Was our hair meant to be this difficult?

[AmyInAtl]

i sort of always feel like the voice of opposition, but I agree w/ what the poster gently stated, except i will say it louder, this hair is alot of work and stress. coaxing, pampering and babying is what we are doing to get our hair to grow. personally, i will be happy when the day comes, when i will be liberated from thinking about my hair, for more than even a hour out of the day. i wish we lived in a culture, were we could rock natural hair, even if u let it matte and still be beautiful. i am tired of all the extra money and everything else my hair requires. i am tired of seeing other peoples hair and wishing mine was like that, wishing it was longer, a softer manageable texture, i am tired of hard synthetic hair, expensive human hair.
i did go on a hair strike, for 9 mos, it was beautiful. i did not comb, hardly washed, just slept on that stuff and that was it, i did not grease, condition, none of that. the most i did was let warm water run on my head, when i was in the shower. no detangling, not shower comb, no finger detangling, nope.
that was the best hair serenity i ever had. i think i may go there again.
it also was the healthiest period my hair ever had, yes i was natural.

 

[deltagyrl]

I don't know if I was frustrated w/ my hair or frustrated w/ the misinformation I'd received about how to take care of it.

I have learned to love my NG when I used to hate it and think it was ugly. I no longer believe that bone straight hair is the end all to beat all either. I much rather prefer texture now.

I'm growing.....and learning. My hair is growing right along with me.

 

[JazzyDez]

wow. All I have to say is great thread. I've read every single post. Such thought-provoking and unique responses.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

I find this subject very funny and refreshing at the same time..
I would throw out some theories but I don't feel the need to get into any fights on here right now..

 

[spiceykitten]

First my hair is not your hair. I do not subscribe to OUR hair. You are not my sister or family member.

Second, in terms of nappy, curly, coily etc hair that is typically found among women of color or ethnic women. Well, I fall in this category.

My hair is BEAUTIFUL!! It is even beautiful as I sit here and type with it all its nappy glory. It is nice when I comb it and glorious when I style it. I look like a princess! In fact, I am a princess!

My hair is only DIFFICULT when I try to do something that goes against the natural formation of it. I do not try to do this often so my hair is always BEAUTIFUL.

MY HAIR! MY HAIR! My hair is beautiful. I say this everyday and guess what I believe it and know it. God made no mistake when he made me.

 

[BrownSkin2]

I've been natural for a year, and I only have 5-6 inches of hair to show for it. I had relaxed for over 20 years and my hair suffered and thinned out as a result of improper hair care. I know my hair is healthier and thicker by being natural. I love my natural hair and once it is styled, I like how it looks, especially my braidout. But everytime I wash and detangle my hair I contemplate relaxing. I do find myself asking "why did God create hair like this." I can hardly ever get a comb thru it, even when it it wet and full of conditioner. It is really a struggle. We do have to work so hard just to attain growth. The only way that I seem to attain growth is through protective styling and that gets old. So what gives??

 

[ShaniKeys]

I don't think our hair is difficult, I think we lack the expertise - or at least not enough - to take proper care of it, and that is something we need to work on harder. All we've tried to do - most of us - is fight against (=weaves, relaxing, texturizing,...etc) our natural hair instead of finding proper ways to take care of it. The reason why we feel it is difficult is because we constantly compare it with hair from people of other ethnic backgrounds (whites, asians, latino's, indians). And that comparison leads to several conclusions: we can't comb our hair, it doesn't grow just as fast, it doesn't fall down...etc. While we should be wondering: was our hair meant to be combed? does it really not grow just as fast? how can hair that curls UP fall DOWN?! I think we problematize our hair.

 

[spiceykitten]

Shanikeys:

I really like your statement. I do not know how to use the quote thing, unless I would quote you.

I agree with everything you wrote except with "OUR" hair. You and everyone knows I do not subscribe to such theory. Yet, right on point. Your post makes a lot of sense and I find it something to be learned from.

I thank you such a post.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

Shanikeys:

I really like your statement. I do not know how to use the quote thing, unless I would quote you.

I agree with everything you wrote except with "OUR" hair. You and everyone knows I do not subscribe to such theory. Yet, right on point. Your post makes a lot of sense and I find it something to be learned from.

I thank you such a post.

I so agree

 

[kally]

Shanikeys:

I really like your statement. I do not know how to use the quote thing, unless I would quote you.

