I think I'm in a love triangle :(

[MuziqizLyfe]

@ "make things even" life and love is not a power struggle- nobody is going to war over here. And from my expierences, people who look at love like that tend to b the most unlucky at it

I knew my opinion was gonna b unpopular so I just wanna appoligize to the op since now everyone wants to tlk abt ME instead of helping HER

one more thing- I really cant c any guy ever cheating on me so maybe thats y that was so funny

How old are you?

 

[miss stress]

How old are you?

27 yrs old

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

27 yrs old

I figured

 

[MrsHouston]

No . That makes me feel even worse that I never told him...I don't know how he'd react if he found out.

I'd make up my mind one way or another, just do something before one or the other finds out and you end up losing them both.

 

[miss stress]

if youre suggesting that im immature, u r in fact wrong. If u r saying Im immature, thats funny because to me only children,who r indeed immature due to their ages and life expereince or lack therof and therefore cant help it, cannot accept that people have opinions that differ from their own. As far as the original question is concerned I was in the dating game, found my husband, and got out and noone got hurt, sounds perfect to me. so how old r you? since were getting to kno each other and all

 

[MrsHouston]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

I agree with this. I don't think single people should tie themselves down to one guy - that's marriage!. Just be honest that you're not ready to get married and be ready to deal with the outcome of whatever decision you make.

 

[Lynnerie]

If your BF is such a great guy and you love him. The last thing you wanna do is tell him about the other guy. Don't do it! You'll be by yourself! Men cannot handle this type of information and his ego will be bruised and your relationship with him will never be the same. It may have just been a kiss but he will think it was more. Keep your business to yourself.

Also, if the new guy knows you have a man then he will treat you the same way. He will look at you as a cheater and be like, "oh thats how you get down" ok then. Tell him you all can be friends even if you leave your BF you dont need to jump from man to man anyway. Be friends.

Lastly, You need to look out for #1 and that is you. My opinion is unpopular too but until you are engaged to be married you should have guy friends. No, you do not sleep with them but you don't put all your eggs in one basket. We women make mistakes by acting as if we're married when we're not.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

If you were dating a guy and a far as you know its a monogamous relationship, you would be ok with him dating other women behind your back since you 2 arent married? This is a serious question.

 

[MrsHouston]

Date around by all means but don't you think when you enter into an exclusive relationship, that the guidelines should change? You don't need to tell everyone everything about you, but your partner isn't just anyone. Telling him that you are still looking for greener pastures afftects him....greatly.I think a partner deserves to know whether he is on a shortlist or if he made the cut.Also if sex is involved, his safety could be at risk.
I hope none of this offends you, just was curious...wanted to know more

If I were single, "exclusive" couldn't be anything less than an agreed upon engagement or courtship. Otherwise, she shouldn't be limited. Also, you should make sure the BF is not your future husband, you don't want to lose a good guy b/c FYI there aren't a lot of "good" guys still around. Make your decision wisely

 

[MrsHouston]

If your BF is such a great guy and you love him. The last thing you wanna do is tell him about the other guy. Don't do it! You'll be by yourself! Men cannot handle this type of information and his ego will be bruised and your relationship with him will never be the same. It may have just been a kiss but he will think it was more. Keep your business to yourself.

Also, if the new guy knows you have a man then he will treat you the same way. He will look at you as a cheater and be like, "oh thats how you get down" ok then. Tell him you all can be friends even if you leave your BF you dont need to jump from man to man anyway. Be friends.

Lastly, You need to look out for #1 and that is you. My opinion is unpopular too but until you are engaged to be married you should have guy friends. No, you do not sleep with them but you don't put all your eggs in one basket. We women make mistakes by acting as if we're married when we're not.

So True, I agree.

