Why Do "They" Say: Marriage Is Better For Men And ...

[Ballerina_Bun]

Why do they say that marriage is better for the man then it is for the woman? They say that single women are happier and live longer, then if they had been married. Married men fare(??) better and live longer.

I’ve read the statistics in the past, but that’s it. There were no reasons provided. I have my own “special” ideas and thoughts about marriage , but that is for another thread … lol!

 

[dplyrooted]

I think because women live their lives for their husband. Women and not themselves when they get married. Women make way more sacrifices in a marriage than a man.

 

[dlewis]

I think in most cases the man fares better. Unless you're married to my brother. He works, comes home to clean up and takes his girlfriend to do the shopping.

In most marriages the woman does the cooking and cleaning, rearing of the kids, grocery shopping, pays the bills and is on her back at the drop of a dime. If she's married to the wrong type of man I see see how she'll bare most of the responsiblity.

I have to make an effort, esp now, with is being colder outside and Dh doesn't have any yard work to do....I have to make sure he's helping out. I do this my making daily lists. We both work so he should make sure the house is clean daily when I make it home so that I can start cooking. He can do that. But I have to make sure chores are distributed fairly so that I'm not overworked.

 

[Ramya]

I would love to hear your thoughts on marriage.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

I would love to hear your thoughts on marriage.

Ramya ... are you trying to get me started you don't want to do that today… lol. I just started typing a document filled with my random, but honest thoughts about marriage and relationships.

When I was little, yes "little" I used to tell the supposed matriarch of the family, “Women should be allowed to have more than one husband. That way, when one of them gets on your nerves, you can spend time with the one that doesn't. Men... “

I only have a problem with polygamy, because women are not given the same choice, polyandry. If someone were to tell me where it was legal, I might fly there today or tomorrow. My passport is warm :fallenang ! I'm in a mood today

 

[MizAvalon]

I think in most cases the man fares better. Unless you're married to my brother. He works, comes home to clean up and takes his girlfriend to do the shopping.

In most marriages the woman does the cooking and cleaning, rearing of the kids, grocery shopping, pays the bills and is on her back at the drop of a dime. If she's married to the wrong type of man I see see how she'll bare most of the responsiblity.

I have to make an effort, esp now, with is being colder outside and Dh doesn't have any yard work to do....I have to make sure he's helping out. I do this my making daily lists. We both work so he should make sure the house is clean daily when I make it home so that I can start cooking. He can do that. But I have to make sure chores are distributed fairly so that I'm not overworked.

And there you have it. In most cases, married men fare way better than married women.

I have yet to see a marriage where responsibilities are anywhere near equal. All most men have to do is go to work! Anything that he doesn't do right around the house or with the kids, the wife will come in behind him and do it anyway.

 

[tinkat]

I would love to hear your thoughts on marriage.

I would like to hear also , I bet it would be interesting. I have my certain views on it too.

 

[JFemme]

Because women will compromise themselves in ways men would never consider...

And while women are taking care of their men, who is taking care of them..(in the ways they need over time)

(I know it sold as being equal, perhaps should be, but its not the reality for many)

 

[Ladybelle]

I think in most cases the man fares better. Unless you're married to my brother. He works, comes home to clean up and takes his girlfriend to do the shopping.

In most marriages the woman does the cooking and cleaning, rearing of the kids, grocery shopping, pays the bills and is on her back at the drop of a dime. If she's married to the wrong type of man I see see how she'll bare most of the responsiblity.

I have to make an effort, esp now, with is being colder outside and Dh doesn't have any yard work to do....I have to make sure he's helping out. I do this my making daily lists. We both work so he should make sure the house is clean daily when I make it home so that I can start cooking. He can do that. But I have to make sure chores are distributed fairly so that I'm not overworked.

I think dlewis summed it up with the bolded. Also- the saying "if mama ain't happy" it rings true- somehow the wife sets the dynamic for the household, that in itself is a huge responsibility.

Most older married women I know say they wouldn't do it again, they'd just be single & happy and satisfy themselves because they've spent their lives and dedicated themselves to taking care of husband, house, kids, and everything else.

 

[dlewis]

I can tell you now. If Dh and I don't make it for whatever reason I'm not marrying again unless I marry money.

 

[honeycomb719]

From what Ive heard on the subject, men tend to fair better not only for some reasons mentioned above, but because men are more likely to visit the Dr for care, which is likely to help catch any diseases/ailments before they start or become life-threatening, thus prolonging life for the men folks.

