"Why do so many blacks prefer straight hair?"

[LoveisYou]

We've been socialized to believe that straight flowing hair is more beautiful and sexy. We've also been socialized to believe lighter/whiter is better,that's why certain Euro features are so revered in the black community - lighter skin, straight/wavy hair, light eyes- those traits that we find beautiful have been influenced by slavery and colonialism.

 

[LoveisYou]

Also many women wear their hair straight, because they think that's what men prefer. The majority of straight women want to feel they look desirable to the opposite sex so that definitely place apart in the hairstyle women choose. Yes, your girlfriends might think you look fierce with your twa, but the guys might prefer longer relaxed hair, and that can influence some women's hair choices a lot.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

I am sorry but the OP states she and this girl are close and have been friends for years. Someone who tries to "validate their whiteness" doesn't pull that move out of the blue, for the first time ever, years after being a friend. You may not approach your friends with strange questions but I know I do. As I said my best friend is white and she has asked me crazy things and I have asked her crazy things. I have asked her to represent all white people to me before and all New yorkers and all people born in her generation, with the stupidest questions I would never ask anyone else. For every single one she has let me slide and always will, as I would do for her because we are best friends. This is not some random seasonal friend this is a best friend for the OP. I have a white foster sister, same thing applies. I know her, I know her values and I know her character. I am sorry, I think its healthier to see the people important in your life as inherently good.

I reiterate my stance that no matter how close you are to someone, you can't always know what's going on in someone's head, especially in a place of privilege. No matter how much you stress that your best friend and foster sister are white, they benefit from privilege that either one can pull out (if she doesn't pull it out when you're not around) when desired. It is naive to believe that both of them do not benefit from such privilege. I hope, for your sake, that her values continue when she's not around you.

Call me a realist (that's okay). But, we are all born with human nature. We are taught morals, beliefs, and ideals; thus, we're not inherently good (which means we are born that way). I think it's healthier to see social reality to avoid being burned later.

I am happy for you in your friendship, though. Hopefully, she never shows a side that you are surprised by later on. Btw, did you realize that each time, you stressed that your bff was white, you sounded like those who say "my best friend's black" or "my gf/bf's black"? I'm not attacking you. I'm just pointing out a funny coincidence.

 

[Sugar]

when over half of a culture of people permanently alters a feature natural to them as a race specifically...i don't understand why that is not cause for concern

if over half of white women (does anyone know the stats?) were bleaching their hair blonde, i would be concerned

Please come to Los Angeles and witness for yourself the amount of bleach blond white women.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Please come to Los Angeles and witness for yourself the amount of bleach blond white women.

I thought about that as well

But all kidding aside, even if every single dark haired white woman in our nation decided to go blond it STILL would not have the same ramifications as african american women chosing to relax their hair. To me the two are no where near the same level.

 

[Sugar]

I think women of every race alter their looks for vanities sake. Most anglo-saxon women dye their hair.

women with curly hair, want straight hair
women with straight hair want curly hair
women with brunette hair want blonde hair
women with short hair want long hair
women with gray hair want no grays
pale folks want to have darker skin
darker skin folks want lighter skin
short people wanna be taller
flat arsed people want booties
big booty folk want smaller booties
the list goes on & on.

what I'm trying to understand is why black women are deemed to have an identity problem/low self-esteem when we choose to also alter our looks (straight hair)

when does the line end with a black woman from just doing what women tend to do vs hating herself?

show me a woman (of any race) who is & has always been 100% natural in her looks (no makeup, no chemical alteration to her hair, no straightening, no treatments of any kind) and I will show you the EXCEPTION to the rule.

At 5'2" my modeling career has been seriously hampered...LOL

I purposefully gained weight so I could have a big butt (wide hips with a flat butt is not a good look...IMO)

I'm just not a huge fan of curly hair (on me). Hell I even hate poodles...because of all that friggin curly hair.

I like my hair straight or wavy (hence the texlaxing so I can wear it either way). I've always had a pie full face and I like using my hair to elongate my face a little. I like how my hair blows in the wind and how I can feel it hanging down my back now.

Plus, I'm probably the laziest person in the world when it comes to styling my hair (and I really, really suck at it and have better ways to spend my time than think of cute hairstyles) so texlaxing is the best option for me.

