WHY ARE SO MANY BLACK WOMEN SINGLE?

[laurend]

In grad school, during finals, me and a study partner were taking a break and were listening to her DC cd. I remarked that the "Soldier" lyrics turned me off. She asked me why. I said that young girls are going to think that its cool to go for that type and then perpetuate the stupid cycle. Plus, Beyonce's man is a CEO, while the average young chick will go out and get a real "soldier" on the streets.

We were having a simple conversation, in the wee hours in the morning about something as trivial as an R&B song. Homegirl never spoke to me again. Come to find out, she was dating a ruffneck type. I guess I must have hit a nerve.

I also think that many of us make bad choices. If he looks, acts, and talks like a thug....where in that equation do you see marriage material?[/QUOTE]

How many times have we have heard that BW need to expand their horizons and date men beneath us. Maybe your ex-friend is taking that advice.

 

[chocolat79]

It can't be feminism since most women are anti feminism and anti-womanhood in general. Most black women are all about protecting the black man, making excuses for him, cuddling him, not accepting praises if he's not praised. Of all of which are anti-feminism. Most black women are more misogynistic and patriarchal.

I think putting their womanhood last instead of first is part of the reason. But overall the main reason is that black men have realized that they can take advantage of this and instead of caring about advancing, they are more into taking care about their own personal needs and using black woman and also being anti-relationships.

If more black men were marriage oriented, there'd be more marriages. I think all these addressing women stuff is not going to change anything, since women are the ones that want to get married but the men just don't.

and let the church say, Amen!

 

[Celestial]

If single means unmarried then its because their hands aren't taken in marriage. That's a question that a male needs to address. If single means no partner or SO then a lot of black women aren't single.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Black women aren't single. They are not married. They have children but no husband. Tell your husband to tell his male friends to stop making baby mama's and make wives!

FYI, I know more married Black women than the media projects. I call foul and foolishness. And on the other hand many Black women are difficult to both work with and live with. No man wants a bytch for a wife unless that bytchiness comes with loving hands and is geared toward making her man accountable and protecting herself and family from drama.

 

[Bunny77]

Interesting that the OP just abandoned the thread she started...

 

[kmn1980]

It can't be feminism since most women are anti feminism and anti-womanhood in general. Most black women are all about protecting the black man, making excuses for him, cuddling him, not accepting praises if he's not praised. Of all of which are anti-feminism. Most black women are more misogynistic and patriarchal.

I think putting their womanhood last instead of first is part of the reason. But overall the main reason is that black men have realized that they can take advantage of this and instead of caring about advancing, they are more into taking care about their own personal needs and using black woman and also being anti-relationships.

If more black men were marriage oriented, there'd be more marriages. I think all these addressing women stuff is not going to change anything, since women are the ones that want to get married but the men just don't.

***When I use "you" in the following statement, I'm talking about the general "you". I felt the need to say that b/c in my short time here, I noticed some people don't get it.***

Your true beliefs lie in your actions. For example if we heard a white person say I'm not a racist but I don't hire Black people, I don't talk to Black people, I don't want my kids to play with Black people and I think Black people are the source of all the world's problems, they'd be hard pressed to make us believe they aren't racist.

BW can say they're anti-feminist all they want but the behavior says otherwise. Trying to be with a man has nothing to do with anti-feminism because even feminists want the d***. BW regularly walk around talking about how they're "strong and independent" and "don't need no man". Everything has to be on their own terms; even a relationship that's supposed to be between two people. That's classic feminist mantra. Well, you get what you ask for. BW seem to think that their salaries and degrees make them marriage material but it doesn't. Women forget that men don't have the same mate selection criteria that women do.

Yes, you're right. BW are leaving their womanhood behind which is the cornerstone of feminism. Don't look at me as a woman, look at me as a human that's equal to a man and can do whatever a man does. The American feminist movement has women walking around with a competitive spirit when it comes to men and no man, who is a man, wants that. Backfired.

