Would you accept the gift?

[kweenameena]

My homie is in a pickle so I thought you ladies would be able to help:
Okay so say you've decided that from now on you will be celibate and you've decided that you are not entering into a serious relationship because you will be beginning a "no-men" fast in January (cutting off all ties with former flames and potential mates to heal from a recent break-up ).

You've been introduced to Douglas (a graphic artist that lives 3 hours away). You let him know that you aren't looking for anything serious and you let him know about your fast. He seems like he could eventually be "the one" but you aren't ready for that yet. But the chemistry is amazing.
You mostly talk on the phone with a few dates here and there.

He has heard you mention that you want a Dyson (a $500 wonderful vacuum) and that you've been eyeing one on HSN. He later tells you that he has bought it for you for christmas so no need to look for one on black friday.

Do you accept?

Don't forget-you are cutting him off in January. And he has been reminded of that a couple of times. He says that he feels that you are a wonderful person regardless of whether you two are in a relationship or not and that he wants to do something nice for you

 

[LisaLisa1908]

My question is WHY are you entertaining anyone if you're going to go on this "fast" in January? What's stopping you from doing it now?

I wouldn't take it. But I wouldn't be going on a no man fast if I found a good one either.

 

[kweenameena]

My question is WHY are you entertaining anyone if you're going to go on this "fast" in January? What's stopping you from doing it now?

I wouldn't take it. But I wouldn't be going on a no man fast if I found a good one either.

My thoughts too...but I guess she wanted to prepare herself but I think it's part of a new year's resolution.

 

[JustKiya]

I would take it. He's aware that you are going on this fast, and he's still offering to give you a gift. I like gifts, even if they are from people I'm not in a relationship with.

*shrug*

 

[TayMac]

I'm with JKiya. I like gifts especially useful ones. And what's the purpose of the fast when a good man is practically falling in your lap?

 

[JinaRicci]

No, I wouldn't accept. But then again, I wouldn't tell some guy that I just met who lives 3 hours away and will be cut off in Jan that I wanted a Dyson. I think your friend knows what she's doing.

 

[Renovating]

I wouldn't take it. Actions speak louder than words, especially with men. Some men think accepting their gifts, drinks, dinners, etc is accepting them. I'm not an opportunist or a manipulative person, so I wouldn't have even mentioned my desire for one to him. I agree with JinaRicci, she knows exactly what she's doing.

 

[kweenameena]

I'm with JKiya. I like gifts especially useful ones. And what's the purpose of the fast when a good man is practically falling in your lap?[/QUOTE]

I agree but this was something she's been talking about before he came into the picture.

 

[kweenameena]

No, I wouldn't accept. But then again, I wouldn't tell some guy that I just met who lives 3 hours away and will be cut off in Jan that I wanted a Dyson. I think your friend knows what she's doing.

They've been chatting since about October and seem to have gotten close. I guess I made it seem like they were still strangers to each other. She isn't the golddigging type so I don't think she was dropping hints. He helped her pick out her new tv recently (and gave me a good recommendation as well) so I'm assuming she was asking his opinion.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

on one hand I'd feel bad about taking it, knowing this isn't going anywhere yet... but on the other hand if he insists, then it's on him... so I'd take it and be gracious.

 

[kweenameena]

on one hand I'd feel bad about taking it, knowing this isn't going anywhere yet... but on the other hand if he insists, then it's on him... so I'd take it and be gracious.

And this is exactly what I told her.

She said that he's good christian guy and understands why she feels the need do this fast. He said that he'd still be around after her fast. He says that he is celibate as well.

I have a feeling she won't accept the Dyson.
Maybe he won't return it but instead pass it on to her grateful friend.

 

[JustKiya]

No, I wouldn't accept. But then again, I wouldn't tell some guy that I just met who lives 3 hours away and will be cut off in Jan that I wanted a Dyson. I think your friend knows what she's doing.

I wouldn't take it. Actions speak louder than words, especially with men. Some men think accepting their gifts, drinks, dinners, etc is accepting them. I'm not an opportunist or a manipulative person, so I wouldn't have even mentioned my desire for one to him. I agree with JinaRicci, she knows exactly what she's doing.

And he knows exactly what he is doing, too.

He's giving her something that he knows she wants, knows that she will use regularly, and knows that it will cause her to think about him everytime she uses it. He's trying to position himself to be the one she calls for 'break-fast', if you feeling me. Esp. if he's celibate, too? Shoot. He's willing to wait, and he wants her to remember him while she's cut off.

 

[kweenameena]

And he knows exactly what he is doing, too.

He's giving her something that he knows she wants, knows that she will use regularly, and knows that it will cause her to think about him everytime she uses it. He's trying to position himself to be the one she calls for 'break-fast', if you feeling me. Esp. if he's celibate, too? Shoot. He's willing to wait, and he wants her to remember him while she's cut off.

Come to think about it, she did say that he told her it would be her reminder of him and that he hopes she'd think of him everytime she used it.

 

[JinaRicci]

And he knows exactly what he is doing, too.

He's giving her something that he knows she wants, knows that she will use regularly, and knows that it will cause her to think about him everytime she uses it. He's trying to position himself to be the one she calls for 'break-fast', if you feeling me. Esp. if he's celibate, too? Shoot. He's willing to wait, and he wants her to remember him while she's cut off.

