sharentu
Well-Known Member
okay. since there is some deception involved on your part. i wouldnt marry either of them. karma is a trip and i would hate for that to come back on you sis. you need to let them both go. more power to you though.
White Joel or Black Joel?
- Thread starter daniemoy
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okay. since there is some deception involved on your part. i wouldnt marry either of them. karma is a trip and i would hate for that to come back on you sis. you need to let them both go. more power to you though.
wow
take both rings and then comes the challenge of them setting a date. so you have plenty of time.
Well DANIE since you don't know how to be with ONE man at a time anymore.......My opinion is that BJ and WJ ought to DROP YO two timing ***.
no you didn't say that.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
I say go with the white guy. White is always right.
Okay, you know you need to stop, LOL!!!
With that AND your siggy!!!
EWWWWWW..............just nasty!!!!
DSP
New Member
Daniemoy, if this is what you're really going through, you're not really ready for marriage yet.
1. You have a mindset of being deceitful with someone you supposedly love.
2. You're looking for serious input on an internet poll.
3. In your original post you ask our opinion about a life-altering decision and the most you could tell us about these men is their race and occupation.
4. You're already accustomed to having your own way at someone else's expense. No marriage can last on that kind of foundation.
5. Neither man really knows who you are since you're lying and splitting your time between the two.
If you're looking for a "starter marriage" go for it. Tell both guys the truth and see who chooses to stay with you. If you're serious about building an authentic, emotionally rich life with someone, leave these poor suckers alone and work on your own issues first.
1. You have a mindset of being deceitful with someone you supposedly love.
2. You're looking for serious input on an internet poll.
3. In your original post you ask our opinion about a life-altering decision and the most you could tell us about these men is their race and occupation.
4. You're already accustomed to having your own way at someone else's expense. No marriage can last on that kind of foundation.
5. Neither man really knows who you are since you're lying and splitting your time between the two.
If you're looking for a "starter marriage" go for it. Tell both guys the truth and see who chooses to stay with you. If you're serious about building an authentic, emotionally rich life with someone, leave these poor suckers alone and work on your own issues first.
daniemoy
New Member
Girl, I dunno! We were just teasing about "is this real"? lol. but, hey, I dunno! Hell most of us are just trying to hang in there and wait for our little ONE BOYFRIEND to propose!
I wonder if your being otherwise occupied at all times made you a less clingy girlfriend and, therefore, made the guys adore and want you more? Since you were busy with two, you didn't have much time to be ever sweating one about your relationship....maybe it made a difference and allowed things to blossom and bloom!
Although, I DO agree with the poster who made a comment about Black Joel being around for 10 years....why he take so long?
Girl, we been dating since we were 17. When we started dating I told him I don't wanna get married til I am done with school. Then it was I don't wanna get married til I am more secure in my career. Now I've run out of excuses so he is all giddy about getting married.... I just never wanted to be one of those married @ 23 and divorced at 32 women...
tenjoy
Well-Known Member
Hmmmmm a "stater marriage".................Im intrigued..what is the purpose of a starter marriage.........I think I like thins term and options are good
Please elaborate.
daniemoy
New Member
This is a opinion, I can appreciate...And some of the things I am realizing... I tend to be a know it all, so I wanted input from people who don't know me, thats why I did the poll.. You comments are appreciated and thought provoking
spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
Hmmmmm a "stater marriage".................Im intrigued..what is the purpose of a starter marriage.........I think I like thins term and options are good
She should start a thread about that. Starter marriage, never heard anyone put a name to it.
daniemoy
New Member
Thats what I'm saying....its not my business but are you having sex with either of them? I don't know any man in 2007 that can be with a woman for 5-10 years and not be stabbing that. If so...don't you feel a little weird to be hugging up one man after you were just with the next? "Whats good for the goose is grander for the gander" isn't really a good mantra...you should stick with your morals
Yes, I've slept with both. I've only slept with 3 men in my life...I'm definitely no ***. I agree about the mantra.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
This thread must be a classic...
my white brother's name is Joel, I'm glad he's not the one you're talking about
Sometimes we must ask ourselves - Am I marriage material?
If the answer is No, we can always take the time to work on some of our issues before we consider mixing our issues with someone else's issues...LOL
Best of luck to you!
my white brother's name is Joel, I'm glad he's not the one you're talking about
Sometimes we must ask ourselves - Am I marriage material?
If the answer is No, we can always take the time to work on some of our issues before we consider mixing our issues with someone else's issues...LOL
Best of luck to you!
poetist
New Member
If you have to make up "excuses" about not marrying the guy, Im thinking that you're just not that into him.
Also, the fact that you are in long distance relationships with both of these guys also speaks volumes. I was in a LD relationship with someone who I couldve married. But I kinda wanted to have my cake and eat it to. Being LD meant I could have my space and see other guys, but I could also see him whenever I wanted to. My friends and family thought he was the guy for me and that I was being foolish to not want to settle down. THey even questioned why I was content with such a long term LD relationship. To me, it simply worked. But when I met my current husband, I realized that we wouldnt have been able to do the LD thing for that long. Not because we couldnt be faithful, but because we were TOTALLY enamored with each other and HAD to see each other. Thats when I truly understood what I was lacking in my previous relationship. Its one thing to be content in a marriage. Its another things to be head over heels in love.
