Who would never go natural?
- Thread starter loonatick
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beyondcute
New Member
Hmmm this is gonna be very intersting.....
SoAnxious12
New Member
yes it will be quite interesting. I had a friend tell me she would never not relax because she thought she would never have a boyfriend if she went natural and she was afraid all her "nappy hair" would be revealed.
Sistaslick
New Member
This doesn't apply to me now, but this was me a couple of years ago. If you would have asked me this same question back then, I would have emphatically told you that I would NEVER, NEVER, EVER go natural. EVER. I guess because being relaxed for me, was being natural.
I didn't see the beauty in natural hair of the type 4 variety. I know many relaxed people who don't have issues with self hate-- but I can't lie, I was one of the sistas who really did. If I could have switched hair, I would have in a heart beat. Hmph, yeah I was taught early on that my natural hair was ugly and unacceptable. I felt that hair like mine HAD to and NEEDED to be relaxed. 
I almost feel guilty typing this out now, but it was the truth for me. I am now just coming to understand where those ill feelings came from.
But that was before I started really getting into haircare, and before I started learning more about my own history as a black woman in this society. Coming to sites like this, and actually doing my own reading on history related topics has really opened my eyes to the possibility of embracing my natural self and letting my hair operate as God intended. I am still not at a point where I'd totally give up relaxing-- but unlike before, I am totally receptive to the possibility and the seed has been planted.
I have undergone a huge mind shift over the last couple of years and I am so glad for it. I no longer feel like I HAVE to relax my hair and I don't see my newgrowth (or anyone elses
) as ugly and needing to be fixed. I still have some issues that I need to come to terms with, but I am well on my way to figuring this all out. I do intend to take that step to napturality one day. 
Its no longer a matter of if, just a matter of when.
I didn't see the beauty in natural hair of the type 4 variety. I know many relaxed people who don't have issues with self hate-- but I can't lie, I was one of the sistas who really did. If I could have switched hair, I would have in a heart beat. Hmph, yeah I was taught early on that my natural hair was ugly and unacceptable. I felt that hair like mine HAD to and NEEDED to be relaxed. I almost feel guilty typing this out now, but it was the truth for me. I am now just coming to understand where those ill feelings came from. But that was before I started really getting into haircare, and before I started learning more about my own history as a black woman in this society. Coming to sites like this, and actually doing my own reading on history related topics has really opened my eyes to the possibility of embracing my natural self and letting my hair operate as God intended. I am still not at a point where I'd totally give up relaxing-- but unlike before, I am totally receptive to the possibility and the seed has been planted.
I have undergone a huge mind shift over the last couple of years and I am so glad for it. I no longer feel like I HAVE to relax my hair and I don't see my newgrowth (or anyone elses ) as ugly and needing to be fixed. I still have some issues that I need to come to terms with, but I am well on my way to figuring this all out. I do intend to take that step to napturality one day. Its no longer a matter of if, just a matter of when.
Maybe if I was to cut it short.A few years ago I would have also said I was never going natural.
Not because I hated my natural texture or anything like that, just that I didn't know what to do with it.
When I was natural I didn't have a clue how to care for my hair, it was always frizzy, dry and in a ponytail. I had constant breakage.
Relaxers helped me to maintain my hair and to wear it out as much as I wanted. Now that I have finally learned how to care for my hair w/ different products, & styling tools to help me, natural seems possible again in the near future. Maybe within next 2 years.
Not because I hated my natural texture or anything like that, just that I didn't know what to do with it.
When I was natural I didn't have a clue how to care for my hair, it was always frizzy, dry and in a ponytail. I had constant breakage.
Relaxers helped me to maintain my hair and to wear it out as much as I wanted. Now that I have finally learned how to care for my hair w/ different products, & styling tools to help me, natural seems possible again in the near future. Maybe within next 2 years.
Sistaslick
New Member
sylver2 said:
I didn't know you were natural before!
Cheleigh
Well-Known Member
SistaSlick:
Your honesty is appreciated.
You are not alone. There are A LOT of women out there who think just like you used to. I KNOW that what my parents think, and what my grandparents thought, and what their grandparents thought has a lot to do with my perceptions of my own hair, of my body, of my skin tone.
We look through lenses that are often carved by other people's influences. To minimize the impact of that influence is to be like an ostrich with it's head in the sand, IMO. I don't know why a Jewish woman, or an Italian, or any other white woman straightens her hair. And frankly, I don't care. But I will say that I know why many BLACK women have had their hair relaxed since they were 5, or 7, or 12. It may not be true for ME, anymore, but that doesn't mean it's still not TRUE for many of us, and I'm not afraid of acknowledging it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of.