 

[Kurlee]

Well I said I wasnt telling her to sleep around...............As a matter of fact, I was celibate for more than half of the 3 yrs we were dating b4 we got married. So not only was he not getting any, neither was anyone else of all the people I dated back then, and honestly there were quite a few. I really dont think me looking for other suitors really affects him like tht. If a guy is happy with me then y depress him by telling him wht I do whn were not together.And since I have never asked a guy to b exclusive with me (not my style) odds r it really will just b conterproductive especially if I like him too and am just unsure abt the direction our relationship is gonna go. If it aint broke............. cause wht guy is smart enough to really stick around thinking abt wht u may or may not b doing with someone else. U gotta give guys more credit than tht.

As far as the op is concerned, I think it would b smarter for her to stay in a relationship with her bf and get to seriously know other guys ,if she wants, to than to end her relationship for something that may turn out to b nothing. Its all abt buying yourself some time to figure things out

what's the point in being a relationship then? and if she is seeing more than one person at a time and is definitely having sex with SO, whose to say she may not fall in deep with other people, by "accident". All that you're saying sounds extremely selfish and kinda nasty. U can't be kissing up your SO in the mouth and then have other side dudes that you fool around with too. Too much stuff intermingling. It's really unrealistic to think that you;re gonna meet guys you like and date and are close to and all you do is hang out and talk on the phone? And who knows what the other dudes are doing.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Your BF is your first and only serious relationship and he treats you well, is a good guy, etc. So it can be very easy to assume that it will not be hard to find another great guy to replace him. However, most ladies with some dating experience can tell you that many, many, many men seem like great catches when you first meet them.

Some of them end up having HUGE issues (like they're pathological liars, etc.). Others end up having lesser issues (different values, don't want a commitment, etc.). Still others may not have any glaring red flags, but still end up not being compatible with you for other reasons.

Bottom line: it is not always so easy to find a mate. If you don't want to get married right now that's fine. If your BF is not the one for you, so be it. But don't throw away what you have just because it's not brand new anymore, only to find yourself feeling like a fool later down the line because you let a good thing go.

Either way, it's not cool to leave your BF in the dark. Dating multiple people until you find the right one is perfectly fine. But it isn't ok to lie about it. That's true whether you're male or female.

 

[Kurlee]

If you were dating a guy and a far as you know its a monogamous relationship, you would be ok with him dating other women behind your back since you 2 arent married? This is a serious question.

I just don't get how that logic works? How can you focus on one person and have the level of intimacy in the relationship, if everyone is checking out other people? I couldn't be happy in a situation like that. How do you make it to marriage without being exclusive first? Aren't relationships the test run before marriage? Wow. I think women are trying really hard to retaliate against men and their BS, but if this is the method, they need to come again. What ever happened to integrity? If you have to hide what you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it, period. It's like women almost expect men to be unfaithful, so they give them a pass (cuz they can't make them stop) and then "try" to take control of the situation, by doing it too. Ineffective, dishonest and nasty.

 

[Kurlee]

Your BF is your first and only serious relationship and he treats you well, is a good guy, etc. So it can be very easy to assume that it will not be hard to find another great guy to replace him. However, most ladies with some dating experience can tell you that many, many, many men seem like great catches when you first meet them.

Some of them end up having HUGE issues (like they're broke, pathological liars, a dozen baby mamas, etc.). Others end up having lesser issues (different values, don't want a commitment, etc.). Still others may not have any glaring red flags, but still end up not being compatible with you for other reasons.

Bottom line: it is not always so easy to find a mate. If you don't want to get married right now that's fine. If your BF is not the one for you, so be it. But don't throw away what you have just because it's not brand new anymore, only to find yourself feeling like a fool later down the line because you let a good thing go.

Either way, it's not cool to leave your BF in the dark. Dating multiple people until you find the right one is perfectly fine. But it isn't ok to lie about it. That's true whether you're male or female.

honeymoon stage makes people blind sometimes and then when it wears off. If you have a good man, hold on to him, because they are hard to find.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

I just don't get how that logic works? How can you focus on one person and have the level of intimacy in the relationship, if everyone is checking out other people? I couldn't be happy in a situation like that. How do you make it to marriage without being exclusive first? Aren't relationships the test run before marriage? Wow. I think women are trying really hard to retaliate against men and their BS, but if this is the method, they need to come again. What ever happened to integrity? If you have to hide what you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it, period. It's like women almost expect men to be unfaithful, so they give them a pass (cuz they can't make them stop) and then "try" to take control of the situation, by doing it too. Ineffective, dishonest and nasty.