Oh I definitely agree that he took the bait with eyes wide open.

 

[Renovating]

Come to think about it, she did say that he told her it would be her reminder of him and that he hopes she'd think of him everytime she used it.

Exactly, so accepting it (to me)= I WANT to think of you + I am interested in you, not I'm serious about my upcoming "man fast".

 

[Black Ambrosia]

LOL. Its a vacuum not her mortgage payment. It is a very expensive vacuum but its still just a vacuum. Too much is being made of this.

The fast only sounds odd because it initially sounded like she might start messing with him now but cut it off after the new year. (I understand that's not the situation but that was my first take on it.) Anyway, what's the big deal? There was full disclosure and he even took it a step further by letting her know that he is celibate as well and understands her reasons.

 

[Transformer]

Don't take it! He can always give it to her when she comes off her fast. This way, no mixed signals. By the way I have the Dyson Ball! Great vaccum!

 

[Determined22]

My question is WHY are you entertaining anyone if you're going to go on this "fast" in January? What's stopping you from doing it now?

I wouldn't take it. But I wouldn't be going on a no man fast if I found a good one either.

That's what I was thinking...whats the point of waiting until January to cut dudes off?

Sounds like she's entertaining him so she might as well accept & forget about the "man-fast". If she was really serious about it, she would have implemented it immediately instead of waiting until January.

 

[awhyley]

He's giving her something that he knows she wants, knows that she will use regularly, and knows that it will cause her to think about him everytime she uses it. He's trying to position himself to be the one she calls for 'break-fast', if you feeling me. Esp. if he's celibate, too? Shoot. He's willing to wait, and he wants her to remember him while she's cut off.

Girl, I feel ya and agree 1000%. I'm wondering how much 'messing around' OP's friend has already done with the said sponsor.

LOL. Its a vacuum not her mortgage payment. It is a very expensive vacuum but its still just a vacuum. Too much is being made of this.

Uh-uh, that's a $500 vaccuum cleaner right there. For some of us, that's a car note. The point is that he's trying to position himself to be 'the one' if this fast does in fact go through. I don't know whether OP's friend mentioned it intentionally hoping that she could accept the gift with no strings, but alot of guys want payback for spending much less than $500.

 

[Transformer]

That's what I was thinking...whats the point of waiting until January to cut dudes off?

Sounds like she's entertaining him so she might as well accept & forget about the "man-fast". If she was really serious about it, she would have implemented it immediately instead of waiting until January.

Now, I agree with the bolded. But maybe it's like when DH quit smoking. He was told to decide on a date in the future and after that date never smoke again--it worked!

 

[Bene]

I'm not sure what's the point of a "man-fast". What is your friend hoping to accomplish?

 

[kweenameena]

I'm not sure what's the point of a "man-fast". What is your friend hoping to accomplish?

It's a spiritual fast.

 

[caltron]

I wouldn't take it even though it is tempting. Expensive gifts usually come with "strings". That's the last thing she needs if she really is serious about a man-fast and starting anew.

 

[SilentRuby]

I wouldn't take it. But I wouldn't be going on a no man fast if I found a good one either.

Quoted for emphasis. Could be missing her blessing

 

[missjanelleb]

I got $50 that says your friend is not going on this "no men" fast.

 

[Vintageglam]

other - sit down and talk to him about the gift and that you are OH SO GRATEFUL and that its the nicest thing anyone every did for you and all those other platitudes. I would then be straight up honest that you felt it makes you feel a little nervous because its such a "generous" gift and therefore might come with "conditions" that you are not sure blah de blah and this is he sure blah de blah - all the while (gently) making it clear where you stand on the gift. There after the two of you can work out if it is still appropriate - i.e. if he throws a hissy fit -that gets you off the hook and if he stays cool you have a friend for life. Some men do understand No and will just give gifts anyway (I have had past experience of this). I had an old work colleague who was older than me and wanted to date me. He was way up the career ladder and I was a junior. I was worried about letting him down gently as I felt the balance of power was inappropriate. However when I went back to Law school and was SERIOUSLY Broke (we're talking really broke here) he just made out a cheque without me asking (after hearing me rant about my woes). At all times I made it clear that me and him were not going to happen, but he helped me anyway. We became VERY good friends thereafter and he still to this day constantly helps me with career advice so what was once a compromising situation no longer was. There are still just some nice genuine men out there who just love to treat women. I have always been the independent sort so you can imagine how hard it was for me to accept this help. However I am glad I did or otherwise I would have written my now friend off as just another dirty old pervert.

Sorry just me and my experiences I don't know enough about the situation with your friend to make a call on what the situation might be. If they were friends first and the guy has a generous spirit this should not be an issue.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I would go ahead and give him a chance. I met my husband a month after I broke up with my ex. No need to pass up a good man, especially if he has good potential to be something serious.

 

[Ramya]

I'd take it. If it is truly a gift, there should be no expectations.

 

[Bachelorette]

I'd take it. If it is truly a gift, there should be no expectations.

with 95% of men, there's no "just a gift".

There's always a bloody catch.