"Why do so many blacks prefer straight hair?"

[Sugar]

It's sad but this thread is an example of of the historical ignorace that is so prevalent in our culture. How is it possible to live in this country and not know the historical basis of beauty standards? How is it possible not to recognize the ways in which history have impacted today? How can you not recognize that the reasons so many black women bleach their skin and straighten their hair has a lot to do with the historical onslaught on our physical makeup? How can we not recognize the preference for light skin, "pretty hair" and light eyes as connected with slavery and colonialsim?
Is it just an accident that so many negative connotations are attached to natural hair?

I do see a small light of hope though. More women are embracing their natural hair, more naturals are being featured in commericials etc. Hopefully, our liitle black girls are taking notice and that it will have a positive effect on their self-esteem. I for one want little black girls to realize that beauty comes in all forms. For once, I want to see a study where little black girls won't overwhemingly show a preference for white dolls. I want them to be influenced by a media that shows them beauty in all forms.

I think its sad that this thread is a reminder of how blacks keep themselves divided...and the divisive method of choice in this case is something a simple as hair styling. Some of you remind me of uber-religious folks who can't stop trying to force their views on everyone else. If you don't believe like they do then you're not saved and are damned to Hell. Only here its...if you prefer straight hair or relax then you're brainwashed and self-hating. We are not monolithic and we aren't going to like or want the same things.

I was never that little Black girl who looked at white girls hair and wanted it or questioned why I didn't have it. We were just different and I was okay with that. I was more likely to try to emulate a Black girl's hair style...because we actually "do" our hair.

 

[Sugar]

Or better yet, if relaxers or pressing combs(flat irons) never came about in the past out of people trying to conform to society, would it still just be a "styling option" for you today?? No, because it probably wouldnt even exist. Where our practices originate from do make a difference, because if not for these practices in the past, they would not be that prevalent in society as it is today. You wouldnt see all these relaxers on shelves depicting black women on the cover with their "straight" hair. These so called "styling options" are still fueled in part today by the same thing that originally brought them about.

People may like to think of it as just a simple styling option, but when the vast majority of bw have straight hair and given our history, it becomes far more than just a simple styling option. It is a direct result of the past/present attempts to conform with society.

Its just like on tv shows/movies, if someone were to go back in time and change one small thing and then come back to the present, it would be a world of difference. If we went back in time and uninvented(lol) the relaxer or pressing comb, would we still be on here having this conversation?:scratchch

So you think we wouldn't have figured out how to use blow dryers, curling irons, flat irons, and rollers while sitting under a dryer to straighten our hair?

White girls stay on the grind looking for ways to have straight hair. Hell back in the 60s and 70s white chicks were using irons...CLOTHING IRONS...to straighten their hair! But we're the only ones who are seen as self-hating or brainwashed for preferring straight hair

 

[Sounique]

If a bw marries a white man, does that mean she has abandoned her race and not love herself?


Can we say that the only reason that bw have desires for the wm is because of mental brainwashing?


Thousands of black slaves were raped by their white slave masters and had their mulatto babies. I suppose black women should never date, fall in love and/or marry a white man and have biracial babies, because of what happened in the past. Back then it was rape, today it is a choice, as goes the relaxer.

 

[dynamic1]

I think its sad that this thread is a reminder of how blacks keep themselves divided...and the divisive method of choice in this case is something a simple as hair styling. Some of you remind me of uber-religious folks who can't stop trying to force their views on everyone else. If you don't believe like they do then you're not saved and are damned to Hell. Only here its...if you prefer straight hair or relax then you're brainwashed and self-hating. We are not monolithic and we aren't going to like or want the same things.

I was never that little Black girl who looked at white girls hair and wanted it or questioned why I didn't have it. We were just different and I was okay with that. I was more likely to try to emulate a Black girl's hair style...because we actually "do" our hair.

I think it is sad people feel divided over a difference of opinion. If you believe disagreement creates division, why do you keep participating?

