Will You Ever Give Up On Finding Love???

....and then there are women who are intentional about finding love and find it. Do what works for you. For some it happens when they least expect it and for some, they do what they can to make it happen.

It's a very Westernized/romantic idea that love "just happens." It does for some, but for others it's arranged or they actively go after it.

...I'm still not sure if there's a "right" way.
 
LoveisYou said:
....and then there are women who are intentional about finding love and find it. Do what works for you. For some it happens when they least expect it and for some, they do what they can to make it happen.

It's a very Westernized/romantic idea that love "just happens." It does for some, but for others it's arranged or they actively go after it.

...I'm still not sure if there's a "right" way.
Click to expand...

That's true....:yep: I definitely have to qualms about people "arranging" others to meet or get to know each other.

I think more "match-making" should be done in the black community anyway. :look: But I think the main important point is that whether you're actively seeking out a relationship, or allowing things to happen in their due time, just be HAPPY in whatever state you find yourself in right NOW. :yep:
 
This thread reminds me of one of my favorite songs from singer Al Jarreau "Never Givin' Up" lol :yep:

This is my new motto lol :giggle:

AL JARREAU - Never Givin' Up




LYRICS
"Never Givin' Up"

I've been afraid that I had missed the
chance of a lifetime
And by the way
I've tumbled with romance, girl,
And I don't cry-
But now I'm

Searching every star
(I go on)
Searching near and far
(every dawn)
'Til I find our one
Spirit flying high-
Flying high,

I'll never give it up,
Never gonna give it up
Even when this life is over
Never give it up-
Never gonna give it up
Even when this life is over
Never give it up,
Never gonna give it up
Even when this life is over
I'll be content in time

I'm gonna be content in time

And so today, I think I'll take the
chance of a lifetime
And by the way,
I'm falling for romance girl,
and I don't mind
How much I cry

I'm reaching for the sun
(angels sing)
Love has just begun
(who would think)
Two could turn to one
Spirit flying high-
Flying high

Never gonna give it up...
No no no-no, not I



Don't you give up either OP (and ladies) :yep: :grinwink:
 
Livingmylifetothefullest said:
I hate when someone (not you but just in general) says this. What is it supposed to mean especially when you're doing everything you can to try and meet someone.
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It means things can happen at any time. I had a friend meet her husband at the airport on the way home from a solo trip to italy. She wasn't looking to meet anyone but it happened and they just happened to live just 10 miles from each other.
My sister met her boyfriend on a cruise ship. She wasn't looking or hoping to meet someone it just happened they've been together 2 years now.
I met my husband at the library. i was just trying to get some books.
I was pretty unlucky in the love dept. Prior to that.
Don't stop living because you truly never know. And get off that timeline. Keep your heart and mind open to love and have fun in the process. Change your course. Do things you always wanted to do but were waiting for someone to do it with. Especially since just because you find someone doesn't mean you will have the same interest. Don't give up!
 
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I read your title, thought yes and I'm giving myself until 45.
After that, if it happens it happens but if not...I'll learn to live without companionship.
I know someone who married her college sweetheart after reuniting in her 50s so.....it's possible....but not probable lol
I don't think friends would fulfill me but a vibrant career, travelling and a dog might do it.
Maybe some occasional flings....although I might be one jaded sistah!
 
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i find placating advice about not looking to be annoying. it's basically a platitude like saying an apple a day keeps the doctor away, or real beauty comes from within, time heals all wounds, etc. it means nothing, it's not helpful and in some ways it's condescending. yes, it is possible for anything to happen at any time. but in essence all it means is "if you arent paying attention you won't notice how much it sucks and how long it's taking" which.... whatever.

i guess people think they're being sympathetic but id rather they say nothing.

i know exactly why im single, i know exactly why the process is not quick and simple, and i dont need any outside amendment to that.
 
I'm ready and am not giving up.

For me that would mean giving up on having a family and children of my own and I just don't feel that's what my life is going to be like.

