What MEN actually SAY about relationships...

[Syrah]

I don't get it. No man wants to be pressured into marriage and neither would I so what's the problem?

I'm so with this. Why do we act like it's ok that we as women pressure men to get married because:
- They've got an education
- They make a certain amount of money
- They own a home
- Or we've been with them for "x" amount of time.

Isn't that SUPER selfish on our part? That because he's met certain criteria in OUR minds, that he should now be ready to make a LIFE LONG commitment before God????

Maybe if more people started getting married when they were ready and NOT because their girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, father, pastor, co-workers, grocer at the super market and dude at the bus stop thought it was time there would be fewer divorces and more long-term marriages.

 

[Syrah]

Another one from my co-workers....

Women get married because they think they've found someone they can sustain a lifestyle with, regardless of whether or not they are ready.

Men get married because they are ready, regardless of who they are with.

The first time I heard this, I was like "That is nonsense". But think about it - how many times have we heard women talk about "breaking him in"....you were in this long term relationship with the man that didn't end in marriage. He turns around, starts dating a girl, and 6 months later they're engaged.

I think there is some truth to the statement. I'm not so sure about the "sustain a lifestyle with" part - but we do tend to fall in love with men for what they COULD BE ("He'll be such a good father").

Either way you slice it, men tend to think a lot of what drives womens decisions when it comes to partners is ECONOMICS.

 

[envybeauty]

Another

Either way you slice it, men tend to think a lot of what drives womens decisions when it comes to partners is ECONOMICS.

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This is not a new concept. Way back when women got married at like 16 and 17 AND IT WAS THE NORM TO DO SO, they married men that could provide for a family. Men who were typically older, with a job, who could provide for the roof over your head. These women didn't work (WAS NOT THE NORM AND OFTEN ILLEGAL BACK THEN) so they had to look for a man who could provide for them (READ: ECONOMICS).


Men these days act like this is a new concept: that women look to marry men who can provide a financal future.

 

[Syrah]

In most arranged marriages (eastern cultures), it is customary for the male's family to provide the women's family with a dowry.

But they've taken the "love" out of it -marriage is a religious and financial arrangement between two FAMILIES, not just two individuals.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

Another one from my co-workers....

Women get married because they think they've found someone they can sustain a lifestyle with, regardless of whether or not they are ready.

Men get married because they are ready, regardless of who they are with.

that is SOOO true! I met a great man who I felt fit the bill in everyway, adn although I wasn't %100 ready; I was more than ready to be ready for him. we talked about marriage, talked about rings, but at the end of the day he said he wasn't ready, and that was really the problem. Their loss. But what a great observation!

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

I only read the first page, but I did not see anything wrong with the guy's opinion. Actually isn't that a good stance to have? why would you want to marry a guy who is only in it because you made him?

What's fun about that? Sooner or later you both will be filing the divorce paper.

 

[envybeauty]

In most arranged marriages (eastern cultures), it is customary for the male's family to provide the women's family with a dowry.

But they've taken the "love" out of it -marriage is a religious and financial arrangement between two FAMILIES, not just two individuals.

Even in Western cultures. European royalties married off their daughters to royal families in other lands to form alliances and reduce the risk of war. Along with the marriage came a dowry in terms of land or other gifts provided to the girl's family.

..Marriage was not founded on this great principle of love. There were no long courtships, no long romantic dates, vacations, etc. The men would grow up knowing her and her family, and then ask for her hand in marriage. The ones who grew up together as kids. My grandparent's generation...where almost all the women ended up marrying men they went to school with, knew from church, or just next door. Even in the Bible few couples mention this romanticized love yet there were plenty of married couples in the Bible.

Nowadays, people overemphasize "love" in marriages - the romanticized love.

 

[Country gal]

about the last comment, I think the guy did the right thing by sticking to his guns about not wanting to be married. And the gf did the right thing by leaving. A guy should marry someone because he wants to, not because his gf keeps pressuring him about it. I am starting to see that a lot of men hold on to woman and marry them knowing very well they don't want them and they are gonna cheat. So if a guy tells you straight up he doesnt wanna marry you consider yourself your lucky because he warned you and saved you further heartbreak and headache over a future divorce.

That's just my two cents.

You are so right. It is hard to hear it at the time. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 5 years. I was pressuring him to get married just because it seem like the right thing to do. We did not end up married. He ended up marrying someone else 2 years ago. In the end he saved me heartache and pain.

 

[Syrah]

Even in Western cultures. European royalties married off their daughters to royal families in other lands to form alliances and reduce the risk of war. Along with the marriage came a dowry in terms of land or other gifts provided to the girl's family.

..Marriage was not founded on this great principle of love. There were no long courtships, no long romantic dates, vacations, etc. The men would grow up knowing her and her family, and then ask for her hand in marriage. The ones who grew up together as kids. My grandparent's generation...where almost all the women ended up marrying men they went to school with, knew from church, or just next door. Even in the Bible few couples mention this romanticized love yet there were plenty of married couples in the Bible.

Nowadays, people overemphasize "love" in marriages - the romanticized love.

Aha! Totally agree. We talk all this "soulmates" "I feel complete" "match made in heaven" "meant to be together" stuff.

Sometimes I think we as ladies set ourselves up to be disappointed. It doesn't take a perfect man, who finishes your sentences, loves the same music (like Chris Rock said - Wu-Tang Clan and Mozart HAHA), isn't embarrassed to buy tampons at Rite Aid and likes watching Sleepless in Seattle to have a great relationship.

We're some consumed with PERFECT, why can't we accept GREAT?