I have discussions on women with men all the time and its so hard for me to defend us when I am presented with situations like this during the discussion. Women dont know what we want ( good man/thug for ex), even though we SAY we know, and when we have it what we think we want in a man there is still doubt so then we go out and be a "playa playa" like men do and we think its ok as long as they arent doing it to us. Me no get it.

 

[miss stress]

I just don't get how that logic works? How can you focus on one person and have the level of intimacy in the relationship, if everyone is checking out other people? I couldn't be happy in a situation like that. How do you make it to marriage without being exclusive first? Aren't relationships the test run before marriage? Wow. I think women are trying really hard to retaliate against men and their BS, but if this is the method, they need to come again. What ever happened to integrity? If you have to hide what you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it, period. It's like women almost expect men to be unfaithful, so they give them a pass (cuz they can't make them stop) and then "try" to take control of the situation, by doing it too. Ineffective, dishonest and nasty.

As far as I know, I have never been cheated on by anyone so I find the notion that women r trying to make men pay for thier cheating by flipping the script is flat out wrong and a truly typical answer because alot of women have been done wrong and r bitter abt it. One thing I'm not is a liar so if someone came to me straigt up and asked if there was anyone else I would totally tell them the truth but IN MY LIFE that has never happend. So as far as being dishonest and nasty, is it really lying by omission?

for the millionth time I can only offer my opinion and tell of MY expierences

 

[miss stress]

I agree with this. I don't think single people should tie themselves down to one guy - that's marriage!. Just be honest that you're not ready to get married and be ready to deal with the outcome of whatever decision you make.

THANK YOU A MILLLION TIMES!! that is the condensed version of wh I have been trying to say this whole time!! Girl imma add u to my friend list!

 

[TayMac]

The point in the situation is..the OP does feel bad about it (if I'm wrong correct me) so that indicates that she feels it's not right and wants to fix the situation.

Lying by omission is lying IMO @ miss stress

A cheater is a cheater regardless of if you got caught not directed at anyone

 

[lesedi]

I just don't get how that logic works? How can you focus on one person and have the level of intimacy in the relationship, if everyone is checking out other people? I couldn't be happy in a situation like that. How do you make it to marriage without being exclusive first? Aren't relationships the test run before marriage? Wow. I think women are trying really hard to retaliate against men and their BS, but if this is the method, they need to come again. What ever happened to integrity? If you have to hide what you're doing, you shouldn't be doing it, period. It's like women almost expect men to be unfaithful, so they give them a pass (cuz they can't make them stop) and then "try" to take control of the situation, by doing it too. Ineffective, dishonest and nasty.

That's what I thought. I said this in another thread: 'how can you expect a solid foundation for marriage when the dating stage is a free-for-all???' and all these behaviours that you have learnt/acquired over your dating years miraculously disappear on your wedding night??

 

[MissJ]

So...um...yeah...you are definitely in a love triangle...but my question for you is does this new guy know that you already have a man?

Good question. I assumed the new guy was aware she had a boyfriend.

Dang, OP, that's a lot of stuff to be doing with a man who doesn't know you have a boyfriened. He could be putting in all this work for nothing.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Is one party in this thread typing on a cell because...

Anyway, OP...you owe both parties honesty. You may not even do that, but what you NEED to do is CUT THAT MAN OFF or leave your current and go be with him.

 

[MissJ]

Your BF is your first and only serious relationship and he treats you well, is a good guy, etc. So it can be very easy to assume that it will not be hard to find another great guy to replace him. However, most ladies with some dating experience can tell you that many, many, many men seem like great catches when you first meet them.

