placating no.... more like... rose colored ignorance. so we just gone ignore the 40-50 years of adult life that were spent totally alone.
my perspective is coming from an extreme example that is probably not true for most people who have functional interpersonal skills. but to sort of generalize my feelings on it, you can't be alone your entire life without any real relationships and really have that matter now that you are 10 years out from the grave. like, where is all of the experience with compromise, sacrifice, intense passion and joy, that you should have been learning in the meantime before you met the old man of your dreams? now it's supposed to matter that you got someone to watch wheel of fortune and eat spaghettios with... now that you have missed all the years of vacationing, having lots of physically capable sex, surprising each other with little presents and love and just the presence of another person.
you spent your entire adult life not having anyone to rely on. not having a partner. not having someone to give and receive affection from, not having the validation of sharing your life and experiences with another person. not having someone to question your deepest feelings with, delve into your values and find out what really matters in life to you. to check you when you're wrong and ridiculous and help you grow into a better person. to watch your children grow up, and to help them grow up, to enrich their lives and yours by association. you missed out on ALL OF THAT.
that's life. that's what life is. you learn how to love by having someone to love. and ok you can love your children and your family members but there is a whole part of you that never got to develop because you were missing a piece to put that part of you in motion. without a partner, you haven't fully lived life to its complete capabilities. you didn't get any of that, but hey, you got another person to learn what it means to be elderly with. and that's a nice shadow of it all, i guess. but it damn sure is not something i would look forward to or choose.
i don't think my mom has ever been in love with a man. i was born when my mom was 30 years old. i remember there being 4 men in her life. four.
This is so poignant. I never thought about how NOT having a relationship can affect someone's child. Maybe even set a bad example.
I've said this before but I feel most people think of relationships in a worldly way instead of a spiritual way. For those that are not religious please ignore me when I say it comes down to trusting God with your life. There is no set number or time in which he brings this person into your life. Your life does not begin when you have a mate. So what you meet this person at 39, 45, or 50? Just because this person has not yet materialized does not mean the answer God has for is no. I think sometimes you just got to live your life and be happy in your state of waiting.
It's not always about you but who's to say your potential mate is ready for you?
ya'll ain't helping things with these old lady stories either
Wait till y'all turn 50. I may not be young anymore but I do not feel like an old lady and if you could see the wedding pics you would not be calling these newly married ladies old ladies either. But I understand. When I was a little girl I thought 35 was middle aged and oldish.
think about a 40-50 year old man who never had a gf. we would be like what is wrong with him he is a creep he lives in his mothers basement he doesnt know a damn thing about dealing with or pleasing a woman.
same sentiment applies imo.
Y'all don't give up! My aunt was 62 when my my uncle died of a massive heart attack but after three months of mourning she decided that she was ready to date.
She said she had to kiss a lot a frogs but after a year of intensive dating from multiple online sites, friends and family setting her up and meeting people during the course of her day she found her second husband.
They been married for year and a half now and she couldn't be happier. She said that she treated looking for a husband like finding a job and she always treated everyone with respect and each encounter she tried to find the positive until she found her guy.
It was a beautiful wedding and her kids said that he's a great guy.
Btw, she said she went at least 70 plus dates easily
Y'all don't give up! My aunt was 62 when my my uncle died of a massive heart attack but after three months of mourning she decided that she was ready to date.
She said she had to kiss a lot a frogs but after a year of intensive dating from multiple online sites, friends and family setting her up and meeting people during the course of her day she found her second husband.
They been married for year and a half now and she couldn't be happier. She said that she treated looking for a husband like finding a job and she always treated everyone with respect and each encounter she tried to find the positive until she found her guy.
It was a beautiful wedding and her kids said that he's a great guy.
Btw, she said she went at least 70 plus dates easily
70 dates?!
HOW THE HELL OES THAT HAPPEN????
I'm being serious, I don't understand how it's possible. Esp for people who actually leave the house almost everyday to go to work, errands, live life. There are men everywhere and you meet numerous ones everyday just being outside. Then you actually look for even more men then you pick 70 out of a whole pool of men and went on 70 dates to actually among the general public where there are yet even more men.
WHY??? HOW??? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT IT TAKES GOING THROUGH THAT MANY JUST FIND 1 GOOD ONE THAT DRINK YOUR DIRTY BATH WATER AND LICK YOUR PERIOD GRANNY PANTIES.
Wtf?!
My mind is blown.
Out of 10 you should have at least found a good boyfriend. 25 should get you a knight in shining armor and a wedding wedding. 70?!!!!
Chile. If I spent all that time and energy spending personal quality time with 70 individual males, I'm leaving out the house regularly which means I'm meeting men nonstop in addition to those I actually take time out of my life to go on a date with. Hell a woman that active should be in love and engaged in less than a year.
My mother wishes I would stop wah for a typical career and tries to get me to spend more time with my friends so I have to leave the house everyday. since if I have to regularly socialize she knows I'll stop playing round in my on and off psudo relationships of convenience just bc im bored and somebody will take me off her hands sooner rather than later. Lmao if i bounced around around ran through 70 she'd be happier than around pig in sht.lmao.shiid. That many men Im coming out with an 8-figure millionaire or C-list celebrity cuz thats COMMITMENT for real. I'd give her her damn wedding and she'd probably be able to retire plus a baby which would give her another person/hobby to continue ignoring me
70?! Sorry I can't let it go lol.....
i find placating advice about not looking to be annoying. it's basically a platitude like saying an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or real beauty comes from within, time heals all wounds, etc. it means nothing, it's not helpful and in some ways it's condescending. yes, it is possible for anything to happen at any time. but in essence all it means is "if you arent paying attention you won't notice how much it sucks and how long it's taking" which.... whatever.
i guess people think they're being sympathetic but id rather they say nothing.
i know exactly why im single, i know exactly why the process is not quick and simple, and i dont need any outside amendment to that.
The ones who are looking for a practical life partner find one. The ones who are chasing an idealized romantic adventure get discouraged and want to give up. I'm picky and stubborn in what I'm looking for... that's why I'm single. If I wanted marriage, I know 3 men I could call up right now and I'd have a ring in a year. I know exactly where to go to get 10 possible suitors and have a proposal on the table by the end of 2016. These men are just too simple for me, they don't inspire me, and they don't give me immediate butterflies, but they are crazy about me. It's not the perfect romcom story we all want. These aren't men other women would envy me for having. They're just good, loyal, hardworking men with whom I could build a partnership and in time we could work together to create some adventures. That's not what I want right now.
deleted ten characters.
It's sooo bad.I saw your post before you deleted. (((Hugs))) Don't give up. I think you need a little outside help/support.
Stop looking and only focus on optimizing you.
no offense but you really arent the best person to posit this viewpoint.man or woAnd I also don't subscribe to the belief that just because a man isn't married by such-and-such age then they must be somehow "damaged", "weird", "emotionally stunted", "have issues",or whatever society tries to conjure up smh. I know some very sane people who are single, and some people that stay having relationship after relationship who have issues. #shrug
no offense but you really arent the best person to posit this viewpoint.
i dont want to put her down which is why im not elaborating on my comment. but in sincerest honesty i genuinely have a problem with the poster in question advancing that argument. i am sorry if thats going to come across as hurtful. is there a way to continue this discussion without it seeming like im trying to be nasty and attacking? because if this were a friend of mine in real life it is a conversation i would have found necessary a LONG time ago.Where did this come from? Sounds like you are putting her down, but maybe I'm misunderstanding.