"Why do so many blacks prefer straight hair?"

[lovegymnasts]

I'm not going to even comment on the things you INFERRED from what I said. Because what I posted says NOTHING about my self-esteem BUT here's another example:

If a darkskinned woman says her dark skin is ugly, are you really gonna say that she's only talking about HER skin? No, this woman thinks dark skin in general is ugly.

Yeah, my hair is beautiful and manageable TO ME but if my hair looks very much similar to yours and behaves the same way and you come along saying how ugly YOUR hair is TO YOU, are you really gonna sit there and say that your personal feelings don't include my hair as well? Or are you gonna say "oh no YOUR hair is prettier because it isn't as kinky as mine" or whatever excuse someone can come up with and blahblahblah.....which leads right to some of the arguments in this post........What makes Alicia's natural hair beautiful and yours ugly?

Good example!
I liked that.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Please don't take this as me being callous or mean. But my natural personality is such that I would tell all the people who had a problem with my hair to *** off...if such a person was bold enough to say something to me about it. Even my mom and dad know that their opinions of my hair don't count for much. My opinion and likes are what matter most (and perhaps my SO...lol)

By that same token I've had to tell a few folks to develop thicker skin. I don't want to hear all this whining about somebody doesn't like my hair...white folks at the job don't like my coils and kinks. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the *** over it. Somebody is ALWAYS going to find something not to like about you. DO YOU. Do whatever preparations or alterations that make you feel good about yourself. Be proud of your decision on how to style your hair and stand by it. *** what anybody else thinks.

ETA: Anybody who comments on her own NG is not making a direct hit on ALL natural hair. She's commenting about her own hair. If someone is vain enough to think that song is about them...well hell...that's just too bad.

Um...I'm glad you don't care how people feel about your hair and neither do I. That's not what I commented on. YOU said you never witnessed that in real life and I simply pointed out that it happened. Ya'll have been inferring things throughout this entire thread when no one even brought it up.

 

[EastClevelandK]

Wow. I must be really naive.

As a white woman who teaches in a 100% black community (for many years), I have only had good experiences. I love my students and they love me, their parents are nice, and I count many of my "co-teachers" (who are all black) among my dearest friends.

I had no idea that this type of hatred was so common among black people. I am shocked by the things I have read many of you say in this thread. I have NEVER heard a group of white women talk about black women like you are talking about us. As a matter of fact, I've never heard ANY white woman say something negative about black women. We never say this type of racist nonsense. It's considered ignorant and uneducated by all white people I know. I am shocked that these types of comments are considered as acceptable by so many of you on this board.

And what, exactly, is ethnic hair??? I am a blond white girl with a natural afro-tight-curl pattern. I see Asians (are they not part of an ethnic group???) with stick-straight hair...

And in regards to, so-called "black features", you may want to look in the mirror as to who is defining what is acceptable or desirable...I know good-looking, successful white guys who think dark-skinned black women ala Lauren Hill are hot but are too intimidated to approach them, while I know a black guy who only dates bland white women no matter what they look like...so you may want to think about who is really the culprits for what you THINK are society's standards of beauty.

Wow...just wow...

 

[nikolite]

I still haven't even seen half the episodes of In Living Color

...

It does? How so? Because to me it says I feel like I'm equal to they are. As in, no less than they are (of course there was the slightly arrogant twist on the end). Perhaps if there is confusion over my meaning I should have worded it differently.

Ooooh, you have missed out on some great comedy! Rent the videos if you can, ASAP!

Well, to say you can do what someone else can do shows that you would like to do what they can do, which means you do covet it to some extent. But so do I sometimes, that's no biggie. But if you thought the two were equal wouldn't you spend equal time wearing your hair straight and in its natural state?

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

eh.........


ETA: Idk....I've never liked In Living Color lol maybe I'm too young...but I try to watch it.....

Sorry I have to laugh at your comments EastCleveland. I'm glad you haven't had to witness those things but I don't see how it's hard to miss. As a sociology major, I've discussed these topics countless times with people of all races and nationalities. I've heard of the self-hate within ALL groups of people and I, along with many of my friends and classmates, have experienced and discussed PLENTY of direct and indirect forms of racism on my very liberal campus.....and I don't even know how your last paragraph is relevant.


Carry on....

 

[BeetleBug]

Wow. I must be really naive.

As a white woman who teaches in a 100% black community (for many years), I have only had good experiences. I love my students and they love me, their parents are nice, and I count many of my "co-teachers" (who are all black) among my dearest friends.