I wonder why no one ever asks white and other non-black women why they alter their hair so much? And believe me...they do. Why are we always the targets?

 

[Sugar]

I thought about that as well

But all kidding aside, even if every single dark haired woman in our nation decided to go blond it STILL would not have the same ramifications as african american women chosing to relax their hair. To me the two are no where near the same level.

But why aren't they on the same level? Why are we seen as being brainwashed and self-hating when we relax or prefer straight hair? Why can't we be like other women who are just seen as exercising their right to choose...choose how they want to wear their hair, that is?

For me, my hair is like an accessory (or even a toy sometimes...lol). I style it based on how I'm feeling that day, what I'm wearing, and where I'm going...and how chubby my face is looking that day...LOL. I put no more thought into it than that. Well except that I take healthy haircare more seriously than I used to because I'm trying to grow it out to a certain length.

The average Black woman (with a relaxer or otherwise straightened hair) probably feels the same way I do.

Off Topic: Maybe another good question would be "Why do so many Black women prefer long hair over short hair?"

 

[CurlTalk]

You can honestly say there isn't a deeper meaning attached to hair?

So when a black child is born and the family looks at that soft, wavy hair with sad eyes wishing it would stay that way? And when that child is 5 and the mother complains about not being able to deal with "that nappy shi*" or when that child gets a relaxer by the age of 7? Because this isn't just one child, this is a lot of black children. Let's go ahead and pretend that if blacks were the only race with naturally straight hair and everyone else had curly, straight hair would be preferred? I DON'T have anything against straight hair, because that is your choice. But when that choice is being forced upon others, you have to realize that there is a deeper meaning. Just as there is a deeper meaning when you don't let your Alek colored daughter play in the sun too long, but it's okay for her Rihanna colored cousin.

ETA: Honestly, I don't believe most black people want to be white. But those who have influenced us the most WERE affected by whites. Other disclaimers: If you are relaxed, you are not less than black. All I want is for people to look deep down inside of themseleves and understand where their motivations come from. So even if the question isn't "why do I prefer straight hair" maybe it should be "why do I strongly NOT prefer the hair that grows out of my head?"

Yes yes yes! I couldn't have put it better. ITA with every single thing you wrote.

 

[CurlTalk]

I thought about that as well

But all kidding aside, even if every single dark haired white woman in our nation decided to go blond it STILL would not have the same ramifications as african american women chosing to relax their hair. To me the two are no where near the same level.

I totally agree with this, and I never understand when they're put in the same boat. A ton of white people were blonde when they were children (up until the age of 8/9 even for some of them); blonde for them is seen as youthful, stemming from their youth, and something that does come naturally to them.

Straight hair, however, does not, will not, and has never come naturally for the vast majority of the black community. For most of us, relaxing is a form of imitation, not regaining something we lost. We never had straight hair.

Dying the hair blonde is more or less like covering grays; relaxing the hair is actually permanently altering the texture of one's hair, not to regain a childhood texture, but to gain a texture one never had, regardless of reason.

 

[arosieworld]

I reiterate my stance that no matter how close you are to someone, you can't always know what's going on in someone's head, especially in a place of privilege. No matter how much you stress that your best friend and foster sister are white, they benefit from privilege that either one can pull out (if she doesn't pull it out when you're not around) when desired. It is naive to believe that both of them do not benefit from such privilege. I hope, for your sake, that her values continue when she's not around you.

Call me a realist (that's okay). But, we are all born with human nature. We are taught morals, beliefs, and ideals; thus, we're not inherently good (which means we are born that way). I think it's healthier to see social reality to avoid being burned later.

I am happy for you in your friendship, though. Hopefully, she never shows a side that you are surprised by later on. Btw, did you realize that each time, you stressed that your bff was white, you sounded like those who say "my best friend's black" or "my gf/bf's black"? I'm not attacking you. I'm just pointing out a funny coincidence.

We all have certain privileges some have education, money, looks, connections, whatever. But to read into someones words who you say is a friend is to me unhealthy. Whatever your reality may be, I know that despite what people are taught they have an internal compass. People who are taught the right thing do the wrong thing and vice versa. I think its healthier to take the people you love at face value and not waste your energy worrying if their words having some secret dark meaning. The only reason I mentioned the race of my friend, the 2 times I did, was to bring a parallel to the OP situation and myself. I was trying to be compassionate and put myself into her shoes the best way I knew how, and reassure that all white people who ask stupid questions are not necessarily trying to "validate their whiteness" when people were putting agendas on her friend words. I am sorry that was lost on you.