 

[MizAvalon]

I can tell you now. If Dh and I don't make it for whatever reason I'm not marrying again unless I marry money.

I have heard soooo many women say this.

 

[Almaz]

So true so true. Many women feel this way and a lot of women when their husband die or they are divorced they don't really get remarried. A man will usually try to get married again

Hence the merry widow

I can tell you now. If Dh and I don't make it for whatever reason I'm not marrying again unless I marry money.

 

[dlewis]

I'm teaching my daughter that.

 

[dlewis]

So true so true. Many women feel this way and a lot of women when their husband die or they are divorced they don't really get remarried. A man will usually try to get married again

Hence the merry widow

Can't really comment on that like I want too. But I understand. I understand.

 

[Almaz]

I can't either so you understand too huh

Can't really comment on that like I want too. But I understand. I understand.

 

[Kirei]

Not I. I couldn't.

Men don't know how to be husbands and RUN households. When I say RUN I mean, I shouldn't have to tell you what to do.

I shouldn't have to make sure you're involved just like he shouldn't have to make sure Im cleaning the house.

I cook, clean and yada yada yada but, DH also does those things (not the cooking as often b/c me no likey his cooking too much) but, he does it. DH is not perfect by a long shot but, he does do his job as head of household. I couldn't imagine pulling as much of the load that some women pull around...childrearing alone? He helped you make that baby and he better help you raise him/her.

I mean women act like they HAVE to take this ish and like "Oh woe is me my DH don't do **** and I carry the load!" Well, if you let him do it, he will.

I feel no pity for women with dead-beat DHs. None.

 

[GreenD]

Funny I've been thinking about who benefits from (at least my) marriage and it's definitely the man, because it sure as heck ain't me!! Men have it made in the shade where as women only get more responsibility, stress and headache.

I will not make the same mistake twice!!

 

[MizAvalon]

At least in the old days, women didn't have to work outside of the home on top of dealing with all of their domestic responsibilities. Men's roles have stayed the same while women have only gotten more headache.

 

[CandiceC]

At least in the old days, women didn't have to work outside of the home on top of dealing with all of their domestic responsibilities. Men's roles have stayed the same while women have only gotten more headache.

I agree. I was raised in a traditional household where my dad went to work while my mom took care of us kids.
I don't know anything other than that. If I had kids and kept going to work... I'd probably lose my mind trying to juggle it all. That's one reason I don't have kids. At least not yet.



My DH definitely benefits from the marriage more than me. After almost five years of marriage we both still have more maturing to do, but he just seems further behind. It can be stressful because I find myself bending more than him because I'm looking at the big picture.

 

[Ladybelle]

At least in the old days, women didn't have to work outside of the home on top of dealing with all of their domestic responsibilities. Men's roles have stayed the same while women have only gotten more headache.

ITA. This is so true. Having to do it all can be very frustrating at times. Now, let me give credit- my dh does help me around the house (after a long discussion when we first got married ) but I don't think men are equipped to handle family things like we do. I automatically remember to send x,y,z to the kids school while dh has to be reminded or it's forgotten!

Why is that women have learned to handle their business financially and contribute to the $$$ and still do the domestic stuff while some men are lagging behind with the $$$ and don't help around the house??

I don't get it. Maybe it has something to do with how we are wired differently? I dunno.


eta: I'm with dlewis, this is my first & last marriage.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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[nychaelasymone]

Dlewis said it best!!!!

I promise...if this marriage doesn't work out for whatever reason, the only way I'd marry again is if he's extremely wealthy and I don't have to look at him everyday.

 

[MD_Lady]

I think because women live their lives for their husband. Women and not themselves when they get married. Women make way more sacrifices in a marriage than a man.

Because women will compromise themselves in ways men would never consider...

And while women are taking care of their men, who is taking care of them..(in the ways they need over time)

(I know it sold as being equal, perhaps should be, but its not the reality for many)

Because one wasn't enough...

 

[MD_Lady]

...I mean women act like they HAVE to take this ish and like "Oh woe is me my DH don't do **** and I carry the load!" Well, if you let him do it, he will.

I feel no pity for women with dead-beat DHs. None.

YES. And many of these men were like this BEFORE getting married, but their (then) girlfriends were too busy and :reddancer: to notice or be honest about how his behavior made them feel. When I was younger, I'd always side with the woman when it came to relationship imbalances. I know better now that I'm older. IME, women do a WHOLE lot more enabling than they admit to.