Good morning pot, let me introduce you to kettle.

 

[LadyRaider]

Okay so compare it to a religious argument. Say your momma worshiped cows. And your grandmother, etc. etc. So you worship cows. It's cultural. It's what you do. It's all you know. So there may have been some higher (or lower) reasoning to why your great-great-great-great-great grandmother started worshiping cows, but for you... it's just the way you do things.

So the same is with relaxers. Your momma does it. Your grandma does it. Your cousins do it. Friends. Aunts. People on tv. So you do too. It's just the way it is for you. Perhaps, in 1902, your ancestor might have had some deep psychological reason for relaxing her hair, but now you do it just because it is a cultural norm. No brainwashing involved... unless it's a long term, cultural brainwashing.

The biggest reason I decided to go without relaxers is because my cousin told me she didn't relax anymore, and another friend from high school said she didn't anymore. For me, suddenly it is not a norm.

Still like straight hair though. I like swanging it. I like to show length (what little I have.) If I'm brainwashed then it occurred in the culture way before I was born.

 

[NYDee]

I don't think it's any different from white people's obsession with tanning. Why isn't that considered inferiority complex? Why are people not asking them why they are trying to be brown? I have heard white people say "You look sick, get a tan". Are the almighty white people above self-hate or they are just confident in themselves enough to know that making themselves a little brown doesn’t take away their whiteness?

One of my life policy is "Live and let's live". Everyone should be free to do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt others and the society. Choosing to wear my hair curly or straight is my business only. It’s shouldn’t be seen as being trying to be white. It's not different from other preferences I have in life. Can people just breathe and not read so much meaning to why people chose to wear their hair a certain way, dress a certain way, speak a certain way? The beauty of life is the diversity of people and personalities. Live and let's live.

 

[Bun Mistress]

Ok this thread has gotten long but I finally read through it. I appreciate everyone's comments. Now my turn.
I do have yt friends/coworkers that perfer my hair kinjky rather then straight. I recently started wearing my hair more straight (just blow drying) and they have noticed a difference and comment. I perer to blow dry my hair because of the SSK and tangles. It is actually less work. A once a month blow dry session then braids compared to twisting or braiding my hair every night or else knots and I still had tons of SSK, and my hair was always rough and dry.

If I could wear WNG or puffs I would but, I tried that for a week and it ended in a 5 hour detangling session followed by a 4 hour blow dry and lots of hair loss. (I shed like a cat).

Also my ex (some BM some YM) also like me better with textured hair (I would do a twistout before I knew what a twist out was). So I think that peoples ideals of hair texture are changing, slowly. Very slowly.

 

[Ladybelle]

This conversation usually boils down to two arguments:

1) black women who straighten their hair have been brainwashed by society/history to think they can't be pretty without it and these poor ol' women don't understand the implications of their actions

2) it's just hair

Historically speaking (speaking for myself only) if the implications of history were so great, I'd be scared to ride on the front of the bus, scared to ever get a white person straight, I wouldn't have went to college cuz ol' massa told me I couldn't learnz hows to reed. But, that isn't the case. I wear my hair straight because I prefer it that way. I've worn it natural (and will probably go natural again one day) I wear braids and anything else I do to my hair simply because I want to. THAT'S THE ONLY REASON. Sometimes folks tend to make things deeper than they really are.

I don't argue that some folks have color complexes, but everyone who wears straight hair don't- including me.

I must beg the pardon of those who find me and others like me to be so naive that I won't challenge my master and walk around with kinky hair. I also wear makeup on occassion, lord help me with my insecurity!!!

 

[JuiceMobsta]

So you think we wouldn't have figured out how to use blow dryers, curling irons, flat irons, and rollers while sitting under a dryer to straighten our hair?

White girls stay on the grind looking for ways to have straight hair. Hell back in the 60s and 70s white chicks were using irons...CLOTHING IRONS...to straighten their hair! But we're the only ones who are seen as self-hating or brainwashed for preferring straight hair

Did I say that? Nope. I said straight hair would be less prevalent in our community. And alot of whites already have straight hair, even if it is curly it is still drastically different from kinky hair. Stop trying to compare apples and oranges.