 

[LittleLuxe]

For me, my hair is like an accessory (or even a toy sometimes...lol). I style it based on how I'm feeling that day, what I'm wearing, and where I'm going...and how chubby my face is looking that day...LOL. I put no more thought into it than that. Well except that I take healthy haircare more seriously than I used to because I'm trying to grow it out to a certain length"

Exactly. I was raised by two proud intelligent African parents and raised in Africa before I moved to this country. My Father taught me from an early age that my 'blackness' had nothing to do with my skin tone, my hair, the way my body looked in comparison to others or my speech.

What defined me as a black person was the knowledge that existed within me. The fact I was aware of my history and could look at it with a critical eye. What I had learned from my ancestors and what I did with that learned lesson. It was about spirit. It was about family. It was about past and future.

Hair is incidental. I never gave two craps about it. Natural, braided, weaved up, relaxed. My hair choices were always supported by those around me and ironically I never saw any issues about hair till I came to this country. Even more ironically most of those issues were black women judging other black women. And to be honest it never stops for one reason or another.

My hair is an accessory, if I ever have to pass down any visual message to a young black child in rampant danger of being brainwashed it would be to spend less time worrying about whether you're betraying or ignoring your past by relaxing your hair and more about what you're doing for yourself and your people by learning, succeeding, struggling, persevering, and eventually accomplishing.

Hair, both relaxed and natural requires care, maintenance, dedication and attention. From what I've seen on this board it requires about the same amount of time and dedication. Many women choose to go from one to the other, back and forth, I respect their decisions. I don't choose to say anything about their motivations or incentives until THEY volunteer the information.

 

[Sugar]

I totally agree with this, and I never understand when they're put in the same boat. A ton of white people were blonde when they were children (up until the age of 8/9 even for some of them); blonde for them is seen as youthful, stemming from their youth, and something that does come naturally to them.

Straight hair, however, does not, will not, and has never come naturally for the vast majority of the black community. For most of us, relaxing is a form of imitation, not regaining something we lost. We never had straight hair.

Dying the hair blonde is more or less like covering grays; relaxing the hair is actually permanently altering the texture of one's hair, not to regain a childhood texture, but to gain a texture one never had, regardless of reason.

That's not the only reason white women go blond. Its probably not even the MAIN reason. Blond hair (and blue eyes) is seen as the epitome of beauty and sexiness to white folks. The All American Ideal (whether straight, wavy, or curly).

When a white woman wants to do something daring and bold...or when she simply gets tired of being a mousey brown plain Jane...she goes blond.

Let's not forget back in the day when curly perms were all the rage for them. Now my white and other non-black friends are frying their hair with blow dryers and flat irons (some of them do it daily). I saw a movie called The Women recently. When Meg Ryan's character wanted to be taken seriously she straightened her uber-curly locks...stick straight.

In real life I see more fried, frizzy blond haired white women than I can shake a Black man with an NFL contract at.

What it all boils down to for me is....part of the fun part of being a girl or woman is changing my look...playing with my hair...changing my wardrobe...all the girly stuff. I never get why some folks have to make it more serious than that.

 

[sweetlaughter]

Also many women wear their hair straight, because they think that's what men prefer. The majority of straight women want to feel they look desirable to the opposite sex so that definitely place apart in the hairstyle women choose. Yes, your girlfriends might think you look fierce with your twa, but the guys might prefer longer relaxed hair, and that can influence some women's hair choices a lot.

I thought about that as well

But all kidding aside, even if every single dark haired white woman in our nation decided to go blond it STILL would not have the same ramifications as african american women chosing to relax their hair. To me the two are no where near the same level.

I saw a special on attraction on TLC or DISC a few months back and they were talking about hair color and length and sexual attraction. One theory for the dying of hair lighter is that a lot of yt children have light hair when born and then it grows in darker. So light hair would = youth and fertility at first glance to men. Same as long hair, perky boobs, and higher voice = youth and fertility.

