Which individual receives the most benefits of marriage?

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Is it the man or the woman? Why?


I have been thinking about this and I know that due to my upbringing , it can seem like a slap in the face, but I honestly believe men benefit more from the marriage lifestyle.

Just looking at all of the articles, television shows, talk shows, books, etc about relationships the scale is typically tilted in the man's favor in that those forms of media are directed toward women. They instruct a woman on how to understand a man, honor a man, how to love a man, what not to do to a man, what a man loves, how to make your husband happy, etc.

I notice that women are told to be realistic a LOT about their marriage and stop expecting a man to be their 'knight and shining armour' but no one tells the men they should be realistic. We are expected to cook, clean, stroke their egos, sex them (and oh, if he cheats, we must weren't making him feel like a man), know when and how to speak to them...

I also hate that when a woman speaks about what her husband is not doing in their marriage after she's expressed her need to him and she's told 'well, maybe instead of changing him, you should change yourself!'

Now I am pro-marriage, but at the same time, I have been tapping into a section of my brain that I have suppressed over the years and really thinking about a lot of circumstances that make me

 

[MixedBerry]

EDITED< the pic I posted is not showing.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I remember reading a stat that married men live longer and single women live longer. Also married men with children make more money and I think single women with no children make more.

So I would say men.

 

[Theo]

Hmmm, makes me think of back when....

 

[Solitude]

All of the stated reasons are why I'm not in a rush to get married, although I believe in marriage. Not to mention, the increased pressure to have children and the fact that even married women are the primary caretaker of the kids.

I think it's about finding the right partner, though. That can make a big difference.

 

[JFemme]

Mens.


Tis all~

 

[hothair]

In my marriage I'll have to be honest and say both of us. Most of the time I get more than DH, simply because I demand more. Emotionally, I would say both of us, depending on what we each are going through at the moment with work and extended family.

Financially, for example I get a monthly allowance from him whether I'm earning or not, where any money I make goes to things I decide on, although sometimes I may buy him gifts with it (which he doesn't like anyway). I think its up to the woman to decide what she will accept and put that in place early in the relationship. As women we need to stop letting others/society define what our expectations should be.

ETA: About housework and such if he's around he helps out a lot or we get someone in to help, cooking I'd rather eat my food so I usually do that.

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

It's a swap meet essentially. What a husband perceives to be valuable in his wife is not necessarily what a wife perceives as valuable in her husband. You both are providing what you specialize in.

As soon as you pull out the measuring cups, you are going to figure that somehow you are getting shafted.

If you are happy, then don't even open Pandora's box by wondering.

 

[FlowerHair]

Definitely men.

 

[Etherealsmile]

Men have it made in marriages. Women, not so much

 

[MD_Lady]

It depends on the marriage... My marriage balances out to 50/50. Some things are 90/10 while others are 70/30 or 40/60, but it all averages out in the end. As for the belief that men benefit more, I have this question: Why is this? Is it because women feel they'll wind up doing everything any way and don't see the point expressing their preference for a man that doesn't exist (i.e. SPLITS- not "helps" with- household chores and knows the meaning of the word compromise) up front and, as a result, marry a man whose behavior and beliefs reinforce what they felt they'd "wind up" doing any way OR they've voiced these concerns up front, FH acts like he's on the same page before marriage, but does a 180 after saying 'I do'?

 

[MD_Lady]

In my marriage I'll have to be honest and say both of us. Most of the time I get more than DH, simply because I demand more. Emotionally, I would say both of us, depending on what we each are going through at the moment with work and extended family.

Financially, for example I get a monthly allowance from him whether I'm earning or not, where any money I make goes to things I decide on, although sometimes I may buy him gifts with it (which he doesn't like anyway). I think its up to the woman to decide what she will accept and put that in place early in the relationship. As women we need to stop letting others/society define what our expectations should be.

ETA: About housework and such if he's around he helps out a lot or we get someone in to help, cooking I'd rather eat my food so I usually do that.

Exactly. Everyone should have negotiables and non-negotiables. The number of married women I've heard express frustration with their husband's lack of participation around the house FAR exceeds the number of single women who list 'splits household chores' as a requirement for a future husband (but, those are just the people I've heard speak on it).

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

It really depends on the marriage, imo.

I feel in my marriage that I benefit the most. My husband is the one catering to me more than I do him, not that I'm selfish, but that's just his nature. I happened to marry a man that was more interested in making sure I was happy that was his goal.

I honor him, love him, and he does the same for me.

I do know that he benefits in knowing that he has a faithful wife that supports him and has his back.