I had no idea that this type of hatred was so common among black people. I am shocked by the things I have read many of you say in this thread. I have NEVER heard a group of white women talk about black women like you are talking about us. As a matter of fact, I've never heard ANY white woman say something negative about black women. We never say this type of racist nonsense. It's considered ignorant and uneducated by all white people I know. I am shocked that these types of comments are considered as acceptable by so many of you on this board.

And what, exactly, is ethnic hair??? I am a blond white girl with a natural afro-tight-curl pattern. I see Asians (are they not part of an ethnic group???) with stick-straight hair...

And in regards to, so-called "black features", you may want to look in the mirror as to who is defining what is acceptable or desirable...I know good-looking, successful white guys who think dark-skinned black women ala Lauren Hill are hot but are too intimidated to approach them, while I know a black guy who only dates bland white women no matter what they look like...so you may want to think about who is really the culprits for what you THINK are society's standards of beauty.

Wow...just wow...

I haven't read anything hateful toward white women in this thread.

 

[Sounique]

Look. Plenty of naturals have already stated that there is nothing wrong with straightening ones hair. Just like there's no problem in press-on nails, weaves, make-up, hair coloring, curly perming, etc. First, the DIFFERENCE between all of these things and relaxing is that none of these are PERMANENT. They are temporary style changes like changing a shirt or dress. No one has stated any issue with these things. I said more than once that I straighten my hair sometimes too as a style choice (are we not reading the entire thread before posting?).

And your last bolded sentence: I've only seen that equation in some form or another appear on the posts of relaxed posters. What does that say about how you all are interpreting this discussion and what's going on in your mind?

The difference is that relaxers (as well as implants and surgeries, which is not relevant to the discussion but are ALSO forms of what you call "self-hate") are a way to permanently alter ones looks. You can't make choices if the option is permanent/lifelong and (as goes for most bw) the choice was already made for you before you even hit puberty. Especially if the same exact choice of relaxing is made for years and years on end. You are simply choosing to conform to the societal norms. So what? Admit it and move on.

Now someone might have tried the natural thing and didn't like it and chose to relax, but we're are simply stating that culture and society has a lot to do with the choices we make. To say that one is immune to influences of their culture is virtually impossible and delusional. Ask any social scientist.

Second, another difference which has also already been stated repeatedly is that the majority of people do not do these other things but the majority of black women do relax their hair. Out of all those things I see you didn't list breast reductions, brown contacts, shaving one's head bald, weight-gaining surgery, etc. or even going natural. Why? Because these aren't "style options" that are supported by our cultural norms. That's why people don't do them in overwhelming numbers or even in small numbers. If these things were really all about random individual choices, then there would be equal numbers of people who were natural to those relaxed or equal numbers of people who dyed their hair blonde, brunette, and red. But blonde and straight is the overwhelming choice!

See? Relaxing is a HUGE TREND towards PERMANENTLY altering ones natural hair.

Hold up...
Give me 50 feet...
I guess I struck a nerve with you
I usually have that affect on people
Nevertheless...

First...
I was not calling anyone person out in this thread, so I have no idea why YOU are so defensive... I guess you are the unofficial spokesperson for ALL naturals.

Second...
A nose job is permanent, relaxing is not, since your hair will continue to grow and you can always decide not to relax anymore. It's referred to as transitioning, which is what I am in the process of doing myself.

Third...
You asked the question "What's going on in my mind?"
Your angry disposition tells me that I don't even have to dignify that question with an answer.

Fourth...
I have 5 daughters, that are all natural, (2 are 4b, 1 is 4a, 1 is 3b and another 3c), a natural mother, a relaxed mother in-law, 2 relaxed sister, 3 natural sisters, a white grandmother, an Asian grandmother and a host of other family and friends that are both relaxed and natural, Black, Caucasian, Asian and Hispanic. I would be confused as hell trying to conform to all these cultural diversities, that I'm exposed to, just within my own circle of family and friends. So don't TRY to judge me based on a post and think you can read me, size me up and break me down.

 

[Sugar]

I'm not going to even comment on the things you INFERRED from what I said. Because what I posted says NOTHING about my self-esteem BUT here's another example:

If a darkskinned woman says her dark skin is ugly, are you really gonna say that she's only talking about HER skin? No, this woman thinks dark skin in general is ugly.