 

[nikolite]

I know my opinion probably doesn't matter but I actually am very concerned with how the media portrays women and how we think there's something wrong with gray hair. Why do women feel the need to dye their hair just to be beautiful? What is wrong with aging?....yeah this is OT but I just hate those commercials that talk about dyeing grays and being beautiful again. Aint nothin wrong with gray!

Carry on.....

I'm with you. Ageism is just as much of a problem as any of the other -isms people deal with in their daily lives. But why are so many not realizing the parallel with having to relax ones hair or dye it blond or how boys must wear blue. Its still oppression because to do otherwise would create adverse reactions from the majority and its still all based on socialization. There are cultures (Okinawa, Japan) where old age is celebrated, you won't find hair dyeing there.

I can tell you my mother HATES dyeing her hair. But she knows how people will perceive her if she looks her age. She looks very young actually, but she knows that if she let her gray hair grow in she'd add 10 years to her life and become undesirable and all that. Its not fair and she still does it, but she sure isn't delusional about it.

But there comes the "preference" excuse for people. The fact that black men marry overwhelmingly outside of their own race (more than any other race) and while black women have the least rates of marriage OVERALL is the result of these mysterious "preferences". Lots of black men also say they prefer light skin and/or white women and I bet plenty of black women would pause at that and start to think about it. I can't believe how many people start talking about preferences when John Mayer, Yung Berg, etc. start publicly demeaning black women. The preference for a size 2 over a size 10 is somehow different though--THAT's not a preference that's wrong. People can see that one plain as day. bTW, I don't have a problem with interracial dating at all, but I can recognize a TREND/PATTERN for what it is.

I agree with Jennboo. Most people GET these types of examples of socialization/brainwashing but they always stop short and become completely dumbfounded all of a sudden whenever hair comes up. Its just denial, and I understand it. It hurts to hear these types of things for some people. And defensiveness and feigning ignorance is the only protection for the psyche.

 

[lovegymnasts]

I don't think it's any different from white people's obsession with tanning. Why isn't that considered inferiority complex? Why are people not asking them why they are trying to be brown? I have heard white people say "You look sick, get a tan". Are the almighty white people above self-hate or they are just confident in themselves enough to know that making themselves a little brown doesn’t take away their whiteness?

One of my life policy is "Live and let's live". Everyone should be free to do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt others and the society. Choosing to wear my hair curly or straight is my business only. It’s shouldn’t be seen as being trying to be white. It's not different from other preferences I have in life. Can people just breathe and not read so much meaning to why people chose to wear their hair a certain way, dress a certain way, speak a certain way? The beauty of life is the diversity of people and personalities. Live and let's live.

Actually there is a reason behind this also.
People used to cover themselves up and want to be as white as possible to show that they were affluent enough to not have to work outdoors or in the fields.
Currently, people want to be tanned to show that they are affluent enough to take vacations and have free time instead of working all the time and being stuck in an office.

As everyone has said, do what you want to do and there is no shame in that but there is no crime in acknowledging the reasons behind our actions.

 

[Sugar]

I think it is sad people feel divided over a difference of opinion. If you believe disagreement creates division, why do you keep participating?

Good morning pot, let me introduce you to kettle.

Its really sad that you can't see the divisiveness...but I'm not surprised.

If it was simply that people were disagreeing it would be fine. A healthy debate would be cool. Respect (without judgments) for how others choose to where their hair would be wonderful. But this topic always becomes more than a simple disagreement or healthy debate. And it always seems to stem from a seemingly harmless question or comment. It almost always turns into a "You prefer straight or relaxed hair so you're brainwashed or self-hating" thread. But I never see relaxed heads on here say anything like "You need to do something with that nappy a$$ slave looking hair of yours." Not once.

