Who would never go natural?

[Country gal]

before i was married and before i found lhcf i always told my husband one day i wanted to let my relaxer grow out so that i could totally bleach my hair. my hubby is always supportive and had no problem with it whatsoever. then when i found lhcf i learned about stretching relaxers and now that i've done my first stretch i'm seriously not wanting to go natural. for whatever reason 80% of my new growth is extremly hard. i don't know if i haven't found the right product yet, not conditioning frequently enough, or whatever. so as of today i do not want to go natural but who knows what the future may hold

You are dealing with two different textures which makes it very hard.

 

[qtgirl]

This sounds just like me. And I am not looking like Boo-boo the fool with a lopsided looking fro.

We have a similiar situation. The past few weeks I've contemplated bc'ng again too. I loved the really tightly coiled hair and the more loosely coiled hair, just not together on the same head. Maybe the final step of acceptance is accepting the dual textures? I don't know, it's just took so much time an energy balancing the two textures out. And it seemed that regardless of how long it got, I would never be able to wash and go because the tightly coiled hair will shrink to less than an inch if it is not stretched by braids or twists. The only sensible thing to do was to wear braids or twists 90% of the time and a twist/braid out on occassion. I guess the other option was to where it and keep it really short. I guess until I am ready to wear an oddly shaped fro, a very short fro or braids/twists non-stop, I need to do like you and let it go (at least for awhile). Thanks for your honesty, you helped me see my situation even more clearly.

 

[Nanyanika]

I'm still transitioing however i'm not certain, whether i could stay natural, my hair is growing in very thick, and i had to deal with monstrous tangles tonight when i removed my cornrows. i'm willing to wait until december before finalising my decision.

 

[Sistaslick]

We ALL struggle with some level of self-acceptance. All meaning all genders, all races, all ethnicities. Body image, facial features, hair texture, class, lineage, etc. I've concluded that it's part of the human condition in THIS society. We're fed lies and then, if we have the courage, we become truthseekers and all that we thought we knew gets called into question.

this is exactly the point I am entering in my life. 21 years old, trying to find my way amidst the social/mental clutter. I am only now realizing that much of what I thought or was told about myself, though probably well intentioned, was terribly wrong And it is so hard to overcome that. It took me awhile to realize that my views on my hair stemmed from something much, much deeper than the hair itself. That may not be true for others, but I know me. So, I'm working on me and trying to deal with that.

 

[Browndilocks]

I used to think I would never go natural. My first perm was when I was around 8 and I was GLAD to have one because I was extremely tender headed. As I got older, I never considered being without a perm in fear that my extreme tenderheadedness would return. Literally, on a fluke I was forced to stretch my relaxer for 3 months because the only person I trusted to touch me up was not around. In the meantime I got my roots pressed and 3 months turned into 5 years. I lurked this board for a good year and a half before I joined so I picked up some great hair care tips and going natural has been easier than I ever would have thought - even with all of this thick hair!

Never say never...

 

[Sistaslick]

Boo-boo the fool

I'm sorry but that cracked me up

 

[MzTami]

I'm still transitioing however i'm not certain, whether i could stay natural, my hair is growing in very thick, and i had to deal with monstrous tangles tonight when i removed my cornrows. i'm willing to wait until december before finalising my decision.

I feel the same way you do. I've been transitioning for about 8 months and it has been a STRUGGLE. I am styled challenged and don't know if I can handle my natural hair. I have been looking like a hot mess at work and I don't know which way to turn. I don't like weaves or braids, I don't want a relaxer, but I don't know how to continue working with this transitioned hair either. I'm just hoping that my natural hair doesn't be as nappy as it is now. My hair is so nappy that it's making my scalp very sensitive. I can't weigh it down to put into a ponytail and recently it has been looking dull, brittle, and very dry. I think to myself, I sure hope this struggle is worth it in the end. I'm ready to get back to looking like the beautiful groomed lady I use to be. I just don't know about this transition to natural. I have been SERIOUSLY thinking about relaxing.

 

[beyondcute]

Hey Stis-sta I been lookign for you.... |I (you know what that means )

 

[Nanyanika]

I feel the same way you do. I've been transitioning for about 8 months and it has been a STRUGGLE. I am styled challenged and don't know if I can handle my natural hair. I have been looking like a hot mess at work and I don't know which way to turn. I don't like weaves or braids, I don't want a relaxer, but I don't know how to continue working with this transitioned hair either. I'm just hoping that my natural hair doesn't be as nappy as it is now. My hair is so nappy that it's making my scalp very sensitive. I can't weigh it down to put into a ponytail and recently it has been looking dull, brittle, and very dry. I think to myself, I sure hope this struggle is worth it in the end. I'm ready to get back to looking like the beautiful groomed lady I use to be. I just don't know about this transition to natural. I have been SERIOUSLY thinking about relaxing.

