WHY ARE SO MANY BLACK WOMEN SINGLE?

[TRINITY05]

Ladies this is a question my hubby asked me the other day. He wanted to know what my thoughts were. I told him it could be several reasons depending on the woman.

What are your thoughts?

 

[-PYT]

One reason could be that we are attracted to black men, yet in some areas we outnumber them 10 to 1. No clue, though

 

[softblackcotton]

I don't think as many black women are SINGLE as the media hype makes it out to be. It's all how one defines single. Single could mean not dating anyone seriously or not in a relationship to some while it could mean not married to others. The media counts all unmarried/never been married women as single regardless of their relationship status. That means they're lumping co-habiting women, LTR, women in serious but "new" relationships, etc all in the same "SINGLE" category. They're making it seem as if NOBODY is checking for black women at all. We are just SINGLE with no dating and no potential suitors at all. Another reason, I believe a lot of black women are SINGLE because many are in serious relationships that never make it to marriage.

 

[DrC]

Why are so many black women single...:

bcz you have many of black men who are

1.) Cheaters/Players/Whores no moral sexual standards
2.) Pathological Liars
3.) Incarcerated/Solitary Confinement
4.) In the closet
5.) Baby Makers?entrap women with a baby.
6.) Shallow/Unattainable expectations exp: she MUST look like a video/model chick
7.) Careless Babymakers/dont pay child support/don't care for their kid(s) baby mother(s)
8.) Lazy/Gigalos
9.) Abusive/Crazy
10.) Suffer from a superiority complex
11.) Suffer from the: " I dont date black women" complex
12.) Get a thrill of making women feel inferior.
(There is probably more I haven't name)


On the other hand.....

You Have many black women who are:

1.) Crazy
2.) Superficial
3.) On that Independent SHeet (the ones who try to compete with men. A man still has to do his job as a man you know, which what some independent women fail to understand)
4.) whores?Cheaters
5.) Want Captain-Save-A-Hoa
6.) Goldiggers Want Captain Save-My-Finances
7.) Try to entrap men with a child/Use child as a crutch for everything. ( Ive seen this happen a lot)
8.) Low self esteem/ Non ambitious to what they deserve
9.) Expect a man to be submissive to their every move
10.) Make the current man pay for what previous men have done to them.


I have dealt with every man on that list, but it doesn't necessarily mean there is no hope, (I found someone )

 

[missjones]

Some may be homebodies and don't meet a lot of men. *raises hand*

Some may not know how to talk to men.

 

[Bunny77]

Why doesn't your husband ask his single friends why they aren't married? The number of single black men is about equal to single black women.

 

[dr.j]

^^^^ exactly!

 

[kmn1980]

The true breakdown of the Black family began when BW bought the lie that is called feminism from their white (mostly Jewish) female counterparts. BW jumped into a "fight" that wasn't really theirs and the "independent woman" propaganda lives to this day; only WW largely either let that go or compartmentalized it so it wouldn't completely screw up their family structure and BW are still holding on to it to their detriment. WW knew/know when to turn that off but unfortunately BW largely still haven't figured it out yet. Even Gloria Steinem figured it out eventually and got married.

Second issue is that in the last, I'd say, 10 years, BW have tended to lean heavily towards these "ruffnecks" that are neither marriage nor father material. No "man" who can't wear his pants the appropriate size with a belt or who has had the poor foresight to get a tattoo on his neck is serious about a committed relationship, nonetheless marriage. From MC Lyte rapping about wanting a "Ruffneck" to Destiny's Child singing about how they want a "Soldier" with "hood status" who's "street", to women saying that they can't date a man because he's "too nice" (not to mention the smart BM who are "nerds", "corny" and "trying to be white" because they don't own any Lil' Wayne CD's), BW have run with this ridiculous mindset and then will look around and wonder why Tyronius and LaDevian have left them with 2 or 3 kids. What did you expect?

That's a snippet of one married woman's opinion (mine) on the whole issue.

 

[ambergirl]

I feel some kind of way about your hubby asking this question....makes me wonder whether your hubby is black or if he's trying to make some kind of point about black women....

 

[GeorginaSparks]

im TIRED of these kind of topics. You guys are married so why does he care?

 

[bluewater01]

Ladies this is a question my hubby asked me the other day. He wanted to know what my thoughts were. I told him it could be several reasons depending on the woman.