It's not that Black men don't want to get married, it's just that they are specific about who they want to marry and for several reasons BW aren't it. Most men still want a woman who can put something other than deep fried lard or Mickey D's on the table, know when to listen and when to talk, doesn't have to power struggle over every little thing, doesn't live in the mall, personable attitude, honest, low mileage vagina, is HT/WT proportionate, has a nice appearance (no 5" eagle claw nails and toenails), won't ration the vagina because he didn't take out the trash, won't tell her girlfriends all their business, and doesn't have a bunch of past relationship/abusive daddy/baby daddy (daddies) baggage.

I know several eligible BM who are not married because they are trying to hold on to the shadow of hope of finding a BW to be with whose feminine, knows how to act, and has no children. [sarcasm]What's odd is that all the thugs and ex-cons are pulling BW left and right but the mechanics, and UPS men, and postal workers, and police officers, and firemen, and college students and accountants and teachers are the ones who are walking around saying they can't find a good BW.[/sarcasm]

To the good single women who want to be married, I'd say to make yourself known because right now the Maury set and the "I'm all that because I have a Bachelor's in Basket-Weaving" Black women are the ones representing you and they aren't doing a good job.

As a side note, what's funny to me is that whenever this topic comes up, the finger starts pointing. If you want to wear the SIBW (Single Independent Black Woman) coat that's fine but when someone asks why you're single at 47, don't start talking about what everyone else is doing or not doing that caused it. Strong independent women who don't need a man don't end up with husbands. Lots of notches maybe but not a husband. Be ready to explain your role in your situation.

 

[CurlyMoo]

***When I use "you" in the following statement, I'm talking about the general "you". I felt the need to say that b/c in my short time here, I noticed some people don't get it.***

Your true beliefs lie in your actions. For example if we heard a white person say I'm not a racist but I don't hire Black people, I don't talk to Black people, I don't want my kids to play with Black people and I think Black people are the source of all the world's problems, they'd be hard pressed to make us believe they aren't racist.

BW can say they're anti-feminist all they want but the behavior says otherwise. Trying to be with a man has nothing to do with anti-feminism because even feminists want the d***. BW regularly walk around talking about how they're "strong and independent" and "don't need no man". Everything has to be on their own terms; even a relationship that's supposed to be between two people. That's classic feminist mantra. Well, you get what you ask for. BW seem to think that their salaries and degrees make them marriage material but it doesn't. Women forget that men don't have the same mate selection criteria that women do.

Yes, you're right. BW are leaving their womanhood behind which is the cornerstone of feminism. Don't look at me as a woman, look at me as a human that's equal to a man and can do whatever a man does. The American feminist movement has women walking around with a competitive spirit when it comes to men and no man, who is a man, wants that. Backfired.

It's not that Black men don't want to get married, it's just that they are specific about who they want to marry and for several reasons BW aren't it. Most men still want a woman who can put something other than deep fried lard or Mickey D's on the table, know when to listen and when to talk, doesn't have to power struggle over every little thing, doesn't live in the mall, personable attitude, honest, low mileage vagina, is HT/WT proportionate, has a nice appearance (no 5" eagle claw nails and toenails), won't ration the vagina because he didn't take out the trash, won't tell her girlfriends all their business, and doesn't have a bunch of past relationship/abusive daddy/baby daddy (daddies) baggage.

I know several eligible BM who are not married because they are trying to hold on to the shadow of hope of finding a BW to be with whose feminine, knows how to act, and has no children. [sarcasm]What's odd is that all the thugs and ex-cons are pulling BW left and right but the mechanics, and UPS men, and postal workers, and police officers, and firemen, and college students and accountants and teachers are the ones who are walking around saying they can't find a good BW.[/sarcasm]

To the good single women who want to be married, I'd say to make yourself known because right now the Maury set and the "I'm all that because I have a Bachelor's in Basket-Weaving" Black women are the ones representing you and they aren't doing a good job.

As a side note, what's funny to me is that whenever this topic comes up, the finger starts pointing. If you want to wear the SIBW (Single Independent Black Woman) coat that's fine but when someone asks why you're single at 47, don't start talking about what everyone else is doing or not doing that caused it. Strong independent women who don't need a man don't end up with husbands. Lots of notches maybe but not a husband. Be ready to explain your role in your situation.

