Why do I like this Raggedy Man?

TokyoReina

TokyoReina

New Member
:ohwell: I like this guy and he has nothing going for himself. He's 21, dropped out of HS, lives at home, no job, no car. He's not going to school. He is cute, but he's not that freakin' cute.

So, we started talking awhile ago. It wasn't the best timing because I wasn't in the best of places mentally, but I think then I was just happy to have someone to talk to and take my mind off things. Now, I'm starting to snap out of that. I've just plain deleted guys out of my life in the past. It's never been a problem. But for some reason I'm having a hard time letting this guy go. We're not even in a gf/bf relationship so I don't even have to break up with him. But I feel like I should stop talking to him because I know what he wants and I don't want it.

Ugh...can anyone relate or tell me why I feel this way? What am I holding on for?
 
The answer is within your post - he is/was a distraction when "you weren't in the best place mentally."

Sometimes, we want to escape our problems and we may focus on the problems of another, put energy into "saving" them instead of ourselves, etc.

Perhaps you are still dealing with him b/c he, in some way, helped you when you were going through tough times?
 
Ladylibra is dead on...so are you. You already know the deal so I implore you to let it go...further contact with him, considering the way you are feeling, could lead to an unproductive "relationship"....word used loosely
 
Maybe deep down, you don't feel you deserve better. If he doesn't have any of the qualities you desire/value in a mate, your self-esteem will eventually take a beating. If he doesn't want the best for himself, how do you think he will treat YOU? HTH :)
 
Girrrrrl - you sound like me back when I was 20. Same situation - so I can tell you now.....RUN! lol.

No but I was stuck for a few YEARS and had to leave the state to force myself to get away from him. What's the word dickmatized?ummm, yeah I think I was. So if you are....stop it now. And good luck. You'll thank yourself later.

Try to meet someone new or do something else to keep you occupied.
 
Nah, I'm not sleeping with him. I'm kind of trying to wait on something better for that. I want just friends (if anything at all)...and he wants a bit more than friends.
 
TokyoCereza said:
Nah, I'm not sleeping with him. I'm kind of trying to wait on something better for that. I want just friends (if anything at all)...and he wants a bit more than friends.
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Then you have a super easy out before you start to catch feelings.

See him as long as you tell him there is no future with you two and no sex. IMHO he won't hang around after you tell him that, why should he.
 
I told him that I'd decided to wait for "someone special" and that I thought he wasn't boyfriend material right now. I told him he should take care of himself and his own future. That was last week, but I didn't stop talking to him.

Now he's out getting job applications and telling me how much he wants to get his GED. He's insisting that he wants better for himself and it's not even about sex. That was the old him and he's going to change. :ohwell: That was last night. I feel like a big B word telling him to do better and dropping him when he's actually trying.
 
I can't really answer that for you. They only thing that I can say is that we've all have had a Raggedy Man in our lives at one point in time. I've seem to have a few for some reason. But also, I've just learned that if I wanted to meet my husband that I needed to say goodbye to my raggedy man. So even though you are into this one, this maybe Satan's way of distracting you from your appointed goal. Don't give him that glory and more importantly, don't give him that chance to lead you from your preparation that needs to take place to meet your ordained husband. I would say get out before it's too late.
 
TokyoCereza said:
I told him that I'd decided to wait for "someone special" and that I thought he wasn't boyfriend material right now. I told him he should take care of himself and his own future. That was last week, but I didn't stop talking to him.

Now he's out getting job applications and telling me how much he wants to get his GED. He's insisting that he wants better for himself and it's not even about sex. That was the old him and he's going to change. :ohwell: That was last night. I feel like a big B word telling him to do better and dropping him when he's actually trying.
Click to expand...

Well you definitely did the right thing. Do not feel guilty at all, even when he is showing that's he's trying. The man that is for each and every one for us is going to already be prepared before he meets us.
 
TokyoCereza said:
I told him that I'd decided to wait for "someone special" and that I thought he wasn't boyfriend material right now. I told him he should take care of himself and his own future. That was last week, but I didn't stop talking to him.