My hair was quite dry and brittle for a year until i started looking in my diet and taking supplements, so its much softer now, but it still is going to be a lot of work, i'm almost natural with only 4-5inches of texturized ends, my hair is becoming very thick, all i can say it stick with the right products, low manipulation, eat a good diet or take supplements and be patient, don't make any quick decisions you may regret later. i'm going to wait until i grow out the rest of the texturizer then decide whether i want to relax or stay natural.

 

[Aubergold]

Yeah thats me. I liked my hair staright and I had to realize WHY. I wasnt born with straight hair. Why was I chasing it and why did it seem the only 'right thing' to me? Whose ideal of beauty was I chasing? *ding ding Bey!* But thats just my feelings. ITA with you ravenivygurl. I feel like its a personal thing. No one shoudl if they dont want to. Do what you please but my thought is to look deeper at the true reason behind getting your hair 'fixed.'

girl, I was chasing her ideal of beauty, too! And the thing is even though I was born here Both my parents are West African and I am dark so u know I was on some kind of drugs!! Thinkin maybe I could look like Bey......I was crazy!

 

[MizAvalon]

I was natural for a little over 4 years up until about 4 years ago. I don't rule out going natural again, but probably not for many years.

 

[sareca]

I change my mind everyday about whether or not to go natural again. Today I'm thinking relaxer. But I have a confession to make. I really don't see what the big deal is about natural vs relaxed (ducking as I wait for people to throw things). It's always been just a hairstyle, no different than a crop or long layers, jet black or bleached blond. It's about personal style. But I probably feel that way because the women in my family are all over the map w/ their hair. Some have been natural their entire life. Some have been natural for years (as adults) then relaxed ever since. Some stretch for 12 months between relaxers (didn't call it stretching tho) others touch-up every 6-8 weeks. Then there are the ones that yo-yo between natural and relaxed. I'm a yo-yo'er. Yeah, my mother still uses the term 'good hair' and if your fro is lumpy we laugh at you. The point is you get to have a "nappy" fro or relax your "good hair" and both are accepted equally. It's just a hairstyle with its own needs and advantages no stigmas attached. In grade school and college I heard people criticize other people's "nappy hair," but I thought the person making the comments had the problem not the chick rockin' her style. Can't we make it just a hairstyle and get mad at the people that try to exhault themselves or put down others baesd on it? It might catch on...

 

[TwistNMx]

I use to have the same concerns too. I stepped out on faith. It is working beautifully for me. I love being natural. I get lots of compliments.

Ditto. I thought I'd never go natural until LHCF. My hair is easy to comb though...that is until it dries. This forum has helped me so much with managing my hair inwhich my mother did not even know how to do. She was a type 1, but I did not inherit that.
I truly believe that with all of the support here, those who would 'never' go natural...probably could when well informed too.
Just like natural hair, relaxed hair has its problems too...and probably more breakage, etc. in the long run. I know because I experienced it which is how I found LHCF in the first place.

 

[BrownBetty]

girl, I was chasing her ideal of beauty, too! And the thing is even though I was born here Both my parents are West African and I am dark so u know I was on some kind of drugs!! Thinkin maybe I could look like Bey......I was crazy!

Where are you from?

Both my parents are from Ghana and I haven't seen my natural hair in years. I am afraid of what my natural hair looks like. If it is anything like yours, then I may make the leap.

 

[pyxis777]

Hey mkh:

I have seen that site, and you're right - there are a lot of militant pro-curl people there. I guess I'm wrong in saying that nobody would say anything.

What I should have said is that I hope that hair will stop being so much of a racial issue for us and become more of a cosmetic choice. Those girls that hate the fact that curls get straightened don't have to deal with racial issues as well. I feel like we as a people should start to move beyond questioning the "blackness" of the choice of relaxed vs. natural. The real questions should be "is my hair healthy?" and "is this style flattering?"

===================================================

Quote:
Originally Posted by pyxis777
As has been mentioned lots of other places on this site, if I were a white girl who prefered straightening her curly hair (or vice versa) nobody would say anything, but I understand what the connotations are for black people straightening their hair. Double standard, I say.

Actually, the above statment isn't true. I think it's Naturallycurly.com or something like that where there is a forum against curl haters, for lack of a better term. They post about how you never see curly haired women in the media and how make over shows always want to straighten someone's hair. Some are pretty bitter and militant about it, too. I remember a thread where some were particularly pissed when Chelsea Clinton was photographed with straightened hair. Here's the link:

http://naturallycurly2.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=69194
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Example post taken from the site:

It's a reality TV show centered around a new salon opening in Beverly Hills.