ETA: Yep, I know a few folks in my family who would never go natural--there are some folks in my family who think our family's hair is like Brillo Pad and that they'll look like porch monkeys. Harsh, I know, but just being real.
Your honesty is appreciated.
You are not alone. There are A LOT of women out there who think just like you used to. I KNOW that what my parents think, and what my grandparents thought, and what their grandparents thought has a lot to do with my perceptions of my own hair, of my body, of my skin tone.
We look through lenses that are often carved by other people's influences. To minimize the impact of that influence is to be like an ostrich with it's head in the sand, IMO. I don't know why a Jewish woman, or an Italian, or any other white woman straightens her hair. And frankly, I don't care. But I will say that I know why many BLACK women have had their hair relaxed since they were 5, or 7, or 12. It may not be true for ME, anymore, but that doesn't mean it's still not TRUE for many of us, and I'm not afraid of acknowledging it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of.
ETA: Yep, I know a few folks in my family who would never go natural--there are some folks in my family who think our family's hair is like Brillo Pad and that they'll look like porch monkeys. Harsh, I know, but just being real.
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SoAnxious12
New Member
sylver2 were you on the board when you were natural? Cuz i don't remember that!
Sistaslick
New Member
Cheleigh said:Sister Slick:
Your honesty is appreciated.
You are not alone. There are A LOT of women out there who think just like you used to. I KNOW that what my parents think, and what my grandparents thought, and what their grandparents thought has a lot to do with my perceptions of my own hair, of my body, of my skin tone.
We look through lenses that are often carved by other people's influences. To minimize the impact of that influence is to be like an ostrich with it's head in the sand, IMO. I don't know why a Jewish woman, or an Italian, or any other white woman straightens her hair. And frankly, I don't care. But I will say that I know why many BLACK women have had their hair relaxed since they were 5, or 7, or 12. It may not be true for ME, anymore, but that doesn't mean it's still not TRUE for many of us, and I'm not afraid of acknowledging it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of.
I was debating whether I should hit "submit reply" or not
I didn't want y'all to look at me crazy 
I had some issues man. @sylver... ohhhhh
See I never actually had the stage where I remembered my natural hair. Never given the chance. Sistaslick said:@sylver... ohhhhh
whoa!! yeh my mother was strict about me waiting. I think I was 17 or 18 when I finally got one and I still only would get a touchup like once a year.
pyxis777
New Member
I would never go natural again unless I had a major life change where I would not be allowed to have chemicals applied to my head for medical reasons like a disease or pregnancy. I am coming off of 2 years of being natural (but in braids for the majority of the time). I went natural (by accident) because I was in braids during school. I had twists for a time too. I also experimented with getting a press every 2 weeks.
In general I am not very good with doing things to my hair. I suck at using a curling iron, or straightning comb, and I still can't braid my own hair into a french braid or anything like that. I can barely rollerset properly because I have trouble with parting my hair. Thankfully the way a roller set comes out is not dependent on a straight part. Natural hair takes a lot more work to style (even harder to part 
), and a lot more maintenance (for me with my dry, fine, 4b hair). I understand that some people find that it's much easier to style their hair natural, it's just not for me.
Also, I really like long hair. It's hard enough waiting for my relaxed hair to grow out, let alone my natural hair which would take even longer to show length. Example: My afro puff was always sickly small unless I blew my hair out a little.
I also like the look of straight hair, wavy, and more gently curled hair. I realize that this preference has been shaped by a lot of factors including the media, living in a predominately white area, historical prejudice, etc. But I'm not going to apologize for my preference. I love myself, I have great respect for our struggles and accomplishments as black people. I just don't want to have to struggle with accepting and working with my hair, LOL. The acceptance part is about liking the way I look with natural hair. I like it on some other people, but it just doesn't work for me. (And truth be told, it doesn't work for everyone who is natural.) As has been mentioned lots of other places on this site, if I were a white girl who prefered straightening her curly hair (or vice versa) nobody would say anything, but I understand what the connotations are for black people straightening their hair. Double standard, I say.
From being natural (with my length of hair) when it wasn't straight, it just wasn't as flattering on me. I don't know how it would look if it were longer, but like I said - the waiting!!!
Now that I am learning how to take care of my relaxed hair, I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I never minded stretching before, the only reason that I didn't go for months and months before is becuase unknowlegable stylists told me that getting my hair relaxed every 6-8 weeks was imperative. I used to strech occasionally to 10 weeks (when I didn't have the money to go) and they would yank hair out of my head, trying to separate it to get the relaxer in it with a fine toothed comb no less! Then they would tell me my ends were damaged and cut off an inch or more of hair.erplexed No wonder I had poor results with a relaxer. My hair looks best about a month after being relaxed, because it is fine. The new growth gives it fullness.
