White Joel or Black Joel?

[daniemoy]

I got two boyfriends name Joel. One is white (5 years) and one is black (10 years). I call them WJ and BJ. I was never really the one for marriage since I focus so much on my career. I am 27 now and both are ring shopping. I am so confused. Both are great. This is what I am confused about. I am ready to settle down, but since I've been dating both forever I don't know how to be with one man anymore. For two years now I've been doing long distance with both of them. I need to know should I leave both alone and find someone new or pick one and settle down. This is crazy, I know. Back in the good old days all my friends thought I had the best of both worlds. Now I feel like I am stretching myself thin. Flying out of town every weekend just ain't cutting it. WJ, is a musician/ songwriter with $$$ and the same get rich or die trying aspirations as myself. BJ, is a blue collar working man who wants a family house and picket fence. Its coming down to the wire ladies. I think Christmas may bring two proposals. I am in trouble. What do I do

 

[poetist]

Are you serious????

 

[Ms Red]

Ummm wow. Just wow! :blush3:

 

[Colliecole]

Are you serious????

I vote: Stop making ish up!

 

[Cxshortie]

Wow....uhm...yeah you in trouble. I guess only you can make that decision, there is not nearly enough information for anyone here to help you decide.

 

[tenjoy]

How in the world did you carry out two relationships for 5 years? How did you explain the holidays? Your parents know both? 10 years with BJ and and 5 of them you were dating WJ? How can you be so sure they are ring shopping?

 

[sonce]

I got two boyfriends name Joel. One is white (5 years) and one is black (10 years). I call them WJ and BJ.

Maybe you're making this up...but if not, then girl, ain't no shame in your game. Men have been doing it for millenia, so I say whatever! Do what makes you comfortable and dudes will just have to find a way to "wrap [themselves] around it," as Barbara Walters told Star Jones! Ha! I've been dating several guys for several months, and it'll take a long time before I'm ready to commit to one man (although I don't see myself leading a double life like you have, to be honest).

I say pick WJ because his aspirations are like yours, and because he didn't make you wait 10 years to get serious with you. You've been with BJ for ten years and only now is he ring shopping? If he wanted that house and picket fence that badly, he'd have been trying to wife you up way before the 10 year mark.

But you know, you could always keep one of them as a Mister (men been having mistresses, today's woman can have a mister).

Pimp on, pimpstress!

Edit: Um, sista, are you sexin both of them? Because if so, I hope you're using protection and I hope you've found out whether or not you're their one-and-only. Just being real with you. STDs aint no joke. Hence why I'm celibate! Be careful!

 

[MissYocairis]

I vote: Stop making ish up!

y'all krazy.

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't have any advice, but I will be watching this thread to see the responses because if the tables were turned....we would be ready to BURN the man at the STAKE for carrying on two simultaneous relationships....we would be calling on karma, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, a 9mm, a machete, a lynch mob, burning down homes, bleaching clothing, having folx arrested and whatever other kinds of punishment we could invoke to make that man PAAAAAY!

 

[sharentu]

for real... okay i just have one question. do they know about each other?

 

[sonce]

I don't have any advice, but I will be watching this thread to see the responses because if the tables were turned....we would be ready to BURN the man at the STAKE for carrying on two simultaneous relationships....we would be calling on karma, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, a 9mm, a machete, a lynch mob, burning down homes, bleaching clothing, having folx arrested and whatever other kinds of punishment we could invoke to make that man PAAAAAY!

True. But whatever. I'm in a sistahood, not a brothahood, so I feel no allegiance to or sympathy for men, honestly. I've seen so much filth in men during these past six months of being single that my respect for them is almost non-existent...and it plummets lower whenever yet another married man hits on me.

 

[daniemoy]

I expected candid responses but not to be called a liar. This is a serious situation otherwise I wouldn't waste my time asking advise about it. I wanted opinions that were unbiased. For those of you who want to know how I do it when it comes to holiday's. My family is supportive of whatever I choose to do. If bring I bring BJ to Thanksgiving and WJ to Christmas its cool with them. Other than this situation my life is pretty much in order (education done, great job, car, and house). So my family is happy for me to do what I please. Oh yeah, if you've ever had a boyfriend you know they are ring shopping when they ask you to email them pictures of rings you like or they ask your best friend to go with them to pick it out. Its not rocket science.

 

[rabs77]

I don't have any advice, but I will be watching this thread to see the responses because if the tables were turned....we would be ready to BURN the man at the STAKE for carrying on two simultaneous relationships....we would be calling on karma, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, a 9mm, a machete, a lynch mob, burning down homes, bleaching clothing, having folx arrested and whatever other kinds of punishment we could invoke to make that man PAAAAAY!

Gotta remember to keep an eye on this thread

 

[daniemoy]

for real... okay i just have one question. do they know about each other?

When I initially met WJ he knew about BJ. He was cool at first but started to feel slighted about 6 months into the relationship. So I told him I broke up with BJ. Since that time, neither are aware of the other.

 

[daniemoy]

True. But whatever. I'm in a sistahood, not a brothahood, so I feel no allegiance to or sympathy for men, honestly. I've seen so much filth in men during these past six months of being single that my respect for them is almost non-existent...and it plummets lower whenever yet another married man hits on me.