Am I frustrated, lonely, down sometimes? YES! But I never want to put out into the universe that I give up.

I was actually having this conversation with a friend this morning who is 40 and very down about being single with no kids. I reminded her about one of her other 'goals' (I hate to think of a husband and kids like that but you know what I mean) that she had on her vision board and realised recently beyond her expectations. The energy she brought to that goal was so different. She was excited, optimistic, positive and most importantly believed it would happen.

It helped me aswell because as much as I've been hurt in the past I have to remember to bring a positive attitude to everything I want in life and expect it to happen.

I won't give up.
 
I will be 32 this year and I am giving up this year. For the past two years I very actively pursued romantic relationships and it just didn't work for me. I have decided to focus my energy on myself and the plans I have for my life. I still plan on having kids, but I am not holding out for marriage anymore.
 
I have two friends who just got married in their early 50's. They had beautiful weddings and seem to have found and been found by good guys. Up until then they were living their lives fully and seemed quite happy. I think the term giving up sounds sad. I think it's good to let go or move on, but with a hopeful heart. Not even so much hopeful that you will meet the one, but that you will live a happy, fulfilled life no matter what, focussing on all that is good and wonderful about you, your current life, and those who love you. I know it must be hard. I understand. But you have to find a way to be truly happy and satisfied with or without a romantic partner.
 
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LoveisYou said:
....and then there are women who are intentional about finding love and find it. Do what works for you. For some it happens when they least expect it and for some, they do what they can to make it happen.

It's a very Westernized/romantic idea that love "just happens." It does for some, but for others it's arranged or they actively go after it.

...I'm still not sure if there's a "right" way.
Click to expand...

Great points.
 
karezone said:
I will be 32 this year and I am giving up this year. For the past two years I very actively pursued romantic relationships and it just didn't work for me. I have decided to focus my energy on myself and the plans I have for my life. I still plan on having kids, but I am not holding out for marriage anymore.
Click to expand...

I think this is my mindset as well! :yep: Not that I have "given up".....I will NEVER give up! :lol: But more so that this year I've been determined to live my life to the full regardless of what happens in the future. Man or no man. :yep: I find myself to be much calmer, optimistic, open, and HAPPY with my life! :grin:

You're about the same age as me :yep:, and if you ask me, we are still quite YOUNG! Please don't say you've "given up". :nono: If there's one thing I wish I had known in my 20's, it's just how YOUNG I really am. It seems women tend to think they are older than they actually are, and then when you reach an older age later on down the line, you look back and say to yourself: "what on earth was I thinking??? I was YOUNG!" :lachen: So, ladies...stop feeling "old", and stop feeling as though if you're not married by x,y,z time period that you "never" will be. :nono: Get that mindset OUT.

Men don't worry about when they will get married. Sometimes I wish I could take a page out of their book lol :lol: If women in their 40's and 50's are getting married, then guess what , so can I. That's how I view it. :yep:


hopeful said:
I have two friends who just got married in their early 50's. They had beautiful weddings and seem to have found and been found by good guys. Up until then they were living their lives fully and seemed quite happy. I think the term giving up sounds sad. I think it's good to let go or move on, but with a hopeful heart. Not even so much hopeful that you will meet the one, but that you will live a happy, fulfilled life no matter what, focussing on all that is good and wonderful about you, your current life, and those who love you. I know it must be hard. I understand. But you have to find a way to be truly happy and satisfied with or without a romantic partner.
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I think I'm FINALLY at this point right now where I'm optimistic, I'm hopeful, I'm happy, but I'm not going to break down and get depressed if I don't find a marriage mate in the future. I think I'm finally at a place where I feel like I will STILL have a fabulous fun-filled life with or without a mate. :yep: :woot:

My BIGGEST fear however is a fear of being alone when I get old. :look: It's not even so much a fear of never getting married, but more so a fear that if I don't get married eventually and have kids, my parents will have died off, and I won't have anyone to take care of me or grow old w/me in the future "golden years". :ohwell:
 