What are your thoughts?

Because Black Men aren't stepping up to the plate. They want to run around and sleep with with who they want when they want and then after a few years, they wonder what's wrong with us... I know that sounded kind of biased, but I think that's a lot of it.

 

[Maracujá]

The true breakdown of the Black family began when BW bought the lie that is called feminism from their white (mostly Jewish) female counterparts. BW jumped into a "fight" that wasn't really theirs and the "independent woman" propaganda lives to this day; only WW largely either let that go or compartmentalized it so it wouldn't completely screw up their family structure and BW are still holding on to it to their detriment. WW knew/know when to turn that off but unfortunately BW largely still haven't figured it out yet. Even Gloria Steinem figured it out eventually and got married.

Second issue is that in the last, I'd say, 10 years, BW have tended to lean heavily towards these "ruffnecks" that are neither marriage nor father material. No "man" who can't wear his pants the appropriate size with a belt or who has had the poor foresight to get a tattoo on his neck is serious about a committed relationship, nonetheless marriage. From MC Lyte rapping about wanting a "Ruffneck" to Destiny's Child singing about how they want a "Soldier" with "hood status" who's "street", to women saying that they can't date a man because he's "too nice" (not to mention the smart BM who are "nerds", "corny" and "trying to be white" because they don't own any Lil' Wayne CD's), BW have run with this ridiculous mindset and then will look around and wonder why Tyronius and LaDevian have left them with 2 or 3 kids. What did you expect?

That's a snippet of one married woman's opinion (mine) on the whole issue.

Interesting.

 

[sashaa]

Immaturity and Trust issues are huge deal breakers in most situations IMO...It is hard to find a matured man and when you do its hard to trust him.

OP, define single though.

 

[IRIESKY]

Why are so many black women single...:

bcz you have many of black men who are

1.) Cheaters/Players/Whores no moral sexual standards
2.) Pathological Liars
3.) Incarcerated/Solitary Confinement
4.) In the closet
5.) Baby Makers?entrap women with a baby.
6.) Shallow/Unattainable expectations exp: she MUST look like a video/model chick
7.) Careless Babymakers/dont pay child support/don't care for their kid(s) baby mother(s)
8.) Lazy/Gigalos
9.) Abusive/Crazy
10.) Suffer from a superiority complex
11.) Suffer from the: " I dont date black women" complex
12.) Get a thrill of making women feel inferior.
(There is probably more I haven't name)



This is very true.... especially " You must look like a video/model chick." I have encountered this myself.I think there just brainwashed by the music video that protray an image that does not represent all black women. I rather be single and bypass the pain and agony.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Well, my coworker (she's white) says it's because black women don't smile and always look mean. This is coming from a woman who is playing house with a black man that she's known for 3 months, has 3 kids (from a previous relationship), and now pregnant with her fourth.

 

[Bunny77]

Well, my coworker (she's white) says it's because black women don't smile and always look mean. This is coming from a woman who is playing house with a black man that she's known for 3 months, has 3 kids (from a previous relationship), and now pregnant with her fourth.

Your answer: "So I guess you must not smile and must always look mean too because I sure don't see a ring on your finger!"

 

[lushcoils]

Um.

http://blackloveposter.tumblr.com/


Where is he getting his information from? Are they valid sources? Does he/do they get out much?

 

[fatimablush]

Well, my coworker (she's white) says it's because black women don't smile and always look mean. This is coming from a woman who is playing house with a black man that she's known for 3 months, has 3 kids (from a previous relationship), and now pregnant with her fourth.

White women look mean too...

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

White women look mean too...

I said this to her and she just looked at me. She has issues as far as I'm concerned so I don't listen to her 99% of the time and that's why when she told me this about us, I just rolled my eyes at her like..."and you know this because..."

 

[asubeauty]

 

[MCMLXXXIV]

As anyone ever thought of the fact that many black women are single because there is simply a ton of us?

