We are at the Crossroads (Me and My Man)

[JuicesN'Berries]

Ok Ya'll I don't know what to do...Me and my man have been dating for over a year and it seems as if we just can't get it together. He is a great guy, he loves to take me out on dates, He spoils me, always tells me he loves me and wants to marry me........BUT!!!! He is so boring, half the time I don't want to go out on dates because I know I'm gonna be bored to death...He gets mad because I always want to invite my friends on our date (I can see why).

I don't know what to do because I truly do love him but I'm like damn...I'm bored to death. I guess I'm looking for someone to be perfect in all aspects....I don't know. I feel like he is good guy and if I let him go I will regret it. He is definitely marriage material. I think because I'm used to dating older guys and he is only 22....he just seems young and boring. I don't know what to do...should I give him a little time to mature or is it only gonna get worse???


Ps. Look at him looking boring in my siggy!!!lol

 

[p31woman]

Have you guys tried doing different types of stuff like dinner theater, or horseback riding, paintball, laser tag, or anything else non traditional?

Have you told him you were bored?

 

[Summer_Rain]

Send him this way, lemme try him out - and I'll send him back (or maybe not) with my analysis!? (lol j/k)

Whats your idea of boring, or should I say...not so boring?

 

[Dee-Licious]

what makes him boring? has he always been this way?

 

[LocksOfLuV]

My man is boring too. He doesn't like to do NOTHING except go out to eat. And even then I can order every single thing he is gonna eat all the way down to the drink-Chicken wings X-hot, fries, and a Lemonade or Sprite.

But in a weird way I like it. I am glad I don't have one of those 'clubbin" menz. I like the fact that we can stay in the house all day, and not complain. I am a lazy girl so I met my match.

But I feel what you are saying, sometimes I want to go OUT and do nice things. Nice things to him is watching the game and me baking cookies.

 

[KathyMay]

I go through the same thing with my SO, so I look into different activities or trips were we can have fun together. Maybe try going to an amusement park or street festival or even a road trip just something out of the box.

 

[janiebaby]

Giiiirl you better love that boring man.....

Seriously if his being boring makes him physically unattractive to you then you might want to reevaluate your situation.

BUT

If you wouldn't want to see him pleasing someone else if the two of you of you were to breakup then you need to ride that boredom train

 

[VeeJai]

is it just that he's boring or is there some other reason why you're unhappy with the relationship?

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

Have you guys tried doing different types of stuff like dinner theater, or horseback riding, paintball, laser tag, or anything else non traditional?

Have you told him you were bored?

Its real funny because he loves to do different things like all of the above. Last week he took me to six flags and then we went to this mexican bar (very interesting). Right now he is in Alabama for the summer and I'm in Florida (We both go to school in Florida). He called me this morning and told me he bought these tickets to this music festival up there...So I guess I have to go to Alabama this weekend.....So I don't think that is the problem because he is always thinking of interesting stuff for us to do.....But when we get there I'm like......Ok what next. I tell him he is boring all day, everday. (I feel bad, but I get frustrated....easily)

 

[winterinatl]

I mean, what kind of excitment are you looking for?
In my experience, people describing being in a boring relationship often means they are in a stable, loving relationship. No drama. No excitement.

Now, if he just doesn't interest you at all, then that's different, but still that makes me wonder. If he's such a good guy (and good looking, I see) just what kind of excitement are you looking for?

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I mean, what kind of excitment are you looking for?
In my experience, people describing being in a boring relationship often means they are in a stable, loving relationship. No drama. No excitement.

Now, if he just doesn't interest you at all, then that's different, but still that makes me wonder. If he's such a good guy (and good looking, I see) just what kind of excitement are you looking for?

This is true! After a while everything kinda steadies out.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Its real funny because he loves to do different things like all of the above. Last week he took me to six flags and then we went to this mexican bar (very interesting). Right now he is in Alabama for the summer and I'm in Florida (We both go to school in Florida). He called me this morning and told me he bought these tickets to this music festival up there...So I guess I have to go to Alabama this weekend.....So I don't think that is the problem because he is always thinking of interesting stuff for us to do.....But when we get there I'm like......Ok what next. I tell him he is boring all day, everday. (I feel bad, but I get frustrated....easily)

Bad bad Juices n berries!!! You keep telling that man he's boring and thats exactly what he'll continue to be!

Would you rather he be out in the clubs and running the streets? He sounds kinda devoted to me JB!

 

[Summer_Rain]

Oh, as an aside - you're doing some serious browser busting right now. Maybe you could stack your siggy pics one on top of the other instead of next to each other like that?

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

Well I guess when I say boring I mean, we hardly laugh together about anything. Me and my last boyfriend used to crack jokes for days!!! Maybe because I compare them so much....My last boyfriend was truly my bestfriend....but he wasn't half the man James is.