Now he's out getting job applications and telling me how much he wants to get his GED. He's insisting that he wants better for himself and it's not even about sex. That was the old him and he's going to change. :ohwell: That was last night. I feel like a big B word telling him to do better and dropping him when he's actually trying.
Click to expand...

He ain't trying ish.

Is he in GED classes? NO.

Have you seen evidence that he's filled out these job applications and submitted them?

What CONCRETE evidence have you seen that he's "trying?" I can go to the mall tomorrow and get a job application. Don't mean I have a job though.

Ugh, there is NOTHING attractive about a HIGH school dropout... ugh.

Some men should not even be on a woman's radar. This is one of them.
 
Bunny77 said:
He ain't trying ish.

Is he in GED classes? NO.

Have you seen evidence that he's filled out these job applications and submitted them?

What CONCRETE evidence have you seen that he's "trying?" I can go to the mall tomorrow and get a job application. Don't mean I have a job though.

Ugh, there is NOTHING attractive about a HIGH school dropout... ugh.

Some men should not even be on a woman's radar. This is one of them.
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:clap: :clap: :clap:

WOOOOO!!!!! You took the words right out of my mouth!
 
Well, he's moving so I guess I won't have to worry about it anymore. I suppose when I stop crying I'll be able to get over it all. :ohwell:
 
TokyoCereza said:
Well, he's moving so I guess I won't have to worry about it anymore. I suppose when I stop crying I'll be able to get over it all. :ohwell:
Click to expand...

Aww I'm sorry love. Put it this way, stay friends with him and see if he really does try to step up his 'life' game. You never know.
 
TokyoCereza said:
I told him that I'd decided to wait for "someone special" and that I thought he wasn't boyfriend material right now. I told him he should take care of himself and his own future. That was last week, but I didn't stop talking to him.

Now he's out getting job applications and telling me how much he wants to get his GED. He's insisting that he wants better for himself and it's not even about sex. That was the old him and he's going to change. :ohwell: That was last night. I feel like a big B word telling him to do better and dropping him when he's actually trying.
Click to expand...

This is probably the best thing that's happened to him since the 3-6 years since he quit high school.
 
Tokyo....run girl, run and don't look back! I was in the same boat a few years ago. I dated a man that was:

...34 yrs old and didn't finish HS
...had a 17 year old son that he didn't take of
...did 7 years in prison
...was overly arrogant and treated me like crap
...had no car, no job, or place of his own, he used another female's and then lied about it (told me the chick was his sister)

AND although the crayon was huge, the coloring was whack (he would go all outside the lines :giggle:)

I knew I could do better, but yet I was so into this man. Even his best friends would tell me he wasn't ish...even tried setting me up with other men lol! Now that I look back on it, I attribute my obsession with him to the fact that I mentally put him up on a pedestal without getting to know him first. Everybody knew he was no good, but because I had convinced myself that he was the ish....I didn't want to admit to myself I was wrong. I realized that continuing to date this man was toxic to me so I had to let him go. Every now and then I still want to call him or speak to him, but I know that in the long run, I'm much better not doing so.

Now, your dude is only 21 so there is a large possibility that he could change (i.e. get his GED and a steady job), but until he does so...I would stay away. He could just be telling you that he going to change just to get you back, then once he's got you he could go back to his old, lazy ways. Also, if you take him back before he actually gets these things accomplished, he may not take you seriously.
 
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Well, I've been coming to my senses. He's already come back after moving and said he'll go back in a few weeks. It's not moving if you come back a week later. :perplexed Even so, I've been backing up and separating myself. I realized that even if I have no plans of being with him long term, I'm not happy with his lack of progress in life when I'm trying to go places. I'd been trying to ignore it because I was thinking that just because you date someone doesn't mean you want to marry them or be with them seriously....but it never worked. I can casually date people that are doing better for themselves.:yep:

It's difficult, but as the wise here have said, I think I am better off without him and I need to move on.
 
He came to teach you something. . . LOL . . . no really, the relationship sounds like fate.
 
Because you want to be the on e who fixes him. WHen I met you, you were a looser on the couch and now look at you thanks to me.
 
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