CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
how do i say it with love is my question or is this something i should just not even attempt on this particular forum
how do i say it with love is my question or is this something i should just not even attempt on this particular forum
no offense but you really arent the best person to posit this viewpoint.
Thank you!Where did this come from? Sounds like you are putting her down, but maybe I'm misunderstanding.
No offense, but do you care to elaborate??
You can't just make a blanket statement like that without explaining yourself.
You don't know me.
Thank you!
I'm trying VERY hard NOT to be offended, but that comment was just odd.
Everyone here has a right to their own opinions @CaraWalker whether you agree with them or not. And just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you have to go and make snide remarks. Again, I'm just trying to understand your logic.... And maybe if you rephrase your comments better we can come to an understanding and I can see whatever it is you're trying to say. But these vague, cryptic posts are highly unnecessary. Just spit it out whatever it is you want to say so the discussion can flow.
i am not making a snide remark. and i dont know you in real life, so if you dont care about the opinions of someone who doesnt actually know you it doesnt make sense for me to elaborate?
basically, you made a claim that being single doesnt necessarily result in (your words) "damaged goods"; my original argument was that it can result in stunted growth.
and for me not knowing you in real life based on the things you post here you do come across as extremely immature, naive, and childlike. if i didnt have an idea of how old you are, i would guess 16. i think you are in your 30s though. the reason why that seems germane to the subject at hand is because those traits seem particularly evident when discussing men and relationships.
Who are you to determine who has a right to post about certain topics??? Another thing, you're equating my supposed "immaturity" or "naivety" based on my (according to you) "long-term singledom". Did it ever occur to you that perhaps it's not singledom that is a factor?so for the purposes of this discussion, IMO you are the wrong person to say that prolonged singlehood doesn't have any long term/emotional consequences.
@CaraWalker I understand exactly what you mean. My mother has never been in a ltr and I feel like her life could have been more fulfilling. I see with family that she is somewhat emotionally immature. She doesn't know how to deal with her emotions sometimes and i feel like she's stuck in her singleness but talks about how God is gonna give her someone one day. She doesn't go out with friends often or even do things that she wants like concerts and reunions etc because she has no one to go with/she's an introvert. However, this makes me more determined to live my best life possible and meet my match because I can't live like her.
Someone posted above that children seeing their parents alone can be damaging and I agree. Its the pain in seeing someone you love never have someone to comfort, laugh, argue, be silly with. They only have to talk to, debate, discuss their day and it can get exhausting. Also, watching them go through this cruel world alone is hard.
@CaraWalker I understand exactly what you mean. My mother has never been in a ltr and I feel like her life could have been more fulfilling. I see with family that she is somewhat emotionally immature. She doesn't know how to deal with her emotions sometimes and i feel like she's stuck in her singleness but talks about how God is gonna give her someone one day. She doesn't go out with friends often or even do things that she wants like concerts and reunions etc because she has no one to go with/she's an introvert. However, this makes me more determined to live my best life possible and meet my match because I can't live like her.
Someone posted above that children seeing their parents alone can be damaging and I agree. Its the pain in seeing someone you love never have someone to comfort, laugh, argue, be silly with. They only have to talk to, debate, discuss their day and it can get exhausting. Also, watching them go through this cruel world alone is hard.
@CaraWalker We are >here<. Sensitive and offended easily.
Yea. It's easier for them not to dwell on the fact their alone because they're aware of it and since she's not actively trying to change the situation, she consoles herself with the idea that she'd rather be alone than in a terrible relationship. Which is true but the flip side is being in a healthy, happy relationship.
Like you, I enjoy being alone as an only child but I am going to change that this year because it's too easy for me to blow guys off (who never had a chance) "act" like I love being single and in the blink of an eye wake up older, educated, gainfully employed and still living at home alone.
I don't want to get comfortable being alone just like you wouldn't get comfortable at your entry level job or with an associates degree if you want your masters. I hope that doesn't sound desperate.
wow this thread heated up.
well....this is awkward...
maybe because there are a some uncomfortable, yet ironically befitting, things happening in here.
interesting.
I agree with @CaraWalker. which kinda makes me feel bad. so right but so damn harsh. damn. lol
dont you come up in here instigating i did everything in my power to be gentle.
now it's supposed to matter that you got someone to watch wheel of fortune and eat spaghettios with... now that you have missed all the years of vacationing, having lots of physically capable sex, surprising each other with little presents and love and just the presence of another person.
[B]@Crystalicequeen123[/B] I wasn't trying to generalize older single women. I was specifically talking about my mother.
I think she is the way she is single because she's a super saved christian (smaller pool of men that would meet her standard), emotionally immature, (i feel that she doesn't handle her anger as a mature adult when it comes to me) and introverted...among other things.