I really want to try to be with him because, I honestly feel like He Loves Me and Nobody else. When we go out he won't even look at another girl. I absolutely love it because he has these piercing green eyes and those long dreads, so you know girls are always on his tip...but he doesn't pay them any attention.

I'm hoping we can work it out when I go to Alabama this upcoming weekend. We always seem to get along so much better at his mom's house. I guess because me and her get along so well and it honestly does feel like family when I'm down there.

 

[PaperClip]

This might be "harsh".... or maybe not.... but I'm putting this out there with sincerity and no hidden motives 'cause I don't know you like that....

You know the phrase "is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" Allow me to use that phrase to ask:

Is it better to be in a relationship/coupled up and bored or

is it better to be out of a relationship/single and subsequently free to live/dictate your own comings and goings/entertainment, etc.?

I mean, a year is a LONG TIME to be bored, so what motivates you to stay? Do you think things will change? Do you fear being alone/by yourself? Do you like being treated, e.g., movies, concerts, etc?

I guess I find it interesting to hear women complain about their relationship but then don't do anything to change it but would rather be in a "dysfunctional"(?) or unfulfilling relationship because it beats being alone(?)

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

I mean, what kind of excitment are you looking for?
In my experience, people describing being in a boring relationship often means they are in a stable, loving relationship. No drama. No excitement.

Now, if he just doesn't interest you at all, then that's different, but still that makes me wonder. If he's such a good guy (and good looking, I see) just what kind of excitement are you looking for?

That is so true because with my last boyfriend it was constant drama!!! I guess I just need a man to cheat on me, use me, and abuse.....Yeah thats what I need in a man!!! lol

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

Bad bad Juices n berries!!! You keep telling that man he's boring and thats exactly what he'll continue to be!

Would you rather he be out in the clubs and running the streets? He sounds kinda devoted to me JB!

Girl I just don't know....He hates going to the club. I guess I need to stick with my BORING A$$ MAN!!!! I know I hurt his ego by calling him boring and thats the last thing I want to do.


Ps. Is my siggy better now?

 

[Summer_Rain]

Well I guess when I say boring I mean, we hardly laugh together about anything. Me and my last boyfriend used to crack jokes for days!!! Maybe because I compare them so much....My last boyfriend was truly my bestfriend....but he wasn't half the man James is.

I really want to try to be with him because, I honestly feel like He Loves Me and Nobody else. When we go out he won't even look at another girl. I absolutely love it because he has these piercing green eyes and those long dreads, so you know girls are always on his tip...but he doesn't pay them any attention.

I'm hoping we can work it out when I go to Alabama this upcoming weekend. We always seem to get along so much better at his mom's house. I guess because me and her get along so well and it honestly does feel like family when I'm down there.

I think it's good that you're recognizing your error in comparing him with your ex.

Let me ask you (be honest too JB) you say that your last boyfriend isn't 'half the man' that your current is, he probably stayed having you caught up in some drama and BS didn't he?

About your current BF...it sounds like the two of you have totally different sense of humors. Is it that he's just too serious or just doesnt laugh at the same things that you do?

 

[coconow2007]

Girl I just don't know....He hates going to the club. I guess I need to stick with my BORING A$$ MAN!!!! I know I hurt his ego by calling him boring and thats the last thing I want to do.


Ps. Is my siggy better now?

Ok none of you have asked the 'ultimate question' Is he boring in bed? Because if he is boring in bed it makes everything he does kinda boring also - even if he wines and dines you it does not make up for being boring in bed.

Sorry but had to put it out there

 

[Summer_Rain]

That is so true because with my last boyfriend it was constant drama!!! I guess I just need a man to cheat on me, use me, and abuse.....Yeah thats what I need in a man!!! lol

I see you answered my question.

Let's turn this thread around for a lil bit, and talk about YOU!! lol

James isn't bringing you any drama, you aren't worrying about him all up in the next chicks face, he respects and loves you and in the same breath you done compared him to your drama producing ex who we'll assume was always caught up in some mess, had you stressed out, hair falling out, etc...

you know how that sounds right? Maybe the "problem" isn't really James per se.......

of course i say all of that with hugs & kisses

 

[PaperDoll]

well, the way i see it you have two options:

1. quit complaining & accept your relationship for what it is, the way it is
2. quit complaining & wasting that man's time (& your time too!)

it sounds like you have a pretty decent relationship, if 'boring' isn't what you want, move on

if you don't want to move on, what are *you* doing to create more of the excitement you want in the relationship?

don't waste any time expecting *him* to change & all of sudden be 'mr. excitement', cuz the odds are it won't happen

&

it's not fair of you to compare him to your ex. if your ex was that great he would't be your 'ex'

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

This might be "harsh".... or maybe not.... but I'm putting this out there with sincerity and no hidden motives 'cause I don't know you like that....