Girrrrrl, all this truth in one post! Welcome to the LHCF.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^^ I just don't buy the argument that the large number of black women who are single is because of their psychological state, lack of "feminine wiles", unwillingness to "submit", personal style, competitiveness with men, overly independent attitudes, mileage on the vagina, or any of the other typical arguments that essential lay all the blame on black women as individuals. Of course individual traits play a role but we all know that is not the driving factor behind why millions of black women are not finding suitable mates.

Most of the single black women I know are gentle, kind, loving, accomplished, and spiritual or religious women with reasonable standards about men and relationships...none of them fit the stereotypes people like to throw around about black women.


Some of the things that are driving singleness:

- high male incarceration/criminal justice surveillance rates among black men, particularly in urban areas where most of us live

- greater disparity in male and female achievement. This is evolving into an overall trend in the U.S. but the disparity between male and female acheivement is particularly large in the black community

- broader social and cultural trends that don't make marriage a precursor to sex or having children...again this is within the culture more generally but even greater within the black community.

- the disapperance of living wage work for men who do not have college degrees. Men without decent economic prospects are less likely to want to marry and women are less likely to want to marry them.

- Reluctance and or challenges in IR dating. Yeah, it would probably serve us to look outside of the black community for partners but you know many white women are starting to complain about the same issues with men. Some of these issues are societal so just dating outside of the race may not solve them.

- and the list goes on....

And just because someone is married doesn't mean they've found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There are just as many sisters struggling in unsuitable marriages as there are single sisters pining for their true love.

I find it sad that in this day and age inevitably someone wants to put the focus on the deficiencies of black women when it's perfectly clear that even if all of us honed our feminine skills, cowtowed to men, dressed to perfection and kept our legs crossed there would still be a sizable portion who would be single based on simple mathematics alone.

Yes, maybe some of us need to hear some tough love messages about our behavior, but I believe the types of behaviors folks are calling out are not the cause but the symptoms of the problem. Our communities have experienced several decades of social ills that have undermined our capacity to form whole and happy families and sustainable communities. It's no wonder that each generation of black young people acts out in odd ways given that intact family structures and supportive communities have been under attack for quite some time now.

With all that said, I do believe that our only point of power is our individual actions and beliefs, so if you want to get married you have to take steps to bring that into your life.

But I sure wish some folks would stop blaming black women for marriage trends in the community.

 

[ambergirl]

Interesting that the OP just abandoned the thread she started...

I noticed the same thing so I'm sitting here wondering why the OP started the thread as well.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Like my husband's Nigerian coworker said " black women need to leave our men alone, if they want to get married go get their men out of jail." There are more black women than men that's it, not much we can do about it.

this topic is so crazy....so true! yes we are outnumbered as black women compared to black available men....yes many are imprisoned (but most for selling drugs, or other nonviolent crimes)<---a failure in itself considered the other side who aren't sentenced in the same capacity

i as the question to myself over & over
LOOK AT THE STATISTICS OF SINGLE PARENT HOOD....WHO IS IT THAT'S RAISING THESE MEN? THESE VERY SAME PACK OF MEN THAT:
1) doesn't cherish most of us enuff to marry us, but will reproduce
2) are in an ALL OUT WAR AGAINST WOMEN-anybody watch nancy grace
3) when they DO become successful they turn to another race for marriage (hi russell simmons)
4) aren't choosing to put education as a first priority in their lives
5) when they have kids, most often choose not to stay & raise them
6) aren't that interested in marrying in the first place!
7) come with the notion that 1 women is cool but 2 or 3 women is BETTER!
8) figure if we can't make enough money on a regular job--> sell drugs on the side
9) others refuse to work a day job period b/c of lower pay so they hit the BLOCK
10) think it's ok to disrespect women in their presence (language use & otherwise)
11) refuse to take off a doorag-pull up their pants for fear of loosing SWAG

THE LIST ISN'T 100% accurate for every man of course, but i was talking with my mom about the state of our dating pool and the lack of solutions.

I mentioned that if we are raising these same men in our households that go out and rob, steal, kill, rape, and molest our very own
.....do we have any responsibility in what's happening out there?

