Will You Ever Give Up On Finding Love???

[CaraWalker]

You missed the point. Back in my mom's day it was "listen to a record at my place", in my day it was just a go to blockbuster and get a movie. It ain't new at all, she should know by now. You should learn that trick, at the latest, maybe by 24.

If the first date invitation you get is at his house for some form of cheap entertainment... you should know.

no, im not sure we were talking about the same thing.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I have a friend in her mid 40's who has yet to grasp that being invited over to a guys house to watch a movie for a first date is not a good sign. Kids these days say "Netflix and chill" but umm, it's not a new thing.

She grasps it. Shes going over there with the hopes that she can make the situation not what it is, which, is a real date with a guy who is truly interested. Its desperation and I've been there.

 

[awhyley]

I think its interesting - though am in no way surprised - that the sensitivity thing is a pattern. you know why, cause you never the **** learned how to be checked. when youre in a relationship with men you learn pretty quickly when and how to play ball. you dont live your life doing whatever you want unchecked. but when you only have children, who have to defer to you one way or another, that aspect of relationships is missing for you.

@CaraWalker,
When you say 'checked', I'm assuming that you're referring to not being 'set in your way' and learning how to compromise?

Living life unchecked is an interesting thought. I pretty much set it up so my partners know not to check me as a large rule. I suppose that can be a negative thing but to be totally honest about my end of game- I am unwilling to change that. I am too used to ruling the roost.

@Mortons, I don't see the problem with this. Did setting up your partners not to check you work in the long-term?

 

[Mortons]

[USER=20147]@Mortons, I don't see the problem with this. Did setting up your partners not to check you work in the long-term?[/USER]

It worked for and against me, but I am willing to deal with the bad. I enjoy being seen as an authority figure somewhat.

 

[awhyley]

I would like to say that since this post, I have found love. I wasn't looking and it just happened. He is such an amazing guy and we just fit together perfectly. I'm positive I've found my "one". At 42, I've never felt this way

@MrsTimberlake, wow that was fast! Practically four months to the day of the post. Congrats to you, we're glad that you're happy in love. Now spill, cause we need the deets!

 

[CaraWalker]

@CaraWalker,
When you say 'checked', I'm assuming that you're referring to not being 'set in your way' and learning how to compromise?

that and sort of the idea that i'm not perfect, and i need to take in feedback from others to be a better person. not necessarily being right all the time, or not getting my way all the time. just the fluidity of interacting with someone else and learning from them and willing to see or do things differently, or think of things in a way i don't already, or believe or feel things that don't come natural to me. i like to be in charge too but i dont look at relationships as something where i'll never have to do any of those things. i would expect for and need my partner to check me from time to time because i don't know everything. i don't have it right and together and all sewn up all the time, and i would rely on the person living their life with me to point out the times where i need tuning up. when you don't have a partner you go through life reinforced only by your own perspectives.

 

[nothidden]

I wouldn't say I've given up, but I am totally indifferent on this topic. There was a time when I LIVED for that perfect relationship. Now I'm like...meh...if it happens it happens . Until then I'm enjoying a lack of "my-man drama" and lots of peace and quiet.

 

[hopeful]

that and sort of the idea that i'm not perfect, and i need to take in feedback from others to be a better person. not necessarily being right all the time, or not getting my way all the time. just the fluidity of interacting with someone else and learning from them and willing to see or do things differently, or think of things in a way i don't already, or believe or feel things that don't come natural to me. i like to be in charge too but i dont look at relationships as something where i'll never have to do any of those things. i would expect for and need my partner to check me from time to time because i don't know everything. i don't have it right and together and all sewn up all the time, and i would rely on the person living their life with me to point out the times where i need tuning up. when you don't have a partner you go through life reinforced only by your own perspectives.

This is really important @CaraWalker. I thought I was open-minded but didn't realize how much help I needed in this area until I lost my mother. So far I believe it is one of the most important lessons in life: we don't know everything and those we interact with in life are here to teach us something, often something profound and deep, if only we'd listen and be willing to see another perspective. Most of us are far more hard-headed than we realize. Most of us prefer to teach others than learn from them. You being open-minded I think will be helpful once you are in a loving relationship. In the meantime you can still get lessons from family members, friends, complete strangers. I have found that the people who work our last nerves are actually trying to teach us something about ourselves and life. So when someone is working my last nerve I will ask myself what are they trying to teach me? And after much reflection it is usually the opposite of what I initially thought.

 

[Mortons]

Do most people go through life not realizing that all situations hold some kind of lesson? Not saying that to be shady at all, genuine curiosity? Any and every situation, not person, but situation typically allows you to glean and learn something about yourself, what you want, and how life works. How is it possible to be immune to such a thing as a feeling person?

Or is this the Wayne Dyer follower in me talking?

 

[C@ssandr@]

Do most people go through life not realizing that all situations hold some kind of lesson? Not saying that to be shady at all, genuine curiosity? Any and every situation, not person, but situation typically allows you to glean and learn something about yourself, what you want, and how life works. How is it possible to be immune to such a thing as a feeling person?

Or is this the Wayne Dyer follower in me talking?

Alot of people do. There's this belief that when you become an adult then that's it. Folks are in their 40's still getting beat in the head by the same situations. Won't be me though

I don't read his stuff but I'm familiar with Wayne tho.

 

[CaraWalker]

Do most people go through life not realizing that all situations hold some kind of lesson? Not saying that to be shady at all, genuine curiosity? Any and every situation, not person, but situation typically allows you to glean and learn something about yourself, what you want, and how life works. How is it possible to be immune to such a thing as a feeling person?

Or is this the Wayne Dyer follower in me talking?

no, but thats not what i was saying. im not about lessons. looking for a lesson is not the same as growing and evolving as a person.

i know tons of people who dont hear me when im bringing "lessons" into their lives. and you know what, several months down the line they finally heard what i was trying to say and implemented or changed or addressed whatever the issue is. good for them, they learned something. but generally those are not people that stay in my life specifically because of the way they adjust to "lessons." and like keya said not everyone is capable of taking everything and becoming better for it. plenty of old birds and old charlatans to attest to that.

 

[hopeful]

I understand @CaraWalker. You are talking about what happens to a person when they are in a deep, loving, intimate relationship. It is multi-layered and different from lessons you learn from people in everyday life. I really enjoy reading your thoughts on this matter.

 

[CaraWalker]

I understand @CaraWalker. You are talking about what happens to a person when they are in a deep, loving, intimate relationship. It is multi-layered and different from lessons you learn from people in everyday life. I really enjoy reading your thoughts on this matter.

thank you! as the resident relationship forum guru i am taking that as a high compliment!

 

[hopeful]

thank you! as the resident relationship forum guru i am taking that as a high compliment!

Aww . I think my mom tried to express your sentiments to me her entire life but she could never quite put it into words that I could understand. But maybe hearing it from your mom is too much to bear. I was always like you need to discuss this with someone else. But I enjoy hearing it from you. It's refreshing.

I have been with my dh my entire adult life so it's something a little harder for me to see. I appreciate you being so open and patient with all of us.

 

[caribeandiva]

when you don't have a partner you go through life reinforced only by your own perspectives.

You make a good point.