Yeah, my hair is beautiful and manageable TO ME but if my hair looks very much similar to yours and behaves the same way and you come along saying how ugly YOUR hair is TO YOU, are you really gonna sit there and say that your personal feelings don't include my hair as well? Or are you gonna say "oh no YOUR hair is prettier because it isn't as kinky as mine" or whatever excuse someone can come up with and blahblahblah.....which leads right to some of the arguments in this post........What makes Alicia's natural hair beautiful and yours ugly?

I dislike curly hair on me. But on my nieces and quite a few other people its gorgeous. But on me I just don't like it...except for the occasionally afro puff that I achieve with my phony pony.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I love my NG, and everything about ME.

I was responding to someone that made a comment saying that when she hear people saying they don't like their NG, she feels it's affects all naturals.

.....But i'm sure you knew already that, and is being sarcastic. Anyway, I advise you to read the post where my response came from before posting.

But maybe I'm expecting too much of you.

No, no. I LOVE my hair (that's why I went natural)! I'm sad about the fact that you (and millions of other bw) don't love your own.

I'm also saddened by women who feel the need to get breast implants or dye their grays. It has nothing to do with insecurity about my own breasts or the gray hair that I do not even have.

 

[Sugar]

Um...I'm glad you don't care how people feel about your hair and neither do I. That's not what I commented on. YOU said you never witnessed that in real life and I simply pointed out that it happened. Ya'll have been inferring things throughout this entire thread when no one even brought it up.

Not inferring...commenting on your comment about a woman who think her ng is ugly and how it a direct hit on everyone else's natural hair.

 

[PearlyCurly]

wooooooaaaahh! i cant believe this thread is now 16pgs long
i'll come back when it hits 25:alcoholic

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

There's a STRONG difference between saying "i don't like how curly hair looks on me" and "I HATE MY UNRULY, UGLY HAIR AND I HAVE TO PERM THIS NAPPY ISH IMMEDIATELY"......maybe it's just me....but one seems to be much more extreme and stems from deeper issues.

I don't like short hair on me but I don't go around saying SHORT HAIR IS SO UGLY OMG!

 

[skegeesmb]

Wow. I must be really naive.

As a white woman who teaches in a 100% black community (for many years), I have only had good experiences. I love my students and they love me, their parents are nice, and I count many of my "co-teachers" (who are all black) among my dearest friends.

I had no idea that this type of hatred was so common among black people. I am shocked by the things I have read many of you say in this thread. I have NEVER heard a group of white women talk about black women like you are talking about us. As a matter of fact, I've never heard ANY white woman say something negative about black women. We never say this type of racist nonsense. It's considered ignorant and uneducated by all white people I know. I am shocked that these types of comments are considered as acceptable by so many of you on this board.

And what, exactly, is ethnic hair??? I am a blond white girl with a natural afro-tight-curl pattern. I see Asians (are they not part of an ethnic group???) with stick-straight hair...

And in regards to, so-called "black features", you may want to look in the mirror as to who is defining what is acceptable or desirable...I know good-looking, successful white guys who think dark-skinned black women ala Lauren Hill are hot but are too intimidated to approach them, while I know a black guy who only dates bland white women no matter what they look like...so you may want to think about who is really the culprits for what you THINK are society's standards of beauty.

Wow...just wow...

I'm not trying to be mean here, but many white women know exactly what "ethnic" hair is. And is the first to point out when their hair is not straight it's an nappy afro.

Well you are in the minority when it comes to white women not talking about black people or other ethnic people who are not white. I suggest you read "Backstage Racism". It explains when white people are within the safety of other white people will they talk about stereotypical views of Asians, Blacks, Hispanic, etc. While that may not be you, it is a view of many.

At least you don't think all black women talk like this. Unfortunately you've learned that 1 white woman that doesn't think like the norm doesn't speak for the entire white population. This is something that many black people "token blacks" have had to fight to show they were different.

Instead of saying tsk tsk, how about you read some more, figure out where the anger lies, and when you are in your hushed groups or hear it, you stamp it out. It's hard though because no one likes to be the outsider or the "trouble maker" because it's "just a joke". Good luck to you.

 

[nikolite]

Hold up...
Give me 50 feet...
I guess I struck a nerve with you
I usually have that affect on people
Nevertheless...

First...
I was not calling anyone person out in this thread, so I have no idea why YOU are so defensive... I guess you are the unofficial spokesperson for ALL naturals.

