I think I'm in a love triangle :(

[Arian]

I think free for all dating is good if you haven't established exclusivity with one person. i did this for about 3 years and it worked for myself. Now that i'm exclusive with someone, i would be extremely upset if he was still keeping his options open by talking to other girls and taking them out on dates.

Im avoiding putting all my eggs in one basket by not becoming too emotionally invested right now because things are still relatively new and shyt happens.

i think the concept of open relationships can work as long as both parties are aware. however being hush hush about it and doing what you want to do on the side while the other person is completely oblivious to what is going on (whether it be sex or just meeting up for coffee with someone else ) is foul imo.

Although I've never been in an open relationship per se, I agree with this completely. It is the agreement between all parties that makes all the difference.

 

[Arian]

I too am a fan of nonexclusive DATING, not in monogamous relationships. But that's just my opinion, to each his/her own. But obviously the OP is feeling some type of guilt about her situation,so that's not a valid option for her. I think you should take a "break" (I hate that term) from your current boyfriends and continue TALKING to the new guy, just to test out a few things. Even if you don't go for the new guy I think you still don't feel ready to commit to your current boyfriend so you should let him now.
BUT since I'm on my random tangent tonight I would like to add that...
mentioning someone's spelling errors ONLY when they disagree with you in order to imply that someone is unintelligent, is SUCH a juvenile tactic. If you wouldn't comment on a spelling/grammatical error if the person was AGREEING with you then don't do it when someone DISAGREES with you. Sorry that is a HUGE internet pet peeve of mine. Why can't we just accept that people have different views from ours. No I don't agree with you but it's not my place to try and persuade you to my way of thinking. Tis all

Interesting...I never noticed that people did that.

 

[Slave4Hair]

This wasn't directed at me, but I met my DH @ 19 and married @ 23. I dated other guys before him, but he was my first real relationship. It might have been different for me because I always knew I wanted to get married. I didn't have an ideal age, although I thought I'd be around 27 or so. My main focus was finding the right person and I felt like once I found that person I'd be ready, regardless of how old I was at the time.

We've been married for almost 3 years now and I have never regretted not dating more before I settled down. I don't think a relationship should ever be dull. Ours isn't, but it also isn't the same as when it was new. A relationship takes work. Loving each other every day is a choice. If you aren't ready for that commitment, that's ok. But I think you should understand that no relationship is going to feel "brand new" forever.

I applaud the bolded, very good points . That's what I'm afraid of, after awhile I'll be in the same situation if I dated someone else...bored. I'm going to try thinking of ways to make my current relationship more exciting. I have missed him alot more since he left, whenever he visits I feel the sparks again. When we lived in the same city I just grew tired of doing the SAME thing every weekend, but then again, that is something that can be fixed. I'm glad to see you and Miss Stress doing so well in your marriages at such young ages, it's encouraging to see that you both have no regrets. I always hear negative stats about people who marry young and it has always been a concern, but I love hearing success stories, it kinda eases the fear.

 

[Slave4Hair]

i'm so surprised at OP's maturity and honesty, despite her "mistake". Most of the 23 year olds I know are not like that. I really hope things work out for her in the end. Just try to cut ol' boy off quickly because the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Really? Thanks! I was thinking the opposite was going to happen and everyone would think I was immature . I appreciate it.

 

[Slave4Hair]

Hey girl! TO answer your question I have NO regrets abt getting married so young, I have the happiest marriage of anyone I kno. (Not to say we dont have problems, because everyone does) but we r so happy for the most part. Thank u for thanking me for my honesty cause as u can tell that was no easy task in this crowd. lol Truth told, the reasn I really wanted u to hear me out so badly is because me and my husband actually remind me of u and your SO right down to the relationship being long distance. So I definately have been where u r and I just dont want u to make any hasty decisions based on LHCF standards of whats politically correct. So good luck in your decision. Oh and in reguards to the last question abt r relationships suppose to get dull. The answer in my case is no. I am so attracted to dh even though Ive been with him my entire adult life. You just have to switch it up have sex in public, role play, dress up for him ect. But to b honest, since u guys r long distance, in my opinion it shold not come to tht his soon. It should feel brand new everytime u get to c each other since u dont c each other often and if it doesnt, perhaps thats an indicator that something is lacking.................

