Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the familiarity and the unfamiliarity between races. Like, if you've grown up raised in black culture more than likely you spent a lot of time dating black men. You are more attuned to little things that determine attractiveness, both to you and as generally perceived to be acceptable by others. So there is little doubt what is attractive about black men.
When you date men of other races or ethnicities, I feel like it's a different thing. First of all, those old standards don't apply and you are judging attractiveness based on maybe not only something different (like a whole different culture's standards of what is attractive) but on a myriad of other qualities than just looks (personality, education, disposition, demeanor). Like, you know the littlest thing about a black man that's gonna get him declared ugly and clowned by your friends. But if you are less familiar with dating from other cultures, you may not know how unforgivable it is to date a dude with a receding hairline. I think the standards may be a little less harsh just out of not knowing what the standards are entirely.
Secondly, I think it might have a lot to do with (don't stone me) bm/bw relationships having an additional "high status" quality based on how attractive the man is whereas if you are dating an "other" man, you don't have that same pressure to prove his worth via his looks. If that makes sense... There may be so many other qualities that justify you being with him that you have the luxury of being more forgiving if he is less attractive. Meanwhile if it's a black man, HE UGLY ON TOP OF X Y Z???? WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM? White guy is ugly it's "yeah but I bet he also has x y z, so whatever." Like, in my experience good looking black men are whores and tons of chicks want them, so in some ways being an attractive black man makes you more of a hot commodity and therefore more of a prize. That same dynamic may be lacking in bw/wm IRR.
Another possibility may be, of course, the potential negative reasons: bw who are just glad men of any other ethnicity are interested and will take what they can get and can't afford to be too choosy... Or, bw feel like more of a prize/wanted if they're attractive and their other SO is less attractive... Or, she may feel comfortable knowing others will think a little less hard about the relationship if there is a disparity in looks.
I suppose I wasn't really looking at the reason for the double standard but more the reason why bw may date men who are considered less attractive than a potential bm partner. The double standard probably is very obviously a means to yell more evidence of self hatred and desperation. Same as with bm/ugly ww pairings, in a way.
Me personally, I have to be attracted to the man regardless of his race so I have my own standards... I have never really dated any truly ugly men of any race
and I definitely go for men of the same level of attractiveness that I would want or require if he were black. I've had some less than cute black men, to tell you the truth, whereas the few non white men I've dated so far have generally been lookers. I hooked up with a dude the other night who looked like a goddamn movie star (after flirting with the goddamn cutest brown eyed dude ever) and am currently dating a guy who I find to be VERY cute... I think I'm cute enough that I can still require certain standards regardless of who I'm dating
erplexed