MORE IMPORTANTLY, DO WE HAVE ANY RESPONSIBILITY IN IMPROVING OUR FUTURE? let's face it (lol) and i have many brothers...they aren't being raised by wolves (lol)

A lot of men don't respect us, and as a single female relocating to a new city....WHERE ARE WE SCARED TO LIVE THE MOST? near who? i know what i'm scared of!

i am terrified at the outlook of the black family unit

 

[UmSumayyah]

^^^If a man abandons his children, relegating them to "telephone and weekend parenting" (as Khadija says).....IF they even get THAT....

and his daughters grow up not trusting men in general and feeling they have to do it all for themselves because men are not dependable....

and his sons grow up not knowing how to be a real man....

It's ALL the fault of the one who actually kept the children and raised them?

... Among AAs, that GENERATIONAL line of husbands and fathers “training up” their sons has been broken by the mass AA paternal abandonment which is the fruit of mass AA OOW childbearing. This generational line of MARRIED co-parenting being broken is how AAs have gotten so far out of touch with so many human norms. --Khadija, at http://sojournerspassport.com/count...ulinity-can-you-tell-the-difference/#comments

Please show me a successful society wherein women are expected to socialize boys to be men, all alone?

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I know several eligible BM who are not married because they are trying to hold on to the shadow of hope of finding a BW to be with whose feminine, knows how to act, and has no children.

but the mechanics, and UPS men, and postal workers, and police officers, and firemen, and college students and accountants and teachers are the ones who are walking around saying they can't find a good BW.

I'd love to know where these men are because they must be lurking in the shadows. Do they actually take the time to approach or are they just, "she won't go out with me because XYZ" and not even try?

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ The elusive treasure trove of good black men who can't find a woman with the right stuff: another urban myth. Yeah I've met some of these dudes and they really don't need to be pointing fingers. Many of them have OOW children of their own, don't know how to treat a woman, and have plenty of mileage on the peen.

 

[kmn1980]

^^^ I know 6. One works for UPS but the SIBW don't want him because he works for UPS. He's had more than one BW tell him that she didn't think his UPS job would support HER lifestyle. I know a mechanic who was dumped because he wouldn't help the woman pay a bill after a big fat 2 months of dating. The rest are hard pressed to find one BW who doesn't have OOW children but are of the age where childbearing is feasible, keeps a nice disposition more often than not, and who isn't a behemoth linebacker.

It's good that all the women you know are sweet but you haven't dated them. When a man sees he has a good woman, he wants to snatch her up before anyone else does. If your "sweet" friends have been dating all these years and still aren't married, you figure it out. Men want consistent women. The face they wear for you probably isn't the face they wear in a relationship.

"BM will reproduce with us but don't stay."

Guess what? Women are the choosers. If a man has sex with you without your consent, he raped you. Call the police. But if you chose to ignore the trough of birth control methods available and make a baby with a man who's not husband and father material, you need only to look in the mirror when trying to assess blame for your situation.

"BM are in prison"

In 2005, there were 106,000 black men (18-24) in prison. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)
and 402,000 full time black male college students, 71,000 part time. (US Census). There are only 290,000 in prison out of 16,794,000 black men who are incarcerated.

There are enough BM who aren't in prison to find one who wants to be married.

"I want someone with thug swagger but who's still educated."

Tupac with a degree? "In addition, black Americans need to understand their risks. Douglas said high rates of incarceration of men in many black communities meant fewer men have sex with more women, in turn often spreading sexually transmitted diseases. " (CDC)

This means, BW are hanging on the thugs instead of the good men who want a wife and kids. Not only is this leaving them single, usually with OOW kids, but disease infected which is even less attractive when trying to find a husband.

The church

The "don't approach a man" dogma is not really feasible. But I hear several BW talking about how a man has to seek them out and Jesus will let the right man fall in their lap in due time, and all this other nonsense. If you see a man that's attractive and you're a good woman, why not approach him?

