstantial) that I know are not right for me, and other times my intuition will gently say, "You shouldn't get involved with this person." And even though I don't have "proof" I have learned to listen to my intuition because it's always right.

I noticed that after I sat down and thought carefully about what I REALLY wanted in a man and got clear about it, it became easier to say no to folks who were not right for me. There is no point in creating unnecessary situations. I know what I want, and if he is not it, it's ok for me to say no.

Plus, men rarely feel even an ounce of regret for dropping a woman like a hot potato or playing her to the left if he's not feeling her so if I'm going to take a chance or allow a new person into my space, it's going to be because I WANTED to...no guilt allowed.

 

[missjones]

I just say I have a BF and if he says "Can we be friends?" I say "Um, no"

 

[natural_one]

I just say I have a BF and if he says "Can we be friends?" I say "Um, no"

I use that line always and when they ask can we be friends, I ask them how they would feel if their girl was asked that..Alot of them give me the shocked face, after that I smile and walk off.

 

[tinkat]

Yeah I feel bad too, but if you are not interested, especially when if you have a boyfriend, its being truthful. I am in a relationship but I do not even say I have a boyfriend because I don't want to get that next question, Can we be friends? I just say no, that is ok.

 

[awhyley]

What do you feel bad about? If they were serious, they'd give up their number and give you the option of whether or not to call them. Why do people think that it's the girls who should always keep their cell phones on waiting for that call?

"Can we still be friends?" Hell No!, because they know that that wasn't the intention in the first place. Anything to get the number. Tell 'em to get to steppin'.

"NO GUILT ALLOWED", Divine Inspiration, I love that!

 

[sky_blu]

I never feel guilty. If Im not feeling them Im just not feeling them. I say no and walk away. And thats when the names start flying!

 

[MissYocairis]

Yes. I hate this. We are wimps.

ESPECIALLY, when they pretend to be interested in you for a non-romantic reason. Like a couple of weeks ago.... a man at the gym struck up a convo with me on workout regimens. Apparently, he's going to school to be a kinesiologist. So, he tells me he'd be happy to work with me to help me refine my regimen. But, I know there are 50/11 other folks in the gym and why is he wanting to help ME in particular? But still...he presented it as strictly platonic and business like in nature....but told me to call him and gave me his number. What was I gonna say? No, I have a man! All abruptly when the guy never even tried to holla really? But, he and I both know why he was speaking in the first place. I never called. So now, everytime I see him in the gym...he's all "still waitin on that call".

 

[juju]

No guilty feeling why should you feel guilty towards a guy who might be looking for someone that he just want to chill with and not more.

 

[Taliah]

I'm over here rollin that ya'll really feel guilty...lol!

I will say that I hate when woman say I have a man. That is really not the reason why in most cases. I say not interested and that works every time. If it doesn't, I simply repeat it till they get gone out of my face.
If you really feel bad though, just look at it like this. You are probably the 25th person that he has approached that day by 10:49 am. You won't feel so bad then.

 

[aribell]

I could multi-quote all of y'all...but I'll just say that you're all right. If I had a SO, I wouldn't care, but men do want to give you the 3rd degree about it.

I won't lie, but there really isn't a reason that a woman should feel obligated to entertain the interest (or probably more commonly, lust) of any ol' man just because he shows it. Maybe hearing more "no's" would help them up their game anyway.

 

[Mai Tai]

I NEVER feel guilty about not giving a man my number because as soon as they see that I'm not interested, they move on to another woman, so I don't owe them anything.

When you ask a question like "Say lil-mama, can I get yo numbah?" you are giving me the option to say "no." If you don't really want to know the answer to that question, then don't ask.

 

[Mai Tai]

I just say I have a BF and if he says "Can we be friends?" I say "Um, no"

I typically do not use the "I have a BF" line because my relationship status has nothing to do with my interest in a man, his personality, his attractiviness, or lack thereof.

When you say "I can't give you my number because I have a BF," men hear, "If she didn't have a man, she would be interested in me." Which may not be true.

I have thus rendered this excuse ineffective for the simple fact that men love a challenge, and would love to get the chance to "take" you from your man, and this is why they always respond with "Well can we be friends?"

So, to turn a man down, I usually just frankly tell them that I am not interested and move on.