You know the phrase "is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" Allow me to use that phrase to ask:

Is it better to be in a relationship/coupled up and bored or

is it better to be out of a relationship/single and subsequently free to live/dictate your own comings and goings/entertainment, etc.?

I mean, a year is a LONG TIME to be bored, so what motivates you to stay? Do you think things will change? Do you fear being alone/by yourself? Do you like being treated, e.g., movies, concerts, etc?

I guess I find it interesting to hear women complain about their relationship but then don't do anything to change it but would rather be in a "dysfunctional"(?) or unfulfilling relationship because it beats being alone(?)

Thanks for posing these questions....

Well I guess I would rather be with him then by myself.....because I usually break up with him once a week and I always get back with him because I miss him.

And I like when he tells me to stay away from certain friends because of there habbits, or Don't go to this place because that club is too rowdy.......or the Famous thing he says "Niya, Don't Drink so Damn much"
I love having him around to kinda tell me what to do...

The red and bolded makes alot of sense to me....because sometimes I feel like I'm staying in a dysfunctional relationship for the hell of it. Not because I don't want to be alone.....but because he is so sweet caring and innocent......and Frankly I don't want him to be with anybody else! I know I'm selfish and immature for thinking this way but I can't help it. But I definitly do try to change it...in hopes that we can live happily ever after.

 

[Summer_Rain]

[/color][/b]

Thanks for posing these questions....

Well I guess I would rather be with him then by myself.....because I usually break up with him once a week and I always get back with him because I miss him.

And I like when he tells me to stay away from certain friends because of there habbits, or Don't go to this place because that club is too rowdy.......or the Famous thing he says "Niya, Don't Drink so Damn much"
I love having him around to kinda tell me what to do...

The red and bolded makes alot of sense to me....because sometimes I feel like I'm staying in a dysfunctional relationship for the hell of it. Not because I don't want to be alone.....but because he is so sweet caring and innocent......and Frankly I don't want him to be with anybody else! I know I'm selfish and immature for thinking this way but I can't help it. But I definitly do try to change it...in hopes that we can live happily ever after.

JB (hugs hugs kisses kisses) but honestly girlfriend - you're sounding all kinda selfish right now!!

You break up with him once a week!!?? You constantly telling him how boring he is, you probably have compared him to your ex in his face (tell the truth!), you play the little back and forth games - girl that is TOO MUCH DRAMA! And it seems like you may be the one keeping it stirred up!

Shoot, no wonder that man can't be more 'fun' - he's probably on pins & needles wondering when you're going to break up with him again!

Honestly hun - if I had a 22yr old son (or brother) I would be advising him to NOT put up with all of that!

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

About your current BF...it sounds like the two of you have totally different sense of humors. Is it that he's just too serious or just doesnt laugh at the same things that you do?

SummerRain he is too serious.....and maybe we don't have the same sense of humor. But everywhere I go people laugh at my jokes and how silly I am....why can he!

Ok none of you have asked the 'ultimate question' Is he boring in bed? Because if he is boring in bed it makes everything he does kinda boring also - even if he wines and dines you it does not make up for being boring in bed.

Sorry but had to put it out there

CoConow, Well lets just say I am a freak.....he seems to be as well but I can say that there is something missing. I think....here goes the comparison again......It does not compare to the sex with my ex!! Whew!!

well, the way i see it you have two options:

1. quit complaining & accept your relationship for what it is, the way it is
2. quit complaining & wasting that man's time (& your time too!)

it sounds like you have a pretty decent relationship, if 'boring' isn't what you want, move on

if you don't want to move on, what are *you* doing to create more of the excitement you want in the relationship?

don't waste any time expecting *him* to change & all of sudden be 'mr. excitement', cuz the odds are it won't happen

&

it's not fair of you to compare him to your ex. if your ex was that great he would't be your 'ex'

Paper doll, you are right.....but if it was that easy I wouldn't be pouring my heart out to ya'll. I know I ultimately have to make a descision and stop wasting time in general!! That ex thing is Wayyyyyy True!!

 

[PaperClip]

[/color][/b]

Thanks for posing these questions....

Well I guess I would rather be with him then by myself.....because I usually break up with him once a week and I always get back with him because I miss him.

And I like when he tells me to stay away from certain friends because of there habbits, or Don't go to this place because that club is too rowdy.......or the Famous thing he says "Niya, Don't Drink so Damn much"
I love having him around to kinda tell me what to do...