I was never taught to go above and beyond for a man, but I don't mind doing that for my DH because he does the same for me.

 

[Windsy]

I'm not married but I'd like to think that its constantly adjusting between the wife and the husband; there won't be a set person getting a set amount; different stages of the marriage, events and needs dictate which spouse receives what amount of benefit at what time.

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

Many people are saying men, but that's interesting considering men are the ones who have to be sold on marriage by women.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

It depends on the marriage. In my parent's marriage I'd say it's evenly split, maybe leaning slightly to my mother. But I agree with the OP that when you look at longevity, men are the ones who benefit more from marriage, yet we're the ones who are told to be realistic, don't expect a 'knight in shining armor', what to do to keep a man and how to keep husbands happy etc.

I operate under the assumption that men know they benefit more from marriage, it's a well-known fact that men do not do well alone. The problem is women giving men all the benefits of marriage without them having to do anything. The kind of man I'm looking for is one who appreciates that I choose to be his wife/mother of his children.

 

[anon123]

Many people are saying men, but that's interesting considering men are the ones who have to be sold on marriage by women.

Very interesting. I'd say it's because clearly women are getting something from it that's not being factored in here. Even if it's "just" satisfaction, sense of accomplishment, relief, feeling of security, whatever. Must be something big women get out of it since they seem to, overall, desire it more than men.

 

[hopeful]

Dh used to benefit most but now I think I do and I plan to keep it that way.

 

[UrbainChic]

Well, times have changed.

Remember, as recently as the 50s-60s a woman could not open credit cards on her own, had GREAT difficulty banking on her own, obtaining housing on her own. You needed a man to do these things for you. It was legal to be denied all kinds of services as a woman in the United States as late as the 1960s! Before then you could not really work, having a career was unheard of and for "wild women". How would you feed yourself without the man? Before even then, women were not even allowed to be educated. In the old days the man provided and protected his woman, in exchange for her keeping the home and raising the children.

Now a days, as women gain more rights, and have a less subservient or dependent role in society, and can function more fully as adults, marriage is in the process of being redefined. I can contribute in ways that go beyond cooking and cleaning, and men are not considered emasculated if they contribute around the home. A more balanced partnership in a household as well as emphasis on companionship is what marriage is evolving into, from what I can see.

If you are keeping all the traditional roles in the home, but still going out to bust your hump to bring in a paycheck and coming home and rubbing your man's feet, well then you know who is "winning".

 

[calmsensual1]

My husband has said that so far (we just got married) he enjoys the social benefits of being married. hes in the military and one day he got in trouble for something stupid. Once they found out he was married they changed up their whole attitude towards him and even started trying to defend him. Lol

I think marriage really helps out with their careers too. Aren't most ceo's married?

Sent from my DROIDX using DROIDX

 

[knt1229]

I think men benefit more. They get a cook, maid, sex partner, someone who not only bears his children but provides most of the daily care and upkeep for those kids. Most men are considered good husbands if they are employed, don't cheat, and spend time with the wife and kids.

In a generalized and superficial sense, women get a raw deal when it comes to marriage, IMO.

 

[hopeful]

If you marry a good man who really loves you, know what you want and deserve, and aren't afraid to ask for it, many women could enjoy more benefits. So many marry lazy men who aren't crazy in love with them, don't really know what they want, and are afraid to speak up out of fear of losing him, rocking the boat, seeming needy, etc., etc. I would rather be single than be trapped in a marriage where the man gets most of the benefits: what is the point then?

 

[nikkigill]

i'll say this... i think that both benefit in a marriage when the two are truly compliments of each other. a man that wants marriage to work has his mind prepared for the sacrifices and vice versa. the stigmas placed on marriage influence us as women so heavily. for instance, why is it that women say "i want to get married so i can start a family?" that's not why u get married, you get married to share a union with that wonderful man and FROM THAT comes a healthy family. what if God didn't have it in your plan to reproduce. for better or for worse is real. we typically know when we're settling, but ignore a lot...

 

[SheenaVee]

Hmmm, but what about women who marry rich men and can afford a maid to take care of the house, a cook to cook dinner, a nanny for the kids, and they don't need to work so they have a lot of time for leisure and hobbies and spending the man's money?

I mean, even if a man isn't super super rich, if he's making enough for the woman to be able to be a SAHM then isn't she benefiting more? Maybe this is a naive question but is cooking and keeping your home clean really such a chore? I can understand that raising kids is difficult, but apart from that, I think the woman in that scenario benefits more.