Why are our men still putting us down if they're not interested in us?

[happycakes]

Just getting back from McDonalds (I know I know - not good for me) anyway while I was there I went to pick up some napkins - well I caught a white male staring at me so I smile (just a little though as I could see in the corner of my eye that he had a black co-worker sitting at the table with him) then I hear his black co-worker say something about "yeah, but I don't like them weaves". I wish I would have went over there and whisper my number in that white's guy ear - just to tick his friend off.

However, I just pretended like I didn't hear his comment and walked on out. But my thing is if you're not interested in me why try to keep the white guy from finding me attractive.

I live in Chicago and I swear over half of our black males are dating white women. I'm fine with that because I'm dating a white guy and I don't find it an issue anymore - so to each his own. I just find it soooo insulting to have our men constantly trying to bring our property value down. I don't know of any other race of men that do that to their own women in public like that.

I just had to rant about this as this is why I have my own issues with our black men. I sometimes find it hard to even look them in the eye because they have become so judgemental of us.

Has this happen to anyone else? What's going to become of us in the near future? Who's going to find us attractive if our own white collar men are constantly speaking bad about us?

Ladies it's going to be up to us to raise a better generation of men. I just fear for our little girls' future. What else can we do?

 

[firecracker]

Whattttt! You should have went over there and gave yt boy your digits.

 

[happycakes]

I surely will next time. Thanks Girlie.

 

[jturner7156]

Wow, is all I can say.

 

[Bunny77]

Welp... first, I don't really refer to black men as "our" men... yes, they are of my same racial group, but I don't feel any ownership over them, just as they don't have ownership over me... I'm not "anyone's" woman except for the man I'm with.

(I know, that's just semantics, but I just have never liked the "our men" and "our women" terminology.)

Secondly, the only thing that I think that WE can do is raise our sons right AND tell our daughters that they should look for ANY man who respects them, makes them happy and treats them well.

And yeah, you should have given YT the digits... Seriously, date who you want to date. You're a free woman and "your" men are the men you choose to make "your men." As soon as BW stop pinning ALL of their hopes and plan their lives around what BM are gonna do, the better!!!

(And before anyone has **** to say, no, I'm not saying YT is better. I'm saying that BW need to stop getting so worked up over what random BM are doing and do their own thing... whatever that may be!)

 

[caramelcutieinva]

This is probably an unpopular opinion but I don't think its a big deal. Friends often comment on members of the opposite sex. I know I sit with my girls and they will be like did you see the guy over there he's cute. I will say yeah but I don't like locks.

Its just an opinion no biggie.

 

[Syrah]

Or maybe it was just a personal opinion. Some men don't like weaves - they like "Real hair". Some men claim not to like weaves, but would rather operate on the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Some could care less.

I dunno - I don't see any of it as an attempt to put down all black women.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

As for the bigger issue, they're probably hurt from previous rejection.

 

[MD_Lady]

Some folks just gotta hate ... OH WELL!!!

 

[Dposh167]

As for the bigger issue, they're probably hurt from previous rejection.

agreed....there is such thing as a bitter black man...or man in general. Imo...most bm who walk around stating negative comments about bw...have either been hurt by one...or have had some kind of bad experience....but in ur case op....i dont look at his comment as putting bw down. There are men who find weaves unattractive. The same way i feel a grown man wearing braids is unattractive....

 

[nappysunflowers]

First, men talking smack about hair aren't worth your time. If they moved when he coughed, he would have had the confidence to step to you. Clearly, he didn't.

Second, like Bunny said; date who you want. Black men are dating who they want, and Black women should do the same. They see themselves as men first, and Black men second. You are a woman first, and a Black woman second. Date who will make you happy. The world is becoming more and more blended every day.

Yes, I ocassionally get ignorant comments from bum arse Negros. I just keep it moving. If I choose to be set on finding a black man who appreciates me, I'll find one who will appreciate me nappy headed and all. If I choose to be set on finding a good man, same thing applies.

As for what is to become of us in the near future, I think we will be fine. I don't see any impending doomsday where there are hundreds of black women hitting the streets with bridal gowns on and tazer guns hunting down brothas like we are on a safari in the Serengiti. I don't feel some form of crunch coming down. I wil continue to live my life and put myself out there. There will be some man out there (COLOR ASIDE) who will want to be with me for me. The same goes for you.