I think we are a product of our society but it's not as black and white as colonization and slavery being the main reasons a large number of black women relax.

 

[LoveisYou]

I don't understand how anyone can compare white women coloring their hair with blacks preference for straight hair. I by no means believe that all black women who relax their hair are self-hating. A black women can choose to wear her hair however she sees fit. Nevertheless, when a majority of the ppl in a group rejects a feature they were born with, there's a problem.

A closer observation will demonstrate that the problem lies in the historical indoctrination of black as undesirable. Everything about black was attacked - the character of blacks, the cultures, and the physical characteristics. When you think about the beauty totem pole nappy hair, broad nose, dark skin etc. stands on the opposite end of straight hair, thin nose, light skin. Nappy hair has been and continues to be deemed undesirable. While white women might color their hair for superficial reasons many African-American relax because they believe their natural hair is undesirable - that's a difference.

 

[Sugar]

I don't understand how anyone can compare white women coloring their hair with blacks preference for straight hair. I by know means believe that all black women who relax their hair are self-hating. A black women can choose to wear her hair however she plkease. Nevertheless, when a majority of the ppl in a group rejects a feature they were born with, there's a problem.

A closer observation will demonstrate that the problem lies in the historical indoctrination of black as undesirable. Everything about black was attacked - the character of blacks, the cultures, and the physical characteristics. When you think about the beauty totem pole nappy hair, broad nose, dark skin etc. stands on the opposite end of straight hair, thin nose, light skin. Nappy hair has been and continues to be deemed undesirable. While white women might color their hair for superficial reasons many African-American relax because they believe their hair is undesirable - that's a difference.

Because its the same thing....a personal choice women make to alter their appearance.

I have a friend who is white and prematurely gray (and I mean PURE SNOWY WHITE), she dyes her hair chocolate brown faithfully...every 3 weeks. Should she just except what's growing out of her scalp and live with the fact that she is prematurely gray? Should she accept the fact that the gray hair makes her look decades older than she really is?

As I said earlier, I'm not a huge fan of curly hair on me. Should I be forced to walk around with a head full of curly hair because that's what grows out of my scalp? Should I be forced to accept some other Black person's idea of what my hair should look like? Or can I exercise the free-will God gave me and straighten my hair?

 

[dancinstallion]

well...

BUT i feel sexy with straight hair, because i know that the shape/style of my hair is complementing my face.
edited to add: i'm attaching photos so you can see my point excuse the stink face on the last pic

I think you look better with long hair, not necessarily straight hair. I think you would look great with long textured hair or long straight hair.

Have you been to naturallycurly.com? Other cultures have the same conversation about hair.
There have been many topics on the subject in the media. Asian people do have these discussions but why would we be discussing them here?

Chinese on blast about their "preference". http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20100625/wl_mcclatchy/3548235_1[/QUOTE]

That just proves my point that brain washing is in every culture and nationality. Western beauty is being pounded into people everywhere.

So...

I know in my case, I find it hard to handle short natural hair because it makes me more masculine looking. My shape and build just does not support the short natural look. HOWEVER, it may not be that way for all. I've been called Sir too many times than I care for. I would ideally love to have long natural hair, but I prefer strait hair because I know how good it looks on me. I have never had long natural hair. I still feel that a lot of people enjoy the freedom of choice. Why should we be looked down upon for preferring strait hair? I don't worry about what others do with their hair or their child's hair. It's not my place to judge them. 400 Years Without a Comb does not apply to everybody.

I don't think anyone is looking down on anyone for straightening their hair. I don't think that is what she meant. I do agree with you about your short hair. And longer hair does make alot of women look and feel more feminine. It is normal.

you know what i just realized?
new thread. new day. same discussion.
it really seems like these threads that are popping up are putting so many people in the hot seat... "why are you relaxed?" "if you're natural and you straighten...are you natural?" People are having to defend their right to do whatever they gosh darn please with their hair.

seriously...can we go back to discussing products and hair retention methods? this forum is beginning to get super-divided...and i don't remember it being so heated when i first started lurking 5 yrs ago....I almost feel silly for even participating in these debates.
ok rant over... **flips straightened hair and exits thread**

I think their is a time to be devided so we can get other view points,and a time to be together. If someone started a thread on hair retention then everyone would come together and give their points on that topic too.