I agree with everything you wrote except with "OUR" hair. You and everyone knows I do not subscribe to such theory. Yet, right on point. Your post makes a lot of sense and I find it something to be learned from.

I thank you such a post.

So instead of the word "our" what word should we use? Surely we can not list everyone by name and hair their type. When I said "our" I meant it to related to how the majority of African American's hair texture is.

 

[Mystic]

I was just about to comment on how exciting it is to read a thread about disliking nappy hair and the thread is so thought provoking, respectful and insightful. I hope it doesn't take a turn towards to dark side where the thread has to be closed......

 

[spiceykitten]

Kally:

I do not care what you use. I just do not subscribe to hair typing. It is my belief system.

In addition, I am not AA. I know majority on here are so you can use whatever terminology makes you feel comfortable.

Yet, to be honest is there a need to list everyone and their hair type? Most people just care or want to know that Black women can grow their hair to long lengths. In addition, most people look like other hair types to me. So the whole hair typing confuses me.

The main theme of this board is that Black women can grow their hair to long lengths. Not 4a or 4b. There are some women with 2c to type 3..well are they less Black. I think not. In addition, some stuff here does not not work for everyone. As you might have notice there are some women who are 4a to 4b with hair down their back and some whose hair will not move a inch. So how is that "our hair". I think this theory needs to be rethought so people can get their goals for "their hair" in prospective and feel less depressed when their hair will not grow to the length they expected or start being happy with what is on their head.

I think people should start learning to say "my hair". I think if people start to say "my hair" there will be less people disliking their hair or wishing for other people hair. Most importantly saying "my hair" helps you develop a personal relationship with your hair and truly allows you to learn what is best for your hair.

 

[kally]

Kally:

I do not care what you use. I just do not subscribe to hair typing. It is my belief system.

In addition, I am not AA. I know majority on here are so you can use whatever terminology makes you feel comfortable.

Yet, to be honest is there a need to list everyone and their hair type? Most people just care or want to know that Black women can grow their hair to long lengths. In addition, most people look like other hair types to me. So the whole hair typing confuses me.

The main theme of this board is that Black women can grow their hair to long lengths. Not 4a or 4b. There are some women with 2c to type 3..well are they less Black. I think not. In addition, some stuff here does not not work for everyone. As you might have notice there are some women who are 4a to 4b with hair down their back and some whose hair will not move a inch. So how is that "our hair". I think this theory needs to be rethought so people can get their goals for "their hair" in prospective and feel less depressed when their hair will not grow to the length they expected or start being happy with what is on their head.

I think people should start learning to say "my hair". I think if people start to say "my hair" there will be less people disliking their hair or wishing for other people hair. Most importantly saying "my hair" helps you develop a personal relationship with your hair and truly allows you to learn what is best for your hair.

The point I am trying to make is how did "my " texture hair come about.( Me being AA and all) Many people do love their hair this I am aware of, but that does not mean that is easy to maintain. By no means did I mean to relate myself to you. You have made it perfectly clear about how you feel about your hair and what you paid your $5.00 for.

Maybe one day I will be able to look past the hair typing as you so graciously can.

 

[brittanynic16]

Kally:

I do not care what you use. I just do not subscribe to hair typing. It is my belief system.

In addition, I am not AA. I know majority on here are so you can use whatever terminology makes you feel comfortable.

Yet, to be honest is there a need to list everyone and their hair type? Most people just care or want to know that Black women can grow their hair to long lengths. In addition, most people look like other hair types to me. So the whole hair typing confuses me.

The main theme of this board is that Black women can grow their hair to long lengths. Not 4a or 4b. There are some women with 2c to type 3..well are they less Black. I think not. In addition, some stuff here does not not work for everyone. As you might have notice there are some women who are 4a to 4b with hair down their back and some whose hair will not move a inch. So how is that "our hair". I think this theory needs to be rethought so people can get their goals for "their hair" in prospective and feel less depressed when their hair will not grow to the length they expected or start being happy with what is on their head.

I think people should start learning to say "my hair". I think if people start to say "my hair" there will be less people disliking their hair or wishing for other people hair. Most importantly saying "my hair" helps you develop a personal relationship with your hair and truly allows you to learn what is best for your hair.

ohhh...I really like this. I have been visiting this and other hair boards for years, and I don't think that I have ever heard anyone say anything like this but, I totally agree.