Second...
A nose job is permanent, relaxing is not, since your hair will continue to grow and you can always decide not to relax anymore. It's referred to as transitioning, which is what I am in the process of doing myself.

Third...
You asked the question "What's going on in my mind?"
Your angry disposition tells me that I don't even have to dignify that question with an answer.

Fourth...
I have 5 daughters, that are all natural, (2 are 4b, 1 is 4a, 1 is 3b and another 3c), a natural mother, a relaxed mother in-law, 2 relaxed sister, 3 natural sisters, a white grandmother, an Asian grandmother and a host of other family and friends that are both relaxed and natural, Black, Caucasian, Asian and Hispanic. I would be confused as hell trying to conform to all these cultural diversities, that I'm exposed to, just within my own circle of family and friends. So don't TRY to judge me based on a post and think you can read me, size me up and break me down.

Honestly, my comments were not directed solely towards you, but yes, I was irritated with the constant misinterpretations of the posts made here. I'm not sure if some are not reading the whole thread or are just purposefully ignoring what I and others have explained already and repeating the same WRONG interpretations of what we are saying. I am a spokesperson for myself as a natural whose views you incorrectly summarized, which is why I spoke.

Relaxing is permanent because you have to either cut off or transition for a while to get rid of relaxed hair. If it ain't completely permament (on that note, neither is a nose job because it can be re-done) then its definitely a drastic change that is damn near permanent.

Not one natural said that relaxed = inferiority yet it keeps resurfacing on your and other relaxed ladies' posts. Excuse me for pointing that out, but that looks strange to me.

To your last point, the "you" in my third paragraph was not referring to you. I was speaking about people in general. I apologize I should have used the word "one" but I tend to do that when I speak to someone in person, especially when speaking hypothetically. I forget that this is written language and you can't detect that! Sorry.

 

[andromeda]

The fact that ~70% of black women relax their hair or perpetually wear it straight is not a coincidence. The fact that relaxers and pressing combs were borne out of a white supremacist climate of slavery and colonization that was hostile and downright contemptuous of characteristically black features cannot be refuted and should not be ignored. (Although I think it should also be taken into account that blacks on this side of the Atlantic were bereft of the traditional tools and products used to take care of their natural hair and this no doubt also led to them being bereft of the dignity that had traditionally accompanied donning their natural hair.) I acknowledge these things, I've always been aware of the historical/social context and yet I find the tone and statements of some in this thread condescending, belittling, self-righteous and obnoxious.

I pretty much agree with nappyrina's post that outlined how the predominance of relaxed/straightened hair in the black community influences black women. I think it's a matter of exposure and perceived options. The fact that straightened hair has gotten to be considered the default amongst black women, a group where "1a" is not just a minority (like blonds) but is not even naturally possible, is disturbing. And yet, it's understandable that when straight hair is dominant - among the general population and black women - and when the market of products, images and information reflects that dominance, perception (and reality) is influenced by this dominance. The "tyranny of the default" is a common term used in the tech sphere and the "path of least resistance" is a similar concept used in general parlance. Our choices are influenced extrinsically by what's perceived as most easy, popular and/or acceptable and yet, I don't believe this influence necessarily means that "deep down, one's intrinsic motivation to relax/straighten is rooted in the same feelings of inferiority associated with slavery, colonization or post-traumatic slave disorder, the same feelings likely held by those who were on the cusp of relaxer/pressing adoption.

I do not doubt that these feelings are the motivation for a sizable number of black women who relax/straighten. I do not doubt that there are some who wear straightened hair who are genuinely ignorant or disingenuously in denial of the legacy of colonialism/slavery and its impact on current beauty ideals. There are some who are complicit in perpetuating this ideal, simply by virtue of following the path of least resistance, and there also those who embrace the perpetuation of the dominant beauty ideal, by denigrating certain types of natural hair. The example that several have pointed out of black people who recoil at the sight of a coil, curl or a nap is certainly proof that the latter mentality exists but it is NOT a definitive reflection of the mentality of all who straighten. I believe there is a significant segment of black women who relax/straighten and do NOT have ulterior/latent motives which are "volatile or ugly" - their decision might be influenced by a faulty, yet genuine belief that straight is more manageable in general or by their own experience that relaxed/straight hair is more feasible in their specific case or the knowledge that for them, straight hair is a styling option - full stop. And each of these 3 beliefs/experiences is compatible with a genuine belief that natural black hair in general isn't inferior and that their own natural hair specifically isn't "bad".