In conclusion, natural styles aren't for me. I can see myself staying relaxed indefinitely (though thanks to this site, I will no longer be a slave to relaxing on a short time schedule).
In general I am not very good with doing things to my hair. I suck at using a curling iron, or straightning comb, and I still can't braid my own hair into a french braid or anything like that. I can barely rollerset properly because I have trouble with parting my hair
. Thankfully the way a roller set comes out is not dependent on a straight part. Natural hair takes a lot more work to style (even harder to part ), and a lot more maintenance (for me with my dry, fine, 4b hair). I understand that some people find that it's much easier to style their hair natural, it's just not for me. Also, I really like long hair. It's hard enough waiting for my relaxed hair to grow out, let alone my natural hair which would take even longer to show length. Example: My afro puff was always sickly small unless I blew my hair out a little.
I also like the look of straight hair, wavy, and more gently curled hair. I realize that this preference has been shaped by a lot of factors including the media, living in a predominately white area, historical prejudice, etc. But I'm not going to apologize for my preference. I love myself, I have great respect for our struggles and accomplishments as black people. I just don't want to have to struggle with accepting and working with my hair, LOL. The acceptance part is about liking the way I look with natural hair. I like it on some other people, but it just doesn't work for me. (And truth be told, it doesn't work for everyone who is natural.) As has been mentioned lots of other places on this site, if I were a white girl who prefered straightening her curly hair (or vice versa) nobody would say anything, but I understand what the connotations are for black people straightening their hair. Double standard, I say.
From being natural (with my length of hair) when it wasn't straight, it just wasn't as flattering on me. I don't know how it would look if it were longer, but like I said - the waiting!!!
Now that I am learning how to take care of my relaxed hair, I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I never minded stretching before, the only reason that I didn't go for months and months before is becuase unknowlegable stylists told me that getting my hair relaxed every 6-8 weeks was imperative. I used to strech occasionally to 10 weeks (when I didn't have the money to go) and they would yank hair out of my head, trying to separate it to get the relaxer in it with a fine toothed comb no less! Then they would tell me my ends were damaged and cut off an inch or more of hair.
erplexed No wonder I had poor results with a relaxer. My hair looks best about a month after being relaxed, because it is fine. The new growth gives it fullness.In conclusion, natural styles aren't for me. I can see myself staying relaxed indefinitely (though thanks to this site, I will no longer be a slave to relaxing on a short time schedule).
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PecanSandie
New Member
Hey Everyone,
I have been a member of this board for almost two years now, but rarely post. I had to come out of the woodworks to tell Sistaslick that I appreciate and admire her honesty and that so many of us, from little girls learn to hate our hair. I used to always feel like I could compete with and be as attractive as women of any other race... except for the "hair factor". I laugh at how I used to cringe at the thought of a vacation and water and their effects on my hair.
Luckily, as time goes on and with the help of the boards I am loving my hair.
Oh, and I would go natural, however I like the flexibility of frequent shampooing, airdrying and the hairstyles I can achieve while relaxed.
PS. Sistaslick, would you be so kind as to PM me with the password to your album. I just have to get the low down on your regime.
I have been a member of this board for almost two years now, but rarely post. I had to come out of the woodworks to tell Sistaslick that I appreciate and admire her honesty and that so many of us, from little girls learn to hate our hair. I used to always feel like I could compete with and be as attractive as women of any other race... except for the "hair factor". I laugh at how I used to cringe at the thought of a vacation and water and their effects on my hair.
Luckily, as time goes on and with the help of the boards I am loving my hair.
Oh, and I would go natural, however I like the flexibility of frequent shampooing, airdrying and the hairstyles I can achieve while relaxed.
PS. Sistaslick, would you be so kind as to PM me with the password to your album. I just have to get the low down on your regime.
CreoleInDC
New Member
I would love to...but I truly don't think I'd have the patience needed for detaingling.
*ElleB
New Member
Cheleigh said:SistaSlick:
Your honesty is appreciated.
You are not alone. There are A LOT of women out there who think just like you used to. I KNOW that what my parents think, and what my grandparents thought, and what their grandparents thought has a lot to do with my perceptions of my own hair, of my body, of my skin tone.
We look through lenses that are often carved by other people's influences. To minimize the impact of that influence is to be like an ostrich with it's head in the sand, IMO. I don't know why a Jewish woman, or an Italian, or any other white woman straightens her hair. And frankly, I don't care. But I will say that I know why many BLACK women have had their hair relaxed since they were 5, or 7, or 12. It may not be true for ME, anymore, but that doesn't mean it's still not TRUE for many of us, and I'm not afraid of acknowledging it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of.