There's no shortage of men. Men know what they want. But with 60% of BW being either overweight or obese; most of them having at least 1 OOW chid; most of them being thug lovers; 48% having Herpes...the shortage of eligible Black bachelorettes is apparent. If I were a BM, I'd have to calculate the risk before approaching a woman these days instead of holding my breath while looking for the Tootsie Roll in a pile of turds.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

^^^ I know 6. One works for UPS but the SIBW don't want him because he works for UPS. He's had more than one BW tell him that she didn't think his UPS job would support HER lifestyle. I know a mechanic who was dumped because he wouldn't help the woman pay a bill after a big fat 2 months of dating. The rest are hard pressed to find one BW who doesn't have OOW children but are of the age where childbearing is feasible, keeps a nice disposition more often than not, and who isn't a behemoth linebacker.

It's good that all the women you know are sweet but you haven't dated them. When a man sees he has a good woman, he wants to snatch her up before anyone else does. If your "sweet" friends have been dating all these years and still aren't married, you figure it out. Men want consistent women. The face they wear for you probably isn't the face they wear in a relationship.

"BM will reproduce with us but don't stay."

Guess what? Women are the choosers. If a man has sex with you without your consent, he raped you. Call the police. But if you chose to ignore the trough of birth control methods available and make a baby with a man who's not husband and father material, you need only to look in the mirror when trying to assess blame for your situation.

"BM are in prison"

In 2005, there were 106,000 black men (18-24) in prison. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)
and 402,000 full time black male college students, 71,000 part time. (US Census). There are only 290,000 in prison out of 16,794,000 black men who are incarcerated.

There are enough BM who aren't in prison to find one who wants to be married.

"I want someone with thug swagger but who's still educated."

Tupac with a degree? "In addition, black Americans need to understand their risks. Douglas said high rates of incarceration of men in many black communities meant fewer men have sex with more women, in turn often spreading sexually transmitted diseases. " (CDC)

This means, BW are hanging on the thugs instead of the good men who want a wife and kids. Not only is this leaving them single, usually with OOW kids, but disease infected which is even less attractive when trying to find a husband.

The church

The "don't approach a man" dogma is not really feasible. But I hear several BW talking about how a man has to seek them out and Jesus will let the right man fall in their lap in due time, and all this other nonsense. If you see a man that's attractive and you're a good woman, why not approach him?

There's no shortage of men. Men know what they want. But with 60% of BW being either overweight or obese; most of them having at least 1 OOW chid; most of them being thug lovers; 48% having Herpes...the shortage of eligible Black bachelorettes is apparent. If I were a BM, I'd have to calculate the risk before approaching a woman these days instead of holding my breath while looking for the Tootsie Roll in a pile of turds.

@ underline.....I know for me I don't go by the, "Don't approach a man jesus will find him" bs. I've approached men and it has worked.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ I know 6. One works for UPS but the SIBW don't want him because he works for UPS. He's had more than one BW tell him that she didn't think his UPS job would support HER lifestyle. I know a mechanic who was dumped because he wouldn't help the woman pay a bill after a big fat 2 months of dating. The rest are hard pressed to find one BW who doesn't have OOW children but are of the age where childbearing is feasible, keeps a nice disposition more often than not, and who isn't a behemoth linebacker.

It's good that all the women you know are sweet but you haven't dated them. When a man sees he has a good woman, he wants to snatch her up before anyone else does. If your "sweet" friends have been dating all these years and still aren't married, you figure it out. Men want consistent women. The face they wear for you probably isn't the face they wear in a relationship.

I would say unless you dated your six friends you don't know them in the context of relationships either. If your "good" men are having such a hard time finding a good woman given that the odds are so ridiculously in their favor it might serve them to look in the mirror as well.

I'm not saying there aren't any good black men out there who are looking for a good woman...but this notion that there are just SO many and they are SO perfect just doesn't bear out with my experience or the dating experiences of most of the women I know.

ETA: Also just quoting prison population statistics doesn't really tell us much. It only tells us who's incarcerated in a state or federal prison at a moment in time. It doesn't tell us who is on parole or probation, or in jail awaiting sentencing, or arrest rates. In some urban areas the number of black men within the key marriage age group who are under some form of criminal justice supervision runs from 30 to 50%. And that doesn't count the folks who have records but have completed their parole or probation.

I also find it quite sad not to mention blatantly inaccurate that your analogy for the good black woman is a tootsie roll in a pile of turds....I'm not even going to say what I'm really thinking about that.