I completely understand about the generational thing. I think we will end up with a bunch of fake-thug, disrespectful, simp arse mama's boys if we are not careful. There is one problem with part of the OP comment above. It takes a mother and a father to keep the wave of simp fake thugs from flooding the market, not just us. We needs men to help out too...
...peace...

 

[blkbeauty]

Welp... first, I don't really refer to black men as "our" men... yes, they are of my same racial group, but I don't feel any ownership over them, just as they don't have ownership over me... I'm not "anyone's" woman except for the man I'm with.

(I know, that's just semantics, but I just have never liked the "our men" and "our women" terminology.)

Secondly, the only thing that I think that WE can do is raise our sons right AND tell our daughters that they should look for ANY man who respects them, makes them happy and treats them well.

And yeah, you should have given YT the digits... Seriously, date who you want to date. You're a free woman and "your" men are the men you choose to make "your men." As soon as BW stop pinning ALL of their hopes and plan their lives around what BM are gonna do, the better!!!

(And before anyone has **** to say, no, I'm not saying YT is better. I'm saying that BW need to stop getting so worked up over what random BM are doing and do their own thing... whatever that may be!)

Exactly...brush it off your shoulders and keep it moving!

 

[Valerie]

Unfortunately, there seems to be quite a few black men wailing on youtube or the like, moaning about black women or black women with white men, or going on various blogs cursing black women and calling them sellouts and whores. Personally, it is very laughable, every one likes to talk about choice, choice is good, if the other person does not get it, however now there is more exposure to different cultures and races and everyone can experience interracial dating, relationship and marriage, if they choose to. There are some folks are just not happy, they are angry, bitter and frustrated and unfortunately there is no cure for them. I do feel sad that black women seem to get abuse from black men and I am yet to hear other races abuse their women. Some of us need to change our mentality, we do not belong to black men and black men do not belong to us, once that mentality is changed, then a lot of folks can move on and get good quality relationships.

 

[SelahOco]

That's weird cause I am very aware and never say anything negative about a black person in the presence of YT. I know that they are just waiting to hear it, so I am either silent or say something glowing. They hate that!

I'm from Wisconsin too and Milwaukee is one of the most segregated cities in the Country -- so this may be a little different than where some of you are from.

 

[kbody4]

Just getting back from McDonalds (I know I know - not good for me) anyway while I was there I went to pick up some napkins - well I caught a white male staring at me so I smile (just a little though as I could see in the corner of my eye that he had a black co-worker sitting at the table with him) then I hear his black co-worker say something about "yeah, but I don't like them weaves". I wish I would have went over there and whisper my number in that white's guy ear - just to tick his friend off.

However, I just pretended like I didn't hear his comment and walked on out. But my thing is if you're not interested in me why try to keep the white guy from finding me attractive.

I live in Chicago and I swear over half of our black males are dating white women. I'm fine with that because I'm dating a white guy and I don't find it an issue anymore - so to each his own. I just find it soooo insulting to have our men constantly trying to bring our property value down. I don't know of any other race of men that do that to their own women in public like that.

I just had to rant about this as this is why I have my own issues with our black men. I sometimes find it hard to even look them in the eye because they have become so judgemental of us.

Has this happen to anyone else? What's going to become of us in the near future? Who's going to find us attractive if our own white collar men are constantly speaking bad about us?

Ladies it's going to be up to us to raise a better generation of men. I just fear for our little girls' future. What else can we do?

You know, I feel like this all the time when I see or meet black men

 

[kbody4]

That's weird cause I am very aware and never say anything negative about a black person in the presence of YT. I know that they are just waiting to hear it, so I am either silent or say something glowing. They hate that!

I'm from Wisconsin too and Milwaukee is one of the most segregated cities in the Country -- so this may be a little different than where some of you are from.

Hi OcoLove!! I from Milwaukee too I just moved to Austin, TX but co-signing with you on Milwaukee being segregated I got a lot of dirty looks when I dated outside of my race.