And I think most of us get that. But we're simply pointing out that if you were in a different culture and society, let's say, a remote ethnic group in central Africa, no one would mistake you as a man, nor would you feel your body type doesn't compliment your natural hair. I lived in South Africa for some time, and plenty of black women walked around with mini fros and clean-shaven heads and not one black man mistook them for a man. Social norms in a predominately-white country that used to enslave and debase your ancestors with naturally kinky hair are what may make someone call you "sir". No one looks down on you for that, or for wanting to accepted and look pretty by their standards. But to some extent these are THEIR standards that cause this (WASP's). From what I can see in your avatar, you're beautiful the way you are and if you want to wear your hair straight, fine. But know that you don't HAVE to to be beautiful. You may choose to, but you don't have to.

That is soo true. It is quite normal in africa for a woman to have a very short haircut or a mini fro and no one would call her knappy or bald head and they would know she was still a woman. Unlike here in the states.

[/B]
Since I assume that you are specifically responding to MY response with the bottom bolded...

B. I'm transitioning long term so that i will have long NATURAL hair, vs short hair (in any state). In the mean time...while my hair is SHORT, I will be wearing styles that stretch my length and frame MY face. Never did i say that relaxed=sexy...if I felt that way, I wouldnt be transitioning. please re-read my original post if you are mistaken.

NO u didn't say it but alot of posters said straight hair makes them feel sexy. I think she was talking about them but in your quote.

I actually did know not all Asians have straight hair. Also, one of my BFF's is Japanese and a hairdresser. She says that alot of Asians come to her to get perms that look like an Afro.
I live in a predominately Chinese part of Brooklyn and alot of them like a crimped, teased hairstyle or Curly perms.

Yes straight hair has been embedded in alot of nationalities brains. You can't compare straight crimped hair look with a natural hair that is crimped because the look is different.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Black women on a whole prefer straight hair because most Black women are still very much psychologically colonized.

We are inundated with images of straight haired women being the feminine ideal from infancy in this country and it has a tremendous impact when you were born with afro textured hair. These women in the media are mostly white and the few Blacks are relaxed or weaved up. It is not just a coincidence that over 75% of Black women drastically and permanently alter their hair to be type 1-3. There are millions of black women that will spend every dime of their paycheck regularly for some weave and go on and on bragging about the fact that they are now in ownership of some Asian/Indian hair and gush over the innate beauty and superiority of this hair....its all over youtube....and it just goes to show you the premium we put of hair types that are the exact opposite of ours.

There are millions of Black women that have never known a healthy relationship with their hair because their mothers were so busy treating it like it was type 1 and destroying it and calling it bad that they default to the relaxers. This is a tradition of self-hate that goes back generations. Cultural norms do not materialize out of thin air.

In my experience, I think I can safely say that most Black women have a conscious or sub-conscious inferiority complex about their hair....you can see it with the testimonials of most of the newbies and some of their harrowing tales of having relaxers slapped on their heads from as early as 2 years of age.

Why White Women's Hair Practices Cannot be Compared to Us Relaxing​

Finally, I see many women are making the argument that we are no different then other races of women in terms of hair. Let me lay out why that is false:

- When a white woman gets hair extensions, she gets extensions that MATCH her own natural texture. She sees her own texture as beautiful and she knows her hair has the potential to grow long, she's just impatient and wants the look now.

- When a Black woman gets a weave, she gets a texture that is the complete antithesis of her natural texture, she extolls that as beautiful, and see's it as superior. She is usually unaware that her hair can grow as long as the weave.

- When a white woman Bleaches her hair Blonde....she is emulating fellow white women that they deem to be beautiful.

- When a Black Woman Relaxes her hair to be type 1 she is trying to emulate the dominant race...weather she realizes that on a conscious level or not.

- When a Black woman puts on her weave she is boasting about the myriad of other races she feels she looks like now and saying she now has pretty hair like them.

- When a White woman get her hair extensions she is boasting about the new length and added thickness.

- If a Black person see's a white person with long hair, its to be expected. If a Black woman has long hair....well she must have "good hair" and be mixed with some "good hair" having race.

None of this is a coincidence. The preference for white skin, straight hair and light eyes did not just materialize from thin air.

