Would you help your future husband pay his child support?

[petiteNunique]

Hello ladies, Im just curious. If you were to marry a man who had kids from a previous relationship or marriage, would you help pay child support. If you are married to someone who has children, do you help pay child support?

 

[ThickHair]

If you are married to a man paying child support, in a round about way you are paying it also because that is money that would otherwise be kept at home.

My Exhusband had 3 children and 1/2 of his income went to those kids, so yes in a way it was coming out of my pocket because his money was our money.

Heck no I would not reach into my Dooney Bourke wallet to give him $$$ to pay his child support. Ninja would just have to get another job. By the grace of God, exhusband paid his child support and did more than was necessary. Strange thing, him having 3 children and paying child support was never an issue in our marriage as my mother thought it would be, but everything outside of that was. LOL I liked being a stepmom.

Again, by the grace of God, my FH has NO children, so we can keep the money in our household.

 

[dlewis]

If you are married to a man paying child support, in a round about way you are paying it also because that is money that would otherwise be kept at home.

My Exhusband had 3 children and 1/2 of his income went to those kids, so yes in a way it was coming out of my pocket because his money was our money.

Heck no I would not reach into my Dooney Bourke wallet to give him $$$ to pay his child support. Ninja would just have to get another job. By the grace of God, exhusband paid his child support and did more than was necessary. Strange thing, him having 3 children and paying child support was never an issue in our marriage as my mother thought it would be, but everything outside of that was. LOL I liked being a stepmom.

Again, by the grace of God, my FH has NO children, so we can keep the money in our household.

I agree with the first bolded.

Kinda OT. Hope you don't mind me asking. Do you still have a relationship with the kids?

 

[petiteNunique]

Ha ha, im laughing at

"Heck no I would not reach into my Dooney Bourke wallet to give him $$$ to pay his child support. Ninja would just have to get another job. "

 

[MD_Lady]

Absolutely not. I would accept the reality that financial limitations could be placed on our lifestyle (i.e. realizing that we couldn't get a McMansion because he could only afford to put $X a month towards a mortgage after making his payments) because he had a pre-existing obligation. However, making sure his ex/children's mother is paid on time and in full would be 100% on him.

 

[ThickHair]

I agree with the first bolded.

Kinda OT. Hope you don't mind me asking. Do you still have a relationship with the kids?

I speak to his son who is in college via FB, he wants to come to my wedding to check out FH. His oldest daughter I see her out and about, usually at the mall. His youngest, not really because she is mentally challenged and she doesn't communicate much with anyone.

 

[dlewis]

I speak to his son who is in college via FB, he wants to come to my wedding to check out FH. His oldest daughter I see her out and about, usually at the mall. His youngest, not really because she is mentally challenged and she doesn't communicate much with anyone.

That's good. I hate it when grownups divorce and they divorce the kids also. I didn't have a good relationship with my stepmother when she was married to my father but we have over the last year reestablished a good relationship, which we didn't have before.

 

[Country gal]

I feel like the parents who took pleasure in making the kids should support them. I don't want to hear sob stories around Christmas time because you knew you had those kids to take care of.

 

[mrselle]

No, I wouldn't help him because if I'm helping him BEFORE we get married what am I going to be doing after we get married? I have a stepdaughter and fortunately paying child support was never an issue in our household. DH was handling his business before we got married and he continued to do so after we got married.

As a side note, years ago my stepdaughter called me to say she was going to a dance at her school and some how it came up that she didn't have money for a dress. Not thinking about the fact that her mother was getting a nice amount of money in child support I offered to send her a few dollars. DH had a fit when he found out. He was afraid that if I started sending money in addition to the child support that it would become an expectation and they would eventually try to get money taken out of my paycheck too. After speaking with an attorney and doing some research he found out that her mother could not get child support from me, but he still didn't want me sending her any money.

 

[ONAMSHN]

Nope.......

 

[ladysaraii]

If you are married to a man paying child support, in a round about way you are paying it also because that is money that would otherwise be kept at home.