ETA: Yep, I know a few folks in my family who would never go natural--there are some folks in my family who think our family's hair is like Brillo Pad and that they'll look like porch monkeys. Harsh, I know, but just being real.
Well said! ITA there....
I grew up thinking that my natural hair was something to be ashamed of...Now, with knowledge, and a more open mind, I know that this is not true and that "good hair" is something that WE ALL CAN POSSESS with the right care. One of my goals in life is to go natural...As a matter of fact, i haven't had a relaxer in 7 months and I am totally comfortable with my natural texture. As a matter of fact, I find myself admiring it.
Yes, I agree, relaxing makes hair alot easier to manage, but now there are so many versatile styles you can do with natural hair!Cheleigh said:SistaSlick:
Your honesty is appreciated.
You are not alone. There are A LOT of women out there who think just like you used to. I KNOW that what my parents think, and what my grandparents thought, and what their grandparents thought has a lot to do with my perceptions of my own hair, of my body, of my skin tone.
We look through lenses that are often carved by other people's influences. To minimize the impact of that influence is to be like an ostrich with it's head in the sand, IMO. I don't know why a Jewish woman, or an Italian, or any other white woman straightens her hair. And frankly, I don't care. But I will say that I know why many BLACK women have had their hair relaxed since they were 5, or 7, or 12. It may not be true for ME, anymore, but that doesn't mean it's still not TRUE for many of us, and I'm not afraid of acknowledging it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of.
ETA: Yep, I know a few folks in my family who would never go natural--there are some folks in my family who think our family's hair is like Brillo Pad and that they'll look like porch monkeys. Harsh, I know, but just being real.
ITA, i don't why women of other races straighten their hair but it shouldn't matter b/c WE KNOW why we straighten our hair and that mentality needs to be fought against. No, not everyone wants to go natural and you shouldn't if you don't want to; however, realize why you do the things that you do and move on from there. If you decide that hair is just hair then so be it but I think everyone should really look into themselves and simply ask WHY? I think past influences are stronger than many (NOT ALL) women want to admit. Sistah slick, thanks you for your words, they were bold and undaunting. I appreciate it.
beyondcute
New Member
RavenIvygurl said:
Yeah thats me. I liked my hair staright and I had to realize WHY. I wasnt born with straight hair. Why was I chasing it and why did it seem the only 'right thing' to me? Whose ideal of beauty was I chasing? *ding ding Bey!* But thats just my feelings. ITA with you ravenivygurl. I feel like its a personal thing. No one shoudl if they dont want to. Do what you please but my thought is to look deeper at the true reason behind getting your hair 'fixed.'
MizaniMami
New Member
Sistaslick said:I was debating whether I should hit "submit reply" or not
@sylver... ohhhhh
Actually I am glad that you DID say it! I was too afraid that I would step on someone's toes if I said it. I felt the EXACT same way as you! But I will probably will go natural, but as of now I don't want to be natural.
I am not going to say never though. I like the versatility of being relaxed and it is easier for me to handle. I think that being natural will limit my hair style option, also I like the way my relaxed hair looks. Good thing to think about though.
Candy_C
New Member
one day i will definately go natural! i was relaxed from 11, i'm 19 this year so thats nearly 8 years...thats a long time! when i get to waistlength i will know i got there take loadsa pics and probabley kill it with dyes and heat anyway, so yep, in my 20's i'm goin natural! (my natural hair was like thick wire tho, i'm scared but curious)
SqrpioQutie
Well-Known Member
i used to say that i'd never go natural... i've been relaxed since i was 5 and only had problems with breakage and such when i first started using curling irons (teen years)... but then i got bored with my hair and wanted to see what m natural hair was like... so i did it... stayed completely natural for about 3 months... during those 3 months i learned that i didn't have fun with 100% natural hair (probably because it was a twa and didn't provide much versatility)... so i went middle of the road (texturized)...
but i'm glad i took the plunge and overcame my prejudices... definitely taught me a few things..
but i'm glad i took the plunge and overcame my prejudices... definitely taught me a few things..
qtgirl
New Member
I've been natural before as an adult and I had just recently gone back and forth about transitioning or doing the "big chop" again. I thought really hard about going natural again, but I won't (barring physical illness) I DO NOT LIKE SHRINKAGE! I know it is inherent to natural hair, but my shrinkage is at least 50%. I want to SEE my long hair. Not only that I know the nature of my own hair, by virtue of being natural once before and once it gets longer it gets harder to manage for me because the front top of my hair has a looser pattern and the sides and back have a tighter pattern and my hair started to look like some odd flat top or something if I didn't manipulate it, so that meant picking it out for fros or twisting it (which took a long time). So I don't know about never because never is a very long time, but I doubt it.