I think what some people are defensive about isn't the acknowledgement that the legacy of colonialism/slavery played a major role in the adoption of relaxers/straighteners or the statement that it can't be a coincidence that the overwhelming majority of black women wear their hair straightened. It's the tendency of people to pay lip service to the possible existence of non-brainwashed/ignorant/self-denying in theory but refuse to acknowledge their existence when presented with them in reality. Or it's the outright belief that such black women couldn't possibly exist and are akin to unicorns - fabled creatures that some are people are choose to foolishly believe in as a means to escape harsh reality. There's a refusal to accept the existence of any black woman who falls outside their generalizations/theories, accompanied by characterizing them and their explanations as ignorant/delusional, dense or disingenuous. And the fact that some who relax/straighten are honest in admitting that their preference stems from a negative place is taken as inscrutable proof that those who do not admit such roots are being dishonest or haven't performed no-holds-barred introspection.

I can understand why some ladies anticipate criticisms which haven't specifically been made in this thread [yet] - because the same usual suspect show up in all these threads and have often implied or made those criticisms. It's self-indulgent and, dare I say, masturbatory. I find it interesting that I rarely see theusualsuspect post in threads that don't involve some variation of this discussion; I rarely see them posting in threads offering support or advice to people who are contemplating going natural, are new to going natural or are experiencing difficulties in their natural journey. Heck, I'm trying to recall if I've seen them give any compliments in natural progress/picture threads. Maybe it's my own flawed perception so I'll do a search and, hopefully, realize that I'm wrong. Maybe they communicate their support, advice and compliments via PM, for all I know.