My Exhusband had 3 children and 1/2 of his income went to those kids, so yes in a way it was coming out of my pocket because his money was our money.

Heck no I would not reach into my Dooney Bourke wallet to give him $$$ to pay his child support. Ninja would just have to get another job. By the grace of God, exhusband paid his child support and did more than was necessary. Strange thing, him having 3 children and paying child support was never an issue in our marriage as my mother thought it would be, but everything outside of that was. LOL I liked being a stepmom.

Again, by the grace of God, my FH has NO children, so we can keep the money in our household.

This pretty much sums it up.

 

[hopeful]

For real a lot of the time you will end up helping whether you want to or not. And if you make good money and more than him, watch out, because plenty men be looking for suga mamas. That was one of my major dealbreakers with men, no kids, period. Early on when I was dating my husband he would occasionally joke, "Oh didn't I tell you I had a child?" I think he loved seeing the look on my face. I think he knew I would be gone if he had a child. It was that serious. Some men in college would have a child from high school. I did not think that was cute. I know it's hard once you get older to find a childless man, but for real be careful. I know some stories that turned out fine and the man handled his business. And I know some stories where the woman ended up paying child support and more.

 

[Love Always]

You're still with the same dude I see erplexed.

 

[frida1980]

You're still with the same dude I see erplexed.

Yeah, I saw that too. I know these questions are helping you make your ultimate decision. But trust me, in your situation, there's not a lot to think about. He really doesn't sound like he's worth it.

In nearly all situations, I'd say no. Unless that child was living in our house and we had full custody, it would be his responsibility to feed his own child. Which is why I won't be getting married to someone who has to pay alimony. In most states, your income is his income so if he can't pay, they'll just come after you next. His debt is always your debt.

Something to think about, before you marry the guy.

 

[darlingdiva]

Nope. I don't and I won't.

 

[MissYocairis]

You might not have a choice. I was watching Judge Mathis earlier and this lady was being sued for owing some money she had to borrow because her husband lost his job and got behind in c/s payments and the state FROZE their bank account and garnished the whole $8000 that they had in there. Her gas bill payment BOUNCED! (she was white) Anyway....she didn't have a choice. You never know with these things when you get married. When you marry someone, you can easily be affected by their debt that has nothing to do with you.

 

[ambergirl]

I would not marry a man who didn't have ample resources to cover his child support expenses and his contribution to our financial needs. If I fell in love with a man but felt his child support obligations would adversely impact my financial resources, my savings capacity, and our living standards, I would date him but not marry him. I think marriage is an important step in a relationship but would be willing to give it up in order to avoid the legal obligation to support his kids .

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I totally agree with the bold statement below.

I also should add that although one may not be giving cash to the kids/ex in the form of child support; you are still supporting the child/children since they will be in your household half the time. The kids need food, clothing and shelter 24/7.

If you are married to a man paying child support, in a round about way you are paying it also because that is money that would otherwise be kept at home.

My Exhusband had 3 children and 1/2 of his income went to those kids, so yes in a way it was coming out of my pocket because his money was our money.

Heck no I would not reach into my Dooney Bourke wallet to give him $$$ to pay his child support. Ninja would just have to get another job. By the grace of God, exhusband paid his child support and did more than was necessary. Strange thing, him having 3 children and paying child support was never an issue in our marriage as my mother thought it would be, but everything outside of that was. LOL I liked being a stepmom.

Again, by the grace of God, my FH has NO children, so we can keep the money in our household.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I wouldn't consider even dating a man who had issues making his child support payments. I realize that if we were to marry there would be less resources in my home and that I would be helping to support the child when in our care, but I just can't see kicking in on his child support payment. He'd need that situation situated before anything could go down between us.

 

[summer]

No, no and no. FH??? It's not even your place to make child support payments for him and he should be able to handle that responsibility with you or without you.

Besides, you are not married yet and you will create all kinds of money confusion if you cross this line now.