In fact, in real life, as a teenager or adult I've never witnessed a relaxed head telling someone with curly/kinky hair that her hair is bad...or degrading her because she chose to wear it that way. But on the hairboards I witness naturals saying negative things about relaxed heads all the time. And you can say this topic is about straight, not necessarily relaxed hair...but we all knew where this was headed.

Its sad that folks can't respect other people's hair decisions. Its sad that Black women continuously look for ways to put each other down. On this board it takes the form of straight vs kinky or relaxed vs natural.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

^^^ Glad you've never experienced that in real life but I did all throughout school. I'd say most women who transition or BC receive alot of negativity from either stylists, strangers, family, or friends.... but I'm glad you've never had the misfortune to witness such things.

AND when relaxed women talk about THEIR "ugly, nappy, unmanageable ng" it's still an indirect hit against ALL natural hair.


Of course I'm not trying to argue that just because these things happen, that naturals should retaliate. I'm just pointing it out based on what you said.

Carry on......

 

[nikolite]

This thread can go on and on without end, because there is no right or wrong answer. It's all a matter of opinion.

How can you argue with someone else's belief?

How can you determine that your "point of view" is superior to another?

There have been so many opposing posts in this thread that I can stand on the sideline and agree with each if I look through the writer's eyes. Although my own perception is different from my stance.

Perhaps some of our ancestors did choose to relax their hair to appease the "white man" and on the same note, it's possible that they could have passed this same type of inferior thinking down through the generations. I absolutely agree that a portion of our black population are brainwashed by history in one way or the other.

Now let us flip that coin...

Not every black person that relaxes their hair does it because they don't like their hair texture or are a victim of the slave mentality. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wear your hair straight. It's simply a style choice. Some naturals straighten their hair on occasion. Are they brainwashed too? Some white people wear curly perms and dreadlocks. Are they trying to be black?

Some white people tan. Do they hate themselves and want to be black?


What is the big issue with the relaxer? People get breast implants, wear weaves, fake nails, fake eyelashes, dye their hair, fake noses, fake butts, lip injections, eyebrow lifts, chin and cheek implants, colored contact lenses and so on, but if a black woman relaxes her hair then it's self hate.

It's only hair. People of every race alter their natural appearance in 1 form or another. It's only an outward adornment and by no means reflects the inner person or speaks for their entire race.

Take Albert Einstein for example...
Based on outwardly appearance alone, how intelligent did he appear?

Relaxed hair does not = inferiority
(but then again, that's my opinion)

Look. Plenty of naturals have already stated that there is nothing wrong with straightening ones hair. Just like there's no problem in press-on nails, weaves, make-up, hair coloring, curly perming, etc. First, the DIFFERENCE between all of these things and relaxing is that none of these are PERMANENT. They are temporary style changes like changing a shirt or dress. No one has stated any issue with these things. I said more than once that I straighten my hair sometimes too as a style choice (are we not reading the entire thread before posting?).

And your last bolded sentence: I've only seen that equation in some form or another appear on the posts of relaxed posters. What does that say about how you all are interpreting this discussion and what's going on in your mind?

The difference is that relaxers (as well as implants and surgeries, which is not relevant to the discussion but are ALSO forms of what you call "self-hate") are a way to permanently alter ones looks. You can't make choices if the option is permanent/lifelong and (as goes for most bw) the choice was already made for you before you even hit puberty. Especially if the same exact choice of relaxing is made for years and years on end. You are simply choosing to conform to the societal norms. So what? Admit it and move on.

Now someone might have tried the natural thing and didn't like it and chose to relax, but we're are simply stating that culture and society has a lot to do with the choices we make. To say that one is immune to influences of their culture is virtually impossible and delusional. Ask any social scientist.