 

[CurlTalk]

That's not the only reason white women go blond. Its probably not even the MAIN reason. Blond hair (and blue eyes) is seen as the epitome of beauty and sexiness to white folks. The All American Ideal (whether straight, wavy, or curly).

Biologically, what we view as 'sexy' and 'beautiful' directly correlates to health and youth; more specifically, fertility. Blonde hair suggests a younger woman, and thereby a woman with a greater chance of being fertile, just as shiny hair and bright skin do. So in essence, going blonde to be sexy IS going blonde to look youthful.

In a similar fashion, women of all races strive for big, wide eyes (eyeliner), prepubescent skin (all facial cleansers, moisturizers, etc.), and shiny hair (pretty much all hair products).

The problem with straightening hair to be 'sexy' and 'beautiful', and not simply as a way to change up style, is that, unlike the blonde that white women do have in youth, most black women (and women with naturally curly hair of any race come to think of it) don't have straight hair in their youth. Biologically, straight hair in and of itself does not suggest health, or fertility; society holds that straight hair is more beautiful and appealing. When society damages young girls' images of themselves by presenting straight hair as inherently superior to their own, it does no one any good (except maybe relaxer companies).

 

[LoveisYou]

Because its the same thing....a personal choice women make to alter their appearance.

I have a friend who is white and prematurely gray, she dyes her hair chocolate brown faithfully...every 3 weeks. Should she just except what's growing out of her scalp and live with the fact that she is prematurely gray? Should she accept the fact that the gray hair makes her look decades older than she really is?

As I said earlier, I'm not a huge fan of curly hair on me. Should I be forced to walk around with a head full of curly hair because that's what grows out of my scalp? Should I be forced to accept some other Black person's idea of what my hair should look like? Or can I exercise the free-will God gave me and straighten my hair?

Um, it's not the same thing. I am speaking about the implications of slavery and colonialism, you are speaking about a woman going through aging. I'm not sure I get the connection.

As to your last paragraph my post and my signature addresses those questions

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Ya'll.Go.HARD!!!

 

[Sugar]

Um, it's not the same thing. I am speaking about the implications of slavry and colonialism, you are speaking about a woman going through aging. I'm not sure I get the connection.

As to your last paragraph my post and my signature addresses those questions

Yeah it is the same thing...depending on how you choose to view it. If you choose to believe that how one chooses to style their hair is based on slavery and colonialism...well that's you, but that doesn't make it true for all Black women. From my perspective, hair is just not that serious.

Speaking for myself....slavery and colonialism have nothing to do with how I choose to wear my hair. Sheer laziness...lack of styling ability...yes. Colonialism...no, not even a little bit.

 

[Ladybelle]

I think you missed one..

Women with naturally straight hair wanting tightly coiled hair.
(ETA: minus the handful of asians)

when I wore my hair natural, I had plenty of non-black chicks come up to me to comment on my hair AND tell me that they "wished their hair could do that." Truth of the matter is, most people of other descents hair are too oily to do what we do to our hair in it's natural state. I spend 8 hours giving this one caucasion girl braids (she wanted them so bad) only for her to take them down one week later. She HAD to take them down because they can't go that long without washing their hair.

At 5'2" my modeling career has been seriously hampered...LOL

I purposefully gained weight so I could have a big butt (wide hips with a flat butt is not a good look...IMO)

I'm just not a huge fan of curly hair (on me). Hell I even hate poodles...because of all that friggin curly hair.

I like my hair straight or wavy (hence the texlaxing so I can wear it either way). I've always had a pie full face and I like using my hair to elongate my face a little. I like how my hair blows in the wind and how I can feel it hanging down my back now.

Plus, I'm probably the laziest person in the world when it comes to styling my hair (and I really, really suck at it and have better ways to spend my time than think of cute hairstyles) so texlaxing is the best option for me.

I wonder why no one ever asks white and other non-black women why they alter their hair so much? And believe me...they do. Why are we always the targets?[/QUOTE]

sorry to hear about your modeling career being hampered for cosmetic reasons,

and the bolded was the reason for my first comment. Black women are the only ones who catch it for doing something different to how we look. Women in Brazil do all kinds of crap to themselves, Asian women get nose jobs... I mean I can tell of you of one common thing every race of women does to itself on the regular,but WE are the only ones who get flack for it.