 

[bftscgirl]

It is a simple case of ,"They(BM) don't want us, and they most certainly don't want anybody else to have us either." So when you smiled at the white guy and paid very little attention to the other guy he felt like he had to tell you and everyone with in an earshot that he did not want u either. This has happened to me a few times. It is sad that the BM has many options open to him and goes for all of them and then when we decide that we are done waiting for them to behave right and do right and be right and we move on they can't handle it. His ego was bruised is all.

 

[SelahOco]

Hi OcoLove!! I from Milwaukee too I just moved to Austin, TX but co-signing with you on Milwaukee being segregated I got a lot of dirty looks when I dated outside of my race.

Hey...why did I squint at your avi to see if I know you? I don't think I do, but, hi!!!!!

 

[Nevaeh1282]

This is probably an unpopular opinion but I don't think its a big deal. Friends often comment on members of the opposite sex. I know I sit with my girls and they will be like did you see the guy over there he's cute. I will say yeah but I don't like locks.

Its just an opinion no biggie.

I agree with you. It's no big deal. Dude is entitled to his opinion, however offensive she may find it. She clearly wasn't interested in the black friend so does it really matter what he thinks of her weave? I think not.

I find on here some people get bent out of shape over some real trivial matters. Try not to let such matters bother and perhaps y'all will lead happier lives!

 

[Rae1234]

was the black talking about your hair? anyway i'm still trying to figure out why u didnt give the white guy your number! lol

 

[cocoberry10]

Welp... first, I don't really refer to black men as "our" men... yes, they are of my same racial group, but I don't feel any ownership over them, just as they don't have ownership over me... I'm not "anyone's" woman except for the man I'm with.

(I know, that's just semantics, but I just have never liked the "our men" and "our women" terminology.)

Secondly, the only thing that I think that WE can do is raise our sons right AND tell our daughters that they should look for ANY man who respects them, makes them happy and treats them well.

And yeah, you should have given YT the digits... Seriously, date who you want to date. You're a free woman and "your" men are the men you choose to make "your men." As soon as BW stop pinning ALL of their hopes and plan their lives around what BM are gonna do, the better!!!

(And before anyone has **** to say, no, I'm not saying YT is better. I'm saying that BW need to stop getting so worked up over what random BM are doing and do their own thing... whatever that may be!)

All I wanna say is:

Are you getting paid dollars, cuz your posts make too much sense (cents)!!!!

 

[CurlyMoo]

Just getting back from McDonalds (I know I know - not good for me) anyway while I was there I went to pick up some napkins - well I caught a white male staring at me so I smile (just a little though as I could see in the corner of my eye that he had a black co-worker sitting at the table with him) then I hear his black co-worker say something about "yeah, but I don't like them weaves". I wish I would have went over there and whisper my number in that white's guy ear - just to tick his friend off.

However, I just pretended like I didn't hear his comment and walked on out. But my thing is if you're not interested in me why try to keep the white guy from finding me attractive.

I live in Chicago and I swear over half of our black males are dating white women. I'm fine with that because I'm dating a white guy and I don't find it an issue anymore - so to each his own. I just find it soooo insulting to have our men constantly trying to bring our property value down. I don't know of any other race of men that do that to their own women in public like that.

I just had to rant about this as this is why I have my own issues with our black men. I sometimes find it hard to even look them in the eye because they have become so judgemental of us.

Has this happen to anyone else? What's going to become of us in the near future? Who's going to find us attractive if our own white collar men are constantly speaking bad about us?

Ladies it's going to be up to us to raise a better generation of men. I just fear for our little girls' future. What else can we do?

@ the Bolded, why would you give your number to a man who didn't ask for it? You did say you were involved? And futhermore, just because he thinks your pretty doesn't mean he's available. Now wouldn't it have been very embarrassing if you did run up to him and give your number, and he said he was married or in a relationship. I bet you would have heard a lot more about your weave from Black dude. You handled it correctly by walking out. I notice that a lot of Black men like to get us to respond by saying something inappropriate or offensive just to get us to react. It's childish and pathetic. It doesn't help their case and I would come off looking and feeling like and idiot for playing up to it. Be a lady and do what we do best, blow them off.