Second, another difference which has also already been stated repeatedly is that the majority of people do not do these other things but the majority of black women do relax their hair. Out of all those things I see you didn't list breast reductions, brown contacts, shaving one's head bald, weight-gaining surgery, etc. or even going natural. Why? Because these aren't "style options" that are supported by our cultural norms. That's why people don't do them in overwhelming numbers or even in small numbers. If these things were really all about random individual choices, then there would be equal numbers of people who were natural to those relaxed or equal numbers of people who dyed their hair blonde, brunette, and red. But blonde and straight is the overwhelming choice!

See? Relaxing is a HUGE TREND towards PERMANENTLY altering ones natural hair.

 

[dynamic1]

I think its sad that this thread is a reminder of how blacks keep themselves divided...and the divisive method of choice in this case is something a simple as hair styling. Some of you remind me of uber-religious folks who can't stop trying to force their views on everyone else. If you don't believe like they do then you're not saved and are damned to Hell. Only here its...if you prefer straight hair or relax then you're brainwashed and self-hating. We are not monolithic and we aren't going to like or want the same things.

I was never that little Black girl who looked at white girls hair and wanted it or questioned why I didn't have it. We were just different and I was okay with that. I was more likely to try to emulate a Black girl's hair style...because we actually "do" our hair.

@ bold --This isn't divisive? erplexed

Its really sad that you can't see the divisiveness...but I'm not surprised.

If it was simply that people were disagreeing it would be fine. A healthy debate would be cool. Respect (without judgments) for how others choose to where their hair would be wonderful. But this topic always becomes more than a simple disagreement or healthy debate. And it always seems to stem from a seemingly harmless question or comment. It almost always turns into a "You prefer straight or relaxed hair so you're brainwashed or self-hating" thread. But I never see relaxed heads on here say anything like "You need to do something with that nappy a$$ slave looking hair of yours." Not once.

In fact, in real life, as a teenager or adult I've never witnessed a relaxed head telling someone with curly/kinky hair that her hair is bad...or degrading her because she chose to wear it that way. But on the hairboards I witness naturals saying negative things about relaxed heads all the time. And you can say this topic is about straight, not necessarily relaxed hair...but we all knew where this was headed.

Its sad that folks can't respect other people's hair decisions. Its sad that Black women continuously look for ways to put each other down. On this board it takes the form of straight vs kinky or relaxed vs natural.

People come to this board frequently with these examples. I am glad you have never witnessed it. Also, did you miss the Nazi, uber religious, insecure, etc. comments about those that don't dismiss the history?

 

[Sugar]

Did I say that? Nope. I said straight hair would be less prevalent in our community. And alot of whites already have straight hair, even if it is curly it is still drastically different from kinky hair. Stop trying to compare apples and oranges.

That's the thing...I disagree. It would be just as prevalent because of the advent of blow dryers, curling irons, flat irons, hard hat dryers, and marcel irons....and wigs and weaves.

And your last sentence made me realize what the disconnect is for me with this whole "straight hair = brainwashed" thing. I don't see it as comparing apples and oranges. White women have hair styling options and I have similar (and sometimes the same) hair styling options...and I exercise quite a few of them.

I don't have an inferiority complex to white folks or anyone else. I don't think their hair is better than mine. I don't covet their hair. I don't see them as better than me in general. My attitude is "if she can do it, I can too...probably better." At work, at school, on the street, in the grocery store, in a club...I don't give 2 flying figs what white folks think of my hair. I'm usually surprised when they comment on it (which is rare to be honest).

 

[*CherryPie*]

If I say that my ng is unmanageable, ugly, or nappy. What would that have to do with the naturals? I wouldn't be describing YOUR hair. Maybe your (and other naturals) hair is manageable, and beautiful. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

That says something about your self esteem when you have to go by what OTHERS think, feel or like for you to feel/be okay with your hair.

^^^ Glad you've never experienced that in real life but I did all throughout school. I'd say most women who transition or BC receive alot of negativity from either stylists, strangers, family, or friends.... but I'm glad you've never had the misfortune to witness such things.

AND when relaxed women talk about THEIR "ugly, nappy, unmanageable ng" it's still an indirect hit against ALL natural hair.