@Crystalicequeen123
What you wrote here is a common fear of everyone:

"My BIGGEST fear however is a fear of being alone when I get old. :look: It's not even so much a fear of never getting married, but more so a fear that if I don'tget married eventually and have kids, my parents will have died off, and I won't have anyone to take care of me or grow old w/me in the future "golden years". :ohwell:"

Build as many loving relationships as you can, consider adopting, maintain good friendships, stay involved with your church and/or sorority, etc. Bond with younger relatives, especially those who love and appreciate you. Husbands often die first. All kids aren't always there when you need them. All you can do is what you can do. Try to be proactive and positive. I also think there will be so many unmarried older people that everything will work itself out.

Fear is natural and normal IMO but it also blocks love, happiness, and peace. Just remember that life is complicated and hard for everyone. We're all in this together.
 
Men have a different mindset when it comes to getting married but they do worry about being too old before they have kids. Even they understand that it is important to be youthful when you want to become a first time parent.
 
Y'all don't give up! My aunt was 62 when my my uncle died of a massive heart attack but after three months of mourning she decided that she was ready to date.

She said she had to kiss a lot a frogs but after a year of intensive dating from multiple online sites, friends and family setting her up and meeting people during the course of her day she found her second husband.

They been married for year and a half now and she couldn't be happier. She said that she treated looking for a husband like finding a job and she always treated everyone with respect and each encounter she tried to find the positive until she found her guy.

It was a beautiful wedding and her kids said that he's a great guy.

Btw, she said she went at least 70 plus dates easily
 
It seems like in stalking you today but its nit on purpose I swear :lol:!

Why you say its bs? More placating etc or something more? I feel I might agree....

CaraWalker said:
you know what... as the daughter of a woman who never married and never had a partner

all these finding love in old age examples, as if it's all worth it in the end, are BULLSH*T. 100% complete, utter BULLSHIIT.
Click to expand...
 
DarkJoy said:
It seems like in stalking you today but its nit on purpose I swear :lol:!

Why you say its bs? More placating etc or something more? I feel I might agree....
Click to expand...

placating no.... more like... rose colored ignorance. so we just gone ignore the 40-50 years of adult life that were spent totally alone.

my perspective is coming from an extreme example that is probably not true for most people who have functional interpersonal skills. but to sort of generalize my feelings on it, you can't be alone your entire life without any real relationships and really have that matter now that you are 10 years out from the grave. like, where is all of the experience with compromise, sacrifice, intense passion and joy, that you should have been learning in the meantime before you met the old man of your dreams? now it's supposed to matter that you got someone to watch wheel of fortune and eat spaghettios with... now that you have missed all the years of vacationing, having lots of physically capable sex, surprising each other with little presents and love and just the presence of another person.

you spent your entire adult life not having anyone to rely on. not having a partner. not having someone to give and receive affection from, not having the validation of sharing your life and experiences with another person. not having someone to question your deepest feelings with, delve into your values and find out what really matters in life to you. to check you when you're wrong and ridiculous and help you grow into a better person. to watch your children grow up, and to help them grow up, to enrich their lives and yours by association. you missed out on ALL OF THAT.

that's life. that's what life is. you learn how to love by having someone to love. and ok you can love your children and your family members but there is a whole part of you that never got to develop because you were missing a piece to put that part of you in motion. without a partner, you haven't fully lived life to its complete capabilities. you didn't get any of that, but hey, you got another person to learn what it means to be elderly with. and that's a nice shadow of it all, i guess. but it damn sure is not something i would look forward to or choose.

i don't think my mom has ever been in love with a man. i was born when my mom was 30 years old. i remember there being 4 men in her life. four.
 
CaraWalker said:
you know what... as the daughter of a woman who never married and never had a partner

all these finding love in old age examples, as if it's all worth it in the end, are BULLSH*T. 100% complete, utter BULLSHIIT.
Click to expand...

