Would you divorce your husband...

Simple answer (and I don't care if I get stoned), if he had no legitimate reason (i.e. illness etc) - YES.

Its not even about the job - but rather the lack of self respect and I needs a man who respects himself so that I can respect him. Cos all the love in the world aint gonna save us if I know that he don't respect him and I don't respect him.
 
not to be insensitive.. but, it wouldn't take 10 years for me to be out of that situation. i'm not interested in any man that cannot hold a job. i wouldn't feel comfortable having children with him or making any financial decisions with him so essentially there would be no marriage.
 
ThickHair said:
That is a real open ended question. What is wrong with him? Lazy? Ill? Job beneath him?
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I agree. Im not going to leave my husband if he's ill and gets laid off. But if he's just looking, not motivated.......I need to know the reason.
 
stellagirl76 said:
Simple answer (and I don't care if I get stoned), if he had no legitimate reason (i.e. illness etc) - YES.

Its not even about the job - but rather the lack of self respect and I needs a man who respects himself so that I can respect him. Cos all the love in the world aint gonna save us if I know that he don't respect him and I don't respect him.
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No illness...no reason...just no will...and he can get away with it obviously.

I completely understand what you mean about the respect...I have definitely lost respect for him, and I am embarrassed for both of us...I resent him and while I can't say I don't love him anymore, but he has certainly ruined the love to the point where love is not a big deal for me.
 
natumer said:
No illness...no reason...just no will...and he can get away with it obviously.

I completely understand what you mean about the respect...I have definitely lost respect for him, and I am embarrassed for both of us...I resent him and while I can't say I don't love him anymore, but he has certainly ruined the love to the point where love is not a big deal for me.
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I still don't know. Leaning more towards maybe.
 
I guess I wonder was he like that before marriage? I knew my husband was a hustler before we married, I mean the man can work 3-5 jobs if it's the right kind of money.
 
^^^ Unemployed or unemployable by no fault of his own....probably not...although I would have all kind of problems supporting a man...but lazy willful unemployment....Heck no! He's gone.
 
He would divorce me after having listen to me tell him everyday how worthless he is. And I dont think he would be able to deal with the celibacy.
 
Maybe he needs motivation? We are always talking about building our men up....I'm just wondering?
 
ladytee2 said:
He would divorce me after having listen to me tell him everyday how worthless he is. And I dont think he would be able to deal with the celibacy.[/QUOTE]
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now that, was funny. :lachen::lachen:

I wouldn't marry a man who couldn't hold a job. :nono: Hard-working was at the very top of my list.


but to answer the question seriously: is a man keeping a job a reason to get divorced? i don't think it is.
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Yikes, this is hard. I never like to just be telling married women to leave and get divorces and all. So I won't do that.

But 10 years? How did it get to that point? Did he have a job when you got married? If so, how did he lose it? Has he worked at all since then? Are there kids? How are they supported? Does he take care of the home and the kids when he's not working?
 
ladytee2 said:
He would divorce me after having listen to me tell him everyday how worthless he is. And I dont think he would be able to deal with the celibacy.
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WOW :giggle:
I agree though :look:
10 years, uh no...my DH will NOT sit at home and be unemployed because he feels like it :nono: My dad was like that and ooooohhh that used to pi$$ me off seeing my mom go out everyday and work. So no.
 
*blink*

Okay - I married a man who has been through quite a few jobs since we got together, but I knew that was going to be the case before I married him, because it's the nature of his business. We've worked together to improve his 'politicking' skills, because sadly enough, he doesn't know how to kiss arse, and that's a skill he needs in the backbiting, immature restaurant industry. :nono:

But. He has ALWAYS been good at his job, always been on time/on point, and honestly, he's usually the agent of positive change at his jobs - and haters gonna hate. *sigh* This 'out of work' session he's in right now is the longest he's ever been out of work - and he's looking for and applying for jobs - but the economy sucks, and people ain't going out to eat as much, and his skills ain't cheap. He's still doing some one-off stuff (catering/ice carving/serving for events) when he can find it, though.

So. I can see where there can be room for a little - leeway. Depending on the career field, and why he is unable to keep a job.

Now. If he's losing his job because he's not doing his work, he's not showing up on time, he's leaving early, he's screwing up on the job itself, and then blaming it on 'the Man' or not putting his best foot forward in his employment, and is comfortable with being out of work? :look:

I can't see myself marrying a man who didn't have a strong work ethic. And if for some reason, DH lost his work ethic - oh, there would be drama. And if it wasn't related to an illness - and I consider depression an illness - I'd really have to struggle with staying on.

Now. If he decided that he wanted to be a househusband rather than working - I'd be cool with that. But I expect the house to be clean, the kids homework to be done, dinner to be ready, and a massage for me at night, ya know? If he reallllly doesn't want to work outside of the house - personally, I could handle that.

I couldn't stay married to a bum who didn't do nothing but sit on his tookus and watch TV, though. :nono:
 
mxdchiq86 said:
not to be insensitive.. but, it wouldn't take 10 years for me to be out of that situation. i'm not interested in any man that cannot hold a job. i wouldn't feel comfortable having children with him or making any financial decisions with him so essentially there would be no marriage.
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It's ok, I am not trying to be sensitive on this subject. Sorry to be long, but here goes...