Of course I'm not trying to argue that just because these things happen, that naturals should retaliate. I'm just pointing it out based on what you said.

Carry on......

 

[Sugar]

^^^ Glad you've never experienced that in real life but I did all throughout school. I'd say most women who transition or BC receive alot of negativity from either stylists, strangers, family, or friends.... but I'm glad you've never had the misfortune to witness such things.

AND when relaxed women talk about THEIR "ugly, nappy, unmanageable ng" it's still an indirect hit against ALL natural hair.


Of course I'm not trying to argue that just because these things happen, that naturals should retaliate. I'm just pointing it out based on what you said.

Carry on......

Please don't take this as me being callous or mean. But my natural personality is such that I would tell all the people who had a problem with my hair to *** off...if such a person was bold enough to say something to me about it. Even my mom and dad know that their opinions of my hair don't count for much. My opinion and likes are what matter most (and perhaps my SO...lol)

By that same token I've had to tell a few folks to develop thicker skin. I don't want to hear all this whining about somebody doesn't like my hair...white folks at the job don't like my coils and kinks. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the *** over it. Somebody is ALWAYS going to find something not to like about you. DO YOU. Do whatever preparations or alterations that make you feel good about yourself. Be proud of your decision on how to style your hair and stand by it. *** what anybody else thinks.

ETA: Anybody who comments on her own NG is not making a direct hit on ALL natural hair. She's commenting about her own hair. If someone is vain enough to think that song is about them...well hell...that's just too bad.

 

[nikolite]

I don't think it's any different from white people's obsession with tanning. Why isn't that considered inferiority complex? Why are people not asking them why they are trying to be brown? I have heard white people say "You look sick, get a tan". Are the almighty white people above self-hate or they are just confident in themselves enough to know that making themselves a little brown doesn’t take away their whiteness?

One of my life policy is "Live and let's live". Everyone should be free to do what they want as long as it doesn't hurt others and the society. Choosing to wear my hair curly or straight is my business only. It’s shouldn’t be seen as being trying to be white. It's not different from other preferences I have in life. Can people just breathe and not read so much meaning to why people chose to wear their hair a certain way, dress a certain way, speak a certain way? The beauty of life is the diversity of people and personalities. Live and let's live.

I agree with the bolded! But no one's talking about this because this is a BLACK HAIR CARE FORUM. That simple.

But in the red: There's a thin line here between what is hurting someone else when it comes to cultural trends. This is the most effective way that minority groups are oppressed in society because of the laissez-faire attitude about lifestyles, especially as propagated by the media.

 

[Sugar]

@ bold --This isn't divisive? erplexed


People come to this board frequently with these examples. I am glad you have never witnessed it. Also, did you miss the Nazi, uber religious, insecure, etc. comments about those that don't dismiss the history?

Divisive against uber-religious folks I suppose. But having grown up in an uber-religious household and growing up in a church full of people who often tried to force their religious views on others...well...I'm pretty much just speaking from experience.

As for your second comment...are you referring to missing comments about those things in the threads?

 

[yora88]

Honestly, as far as I am concerned. White women don't have much influence on my beauty practices. Now Brazilian women, that's a whole 'nother story.

 

[nikolite]

If a bw marries a white man, does that mean she has abandoned her race and not love herself?


Can we say that the only reason that bw have desires for the wm is because of mental brainwashing?


Thousands of black slaves were raped by their white slave masters and had their mulatto babies. I suppose black women should never date, fall in love and/or marry a white man and have biracial babies, because of what happened in the past. Back then it was rape, today it is a choice, as goes the relaxer.

But that's not happening in any remotely substantial numbers so why bring it up? Can we say that the wm having a desire for bw is a result of brainwashing? No, because that's not in anyway encouraged or condoned in American culture and there aren't a huge amount of these types of relationships.

This example is like comparing apples to tuna. On an individual level, of course that would be a choice, but if BW were doing it in droves then it would be pretty normal to question. Still, we're talking about hair and the style preferences of "so many".