 

[lux10023]

had to quote this and PUT PREACH i agree!!!

it should hit home for some women--i too wonder why so many blk women are single...? like i really wonder--but it could be revealed when dwelved into a bit deeper

the men i know who are eligible bachelors expressed the same points you mentioned...


do eligible brothas not have standards too..maybe dude doesnt want a woman with kids...and quite frankly

the UPS or garbage man example makes sense---im not saying settle--for any man just to have a man but i do agree that these types are overlooked...sistahs looking for the beamer, benz and bentley dude but a good man is right in front of their face

^^^ I know 6. One works for UPS but the SIBW don't want him because he works for UPS. He's had more than one BW tell him that she didn't think his UPS job would support HER lifestyle. I know a mechanic who was dumped because he wouldn't help the woman pay a bill after a big fat 2 months of dating. The rest are hard pressed to find one BW who doesn't have OOW children but are of the age where childbearing is feasible, keeps a nice disposition more often than not, and who isn't a behemoth linebacker.

It's good that all the women you know are sweet but you haven't dated them. When a man sees he has a good woman, he wants to snatch her up before anyone else does. If your "sweet" friends have been dating all these years and still aren't married, you figure it out. Men want consistent women. The face they wear for you probably isn't the face they wear in a relationship.

"BM will reproduce with us but don't stay."

Guess what? Women are the choosers. If a man has sex with you without your consent, he raped you. Call the police. But if you chose to ignore the trough of birth control methods available and make a baby with a man who's not husband and father material, you need only to look in the mirror when trying to assess blame for your situation.

"BM are in prison"

In 2005, there were 106,000 black men (18-24) in prison. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)
and 402,000 full time black male college students, 71,000 part time. (US Census). There are only 290,000 in prison out of 16,794,000 black men who are incarcerated.

There are enough BM who aren't in prison to find one who wants to be married.

"I want someone with thug swagger but who's still educated."

Tupac with a degree? "In addition, black Americans need to understand their risks. Douglas said high rates of incarceration of men in many black communities meant fewer men have sex with more women, in turn often spreading sexually transmitted diseases. " (CDC)

This means, BW are hanging on the thugs instead of the good men who want a wife and kids. Not only is this leaving them single, usually with OOW kids, but disease infected which is even less attractive when trying to find a husband.

The church

The "don't approach a man" dogma is not really feasible. But I hear several BW talking about how a man has to seek them out and Jesus will let the right man fall in their lap in due time, and all this other nonsense. If you see a man that's attractive and you're a good woman, why not approach him?

There's no shortage of men. Men know what they want. But with 60% of BW being either overweight or obese; most of them having at least 1 OOW chid; most of them being thug lovers; 48% having Herpes...the shortage of eligible Black bachelorettes is apparent. If I were a BM, I'd have to calculate the risk before approaching a woman these days instead of holding my breath while looking for the Tootsie Roll in a pile of turds.

 

[Mis007]

Why doesn't your husband ask his single friends why they aren't married? The number of single black men is about equal to single black women.

Very true Bunny77, singleness is not confined only to the blk women, there are more and more single people on the whole.

 

[lushcoils]

^^^ I know 6. One works for UPS but the SIBW don't want him because he works for UPS. He's had more than one BW tell him that she didn't think his UPS job would support HER lifestyle. I know a mechanic who was dumped because he wouldn't help the woman pay a bill after a big fat 2 months of dating. The rest are hard pressed to find one BW who doesn't have OOW children but are of the age where childbearing is feasible, keeps a nice disposition more often than not, and who isn't a behemoth linebacker.

It's good that all the women you know are sweet but you haven't dated them. When a man sees he has a good woman, he wants to snatch her up before anyone else does. If your "sweet" friends have been dating all these years and still aren't married, you figure it out. Men want consistent women. The face they wear for you probably isn't the face they wear in a relationship.

"BM will reproduce with us but don't stay."

Guess what? Women are the choosers. If a man has sex with you without your consent, he raped you. Call the police. But if you chose to ignore the trough of birth control methods available and make a baby with a man who's not husband and father material, you need only to look in the mirror when trying to assess blame for your situation.

