The Timing, or The "One"

[DarkHair]

I voted a combo. This equation also depends on the guy. This situation seems like it was timing. For me, we dated 7 yrs and week before our wedding day, and other events (new house, car, etc). Everything fell into place. I say all that to say that we were the one for each other, but it took time for that right moment.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

My guy was willing to move from Texas to Boston to be with me after only a month of dating. Right now we are planning for our retirement together and we're not even married yet! I think its more about maturity level...which is apart of timing lol

 

[Syrah]

It's timing. Even if its "the one" its still about timing - crossing paths at the right time.

 

[LivingDoll]

In most instances, it's definitely more about timing than anything else. When a man is ready he will marry who he's with whether or not she's really the one. He'll make her "ONE" for all intensive purposes.

In other instances he meets a woman who has everything he wants and he feels she is the 'one' but he runs the other way because he isn't ready. This has happened to me several times. My timimg sucks! I always meet great guys at the wrong time.

In rare instances she is really the 'one' and he is ready to get married. That's perfect timing.

 

[Rastafarai]

It's timing. Even if its "the one" its still about timing - crossing paths at the right time.

*Sigh*

Don't remind me. I might have missed out on an opportunity because I chose to ignore the signs. He made an attempt...we crossed paths...traveling on the same trains, getting off on the same stops...with the same destination...and of all places he decided to stand parallel to me; attempting to get my attention, but to no avail. I ignored.

I have yet to see or cross paths with him again.

Timing it is.

 

[Cinda2503]

*Sigh*

Don't remind me. I might have missed out on an opportunity because I chose to ignore the signs. He made an attempt...we crossed paths...traveling on the same trains, getting off on the same stops...with the same destination...and of all places he decided to stand parallel to me; attempting to get my attention, but to no avail. I ignored.

I have yet to see or cross paths with him again.

Timing it is.

Oh no! Why did you ignore him?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

All the books say it's timing.

All the books also say most black women will never get married.

 

[krikit96]

Okay, I'm gonna have to say it's "THE ONE" and timing DOES play some kind of role. EXAMPLE... my husband knew he wanted to marry me when we were 20. But he knew he wasn't ready. I thought he was the sexiest thing alive at the time, and I wasn't gonna let him know it...so we remained friends, he treated me better than any of his so called girlfriends... then I got with someone else. It killed him, but he tried not to show it. 3 years later when I broke up with my ex, he jumped on it. Come to find out, he would always tell his sisters that if he ever got married, it would only be to me. We got married @ 26 and he basically knew for 6 yrs that I was the one, even when I didn't think he was thinking about me...

I also have a cousin who says when she met her husband in college, he always used to tell her, I'm going to marry you... You are gonna be my wife, I'm tellin you... and she would laugh it off and say whatever boy... like she wasn't trippin. Well, they have been married now for 15 years. So I say it is the one. TIMING isn't such a factor as THE ONE, dude has to be able to see himself with you in the future, and love who you are as he sees you... and the potential to grow a family with you... which makes you the one, i guess.

Sorry for the long story...

 

[meesch]

wow, the idea of "timing" is actually really depressing as it turns out.

*exits in a hurry*

 

[Theo]

Its both, but mainly timing. Men reach a certain time in their life when they're open to finding the one.

I was talking with a married friend of mine (who actually married pretty young compared to most black males I know with a similar education/career path) and he said there are a number of girls from his past he would have married had it been the right time.

Totally unromantic notion, but it is what it is.

 

[UrbainChic]

It's a combination of both but I think timing mostly. Once a guys friends start to settle down thats usually an indication its going to be soon for him, as long as the girl is decent. I dont believe in "the one" i think we can be happy with more than one person, but i give timing a 85% weight when tallying up contributing factors.

In the example given in the OP on the otherhand, i think thats a bit too fast to be timing. If it was within 8 months of one of us moving away or something yes, i could chalk it up to timing, but not just plain old "i wanna play the field"

 

[FemmeCreole]

In most instances, it's definitely more about timing than anything else. When a man is ready he will marry who he's with whether or not she's really the one. He'll make her "ONE" for all intensive purposes.

In other instances he meets a woman who has everything he wants and he feels she is the 'one' but he runs the other way because he isn't ready. This has happened to me several times. My timimg sucks! I always meet great guys at the wrong time.

In rare instances she is really the 'one' and he is ready to get married. That's perfect timing.

intents and purposes.... sorry but that really makes my eyes twitch

I agree with the rest of your post

 

[B_Phlyy]

I think it's a combo, but mostly timing. I don't know why it popped into my head with this question, but hs sweethearts came to mind. The couple may know early on that they are with "the one", but they ultimately don't get married until the timing is right.

 

[PopLife]

Not sure, but I pray that it's timing in my situation....

 

[chocolat79]

A combo, but with timing being more dominant. If a guy is not ready, he's not going to go through with it, whether she's "the One" or not. He'll risk losing the girl if the timing isn't right. A lot of guys will get married to whomever meets the majority if their qualifications at the time. How many men end up with certain women and you're left scratching your head because you know of other women who may have been better suited for him, but he wasn't ready? I think she becomes "the One" when the timing is right.

Sent from my ADR6300 using ADR6300

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I say it's a combo but leading towards timing. That's what I've gotten from men.

 

[aribell]

I dated someone who specifically said he had met someone who had "everything I wanted" but he wasn't ready at the time. Granted, he was young, but there was no indication on his part that there was anything lacking in his feelings for her other than that he still wanted to be single at the time. So he passed.

I think people do meet people and everything just "clicks" or the feelings are so overwhelming that you'll rearrange everything else around this person. I don't know that most situations are like that, though.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I think it depends on the guy, but based on what I've witnessed, for many it's timing i.e. they were just ready to settle down. And the woman they were with at the time got the ring, if he was happy with her. I've noticed that most men aren't as sentimental as women are so finding the "soul mate" is a term rarely used. Men are very basic; meet their immediate needs plus physical attraction, look good on paper, and you are the one when they are ready to start a family.

Example, I was dating a guy. Wasn't all that into him, as I was still pining for my ex. He moved to another state and got involved with someone else. He came back to my state for a visit and proceeded to tell me I'm the prototype and what he wants, as well as some physical stuff I won't discuss. Anyway, once I visited his state he lived in, I didn't tell him I was there until I arrived, he was pissed! A few weeks later he calls me to tell me he got engaged. I think men keep options in front of them to choose from and when one doesn't pan out they go to the next.

I'm actually starting to look at marriage differently than I use to. I was holding out for "the ONE" but I'm starting to feel there are many ones to choose from and pick the best candidate that will make a great father, faithful husband and great provider. Instead of waiting for that all consuming love feeling.

 

[CurliDiva]

IMO, i think many women over estimate what makes a femalel the ONE. A face full of makeup, a big behind or porn moves in the bedroom does not make u the ONE.


Guys will work around the timing (and won't play the field or need to date for years) when they find right person. If someone is not coming correct.....move on.