So...A curly lady came into to the Jonanthan Beverly Hills salon looking or a makeover, and, of course, I am looking at how he approaches it with the eagle eye of a curly girl... At first, he looked at the hair, which i can only guess was 2c-3a (?) and said how much he loved the curl and then proceeded to:

1. cut the hair wet.

2. blow it out straight.

BOO!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

[Sistaslick]

Hey Stis-sta I been lookign for you.... |I (you know what that means )

heeeey, I know a rock toss when I see it That must have been for that "orange" comment and here you go :evil

 

[hotshot]

Today I saw a young black man (late 20's?) with a relaxer styled like a whiteboy. I'm talking standing straight up, gelled a little. I've seen this before maybe 2 or 3 times in NYC, esp. in the Village, and it struck me how acceptable it is for black women to straighten their hair and mimic other cultures' styles and texture, but it looks ridiculous on a black man. Black men don't wear perms. Why? It's neither right or wrong, its just status quo-It's just what we are used to seeing.

I recently cut my natural hair down to about an 1/8 to 1/4 of an inch. It seems and feels really bold here but in other places that's very normal style for a young woman. We just aren't used to considering it acceptable. We might call it bold, tomboyish, militant, sloppy, maturing, unglamourous, earthy. But its all arbitrary. For example, when I was in South Africa, all the "middle class" women, hipsters, scenesters, models, artists, professionals (anyone un-marginalized) had this low cut like mine or another short natural hairstyle, while only in the dirt, dirt poor regions did you see women and babies with perms and the rampant Dark and Lovely ads.

I write this to say we find beautiful what we are conditioned by. Furthermore, what is beautiful is relative. It all depends how you approach it. I hope in this day and age black women can develop a new aesthetic for ourselves; open our minds and "get used to" seeing natural styles as more normal. Nothing is fixed- straight hair or wavy hair isn't inherently "better." Our attitudes have the power to flip the script. It's all how you choose to see it. Determine for your self what is beautiful and for heaven's sakes don't let someone determine for you.

 

[myco]

Right now, I think it depends on how I feel on a particular day. When my newgrowth starts coming in and I start playing in it, I get all hyped up and motivated to transition. Then I'll see a picture of a bangin' layered relaxed style, and it's like nevermind. Pressing would be a waste of time. I sweat in my scalp even now when I use a flat-iron on relaxed hair.

It could just still be scab hair or because it's being pulled straight by the relaxed ends, but as I look at my newgrowth, it doesn't seem like it would "stand up" like I would want it to if completely natural.

Currently I relax it about 60-75% straight and I stretch 12 wks in between relaxers. In the future it would be nice to switch between natural hair and wearing straight styles. But like I said in the first paragraph, I keep flaking out.

 

[mscounselor]

I used to think this way because to me it was just a hairstyle and in some ways I think I still do. Now I transitioning for the second time and I find that even with dry hair, my hair is soft. I think that natural is the best of both worlds right now. Who knows what will happen when I am fully natural. All I know is that I don't miss the salon appointments.
So I guess the never comment doesn't apply because I changed my mind.

 

[pyxis777]

So am I the only one on this site who would never do the natural thing again voluntarily?

 

[CurleeDST]

Exactly, you don't have to run from the rain, pool, shower or ocean water b/c water is a natural's best friend.

I find relaxed hair, in general, limp, lifeless, without body and damaged. Natural hair tends to be full, lush and fragile so you have to treat it as you would fine silk.


Gotta love it!

These are just some of the benefits of natural hair, as well.

 

[MizaniMami]

Exactly, you don't have to run from the rain, pool, shower or ocean water b/c water is a natural's best friend.

I find relaxed hair, in general, limp, lifeless, without body and damaged. Natural hair tends to be full, lush and fragile so you have to treat it as you would fine silk.


Gotta love it!

I think this (bolded section) can apply to ALL types of hair, I wouldn't just limit it to relaxed hair. There are soooo many ladies here with beautiful, thick, bouncy hair that is full of life and they are relaxed

 

[Super_Hero_Girl]

Exactly, you don't have to run from the rain, pool, shower or ocean water b/c water is a natural's best friend.

I find relaxed hair, in general, limp, lifeless, without body and damaged. Natural hair tends to be full, lush and fragile so you have to treat it as you would fine silk.

Gotta love it!

I completely AGREE!


But I must say, that this topic beaten more than bradangelina and beyonce threads. And I know, it will never go away.

 

[secretdiamond]

I never even imagined going natural b4 LHCF,not b/c I hated my natural hair, but b/c it never even crossed my mind-- no biggie.