I wonder if there are forums are asking the tons of white women why they dye their hair blonde.... **sighs & twiddles thumbs***

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

But why aren't they on the same level? Why are we seen as being brainwashed and self-hating when we relax or prefer straight hair? Why can't we be like other women who are just seen as exercising their right to choose...choose how they want to wear their hair, that is?

For me, my hair is like an accessory (or even a toy sometimes...lol). I style it based on how I'm feeling that day, what I'm wearing, and where I'm going...and how chubby my face is looking that day...LOL. I put no more thought into it than that. Well except that I take healthy haircare more seriously than I used to because I'm trying to grow it out to a certain length.

The average Black woman (with a relaxer or otherwise straightened hair) probably feels the same way I do.

Off Topic: Maybe another good question would be "Why do so many Black women prefer long hair over short hair?"

Because the plight of a white woman and her hair is very different than a black woman and hers. Especially a nappy haired black woman. Why are folx acting brand new over this issue (not you Sugar)? What is the history of the white woman and the color of her hair? How about the history of an aa woman? Which woman was scorned, mocked, beaten, burned, and brutalized due to her physical attributes?
For the record, i don't think that every woman of color that relaxes her hair has issues of self hate. But more often than not a lot of aa women are disgusted by their naps.

 

[nappystorm]

On lighter note I straightened mine tonight because I didn't feel like fooling with two strand twists.

 

[Sugar]

Biologically, what we view as 'sexy' and 'beautiful' directly correlates to health and youth; more specifically, fertility. Blonde hair suggests a younger woman, and thereby a woman with a greater chance of being fertile, just as shiny hair and bright skin do. So in essence, going blonde to be sexy IS going blonde to look youthful.

In a similar fashion, women of all races strive for big, wide eyes (eyeliner), prepubescent skin (all facial cleansers, moisturizers, etc.), and shiny hair (pretty much all hair products).

The problem with straightening hair to be 'sexy' and 'beautiful', and not simply as a way to change up style, is that, unlike the blonde that white women do have in youth, most black women (and women with naturally curly hair of any race come to think of it) don't have straight hair in their youth. Biologically, straight hair in and of itself does not suggest health, or fertility; society holds that straight hair is more beautiful and appealing. When society damages young girls' images of themselves by presenting straight hair as inherently superior to their own, it does no one any good (except maybe relaxer companies).

Not all white folks are born with blond hair, so its not always about going back to what they had when they were young. All hair colors have a stereotype (often more than 1).

Blond hair = All American beautiful and sexy
Red hair = Fiery, passionate, sexy
Dark hair = Bad girl sexy

I also think that hair length plays a major role as well because long hair is seen as youth also. Curly hair is also seen as more youthful, whimsical, and even unruly, than straight hair.

If society is damaging Black girls with images of straight hair then its damaging white girls, latina girls, asian girls, etc. I go to the white beauty industry trade shows...most of those straightening products and tools aren't aimed at us. But still its seen as normal for "others" to straighten their hair...but for us its like a cardinal sin (based on some of the things I read on hairboards).

 

[LoveisYou]

Yeah it is the same thing...depending on how you choose to view it. If you choose to believe that how one chooses to style their hair is based on slavery and colonialism...well that's you, but that doesn't make it true for all Black women. From my perspective, hair is just not that serious.

Speaking for myself....slavery and colonialism have nothing to do with how I choose to wear my hair. Sheer laziness...lack of styling ability...yes. Colonialism...no, not even a little bit.

I don't argue in extremes, I don't see extremities in other people's arguments when there are none. Anyone who is reasonable and have any sort of experience with life will know that nothing is completely black and white or conclusive. Never once did I say that how every black woman ppl choose to style their hair is based on slavery and colonialism. The OP asked about the majority of blacks preferring straight hair, and I addressed the OP's question. In addition, I addressed the ways that slavery and colonialism resulted in the rejection of black features including nappy/kinky hair.