The red and bolded makes alot of sense to me....because sometimes I feel like I'm staying in a dysfunctional relationship for the hell of it. Not because I don't want to be alone.....but because he is so sweet caring and innocent......and Frankly I don't want him to be with anybody else! I know I'm selfish and immature for thinking this way but I can't help it. But I definitly do try to change it...in hopes that we can live happily ever after.

Hmmm.... ok... maybe I should PM you so if this gets a bit too deep, I apologize....

Where's your father? Did you grow up with him? Was he in your life? is he in your life now? Is he still on the planet (alive) or is/was there an estrangement?

One consistent thing I see among us women is that even from an early age (and I mean EARLY!), we respond to attention from men. Hopefully the attention is healthy, but many times it is unhealthy and it triggers a series of unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that don't get figured out until well into adulthood when the relationship we're sincerely invested in to last comes along.

I suppose I notice this because I am one of the few out of one of my circle of sistergirlfriends whose dad was and still is present in my life. I didn't go through half the stuff they did, a lot of which was provoked out of wanting to fill the void of the healthy male/father figure....

A good man is a good man and dude sounds like a really good man.

 

[JuicesN'Berries]

JB (hugs hugs kisses kisses) but honestly girlfriend - you're sounding all kinda selfish right now!!

You break up with him once a week!!?? You constantly telling him how boring he is, you probably have compared him to your ex in his face (tell the truth!), you play the little back and forth games - girl that is TOO MUCH DRAMA! And it seems like you may be the one keeping it stirred up!

Shoot, no wonder that man can't be more 'fun' - he's probably on pins & needles wondering when you're going to break up with him again!

Honestly hun - if I had a 22yr old son (or brother) I would be advising him to NOT put up with all of that!

Girl you ain't doing nothing but speaking the truth.....and when he calls me on it, I act like he is trying to blame me for everything and basically turn everything around. I am the worse girlfriend in the world!!! I need to figure out what I'm gonna do and stop stringing him along....Like paperdoll says I can't expect him to be Mr. excitement...I have to either except it or move on.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Girl you ain't doing nothing but speaking the truth.....and when he calls me on it, I act like he is trying to blame me for everything and basically turn everything around. I am the worse girlfriend in the world!!! I need to figure out what I'm gonna do and stop stringing him along....Like paperdoll says I can't expect him to be Mr. excitement...I have to either except it or move on.

JB - if you were my little sister (whom you sound a lot like) I'd tell you that you got some baggage girlfriend! Stop trying to blame it on that man with them pretty locs of his....

YOU da one JB...not him!

I would never remain in a relationship where a man constantly compared me to his ex (in a negative way as you're doing)....and the truth is, you only have James' youth to blame for why he's still hangin in there with you!

 

[PaperDoll]

Paper doll, you are right.....but if it was that easy I wouldn't be pouring my heart out to ya'll. I know I ultimately have to make a descision and stop wasting time in general!! That ex thing is Wayyyyyy True!!

i understand it's easier said than done, but most things in life are that way erplexed

basically, you can't have your cake & eat it too JNB, that's unfair to both of y'all

you're gonna drive him away with these games you are playing: breaking up with him, complaining about how boring he is, the comparisons etc...

it's obvious you don't know what you want & you're stringing him along while you decide, plus you're blaming your indecisiveness on his being "boring" to take the pressure off of you

if you care for him like you say, don't do that

be real with yourself & decide what you really want, if you decide it's your relationship you have to give it 100% & cut out all the bullsh!t

sorry if i'm debbie downer in this piece but i've been there done this & got ALL of the parting giftsi can tell you exactly where this is headed & it AIN'T fun-land...

 

[LocksOfLuV]

JB - if you were my little sister (whom you sound a lot like) I'd tell you that you got some baggage girlfriend! Stop trying to blame it on that man with them pretty locs of his....

YOU da one JB...not him!

I would never remain in a relationship where a man constantly compared me to his ex (in a negative way as you're doing)....and the truth is, you only have James' youth to blame for why he's still hangin in there with you!

Um hmm Cuz he shole is sessy. If you let him go and I was single I would sop him up with a biscuit! :eyebrows2

But I agree with Summer overall ( I am really riding her jock today but she is really on point).

 

[SoniT]

Its real funny because he loves to do different things like all of the above. Last week he took me to six flags and then we went to this mexican bar (very interesting). Right now he is in Alabama for the summer and I'm in Florida (We both go to school in Florida). He called me this morning and told me he bought these tickets to this music festival up there...So I guess I have to go to Alabama this weekend.....So I don't think that is the problem because he is always thinking of interesting stuff for us to do.....But when we get there I'm like......Ok what next. I tell him he is boring all day, everday. (I feel bad, but I get frustrated....easily)

Well, it sounds like he's trying to do interesting things. What's so boring about him? Is it the conversation (or lack of conversation)?