 

[Tamster]

*walks in*

*nods*

*shakes head*

*walks out*

mhm. Some of you I get, some aren't getting it. that is all.

 

[dynamic1]

Please don't take this as me being callous or mean. But my natural personality is such that I would tell all the people who had a problem with my hair to *** off...if such a person was bold enough to say something to me about it. Even my mom and dad know that their opinions of my hair don't count for much. My opinion and likes are what matter most (and perhaps my SO...lol)

By that same token I've had to tell a few folks to develop thicker skin. I don't want to hear all this whining about somebody doesn't like my hair...white folks at the job don't like my coils and kinks. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the *** over it. Somebody is ALWAYS going to find something not to like about you. DO YOU. Do whatever preparations or alterations that make you feel good about yourself. Be proud of your decision on how to style your hair and stand by it. *** what anybody else thinks.

ETA: Anybody who comments on her own NG is not making a direct hit on ALL natural hair. She's commenting about her own hair. If someone is vain enough to think that song is about them...well hell...that's just too bad.

You probably don't see the irony in this statement.

On that note, I shall pull myself away from this discussion.

 

[nikolite]

In fact, in real life, as a teenager or adult I've never witnessed a relaxed head telling someone with curly/kinky hair that her hair is bad...or degrading her because she chose to wear it that way. But on the hairboards I witness naturals saying negative things about relaxed heads all the time.

Where did you grow up? Did you at least watch BET?

 

[nikolite]

I don't have an inferiority complex to white folks or anyone else. I don't think their hair is better than mine. I don't covet their hair. I don't see them as better than me in general. My attitude is "if she can do it, I can too...probably better."

The last sentence here completely contradicts what precedes it.

 

[Sugar]

Where did you grow up? Did you at least watch BET?

In the Midwest...and alas, I spent most of my time in church so there was very little time for BET. Nor would I have been allowed to watch anything other than Teen Summit as secular music was off limits. But between church, school...and the mall (when I could escape) I was always around people.

I still haven't even seen half the episodes of In Living Color

 

[Sugar]

The last sentence here completely contradicts what precedes it.

It does? How so? Because to me it says I feel like I'm equal to they are. As in, no less than they are (of course there was the slightly arrogant twist on the end). Perhaps if there is confusion over my meaning I should have worded it differently.

 

[nikolite]

If I say that my ng is unmanageable, ugly, or nappy. What would that have to do with the naturals? I wouldn't be describing YOUR hair. Maybe your (and other naturals) hair is manageable, and beautiful. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

That says something about your self esteem when you have to go by what OTHERS think, feel or like for you to feel/be okay with your hair.

No, no. I LOVE my hair (that's why I went natural)! I'm sad about the fact that you (and millions of other bw) don't love your own.

I'm also saddened by women who feel the need to get breast implants or dye their grays. It has nothing to do with insecurity about my own breasts or the gray hair that I do not even have.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

If I say that my ng is unmanageable, ugly, or nappy. What would that have to do with the naturals? I wouldn't be describing YOUR hair. Maybe your (and other naturals) hair is manageable, and beautiful. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

That says something about your self esteem when you have to go by what OTHERS think, feel or like for you to feel/be okay with your hair.

I'm not going to even comment on the things you INFERRED from what I said. Because what I posted says NOTHING about my self-esteem BUT here's another example:

If a darkskinned woman says her dark skin is ugly, are you really gonna say that she's only talking about HER skin? No, this woman thinks dark skin in general is ugly.

Yeah, my hair is beautiful and manageable TO ME but if my hair looks very much similar to yours and behaves the same way and you come along saying how ugly YOUR hair is TO YOU, are you really gonna sit there and say that your personal feelings don't include my hair as well? Or are you gonna say "oh no YOUR hair is prettier because it isn't as kinky as mine" or whatever excuse someone can come up with and blahblahblah.....which leads right to some of the arguments in this post........What makes Alicia's natural hair beautiful and yours ugly?