My mother spent the last 40 years of her life alone. And I believe she hated it. And I agree that it can stunt your growth. But I know other women who seem fulfilled and happy. But they also tend to date, have long-term romantic relationships, great careers, lots of friends, travel a lot etc. I totally hear you though re the BS comment. I understand how you feel because I had a mom who was terribly lonely and felt cheated. It is really hard as adult daughters to watch our mothers suffer.
 
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Yep. I agree & sorry you had/have to watch your mother like this.

I swear in this life you cant win for losing. Smh.
CaraWalker said:
placating no.... more like... rose colored ignorance. so we just gone ignore the 40-50 years of adult life that were spent totally alone.

my perspective is coming from an extreme example that is probably not true for most people who have functional interpersonal skills. but to sort of generalize my feelings on it, you can't be alone your entire life without any real relationships and really have that matter now that you are 10 years out from the grave. like, where is all of the experience with compromise, sacrifice, intense passion and joy, that you should have been learning in the meantime before you met the old man of your dreams? now it's supposed to matter that you got someone to watch wheel of fortune and eat spaghettios with... now that you have missed all the years of vacationing, having lots of physically capable sex, surprising each other with little presents and love and just the presence of another person.

you spent your entire adult life not having anyone to rely on. not having a partner. not having someone to give and receive affection from, not having the validation of sharing your life and experiences with another person. not having someone to question your deepest feelings with, delve into your values and find out what really matters in life to you. to check you when you're wrong and ridiculous and help you grow into a better person. to watch your children grow up, and to help them grow up, to enrich their lives and yours by association. you missed out on ALL OF THAT.

that's life. that's what life is. you learn how to love by having someone to love. and ok you can love your children and your family members but there is a whole part of you that never got to develop because you were missing a piece to put that part of you in motion. without a partner, you haven't fully lived life to its complete capabilities. you didn't get any of that, but hey, you got another person to learn what it means to be elderly with. and that's a nice shadow of it all, i guess. but it damn sure is not something i would look forward to or choose.

i don't think my mom has ever been in love with a man. i was born when my mom was 30 years old. i remember there being 4 men in her life. four.
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kinchen said:
I have a slither of hope left but realistically how many black men in my age group don't have children?
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This is my struggle too. It's been yeeeeears since I've met a dude with no kids. I've seen a lot of women on here say they don't have this problem, and maybe they don't. But I promise you it's like looking for a needle in a haystack here. It's not my preference, but I think this might be something I have to judge on a case by case basis.

The funny thing is that I haven't really dealt with guys with baby mama drama. The big problem for me actually been finding guys who know how to balance fatherhood and dating. But I guess that could also be attributed to not being into me enough to make me a priority.
 
Ive found quite a few men black and white) in 40s and even 50s no kids. I wonder if its a geography issue? Here it seems less emphasis on family and more on everything else.

And yea. I often use my kid as an excuse when I dont want to prioritize a dude :look: so there could be some of that goin on too for sure.
MzLady78 said:
This is my struggle too. It's been yeeeeears since I've met a dude with no kids. I've seen a lot of women on here say they don't have this problem, and maybe they don't. But I promise you it's like looking for a needle in a haystack here. It's not my preference, but I think this might be something I have to judge on a case by case basis.

The funny thing is that I haven't really dealt with guys with baby mama drama. The big problem for me actually been finding guys who know how to balance fatherhood and dating. But I guess that could also be attributed to not being into me enough to make me a priority.
Click to expand...
 
DarkJoy said:
Ive found quite a few men black and white) in 40s and even 50s no kids. I wonder if its a geography issue? Here it seems less emphasis on family and more on everything else.

And yea. I often use my kid as an excuse when I dont want to prioritize a dude :look: so there could be some of that goin on too for sure.
Click to expand...

I don't know what it is. And this isn't just me, it's a complaint among most of the woman I know.
 
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