You are free to defend your personal choices, but I'm not attacking anyone in my posts, I'm simply speaking about history and the demonstratable impacts of slavery/colonialism.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

We all have certain privileges some have education, money, looks, connections, whatever. But to read into someones words who you say is a friend is to me unhealthy. Whatever your reality may be, I know that despite what people are taught they have an internal compass. People who are taught the right thing do the wrong thing and vice versa. I think its healthier to take the people you love at face value and not waste your energy worrying if their words having some secret dark meaning. The only reason I mentioned the race of my friend, the 2 times I did, was to bring a parallel to the OP situation and myself. I was trying to be compassionate and put myself into her shoes the best way I knew how, and reassure that all white people who ask stupid questions are not necessarily trying to "validate their whiteness" when people were putting agendas on her friend words. I am sorry that was lost on you.

Obviously, we all have some form of privilege; however, in this country, one's racial privilege has been the most far-reaching across other cultures and races. You can deny it; but, it's true (I've heard the "we all have privileges" debate technique when pointing out racial privilege).

Your message wasn't lost on me. To be curious is natural; however, some curiousness can lead to "othering" (e.g. exoticizing another group, pinpointing one's differences as abnormal).

Out of curiosity, why the concern for "putting agendas" on the words/feelings of white women when they "other" you or the OP instead of the concern with how she or the OP's friend's covert views on you and other black women? Mind you, the OP's friend didn't ask her personally about her straight hair? She asked her about ALL BLACK WOMEN as though we're some monolithic group with one mind (which is a constant). She doesn't see black women as individuals, which is a problem. The OP (and you) are expected to speak for the entire group. I know you want to be in her shoes (which, sad to say, won't happen, even with good intentions, until society changes) and I get it the intention. Now, it appears that the OP came to the forum because something didn't seem right about the question and she respectfully wanted various views. I think you are giving her friend unwarranted benefit of the doubt, especially as other forum members discussed how this has happened to them or how the subject permeates society continuously.

Let me reiterate I don't want you to feel attacked; but, in my eyes, I'm seeing the perpetrators of this heinous system get off with the aforementioned unwarranted benefit of the doubt (e.g. innocent questions when there's such things as Google and LHCF to answer some of them). Therefore, the system continues because no one calls them on it. As said before, any relationship does not alleviate such perpetual issues.

By the way, I'm a relaxed hair, who has thought about going natural, or perhaps, texlaxing. I flip-flop, depending on my mood. But, yeah, I want to see what my real texture is again.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Its uncomfortable to do, but sometimes we have to sit down, be still, and ask ourselves why it is that we do what we do.

WHY is straight hair preferred over 75% of the time by Black Women to the hair that grows out of our heads?

75-80% of the time? To the point that Black mothers relax small children?

Do people honestly think this is just a preference that they spontaneously, organically and independently arrived at?

Like, seriously???

 

[Sugar]

Because the plight of a white woman and her hair is very different than a black woman and hers. Especially a nappy haired black woman. Why are folx acting brand new over this issue (not you Sugar)? What is the history of the white woman and the color of her hair? How about the history of an aa woman? Which woman was scorned, mocked, beaten, burned, and brutalized due to her physical attributes?
For the record, i don't think that every woman of color that relaxes her hair has issues of self hate. But more often than not a lot of aa women are disgusted by their naps.

Well there was the taboo for years about white women coloring their hair. The whole ad campaign "Does she or doesn't she?" was created for a reason. The only person that was supposed to know if you colored your hair was your stylist. I watch alot of I Love Lucy and there is a running gag about Lucy dyeing her hair red and not being a natural redhead.

Then there was the day I was at work and a short haired, pretty, perky blond threatened in front of the whole office to rip out another white chick's hair if she got extensions (she didn't want the other girl to have longer hair than her). I just stood there doing this Gotta love L.A.

White girls are mocked and scorned for their physical attributes on the daily...along with every other girl. Just spend the day at a high school and you'll see it. Or go to a night club....watch a movie or tv show. Or here's a better one...sit around and listen to a bunch of white dudes talk...that ish will have you disgusted and mad.

 

[LoveisYou]

Because the plight of a white woman and her hair is very different than a black woman and hers. Especially a nappy haired black woman. Why are folx acting brand new over this issue (not you Sugar)? What is the history of the white woman and the color of her hair? How about the history of an aa woman? Which woman was scorned, mocked, beaten, burned, and brutalized due to her physical attributes?
For the record, i don't think that every woman of color that relaxes her hair has issues of self hate. But more often than not a lot of aa women are disgusted by their naps.

Especially given that these implications are deeper than hair.