I think some in this thread are guilty of the same willful ignorance and denial that they accuse others of. The only difference is, they claim to be "enlightened", so what's their excuse?


~~~~~~~~~
Sidenote on drawing conclusions from trends and patterns which appear to be dominate and have possible historical/social motivations: I've noticed that the majority of 4b/undefined 4a women don't wear their hair out in its shrunken, natural state. I also know that 4b/undefined 4a hair, as a texture that's considered to be distinctly black, has historically been considered at the bottom of the beauty totem pole, and thus not worthy of being "shown off" like it's loosely-curled or straight counterparts. Even as natural hair has become more accepted in the mainstream and among blacks, it's clear that curly hair (3c and below) is still preferred and this preference is reflected in marketing of hair and other products. This historical/social context, along with the fact that many 4b-typed women wear their hair in TWAs, twists, braids, locs, or other manipulated styles might lead to believe that the reason for these style choices is a reflection of some internalized insecurity/contempt for 4b hair. But of course, I know that isn't the case for many women who wear their hair this way. Some of these women's styling decisions very well might be the result of such internalization, or it might be influenced by the general belief that wearing 4b hair in its loose/shrunken state isn't a viable option, or it might simply be the result of a woman's particular preferences and experiences with her own 4b hair - she might love the look of her hair in a shrunken fro but feels doing so is at odds with her length/maintenance goals or she may feel that given her current length, twists suit her face better than a chunky fro or puff. There are so many mundane details that cannot be taken into account by strangers or reconciled with the "theories" of those "enlightened" strangers...

The fact that we don't exist in a vacuum does means that we are influenced by external factors but does not necessarily mean that we've internalized the negative aspects of those factors. And the fact that we operate in a context shaped by historical and social elements does not necessarily mean that those elements are decisive or significantly influential/seminal in our choices.

 

[EastClevelandK]

Beetle Bug, Go back and read the first few pages of this thread. People were saying "smack the stupid out of white people", saying "watch her", like you can't be friends with a white person without being suspicious of them, like we are all sneaky undercover agents who seek to destroy black women. Saying we all try to "act innocent", but really want to be praised for being white. It is ridiculous. We don't do any of this. And those who think white women are talking bad about black women behind your backs or thinking all of these mean thoughts about people of varying skin colors are delusional. They are victims of their own fears and insecurities and should not try to project those insecurities on another group of people.

 

[nikolite]

Wow. I must be really naive.

As a white woman who teaches in a 100% black community (for many years), I have only had good experiences. I love my students and they love me, their parents are nice, and I count many of my "co-teachers" (who are all black) among my dearest friends.

I had no idea that this type of hatred was so common among black people. I am shocked by the things I have read many of you say in this thread. I have NEVER heard a group of white women talk about black women like you are talking about us. As a matter of fact, I've never heard ANY white woman say something negative about black women. We never say this type of racist nonsense. It's considered ignorant and uneducated by all white people I know. I am shocked that these types of comments are considered as acceptable by so many of you on this board.

And what, exactly, is ethnic hair??? I am a blond white girl with a natural afro-tight-curl pattern. I see Asians (are they not part of an ethnic group???) with stick-straight hair...

And in regards to, so-called "black features", you may want to look in the mirror as to who is defining what is acceptable or desirable...I know good-looking, successful white guys who think dark-skinned black women ala Lauren Hill are hot but are too intimidated to approach them, while I know a black guy who only dates bland white women no matter what they look like...so you may want to think about who is really the culprits for what you THINK are society's standards of beauty.

Wow...just wow...

Can you please point out what racist comments you are referring to?

 

[Harina]

wooooooaaaahh! i cant believe this thread is now 16pgs long
i'll come back when it hits 25:alcoholic

Haven't been reading most of it, but i'll join you.

 

[brownbean96]

I understand your frustration in reading this link but please know that the opinions of a few does not equate to the bolded. However, it would be very difficult for someone white to understand where the perceived 'anger', sometimes confusion and hostility comes from unless you come from a lineage where both you past and recent and near ancestors were and still are oppressed - where your past, identity and culture were stolen. It would be very hard to understand where the feelings come from. I won't even try to go into a historical lesson. But what I will say is that there is a lot to consider before making assumptions about why a particular person of color feels a certain way about the subject matter in this link.

Wow. I must be really naive.

As a white woman who teaches in a 100% black community (for many years), I have only had good experiences. I love my students and they love me, their parents are nice, and I count many of my "co-teachers" (who are all black) among my dearest friends.

I had no idea that this type of hatred was so common among black people. I am shocked by the things I have read many of you say in this thread. I have NEVER heard a group of white women talk about black women like you are talking about us. As a matter of fact, I've never heard ANY white woman say something negative about black women. We never say this type of racist nonsense. It's considered ignorant and uneducated by all white people I know. I am shocked that these types of comments are considered as acceptable by so many of you on this board.

And what, exactly, is ethnic hair??? I am a blond white girl with a natural afro-tight-curl pattern. I see Asians (are they not part of an ethnic group???) with stick-straight hair...

And in regards to, so-called "black features", you may want to look in the mirror as to who is defining what is acceptable or desirable...I know good-looking, successful white guys who think dark-skinned black women ala Lauren Hill are hot but are too intimidated to approach them, while I know a black guy who only dates bland white women no matter what they look like...so you may want to think about who is really the culprits for what you THINK are society's standards of beauty.

Wow...just wow...

 

[Twix]

I'm not trying to be mean here, but many white women know exactly what "ethnic" hair is. And is the first to point out when their hair is not straight it's an nappy afro.