mkh_77
New Member
pyxis777 said:
Actually, the above statment isn't true. I think it's Naturallycurly.com or something like that where there is a forum against curl haters, for lack of a better term. They post about how you never see curly haired women in the media and how make over shows always want to straighten someone's hair. Some are pretty bitter and militant about it, too. I remember a thread where some were particularly pissed when Chelsea Clinton was photographed with straightened hair. Here's the link:
http://naturallycurly2.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=69194
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Example post taken from the site:
It's a reality TV show centered around a new salon opening in Beverly Hills.
So...A curly lady came into to the Jonanthan Beverly Hills salon looking or a makeover, and, of course, I am looking at how he approaches it with the eagle eye of a curly girl... At first, he looked at the hair, which i can only guess was 2c-3a (?) and said how much he loved the curl and then proceeded to:
1. cut the hair wet.
2. blow it out straight.
BOO!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
qtgirl said:
We have a similiar situation. The past few weeks I've contemplated bc'ng again too. I loved the really tightly coiled hair and the more loosely coiled hair, just not together on the same head. Maybe the final step of acceptance is accepting the dual textures? I don't know, it's just took so much time an energy balancing the two textures out. And it seemed that regardless of how long it got, I would never be able to wash and go because the tightly coiled hair will shrink to less than an inch if it is not stretched by braids or twists. The only sensible thing to do was to wear braids or twists 90% of the time and a twist/braid out on occassion. I guess the other option was to where it and keep it really short. I guess until I am ready to wear an oddly shaped fro, a very short fro or braids/twists non-stop, I need to do like you and let it go (at least for awhile). Thanks for your honesty, you helped me see my situation even more clearly.
P
patient1
Guest
Sistaslick,
Your post was so moving and I ADMIRE your honesty and courage to be honest. I've been natural 14 years plus but I remember being 18 or 19 and definitely not thinking about being natural. I was never scared of my kinks and would take my time getting relaxers. But I definitely enjoyed the admiration I would get for the health, thickness, and length of my freshly relaxed hair.
We ALL struggle with some level of self-acceptance. All meaning all genders, all races, all ethnicities. Body image, facial features, hair texture, class, lineage, etc. I've concluded that it's part of the human condition in THIS society. We're fed lies and then, if we have the courage, we become truthseekers and all that we thought we knew gets called into question.
How fortunate we are as women of texture of hue that hair, so trivial to some, does have meaning AND, if we allow, it becomes a pathway to our deeper selves.
I really love the way the "issue" of texture is dealt with on this board. No demonization or burning at the stake. We're able to exist in the FULL spectrum of textures and tones that we are...harmoniously.
I really appreciate those who shared in this thread.
p1
Your post was so moving and I ADMIRE your honesty and courage to be honest. I've been natural 14 years plus but I remember being 18 or 19 and definitely not thinking about being natural. I was never scared of my kinks and would take my time getting relaxers. But I definitely enjoyed the admiration I would get for the health, thickness, and length of my freshly relaxed hair.
We ALL struggle with some level of self-acceptance. All meaning all genders, all races, all ethnicities. Body image, facial features, hair texture, class, lineage, etc. I've concluded that it's part of the human condition in THIS society. We're fed lies and then, if we have the courage, we become truthseekers and all that we thought we knew gets called into question.
How fortunate we are as women of texture of hue that hair, so trivial to some, does have meaning AND, if we allow, it becomes a pathway to our deeper selves.
I really love the way the "issue" of texture is dealt with on this board. No demonization or burning at the stake. We're able to exist in the FULL spectrum of textures and tones that we are...harmoniously.
I really appreciate those who shared in this thread.
p1
SweetCaramel1
Well-Known Member
before i was married and before i found lhcf i always told my husband one day i wanted to let my relaxer grow out so that i could totally bleach my hair. my hubby is always supportive and had no problem with it whatsoever. then when i found lhcf i learned about stretching relaxers and now that i've done my first stretch i'm seriously not wanting to go natural. for whatever reason 80% of my new growth is extremly hard. i don't know if i haven't found the right product yet, not conditioning frequently enough, or whatever. so as of today i do not want to go natural but who knows what the future may hold
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Country gal
Well-Known Member
I use to have the same concerns too. I stepped out on faith. It is working beautifully for me. I love being natural. I get lots of compliments.
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