 

[DrC]

Why are so many black women single...:

bcz you have many of black men who are

1.) Cheaters/Players/Whores no moral sexual standards
2.) Pathological Liars
3.) Incarcerated/Solitary Confinement
4.) In the closet
5.) Baby Makers?entrap women with a baby.
6.) Shallow/Unattainable expectations exp: she MUST look like a video/model chick
7.) Careless Babymakers/dont pay child support/don't care for their kid(s) baby mother(s)
8.) Lazy/Gigalos
9.) Abusive/Crazy
10.) Suffer from a superiority complex
11.) Suffer from the: " I dont date black women" complex
12.) Get a thrill of making women feel inferior.
(There is probably more I haven't name)



This is very true.... especially " You must look like a video/model chick." I have encountered this myself.I think there just brainwashed by the music video that protray an image that does not represent all black women. I rather be single and bypass the pain and agony.

yeah, they have this particular concept of their ideal women is supposed to look from watching too much tv (BET at that). Most men are like that but not ALL of them

 

[Murjani]

I was just reading another forum and this is one man answer to the problem.
Thought it was interesting.

I actually have an idea that is "thinking outside the box". For those African American women who are frustrated with their current dating/marriage choices, and who want to explore other options. The more practical and beneficial solution would be to explore dating black men and women from other countries. This would expose them to different cultures and attitudes towards dating, family, and male-female relations. More importantly this choice allows African Americans to explore different foods, listen to different music, and to visit other countries. The potential and promise these types of relationships, which I have named "african diasporan relationships", is that they allow black people to broaden their knowledge and experience of different cultures, while simultaneously strengthening the bonds of black communities. African Diasporan relationships gives black people to opportunity to not only build bridges but to create communities. I have even created a website to discuss this option:

http://africandiasporanrelationships.ning.com/

 

[Raspberry]

I don't think as many black women are SINGLE as the media hype makes it out to be. It's all how one defines single. Single could mean not dating anyone seriously or not in a relationship to some while it could mean not married to others. The media counts all unmarried/never been married women as single regardless of their relationship status. That means they're lumping co-habiting women, LTR, women in serious but "new" relationships, etc all in the same "SINGLE" category. They're making it seem as if NOBODY is checking for black women at all. We are just SINGLE with no dating and no potential suitors at all. Another reason, I believe a lot of black women are SINGLE because many are in serious relationships that never make it to marriage.

This is true - the definition of single simply means unmarried..

Honestly in real life I don't hear black women doing all of this complaining and foot stomping. There's so many different situations that a black woman may find herself in that generalizations aren't useful. Some of us are divorced, some are single moms with lingering ties to the child's father, others are single and childless - "waiting on God," still some others are cool with casual dating and having fun. Some women want a man, some women want a husband, and some others arent' sure what they want..

It's also true that a lot of black men aren't feelin marriage anytime soon - so Bunny is right that the OP should ask her hubby why some of his friends are single.

 

[HairBarbie]

The true breakdown of the Black family began when BW bought the lie that is called feminism from their white (mostly Jewish) female counterparts. BW jumped into a "fight" that wasn't really theirs and the "independent woman" propaganda lives to this day; only WW largely either let that go or compartmentalized it so it wouldn't completely screw up their family structure and BW are still holding on to it to their detriment. WW knew/know when to turn that off but unfortunately BW largely still haven't figured it out yet. Even Gloria Steinem figured it out eventually and got married.

Second issue is that in the last, I'd say, 10 years, BW have tended to lean heavily towards these "ruffnecks" that are neither marriage nor father material. No "man" who can't wear his pants the appropriate size with a belt or who has had the poor foresight to get a tattoo on his neck is serious about a committed relationship, nonetheless marriage. From MC Lyte rapping about wanting a "Ruffneck" to Destiny's Child singing about how they want a "Soldier" with "hood status" who's "street", to women saying that they can't date a man because he's "too nice" (not to mention the smart BM who are "nerds", "corny" and "trying to be white" because they don't own any Lil' Wayne CD's), BW have run with this ridiculous mindset and then will look around and wonder why Tyronius and LaDevian have left them with 2 or 3 kids. What did you expect?

That's a snippet of one married woman's opinion (mine) on the whole issue.

It can't be feminism since most women are anti feminism and anti-womanhood in general. Most black women are all about protecting the black man, making excuses for him, cuddling him, not accepting praises if he's not praised. Of all of which are anti-feminism. Most black women are more misogynistic and patriarchal.

I think putting their womanhood last instead of first is part of the reason. But overall the main reason is that black men have realized that they can take advantage of this and instead of caring about advancing, they are more into taking care about their own personal needs and using black woman and also being anti-relationships.