"BM are in prison"

In 2005, there were 106,000 black men (18-24) in prison. (Bureau of Justice Statistics)
and 402,000 full time black male college students, 71,000 part time. (US Census). There are only 290,000 in prison out of 16,794,000 black men who are incarcerated.

There are enough BM who aren't in prison to find one who wants to be married.

"I want someone with thug swagger but who's still educated."

Tupac with a degree? "In addition, black Americans need to understand their risks. Douglas said high rates of incarceration of men in many black communities meant fewer men have sex with more women, in turn often spreading sexually transmitted diseases. " (CDC)

This means, BW are hanging on the thugs instead of the good men who want a wife and kids. Not only is this leaving them single, usually with OOW kids, but disease infected which is even less attractive when trying to find a husband.

The church

The "don't approach a man" dogma is not really feasible. But I hear several BW talking about how a man has to seek them out and Jesus will let the right man fall in their lap in due time, and all this other nonsense. If you see a man that's attractive and you're a good woman, why not approach him?

There's no shortage of men. Men know what they want. But with 60% of BW being either overweight or obese; most of them having at least 1 OOW chid; most of them being thug lovers; 48% having Herpes...the shortage of eligible Black bachelorettes is apparent. If I were a BM, I'd have to calculate the risk before approaching a woman these days instead of holding my breath while looking for the Tootsie Roll in a pile of turds.

-Honestly, I don't see what's wrong with wanting to date a guy who will provide a certain lifestyle. When I have a family, I want to be comfortable. I don't want to be struggling. I wonder why no one is telling non-black women they have to date the UPS guy or garbage man. Why aren't they seen as gold diggers?

-If these good men can't find good women, is something wrong with them too? Or is it always the woman's fault?

-Many of these black men won't date a black women if she isn't thick and/or have hair down her back or "bad" like a video chick, but no one is saying it's something wrong with them being video vixen lovers.

-How many black women are there in America? How many of these eligible straight non-jailed educated good black men are willing to date black women?

-Don't black women largely outnumber black men in terms of college degrees?... especially when it comes to grad school and professional degrees. I see that wasn't mentioned in your stats.

-Who are these infected black women getting STDs from?

-I don't get approached, but from what I hear/read, most men approach women all of the time. So if he was really feeling me, he would let me know. Now, I'm sitting home all the time waiting on Jesus to send me someone, that's a fail. But if out and about, and if I guy found me attractive I would think he would let me know especially if I'm giving him the eye.

-Yes, the church is the debvil when it comes to black women and love.

 

[Bunny77]

If I were a BM, I'd have to calculate the risk before approaching a woman these days instead of holding my breath while looking for the Tootsie Roll in a pile of turds.

This is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time... like BM are really setting the world on fire with all of their wonderful educational accomplishments, great reputation of taking care of families and children that they had in wedlock , lack of criminal records, sterling health records that indicate minimal exposure to STDs, high employment rates, lack of other diseases related to poor diet, etc.



Folks kill me.

Actually, I could turn this around and say that if I was a BW (which I am), I'd have to calculate the "risk" before deciding to be with a BM considering that they too are on the very bottom of most charts that measure success in our society... why would a BW with her stuff together want to deal with that? Hmmmm....

 

[Bunny77]

-Yes, the church is the debvil when it comes to black women and love.

Now, I think this is ONE thing most of us can agree on. That was about the only thing that I found valid in that general BW ain't ish post.

 

[ambergirl]

This is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time... like BM are really setting the world on fire with all of their wonderful educational accomplishments, great reputation of taking care of families and children that they had in wedlock , lack of criminal records, sterling health records that indicate minimal exposure to STDs, high employment rates, lack of other diseases related to poor diet, etc.



Folks kill me.

Actually, I could turn this around and say that if I was a BW (which I am), I'd have to calculate the "risk" before deciding to be with a BM considering that they too are on the very bottom of most charts that measure success in our society... why would a BW with her stuff together want to deal with that? Hmmmm....

Girl you are my new shero! Seriously that line had me Thanks for calling out the laughable absurdity of that comment....

 

[Mis007]

This is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time... like BM are really setting the world on fire with all of their wonderful educational accomplishments, great reputation of taking care of families and children that they had in wedlock , lack of criminal records, sterling health records that indicate minimal exposure to STDs, high employment rates, lack of other diseases related to poor diet, etc.