Well you are in the minority when it comes to white women not talking about black people or other ethnic people who are not white. I suggest you read "Backstage Racism". It explains when white people are within the safety of other white people will they talk about stereotypical views of Asians, Blacks, Hispanic, etc. While that may not be you, it is a view of many.

At least you don't think all black women talk like this. Unfortunately you've learned that 1 white woman that doesn't think like the norm doesn't speak for the entire white population. This is something that many black people "token blacks" have had to fight to show they were different.

Instead of saying tsk tsk, how about you read some more, figure out where the anger lies, and when you are in your hushed groups or hear it, you stamp it out. It's hard though because no one likes to be the outsider or the "trouble maker" because it's "just a joke". Good luck to you.

Sorry, I have to ask: minorities don't do the bolded? Because I could have sworn that...

 

[Sugar]

Ooooh, you have missed out on some great comedy! Rent the videos if you can, ASAP!

Well, to say you can do what someone else can do shows that you would like to do what they can do, which means you do covet it to some extent. But so do I sometimes, that's no biggie. But if you thought the two were equal wouldn't you spend equal time wearing your hair straight and in its natural state?

I probably should rent them...people make these references to stuff from the show...and I. just. don't get. it.

I don't think its that I covet it...its just an acknowledgment that I can do that too...if I so chose. But I do get what you're saying.

I do think we're equal and for me that translates to: I can wear my hair however I please...just like they can. Its not really about how I choose to wear it...its about the fact that its MY choice...My preference...and MY hair.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I would say "Oh well" that's her.

I guess I'm just one of those people that doesn't take what others say about THEMSELVES personal. It wouldn't have anything to do with me.

I don't live in a bubble. I hear folks saying things like that here and there, but I don't think twice about it. Because, she is talking about herself, not about ME.

People are gonna say things. Don't take this kind of stuff PERSONAL.

You need to find a different way of thinking of these types of things, or you're going to be angry very often.

I'm not going to even comment on the things you INFERRED from what I said. Because what I posted says NOTHING about my self-esteem BUT here's another example:

If a darkskinned woman says her dark skin is ugly, are you really gonna say that she's only talking about HER skin? No, this woman thinks dark skin in general is ugly.

Yeah, my hair is beautiful and manageable TO ME but if my hair looks very much similar to yours and behaves the same way and you come along saying how ugly YOUR hair is TO YOU, are you really gonna sit there and say that your personal feelings don't include my hair as well? Or are you gonna say "oh no YOUR hair is prettier because it isn't as kinky as mine" or whatever excuse someone can come up with and blahblahblah.....which leads right to some of the arguments in this post........What makes Alicia's natural hair beautiful and yours ugly?

 

[nikolite]

I love my NG, and everything about ME.

I was responding to someone that made a comment saying that when she hear people saying they don't like their NG, she feels it's affects all naturals.

.....But i'm sure you knew already that, and is being sarcastic. Anyway, I advise you to read the post where my response came from before posting.

But maybe I'm expecting too much of you.

Err... I know, I know! I was responding to your hypothetical example of "if you you thought your hair was ugly, nappy, etc".

No sarcasm on my end. Just responding and continuing the discussion.

 

[honeycomb719]

I havent read through the whole thread but from what Ive seen so far tensions seems to be running kinda high is this thread. I would like to keep the thread open, with open and honest discuss going forth, without resorting to personal attacks ladies. I will keep an eye out! For now it remains open. Carry on....

 

[healthyhair2]

It is too bad that a simple question from someone's friend turned into this. Like the original poster, I too have been asked similar questions by friends and acquaintances. I was even asked by a friend who was Ukranian what was wrong with the N word--I explained to her more about American history and then she got it. It was confusing to her ,because it is used so much in rap music.
We have to realize ,that it is possible to not like characteristics that we ourselves possess, but see no fault in them in others. Sometimes it boils down to SELF confidence or self esteem. It is true that we started straightening our hair to assimilate, but is it really so true now? I tend to think that more likely, it is because we are so used to seeing images of our hair this way. Sure , I will not deny that societal pressures play a role, but we still have a CHOICE. Some of us take the choice and some of us don't.
I, for one ,never mind when people ask these types of questions because open dialogue about racial issues, differences,etc. is what will help change things little, by little.

 

[EastClevelandK]

skegeesmb,

I am white. I grew up in a 99% white school system. I know for a fact that we don't talk about black people behind your backs because I have been around 100% white groups of people MANY TIMES and we don't do this. In my whole life, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED. If someone ever tried to do that, they would be labeled a social outcast. It is not considered socially acceptable behavior. Period.

 

[Sugar]

There's a STRONG difference between saying "i don't like how curly hair looks on me" and "I HATE MY UNRULY, UGLY HAIR AND I HAVE TO PERM THIS NAPPY ISH IMMEDIATELY"......maybe it's just me....but one seems to be much more extreme and stems from deeper issues.

I don't like short hair on me but I don't go around saying SHORT HAIR IS SO UGLY OMG!

Perhaps a further disconnect for me is that I've never felt that way. But even if one does feel that way its still a statement about her own hair...not anyone else's.

 

[BeetleBug]

Beetle Bug, Go back and read the first few pages of this thread. People were saying "smack the stupid out of white people", saying "watch her", like you can't be friends with a white person without being suspicious of them, like we are all sneaky undercover agents who seek to destroy black women. Saying we all try to "act innocent", but really want to be praised for being white. It is ridiculous. We don't do any of this. And those who think white women are talking bad about black women behind your backs or thinking all of these mean thoughts about people of varying skin colors are delusional. They are victims of their own fears and insecurities and should not try to project those insecurities on another group of people.

Go to the stormfront website and you'll see plenty of white women and men voicing their thoughts.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

................adlock2:

 

[EastClevelandK]

And again, what is ethnic hair? Kinky? Really? Does that mean that black people are the only "ethnic" group? I guess all of the Asian and Indian women are actually white if their hair is straight...