 

[HisBestFriend]

As another poster already stated, if the two of you have a combined income home, then you are helping him pay child support in a round about way.

DH pays CS for "our" oldest girl and because we have a combined income I am helping him pay CS. (I say our because I don't call my kids stepchildren). She needs food, clothes and such and that is what the money is for so I don't see it as a problem. Now, understand that he has always been able to do so without my income but our home loses that money each month and we adjust to it without tension because it is his obligation to financially support her.

If he didn't take care of his children he wouldn't be much of man. Like I said, he makes enough to pay the CS himself but if ever the need came I would kick in to help; because I really want the best for DH and the kids I would help if I needed to.

 

[BackToMyRoots]

Say what now?....

 

[BullGirl2010]

Not a chance.

 

[fatimablush]

One word.............NO.

 

[kmn1980]

If you are married to a man paying child support, in a round about way you are paying it also because that is money that would otherwise be kept at home.

ITA! To me, it would be another household bill we have to pay.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Joint assets, joint obligations. That's the nature of marriage.

 

[Guitarhero]

Hello ladies, Im just curious. If you were to marry a man who had kids from a previous relationship or marriage, would you help pay child support. If you are married to someone who has children, do you help pay child support?

LOL. Your income will automatically figure into the formulation if there is a child support order. If not, no, I woulnd't.

 

[Cheleigh]

^ Not in the state of California.

 

[asakeba]

I'm surprised by some of these responses. Marriage is about two people coming together to build a home, with that comes responsibilities; whether they existed before or after marriage.

You can't pick and choose your obligations to suit you. Just as if your husband has debts, upon marriage, they become your debts. If he had an illness before meeting you, that becomes your responsibility to care for him upon marriage. What if as a result of the illness he couldn't work? Will you refuse to pick up his obligations?

We talk so often about deadbeat dads and here's someone who is doing the right thing and yall are acting like he's some leper. What if your husband couldn't afford the CS payments anymore? You're going to refuse to help him put food on his child's plate? This is a child we’re talking about. It’s your duty to help support this child as a compassionate human being. This child will be your future child's (if you have any) sibling. You owe a duty to that child as well if for no other reason than that.

Some of you are on some straight B.S.
Bet you claim to be Christians too huh? And in anycase as others have pointed out, if he's paying child support, that is joint income that is being taken away from the home. Just because you're not reaching into your pocket book to pay doesn't mean you're not paying.

 

[Guitarhero]

I'm surprised by some of these responses. Marriage is about two people coming together to build a home, with that comes responsibilities; whether they existed before or after marriage.

You can't pick and choose your obligations to suit you. Just as if your husband has debts, upon marriage, they become your debts. If he had an illness before meeting you, that becomes your responsibility to care for him upon marriage. What if as a result of the illness he couldn't work? Will you refuse to pick up his obligations?

We talk so often about deadbeat dads and here's someone who is doing the right thing and yall are acting like he's some leper. What if your husband couldn't afford the CS payments anymore? You're going to refuse to help him put food on his child's plate? This is a child we’re talking about. It’s your duty to help support this child as a compassionate human being. This child will be your future child's (if you have any) sibling. You owe a duty to that child as well if for no other reason than that.

Some of you are on some straight B.S.
Bet you claim to be Christians too huh? And in anycase as others have pointed out, if he's paying child support, that is joint income that is being taken away from the home. Just because you're not reaching into your pocket book to pay doesn't mean you're not paying.

I see you are judging something unrelated and comparing tragic circumstances that have nothing to do with the issue at hand... Yes, you can pick and choose your obligations by not taking them ON! I think that most people are saying in an indirect way, "no, because I wouldn't marry him in the first place." Somebody brought up the excellent point about taking away from the children of the new union to pay the children of the older one. If there's not enough money to keep everyone healthy, wealthy and satisfied, then it's a union made in hell that probably should not have happened...at least, not at the time of the financial distress. You don't take on a new wife and you cannot comfortably support your previous family and new one where somebody is going to have to go without.