If more black men were marriage oriented, there'd be more marriages. I think all these addressing women stuff is not going to change anything, since women are the ones that want to get married but the men just don't.

 

[panamoni]

Why are so many black women single...:

bcz you have many of black men who are

1.) Cheaters/Players/Whores no moral sexual standards
2.) Pathological Liars
3.) Incarcerated/Solitary Confinement
4.) In the closet
5.) Baby Makers?entrap women with a baby.
6.) Shallow/Unattainable expectations exp: she MUST look like a video/model chick
7.) Careless Babymakers/dont pay child support/don't care for their kid(s) baby mother(s)
8.) Lazy/Gigalos
9.) Abusive/Crazy
10.) Suffer from a superiority complex
11.) Suffer from the: " I dont date black women" complex
12.) Get a thrill of making women feel inferior.
(There is probably more I haven't name)

I have dealt with every man on that list, but it doesn't necessarily mean there is no hope, (I found someone )

I especially agree with the incarcerated one. Maybe the number of black women/men who are single are equal...but seems like there are a lot more available black women than available black men.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I'd tell him he needs to get out more, and stop believing the hype about us being sad single women (if he thinks that). And perhaps suggest that he work on hooking up some of his single sisters with some of his eligible friends, if he's so concerned LOL.

It's a whole of single women out there from EVERY ethnic background.

Examples:
Every office I've worked in -- has had a ton of single white women in their 30s who were desperate to get married.
Singles events -- also lots o' ppl from other ethnicities (primarily white IME) unless it is a black event.
Any mainstream popular dating site -- black folx are def in the minority.

 

[MD_Lady]

It can't be feminism since most women are anti feminism and anti-womanhood in general. Most black women are all about protecting the black man, making excuses for him, cuddling him, not accepting praises if he's not praised. Of all of which are anti-feminism. Most black women are more misogynistic and patriarchal.

I think putting their womanhood last instead of first is part of the reason. But overall the main reason is that black men have realized that they can take advantage of this and instead of caring about advancing, they are more into taking care about their own personal needs and using black woman and also being anti-relationships.

If more black men were marriage oriented, there'd be more marriages. I think all these addressing women stuff is not going to change anything, since women are the ones that want to get married but the men just don't.

 

[laurend]

Like my husband's Nigerian coworker said " black women need to leave our men alone, if they want to get married go get their men out of jail." There are more black women than men that's it, not much we can do about it.

 

[Lady Esquire]

The true breakdown of the Black family began when BW bought the lie that is called feminism from their white (mostly Jewish) female counterparts. BW jumped into a "fight" that wasn't really theirs and the "independent woman" propaganda lives to this day; only WW largely either let that go or compartmentalized it so it wouldn't completely screw up their family structure and BW are still holding on to it to their detriment. WW knew/know when to turn that off but unfortunately BW largely still haven't figured it out yet. Even Gloria Steinem figured it out eventually and got married.

Second issue is that in the last, I'd say, 10 years, BW have tended to lean heavily towards these "ruffnecks" that are neither marriage nor father material. No "man" who can't wear his pants the appropriate size with a belt or who has had the poor foresight to get a tattoo on his neck is serious about a committed relationship, nonetheless marriage. From MC Lyte rapping about wanting a "Ruffneck" to Destiny's Child singing about how they want a "Soldier" with "hood status" who's "street", to women saying that they can't date a man because he's "too nice" (not to mention the smart BM who are "nerds", "corny" and "trying to be white" because they don't own any Lil' Wayne CD's), BW have run with this ridiculous mindset and then will look around and wonder why Tyronius and LaDevian have left them with 2 or 3 kids. What did you expect?

That's a snippet of one married woman's opinion (mine) on the whole issue.

In grad school, during finals, me and a study partner were taking a break and were listening to her DC cd. I remarked that the "Soldier" lyrics turned me off. She asked me why. I said that young girls are going to think that its cool to go for that type and then perpetuate the stupid cycle. Plus, Beyonce's man is a CEO, while the average young chick will go out and get a real "soldier" on the streets.

We were having a simple conversation, in the wee hours in the morning about something as trivial as an R&B song. Homegirl never spoke to me again. Come to find out, she was dating a ruffneck type. I guess I must have hit a nerve.

I also think that many of us make bad choices. If he looks, acts, and talks like a thug....where in that equation do you see marriage material?