Folks kill me.

Actually, I could turn this around and say that if I was a BW (which I am), I'd have to calculate the "risk" before deciding to be with a BM considering that they too are on the very bottom of most charts that measure success in our society... why would a BW with her stuff together want to deal with that? Hmmmm....

I think you just may have answered the question Bunny

 

[lushcoils]

That was about the only thing that I found valid in that general BW ain't ish post.

I was starting to wonder if she's a black woman herself.

 

[Rastafarai]

This is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long time... like BM are really setting the world on fire with all of their wonderful educational accomplishments, great reputation of taking care of families and children that they had in wedlock , lack of criminal records, sterling health records that indicate minimal exposure to STDs, high employment rates, lack of other diseases related to poor diet, etc.

Bunny, I'll be honest in saying that there are many black men who fit the above. They just don't get the attention of the media who love to focus on the ills of black communities. But see, my definition of "black" encompasses all men that are part of the diaspora - African, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-European, black men in South and Central America...black men throughout. Not only African American men. The media has a different definition of black and they do not encompass the diversity of our peoples. Their statistics, though not entirely based on fabrications, can be misleading.

 

[Bunny77]

Bunny, I'll be honest in saying that there are many black men who fit the above. They just don't get the attention of the media who love to focus on the ills of black communities. But see, my definition of "black" encompasses all men that are part of the diaspora - African, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-European, black men in South and Central America...black men throughout. Not only African American men. The media has a different definition of black and they do not encompass the diversity of our peoples. Their statistics, though not entirely based on fabrications, can be misleading.

Oh yes, I most certainly agree.


I'm mostly responding to the idea that if searching for a good BW is like searching for a needle in a haystack, one could say the same thing about good BM as well.

The numbers of "good" BM and "good" BW (how we're defining them) is about equal. But there's DEFINITELY not this great mass of BM out there swimming in a pool of horrible BW... not even close. But there are perhaps a number of delusional BM who think that way...

But I'd say the proportion of the type of BM and BW in that category that I mentioned is about equal... so if those BM want their equal in BW, they should have no trouble finding them.

Edited to add: However, having said all that... I'm not really interested at this point in going out of my way to point out all the good black men out there. I know they exist, they can make themselves be known.

I'm more focused on and interested in playing up all the great black women out there.

 

[lux10023]

Bunny, I'll be honest in saying that there are many black men who fit the above. They just don't get the attention of the media who love to focus on the ills of black communities. But see, my definition of "black" encompasses all men that are part of the diaspora - African, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-European, black men in South and Central America...black men throughout. Not only African American men. The media has a different definition of black and they do not encompass the diversity of our peoples. Their statistics, though not entirely based on fabrications, can be misleading.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

It's not that Black men don't want to get married, it's just that they are specific about who they want to marry and for several reasons BW aren't it. Most men still want a woman who can put something other than deep fried lard or Mickey D's on the table, know when to listen and when to talk, doesn't have to power struggle over every little thing, doesn't live in the mall, personable attitude, honest, low mileage vagina, is HT/WT proportionate, has a nice appearance (no 5" eagle claw nails and toenails), won't ration the vagina because he didn't take out the trash, won't tell her girlfriends all their business, and doesn't have a bunch of past relationship/abusive daddy/baby daddy (daddies) baggage.

The women who are the opposite of what you described are never the ones complaining about there being no good men. They always have men . I'm dead serious. Just like unemployed Ray Ray is never without a woman. It's crazy!

 

[lux10023]

^^ true you could be a halle berry or you could be a she-nay nay and still run into the same issues with men..so that is a valid POV

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I think black people from positive backgrounds will eventually find one another. As for the others--success does not guarantee that a person will pursue their equal. I've met many black women in college who had a lot going for them, but they still found themselves attracted to the thugs. I've met many good black men who pass up good women because they are still looking for the fine, foxy, tight clothes wearing chick with the fire head game and plenty of drama. Who you are does not always dictate who you are attracted to. Just like black men complain that black women only like thugs, many of these black men would pass up a conservative, nerdy girl for a Naomi Campbell type in a minute .