Never have truer words been spoken.

 

[Kurlee]

As far as I know, I have never been cheated on by anyone so I find the notion that women r trying to make men pay for thier cheating by flipping the script is flat out wrong and a truly typical answer because alot of women have been done wrong and r bitter abt it. One thing I'm not is a liar so if someone came to me straigt up and asked if there was anyone else I would totally tell them the truth but IN MY LIFE that has never happend. So as far as being dishonest and nasty, is it really lying by omission?

for the millionth time I can only offer my opinion and tell of MY expierences

as far as you know. Just like the people you were dating, while talking to others on the side, never thought they were either? It is lying! Just because someone doesn't ask you, because they trust you, doesn't mean you are being honest. Wow, so i can leave things out and never take accountability because they didn't ask. How would they know what to ask if they trust me? That is deceitful to get close to someone, make them trust you and then justify lying to them, because they trust and are not asking questions. Good luck with that. 27 is young and you still have a long way to go.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Don't tell your boyfriend you kissed another man. You may feel guilty about it, but telling him will only hurt him. You should be honest that you are interested in seeing other people though. That will probably hurt as well, but with cheating it might close the door on any future you two possibly have. That's just my opinion. If he is really a good man too give this a lot of thought. Because your current boyfriend might to decide to explore his options as well.

 

[Kurlee]

That's what I thought. I said this in another thread: 'how can you expect a solid foundation for marriage when the dating stage is a free-for-all???' and all these behaviours that you have learnt/acquired over your dating years miraculously disappear on your wedding night??

the cake, food, party and covering from god wash away all that and your brain magically transforms and makes you honest and monogamous

 

[Kurlee]

Don't tell your boyfriend you kissed another man. You may feel guilty about it, but telling him will only hurt him. You should be honest that you are interested in seeing other people though. That will probably hurt as well, but with cheating it might close the door on any future you two possibly have. That's just my opinion. If he is really a good man too give this a lot of thought. Because your current boyfriend might to decide to explore his options as well.

see I commend OP for actually feeling bad about this, because most people don't and at least she is honest. Most people much older than her cannot be that honest with themselves, so I'm not judging her at all. I'm just worried that if she tells her SO, he will leave her, or keep her and be so hurt that he will retaliate in some way. Either way, he won't be the same man with her afterwards. Men can't handle that type of stuff very well. Damn, this is a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I think free for all dating is good if you haven't established exclusivity with one person. i did this for about 3 years and it worked for myself. Now that i'm exclusive with someone, i would be extremely upset if he was still keeping his options open by talking to other girls and taking them out on dates.

Im avoiding putting all my eggs in one basket by not becoming too emotionally invested right now because things are still relatively new and shyt happens.

i think the concept of open relationships can work as long as both parties are aware. however being hush hush about it and doing what you want to do on the side while the other person is completely oblivious to what is going on (whether it be sex or just meeting up for coffee with someone else ) is foul imo.

 

[miss stress]

the cake, food, party and covering from god wash away all that and your brain magically transforms and makes you honest and monogamous

actaully it does. I think if u feel secure in your decision to get married and tht theyre r no doubts in your heart and mind tht he is for u.(because u already kno) One would b crazy to ever look elsewhere again. Thats y its called marriage and dating is just dating

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I also don't think op should tell her bf that she kissed someone else. yes its technically cheating, but what good will it do? things will get blown out of proportion and it will end ugly. The fact that she feels guilty is enough punishment. if she feels like she'll do it again then she needs to be honest with herself and have a talk with her bf because kissing eventually leads to other things if the issue isn't nipped in the bud.

 

[lesedi]

@ Miss_Stress :I don't understand why you would enter an exclusive relationship if you are adamant on scoping out talent. There is nothing wrong with seeing what's out there.....if you're dating NOT in a relationship. If your partner knows the deal and is fine with it, then that's another story, but entering into a union governed by honesty and disregarding it blatantly.....that's unfair on him.