Also, I am glad that you are seeking unbiased input, because at this rate, you'll be married at 23 and divorced at 23. Dont rush into marriage if you'd rather remain single. There are plenty of men who are cool with multiple open relationships and who also dont want to get married.
reallynow
Well-Known Member
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
This is truly sad and depressing. Is this what the black dating world is becomming?? How dare you even consider marrying either of these men. You don't need any of us to tell you that you are not ready for that type of commitment. I wish I knew WJ or BJ and if I find out that I do please believe they will be getting a phone call! You don't play with men's emotions like that. That's how people get killed! Just keepin it real. What would you do if you gave your all to some man only to find out sometime down the line that you weren't his one and only?? You would be devastated! Is this why you are playing them like this?? Are you too afraid to actually LOVE someone at the risk of getting your heart broken?? Marriage is a covenant that you make before GOD. Don't play with that. And two wrongs don't make a right!! We don't want men playing us but it's okay for us to do it?? How is that setting any type of example? 
coconow2007
New Member
Hey Everyone:
I took the time to read all the posts you've made and I am a little discouraged by some of the backlash. Everyone on here whether we are young, old or in between has made some choices that aren't the best in other's eyes - so please remember none of us are perfect.
I took the time to read all the posts you've made and I am a little discouraged by some of the backlash. Everyone on here whether we are young, old or in between
has made some choices that aren't the best in other's eyes - so please remember none of us are perfect.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Hey Everyone:
I took the time to read all the posts you've made and I am a little discouraged by some of the backlash. Everyone on here whether we are young, old or in between
IMHO, I don't think this is situation that should be sugarcoated but I don't think anyone was excessively harsh with their responses.
If the OP was a dude, we'd be tearin' him a new one.
daniemoy
New Member
This is truly sad and depressing. Is this what the black dating world is becomming?? How dare you even consider marrying either of these men. You don't need any of us to tell you that you are not ready for that type of commitment. I wish I knew WJ or BJ and if I find out that I do please believe they will be getting a phone call! You don't play with men's emotions like that. That's how people get killed! Just keepin it real. What would you do if you gave your all to some man only to find out sometime down the line that you weren't his one and only?? You would be devastated! Is this why you are playing them like this?? Are you too afraid to actually LOVE someone at the risk of getting your heart broken?? Marriage is a covenant that you make before GOD. Don't play with that. And two wrongs don't make a right!! We don't want men playing us but it's okay for us to do it?? How is that setting any type of example?
Damn you seem to be taking this very personally... Somebody two time you?
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Damn you seem to be taking this very personally... Somebody two time you?
Wow.
Real talk- I think the reason you're getting such passionate responses is because situations like this make it that much harder for the next women, the ones who might really love and want to marry these men.
coconow2007
New Member
I agree with you - we shouldn't sugarcoat but some posts were a bit rough. IMHO I think if this was about a man maybe we wouldn't raise so much of a stink because we all know what D O G S they can be,
daniemoy
New Member
Really ladies all this talk about my situation will mess it up for you is ridiculous. Obviously it ain't that hard to find a man. I've got two. And it ain't that hard to keep them either. You guys act like it is against the law if you don't marry the first man you meet. I tried my options and now I am in a tough situation. But for real, I'd rather be a tough situation and have options unlike some of you posting who seem to have no options.. I wanted a unbaised opinion and some of you definitely chimed in with good suggestions and constructive criticism, others were just HATERS! With that said, I am out of this Thread. Ya'll getting too angry for me
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
Damn you seem to be taking this very personally... Somebody two time you?
Once again another black woman justifying her actions and calling those that find them wrong haters.
As far as I know, no I haven't been two-timed. The whole point of my post was that I am thoroughly disappointed with your choice. I don't think you would be so defensive if you felt that what you were doing was wright either... I don't have anything else to say to you. You will make whatever decision you choose. Just know that what you're doing is wrong and it will catch up to you some day.ETA: I also have a feeling that if you continue down your current path you will be by yourself, something you seem to be avoiding like the plague. Do I sense some psychological issues there for you?
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Really ladies all this talk about my situation will mess it up for you is ridiculous. Obviously it ain't that hard to find a man. I've got two. And it ain't that hard to keep them either. You guys act like it is against the law if you don't marry the first man you meet. I tried my options and now I am in a tough situation. But for real, I'd rather be a tough situation and have options unlike some of you posting who seem to have no options.. I wanted a unbaised opinion and some of you definitely chimed in with good suggestions and constructive criticism, others were just HATERS! With that said, I am out of this Thread. Ya'll getting too angry for me
There ain't a damn thing about you or this situation that's worth hating on.
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daniemoy
New Member
Once again another black woman justifying her actions and calling those that find them wrong haters.
ETA: I also have a feeling that if you continue down your current path you will be by yourself, something you seem to be avoiding like the plague. Do I sense some psychological issues there for you?
Can't take what you dish out huh? There is a difference between constructive criticism and being Catty... Learn it and you'll be further along...Now I don't come to LHCF to argue so I'm done.. Write whatever you must
candy1214
Well-Known Member
Okay I fell out on this one. So So true.
OP since u seem to like to play games, do eenie meenie miney moe or rock papers scissors to pick your life partner.
Or go with the 10 year man since he got there first.
Arcadian
New Member
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I'm confused about your post. What did you expect people to say about your situation? "Go ahead, girl! You bad!" or "You go girl!" or "Go head girl, give them men what they deserve!"
YOU know what you are doing is wrong. YOU know that you wouldn't like it if the tables were turned on you. Like someone said, ain't nothing to hate about in your situation. I know what it feels like to run around doing wrong, always having to look over your shoulder, always having to watch what you say so you don't get caught in your own lies, having to make sure you don't call someone the wrong name. Most people grow out of that type of immaturity, and/or most people who still participate in this type of behavior don't entertain the thought of marriage. I am happily involved in a relationship with ONE man who I intend to marry someday.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
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