I didn't mean to give the impression that long term singleness caused you to turn into someone like her; imo after 20 some odd yrs her singleness has somewhat intensified her already recluse behavior etc. I hope that makes sense.
I know there are many single people living a full life and I wish she was one of them.
Ohhhh...Okay I understand now. Thanks for clarifying. Has she ever been married before and the relationship just didn't work out? Or has she never been married or in a LTR before?
LOL
I tried not to post but I had to, it's something thats been on my mind for awhile. like a LOT for a LONG time. I made similar comments in a completely different thread while back but I think I sounded like an arshehole too. lol. jussayin everything doesnt have to be so complex and difficult as some make it. no one likes being judged or criticized but its not always a bad. we've all had tunnel vision at some point, caught up and stuck not realizing we've wasted so much time & energy focusing our positive intentions totally focused on the wrong thing.
That said, there's a path of least resistance.
idk....some cant see i...others see it and refuse to believe it....sometimes its hard to watch.
I haven't given up, but I'm not actively seeking it either. If it happens, it happens. I already told my 12 yr old niece that I nominate her to take care of me when I'm old. I told her I don't want a mustache, so she will need to make sure my lip is waxed
Beautiful!!!! I just read your post (as well as this thread) early this morning as I couldn't sleep. So happy for you!!! Being in love while being loved in return is a wonderful feeling CongratulationsI would like to say that since this post, I have found love. I wasn't looking and it just happened. He is such an amazing guy and we just fit together perfectly. I'm positive I've found my "one". At 42, I've never felt this way
i just feel like... how can you not know why you arent finding anybody? i know exactly the things that stop me from being in relationships with guys i meet or am dating, and i know exactly how to stop them if i were ready or willing to do things i dont necessarily want to do in order to have a relationship. see what i mean? i know part of the problem in itself is that i am looking for something prohibitively specific and not willing to accept things that arent that. and that's all me. that has nothing to do with men.
i think there are just a handful of scenarios that account for being single, and all of them have the same school of solutions.
1. not meeting any guys
2. meeting guys but they dont appear to want to date you
3. not meeting the kind of guy you want
i think a lot of prolonged single women think they are in the third category and as far as im concerned thats a mental thing that really has nothing to do with what is actually available. you mean to tell me of the millions of men available on this planet, in any given state, you arent finding any that fit some idea of what youre thinking you want? not any? ok.
I have not given up but it's not a priority anymore.
I try not to get so sad about it.
I am rethinking my approach to finding love.
Apparently finding love and a great partner isn't like working on a career or a term paper.
You can't hard work your way to finding a relationship or marriage.
Next year I will be paid up on my car.
I just paid off two student loans. Still got another large one to tackle.
It has been a difficult year financially and not having that burden I will now use that money to travel and search for a new city to move to.
I think doing something exciting and new will rejuvenate me and give me a different aura.
Part of my issue is been that I am just not happy in the state I live.
I just want to enjoy my life, if I find someone along the way, fabulous!!!
@MrsTimberlakeI would like to say that since this post, I have found love. I wasn't looking and it just happened. He is such an amazing guy and we just fit together perfectly. I'm positive I've found my "one". At 42, I've never felt this way
For many of women there is a h u g e lack of self awareness.
Also, I noticed a lack of dating skills, even in the stories in some of these threads.
right! like nobody knows everything but being a grown woman and not having a grasp of this basic ****, that **** is not cute. I could not be bothered with a grown man who didnt know how to date me or relate to me, its gotta be even worse the other way around because women, especially as we get older, are all desperately trying to get chose. it basically automatically removes most valid responses to the "what do you bring to the table" question.
I was just thinking about a friend in real life who lacks basic dating skills. She's skittish, paranoid, reads into things (like if there is a delay in a text convo she gets nervous), talks too much. It's so bad that I'm mad that her best friend hasn't schooled her! If me and her were cool like that I would help a sista out.
I realized that dating literally is a skill, it's a subset of social skills and it's good to know how to handle yourself because if you don't have that then whatever's next in the process is null and void.
i think with "kids," younger dating folks, we know what it means and it's sort of a joke how it's definitely NOT a date. netflix and chill is the new "wanna hook up?" and most people get that. its definitely not dating.I have a friend in her mid 40's who has yet to grasp that being invited over to a guys house to watch a movie for a first date is not a good sign. Kids these days say "Netflix and chill" but umm, it's not a new thing.
i think with "kids," younger dating folks, we know what it means and it's sort of a joke how it's definitely NOT a date. netflix and chill is the new "wanna hook up?" and most people get that. its definitely not dating.