These were my feeling exactly when I started this whole thing, but now it is out of control and I can't trust anybody. I always think if I can do it and get away with a man could do the same to me....

 

[tenjoy]

wow

take both rings and then comes the challenge of them setting a date. so you have plenty of time.

 

[MissYocairis]

True. But whatever. I'm in a sistahood, not a brothahood, so I feel no allegiance to or sympathy for men, honestly. I've seen so much filth in men during these past six months of being single that my respect for them is almost non-existent...and it plummets lower whenever yet another married man hits on me.

I feel you girl. I have had my fair share of married men slithering my way!

 

[MissYocairis]

wow

take both rings and then comes the challenge of them setting a date. so you have plenty of time.

Love that!

 

[MissYocairis]

I expected candid responses but not to be called a liar. .

Girl, I dunno! We were just teasing about "is this real"? lol. but, hey, I dunno! Hell most of us are just trying to hang in there and wait for our little ONE BOYFRIEND to propose! Very few of us have the dilemma of having TWO BOYFRIENDS equally GREAT ready to propose on the same day! That's WILD!

I wonder if your being otherwise occupied at all times made you a less clingy girlfriend and, therefore, made the guys adore and want you more? Since you were busy with two, you didn't have much time to be ever sweating one about your relationship....maybe it made a difference and allowed things to blossom and bloom!

Although, I DO agree with the poster who made a comment about Black Joel being around for 10 years....why he take so long?

 

[spelmanlocks]

Are you serious????

My thoughts exactly I don't think you should marry either guy since you've not really been faithful to either man. Do you think you'll be able to make the transition of living and being with only one man?

 

[sonce]

I always think if I can do it and get away with a man could do the same to me....

Sista, unfortunately, fears like those are the wages of dishonesty...the price you pay for the life you choose, so to speak.

 

[Tallone]

Do you LOVE either one of them? Marry the one you love and can remain faithful too

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't think you should marry either.
If you seriously want to be married, break up with both of them and find someone you truly love.
When you are truly in love, there is no room for anyone else...not for 5 years!
Good luck!

 

[tocktick]

I got two boyfriends name Joel. One is white (5 years) and one is black (10 years). I call them WJ and BJ. I was never really the one for marriage since I focus so much on my career. I am 27 now and both are ring shopping. I am so confused. Both are great. This is what I am confused about. I am ready to settle down, but since I've been dating both forever I don't know how to be with one man anymore. For two years now I've been doing long distance with both of them. I need to know should I leave both alone and find someone new or pick one and settle down. This is crazy, I know. Back in the good old days all my friends thought I had the best of both worlds. Now I feel like I am stretching myself thin. Flying out of town every weekend just ain't cutting it. WJ, is a musician/ songwriter with $$$ and the same get rich or die trying aspirations as myself. BJ, is a blue collar working man who wants a family house and picket fence. Its coming down to the wire ladies. I think Christmas may bring two proposals. I am in trouble. What do I do

the fact you are dating two men at once says you are not really ready to get married, imo. if you all had an open relationship this would be understandable from from what i can tell, you do not. so that leads me to presume you are leading two men on. if you were only casually dating (not in an exclusive relationship but keeping options open) i would say more power to you but you are actually looking for one to settle down with now so that shows me you're not.

it seems you believe you are ready to settle, you have two suitors willing, so you feel this is your only chance. in short, you are settling. who says the man you marry has to be either one of these two? i think the only person you should be considering for marriage is someone you've been in an exclusive relationship with for some time. and not one of two guys you are currently in a long distance relationship with. this is such a poor foundation to build a marriage on.

what should you do? do them both a favour and break up with both.

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't think you should marry either.
If you seriously want to be married, break up with both of them and find someone you truly love.
When you are truly in love, there is no room for anyone else...not for 5 years! Good luck!

...isn't that the truth!

 

[Sui Topi]

I don't think you should marry either.
If you seriously want to be married, break up with both of them and find someone you truly love.
When you are truly in love, there is no room for anyone else...not for 5 years!
Good luck!

Thats what I'm saying....its not my business but are you having sex with either of them? I don't know any man in 2007 that can be with a woman for 5-10 years and not be stabbing that . If so...don't you feel a little weird to be hugging up one man after you were just with the next? "Whats good for the goose is grander for the gander" isn't really a good mantra...you should stick with your morals

 

[Sui Topi]

Also, no disrespect but do you think you're being fair to these men? I dont think they deserve that kind of dishonest treatment either..they may propose but its not really a deep, true, honest decision because they dont know the whole story about you. ..would BJ really still want to wife you after finding out you were cheating on him for 10 years?

 

[DayStar]

Thats what I'm saying....its not my business but are you having sex with either of them? I don't know any man in 2007 that can be with a woman for 5-10 years and not be stabbing that . If so...don't you feel a little weird to be hugging up one man after you were just with the next? "Whats good for the goose is grander for the gander" isn't really a good mantra...you should stick with your morals

see...there you go

 

[beadedgirl]

Well DANIE since you don't know how to be with ONE man at a time anymore.......My opinion is that BJ and WJ ought to DROP YO two timing ***.

 

[Sui Topi]

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