I got relaxed at 10 yrs old. and have never had to deal with my natural hair since. If i stretched, I didn't even notice my natural hair. i dunno.... I just ignored it. It was never an issue.

Since coming to this site, natural hair in general has caught my interest. It is so beautiful to me.... BUT on other people who know how to deal with it. Stretching for me has allowed me to have a quick short look at my hair and I loved it, b/c I was paying close attention to it for the first time. I loved the spirals/zig-zags I saw AND felt.... it was so soothing. BUT when it was time to comb my hair into a ponytail or when it dried... I was VERY frustrated from the pain and breakage AND tangles (dreaded up!!). I won't even get into what I went through the last 'stretch'.

Anyway, this site has done wonders for me in terms of noticing natural hair, esp. type 4 hair and loving it. I am always in awe when I see someone in real life with natural hair. I want to be just like them b/c they make it look so easy and wonderful, but once I actually deal with my hair, the fairy tale quickly ends.

All in all, I don't see myself going natural (for now) for many reasons (I'll post them later) and I'm not ashamed of that in any way. I am, however, VERY GRATEFUL for what LHCF has done for me in the way I view natural hair. Maybe one day..........

 

[~Nigeria~]

I think this (bolded section) can apply to ALL types of hair, I wouldn't just limit it to relaxed hair. There are soooo many ladies here with beautiful, thick, bouncy hair that is full of life and they are relaxed

I agree MizaniMami.

Exactly, you don't have to run from the rain, pool, shower or ocean water b/c water is a natural's best friend.

I find relaxed hair, in general, limp, lifeless, without body and damaged. Natural hair tends to be full, lush and fragile so you have to treat it as you would fine silk.

Gotta love it!

I don't mean to call you out Curlee but your post almost always has something negative to say about relaxed hair. What's up with that

 

[Candy_C]

Exactly, you don't have to run from the rain, pool, shower or ocean water b/c water is a natural's best friend.

I find relaxed hair, in general, limp, lifeless, without body and damaged. Natural hair tends to be full, lush and fragile so you have to treat it as you would fine silk.


Gotta love it!

my hair doesn't come under any of those descriptions. not bragging but i got a blessed head of hair. my natural hair was just as sweet too. if u have strong natural hair, then relaxing shouldn't cause u problems. just the techniques. well in MY case i haven't had probs only what i've done like using heat which i never did when iwas natural, i think i had my hair blowdryed once in my whole natural hair life.

ps. dnt think i'm jumpin down your throat, your view is ur view, just when statements like that r made your BOUND to get people with healthy relaxed hair disputing so...and, as it wasn't an assumption i took it as a biased thing to say..juss stickin up for my strands!

 

[goldensensation]

I find beauty in all kinds of HEALTHY hair, be it relaxed, natural, texturized, colored, etc.

I've never had a problem with being natural. I loved my natural hair when I was younger and I'd love it now. I actually see myself leaving the relaxer for a while in the future.

 

[Queenie]

My relaxed hair was never limp either.

 

[beyondcute]

my hair doesn't come under any of those descriptions. not bragging but i got a blessed head of hair. my natural hair was just as sweet too. if u have strong natural hair, then relaxing shouldn't cause u problems. just the techniques. well in MY case i haven't had probs only what i've done like using heat which i never did when iwas natural, i think i had my hair blowdryed once in my whole natural hair life.

ps. dnt think i'm jumpin down your throat, your view is ur view, just when statements like that r made your BOUND to get people with healthy relaxed hair disputing so...and, as it wasn't an assumption i took it as a biased thing to say..juss stickin up for my strands!

DANG! She is allowed a PERSONAL opinion just liek everyone else on this site. If she feels that way about relaxed hair then its okay. I have to agree with her. Relaxed hair IS limper than natural hair otherwise what is the point of a relaxer? It relaxes the curl to stretch the hair and lengthen it. Thats happens on everybodys head whena RELAXER is applied. If it didnt make the hair limper then it would be bashed on here as not strong enough or underprocessed. Im not saying its limp and lifeless (because my relaxed hair wasnt Yall have seen my relaxed fro, limp is NOT the word to describe it ) BUT compared to my natural hair it IS limper. That meant the relaxer worked. Straight hair is limper than curled hair and definielt limper than coiled hair. Now as far as the lifeless comment, thats how she feels. You feel the opposite but I think we should all respect each others opinions even if you dont agree with them. If she feels negatively about relaxed hair then thats okay. Lets not jump on her for her opinions.....

 

[beyondcute]

I agree MizaniMami.




I don't mean to call you out Curlee but your post almost always has something negative to say about relaxed hair. What's up with that

Its just her opinion of relaxed hair. Thsi forum is not limited to women to love relaxed hair. Can we just respect her opinion and leave it at that?