We got married young me 21 him 22. When we were dating, he had a job. However right before we got married, I got a job which I have been holding and being promoted in for the past 10 years. In that time, I finished my bachelors, got a masters, had 3 kids and still managed to hold a job.

I understand that without a degree it might be hard for him to find/keep a job, but at the same time you can't look at jobs without degrees as being beneath you if you don't do the work to get yourself educated.

Every time he gets a job, for whatever reason it doesn't work out (they let him go). He got into the real estate business (1-3 sales a year), but even in that area he only did business with family/friends and never really pushed himself to be successful even when things were good.

Now that the real estate market has gone down, he is not bringing in anything at all. I always carried the burden and left with figuring out how to keep us afloat. I am not doing it for him, I just can't stop paying for a roof over my kids head and my head, or getting food for our kids.

I have talked to him many times, and explain to him the stress of not having him work put on me, how that makes me feel about him (loss of respect, resentment, etc...) and anytime we argue I always feel it's about that for me.

I do have other issues with him, but that is the biggest one for me.
He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, more of a homebody than anything, no cheating. But I think all these things come as basics anyway, so I don't feel like he should get credit for these things. I feel like our roles are reversed and it's not good for either of us. When I talk to him he says he understand and will get a job, or sell some houses, go to school (which he finally did last year)...but these things do not materialize. I think he may be depressed (but he would never admit it), I don't know how to motivate him...I don't want to continue living this way.
 
dlewis said:
I knew you would say that.:yep:

If he's depressed I would work with him. I can't see leaving someone who's going through something. I guess that's just me because I've suffered with depression.
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:lachen::lachen::lachen:I know Dlewis, but the bill have to be paid. I mean we all go through things and I realize that you can't put a time on when someone should get over something, but 10 years? :nono:
 
natumer said:
It's ok, I am not trying to be sensitive on this subject. Sorry to be long, but here goes...

We got married young me 21 him 22. When we were dating, he had a job. However right before we got married, I got a job which I have been holding and being promoted in for the past 10 years. In that time, I finished my bachelors, got a masters, had 3 kids and still managed to hold a job.

I understand that without a degree it might be hard for him to find/keep a job, but at the same time you can't look at jobs without degrees as being beneath you if you don't do the work to get yourself educated.

Every time he gets a job, for whatever reason it doesn't work out (they let him go). He got into the real estate business (1-3 sales a year), but even in that area he only did business with family/friends and never really pushed himself to be successful even when things were good.

Now that the real estate market has gone down, he is not bringing in anything at all. I always carried the burden and left with figuring out how to keep us afloat. I am not doing it for him, I just can't stop paying for a roof over my kids head and my head, or getting food for our kids.

I have talked to him many times, and explain to him the stress of not having him work put on me, how that makes me feel about him (loss of respect, resentment, etc...) and anytime we argue I always feel it's about that for me.

I do have other issues with him, but that is the biggest one for me.
He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, more of a homebody than anything, no cheating. But I think all these things come as basics anyway, so I don't feel like he should get credit for these things. I feel like our roles are reversed and it's not good for either of us. When I talk to him he says he understand and will get a job, or sell some houses, go to school (which he finally did last year)...but these things do not materialize. I think he may be depressed (but he would never admit it), I don't know how to motivate him...I don't want to continue living this way.
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now that you've given specifics - your situation is unique. It's hard to tell you yay or nay on this one.

You are both still young & married young.
 
^^^I just say depress, because I see he is getting more into his own every year, he only has a few close friends (3), he's close to his mom, function like everything is normal, so I don't know what else to call him besides some kind of a depression since he is so unmotivated. He knows we are struggling, he knows we are in need, but he just figures that I will somehow take care of everything.

When things get really bad he will go hustle his way into bringing home something.

What kills me is that he is very smart and talented. He is a perfectionist, who has very high work ethics when he is focused/motivated on doing something.

When he worked, he was on time, performed his duties during the time he was suppose to, work hard at what he was suppose to. In my opinion, he is scared of failing and instead of getting/keeping a challenging job, or failing he prefers to hide out. He has gotten fired in a few jobs and I think after that he just got "scared of going out there and get rejected. Also, I think that while he was having such a hard time I was being successful at work and in school and maybe he got intimidated by that.
 
It saddens me when I see a relationship go south when the woman tries to better herself for the family and the man takes it as a slap in the face. Then decides that he rather not live like the Jones because of whatever...issues.
 
JustKiya said:
*blink*

Now. If he decided that he wanted to be a househusband rather than working - I'd be cool with that. But I expect the house to be clean, the kids homework to be done, dinner to be ready, and a massage for me at night, ya know? If he reallllly doesn't want to work outside of the house - personally, I could handle that.

I couldn't stay married to a bum who didn't do nothing but sit on his tookus and watch TV, though. :nono:
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Funny you mentioned that. We were out to eat Friday night and an old friend of Dh asked him where he works because she never sees him and he said he was a house husband.:perplexed Me and my daughter looked at each other like WTH. I was thinking "Loooord, I hope he's not trying to work his way into that spot".:nono:

Princess4real said:
:lachen::lachen::lachen:I know Dlewis, but the bill have to be paid. I mean we all go through things and I realize that you can't put a time on when someone should get over something, but 10 years? :nono:
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I knew when I saw your name he would have to go.:lachen::lachen:

You would be like "husband be gone". :hugxplode:
 
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