 

[Taliah]

the only way I'd marry again is if he's extremely wealthy and I don't have to look at him everyday.

Square biz. In the process of planning to gain an additional residence soon.

 

[MD_Lady]

... Becareful, someone will soon post in response to your comment, “ Women’s roles are only a headache for those who allow it to be.”

Yup!

Equal my behind! I think this crap is especially funny in Norway. All the talk about equality amongst the sexes, when those same women, once they get home, they are expected to cook, clean, do most (not all) the child care/rearing and as another poster wrote, “ on her back at the drop of a dime.” You have to stroke their egos and their crayons (am I allowed to say that here ???)...

I won't be that "someone" because others have already responded. But there is A LOT of truth to that statement. I always knew I couldn't be happy with a lazy man (whether it was dismissed as a reflection of is "upbringing " or his "role" in the home/relationship) so I didn't marry one, plain and simple. DH isn't perfect, but if it's one thing I don't have to worry about it's him being selfish and unyielding in the home (and inadvertantly in our relationship). Other women have different priorities and may not have been as focused on that type of relationship equality as I was (and that's their right). They should, however, think back to the choices they made in their relationship when they start thinking about all the things they "have" to do.

 

[dlewis]

I think men remarry sooner or faster, because they need constant or at least more attention. They can not handle their own company for very long. Not all men, but …. ! I think women are more mature and independent when it comes to that. We are more self directed. Some men need constant or frequent attention and adoration. I’m sure there are many other reasons too.

Wives are basically beautiful mothers to men that they get to colour with How are the duties of a wife different from that of a mother to her son. Their are some obvious differences, but ...

I can comment. ..

I have no one in my life right now who’s feelings I care to or need to spare right now or in this moment.

It seems like “some” women grow into themselves after their husband dies. They get to focus on themselves more, and they have his “posthumous gift” to support or subsidize their endeavors I am thinking of 2 women specifically. When their husbands died, they just started to bloom.


​

I totally agree. It’s just as easy to love money as it is to love the fool that died … opps, did I say that … ​

What are you teaching her ?​

Becareful, someone will soon post in response to your comment, “ Women’s roles are only a headache for those who allow it to be.”

Yup!

Equal my behind! I think this crap is especially funny in Norway. All the talk about equality amongst the sexes, when those same women, once they get home, they are expected to cook, clean, do most (not all) the child care/rearing and as another poster wrote, “ on her back at the drop of a dime.” You have to stroke their egos and their crayons (am I allowed to say that here ???).

If the RIGHT man is in your life, he is doing things to make you feel special too, because he wants to. He will be considerate and loving, because it is in his character. Some men do it, because they are hoping to get … .​

I like what you said. Not gonna say I was thinkig that incase someone wants to go back a tell Dh something. But I like what you said.

I teaching her some different things that I know most won't agree with. About dating and marriage. She's only 9 so I still have some time with her. She says shes not getting married or having kids. They take up to much time. I tell her that would break my heart, she needs to keep with the plan. But if my son gives me a couple of grands I guess that would be ok.

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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[jamaraa]

Marriage is FAR better for men than women because a) a man has someone to care for household concerns and childcare w/o giving her a salary. Relatively few men (even the so called enlightened ones) do the grunt work for the care of maintainence of their homes and kids. No...taking out trash, and mowing the lawn is NOT what I'm talking about. b) marriage actually costs little money for men... to enter or leave. Real life ain't like celeb mega divorces, your average man actually walks out in BETTER financial condition than the woman he leaves. After all, most women, by default, end up w/ the bulk of the childcare/household mamagement. Besides 50% is less than 100% even for rich chicks ! She's also got alot harder time finding a new mate than her ex does.

Of course there's the GETTING MARRIED/WEDDING part. People still largely cling to the woman's family pays ethic....average weddings are costing about $30K or so ....even today, the women's family are stumping up and men are getting off scott free w/ these overblown weddings. This kind of debt puts both the woman and her family at a disadvantage IF the marriage runs into problems or fails. If she needs help, who's gonna help her? This also constrains happily married couples just starting out even if the man/family stumps up. Many women stay in bad marriages because of financial constraints/considerations....this is rarely true for men, IMHO. Far too many resources go into weddings that could be saved or spent more wisely, IMHO. Women need to think more about money...not just the man's but her own and her natal family.

Given the known facts about legal marriage and it's advantages favoring men from the wedding to the divorce, I do wonder why so many women still insist on worshiping at its alter?