It's very encouraging to see you and your current husband made it, sometimes it is so frustrating and lonely! I hate being long distance but I'm hoping it will be worth it in the end. I definitely am going to work on spicing things up between us, if we can work on that I think we will be fine. I get to see him in 3 weeks so I'm excited. I do feel giddy every time I see him again so I hope going on this vacation will really make me forget about "the new guy".

By the way your and your family are gorgeous, you guys look like you should be in a commercial or something, lol.

 

[Lynnerie]

I made a comment on the first page but I also wanted to say that if you have a good man then you should keep him. Lets face it- if you decide to be single again you could and will open yourself up to much more heartaches and heartbreaks.

I know you want to be able to experience more but think about what you could be leaving and end up getting. A really nice guy I dated in college proposed to me but I was I was 21. But 25 was my ideal age to get married. I wanted to date around and have my fun. Fastforward- Here I am now- 28 years old and have gone through a lot of heartbreaks and things I could've avoided. There's more dogs out here then good men and your chances of getting a guy like the one you have now are slim.

Just because a man is an engineer and looks good on paper doesn't mean he will treat you right. You may want to have the butterflies but please know that feeling is just infactuation and you want someone who is going to be there for you. Momma always said its better for the man to like the woman more than she likes him. So imagine if you leave him and he ends up with another girl. How would you feel? If you can't stand to think of it then you know what you should do.

 

[song_of_serenity]

I hope you made the right decision, OP.

Just simple, wise words:
You don't leave the person you love for the person you like because the person you like will leave you for the person they love.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

I know this may b the unpopular opinion, but I think u should date them both. Why Not? Your're young and I honestly dont believe people should not put all of their eggs in one basket so to speak. I really believe its ok to date as many people as u can hande (until marriage of couse) Not suggesting u should sleep with em all(unless u feel comfy with tht) But it definately doesnt hurt to have new expirences with new people till u kno for sure what u want. Little known fact, I had a bf whn I got married and didnt break up with him till the day b4 I said," I DO" and I'm happy that I didnt limit myself because I went into my marriage absolutly sure there was noone else in the world for me. and I got married at 22 so.............. do ya thang!

i think age is a part of this. by mid 20s many women think about suitors as prospects for a life partner. in that case monogamy and dating around isn't just something they consider immoral (which i do, by the way) but simply something they don't want to do. why invest energy in other folks if you're 25 and thinking "gee, i want to get married by ___)? it's a time issue, if nothing else. either stay with ole boy or KIM. this is similar to my view that dating someone for 5 years + when your mid to late 20s or older isn't a good use of time. at 20 you may need the time. but by 25+ folks should be mature enough to decided yay or nay in 2-3 years. when you meet someone in your late teens/ very early 20s most women aren't thinking "this could be my future hubby". so i think, unless you have strong moral reasons against it, the dating around thing isn't that shocking if you start dating when you're pretty much still a young adult (or IMO an "old child"). my concern (aside from my views on integrity and honesty) is the whole "what goes around, comes around" thing. i think it would make me feel some kind of a way in my marriage.

 

[LongiLox]

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years, and I love him to death. Lately he has been talking about marriage and getting engaged ALOT. He just took a job in Florida about 4 months ago so we're currently long distance. I think he is perfect for me, he's handsome, REALLY smart, has a good job. We're pretty much bff's. We share everything. I just don't think I'm ready to be engaged. He is 28 and I'm 23. I have been dating him since I was about 19, honestly he's the only boyfriend I've ever had and since I met this other guy I've been really confused.

I met someone else 2 months ago. He's about 25, an engineer, really handsome and tall, and we hit it off really well. I told him I was just looking to be friends, but we have been grown extremely close. Friday we ended up kissing. I feel really bad and guilty about this. I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend, stop seeing this guy, or stop seeing my boyfriend. I love my bf so much but he is the only real bf I've ever had, meanwhile he has had several girlfriends. This is no excuse for what I did, but I just don't know If I need to start dating other people or just keep moving forward with my current SO. Ever since he has been talking about marriage I have been freaking out and don't know if I'm ready to fully commit.

Any advice? Please don't judge to harshly, I know i'm dead wrong

Women always tend to mess up when they have a really good guy. It's like they can't appreciate it or let themselves be loved. Somewhere else out there, there is some woman praying for a good guy. Somewhere else out there, there's another woman not appreciating him and taking him for granted. It's all about being a human being; we don't appreciate what we have and start playing with emotions.