 

[Candy1978]

Maybe this is just one of those mysteries that we'll never know. I know it's hard for some to believe, but there are many black women who have the looser textures that are not mixed and cannot trace white, Indian, or other ancestry in their past (this of course doesn't mean it doesn't exist, but if they can go back for several generations and not be able to trace anything, then that's good enough for me). Not all of us have coarse hair. And like I said, I have yet to see or hear of any black person (maybe you or someone else has) with the "kinkier" texture now who was born with the hair this exact same way. We may never know and all we can do is accept it.

When I meet God face to face I plan on having an in depth conversation about black hair....lol ( for real)

 

[seraphinelle]

'Our' hair doesn't imply that we are all expected to have the same hair.

'Our' is collectively, black people.

Learn to style OUR hair (as black people)

Learn to car for OUR hair.

Never once did I think the poster mean that you and everybody else has the same hair,

As far as the typing;with the million and one possible regimens, it kind of narrows down what can and will work for you if you can find as close of a hair twin as possible.

 

[spiceykitten]

Seri:

My dear, you have missed the whole point. I understand that theory but I put a flip side on things. I think outside the box.

Thus, I respect your opinion but I have mine also and make no apologies for it. I state what I think and what I believe, so I take people's thoughts like pennies in a bag but also think what I can learn from it.

Obviously, you do not know the spice!

 

[seraphinelle]

SK,

Honey, you must have me mistaken because I wasn't looking for an apology. This is open dialogue.

And I don't 'know' you, LOL, but ^^^there's 2 more pennies for ya



Seraphim

 

[spiceykitten]

Seri:

Thank you! I am two cents richer! LOL

I never turn down money.

 

[FlowerHair]

I have a love/ hate relationship with my hair and it is beautiful. I do not try to change its natural state to much and I fully believe we can have long hair, the proof is on this board it just seems we have to work so much harder at it.

I know for a fact that once God puts a curse one someone it can be for generations to come. Take Eve for instance: Child birth was suppose to be painless, once she took the apple God said that she would experience pain and joy at the same time. All women have suffered because of it . Jesus Christ died for our sins so that we may be forgiven I fully believe this. Also there are somethings that I feel God have set in place due to past actions. This has to be one of them. Look how different our hair is.

When it comes to our beautiful skin color, you have dark Lations and indians as well but their hair is also wash and go like the white race. So something is up.

As far as MSM I really believe it does change the texture, because as you all know by now I cut my hair really close and have been taken it and my har truely is growing in 3bish where ae before it was 4aish.

I hope you aren't trying to say that our hair is a curse? Because it's not! If Africans have tightly coiled hair it is a blessing because without it their heads would boil in the scorching sun.

And all this talk about babies' hair: babies don't need the grown up structure of hair, because they are protected in the womb. Baby hair lack the core of the hair that we have. So do white, Asian etc babies' hair. Hair consists of three layers and the center is not present in babies' hair. Just as our eye sight is not completely developed at birth, our hair needs to develop too. Our hair was meant to be this way, people! And it's only ugly if we think it's ugly.

And coily hair is only a curse if straight hair is the norm

 

[sugarose]

This is really a deep deep matter. I believe that the questioner was asking something far deeper than many of us have ever questioned. I was just thinking about this and have been for sometime now. My conclusion:
1. There is something spiritual behind the struggle for black women to grow long hair with ease.
2. We were not born with "hard, rough, hard to comb or fragile hair or short pebbly hair.
3. I do not think that God created black women with hair that was unable to grow long. or show length or that the boundary was set for just a big ole afro for black women and all other women could have long hair. God is not partial.
4. I do believe that as far as genetics are concerned, that our hair texture is a trait that has been bred or engineered for the benefit of the powers that be who did not intend that we be seen as equally naturallydesirable, feel beautiful or feel empowered among our female human peers.
5. Why should black women be content NOT TO HAVE LONG HAIR any more than we all have 10 fingers and toes (unless we have something missing.)as if we are not entitled. Like there is a big sign that says "Not for you black women!"
6. I do not believe what the world teaches, that there are several races that evolved. I only believe in what the word says were created: families, tribes, nations, and tongues. Any other definition of mankind is one that has been manufactured to foment division, create chaos, and assure riches for some and poverty for others, and it is a monstrous lie that has held people in mental and economic bondage throughout many centuries. If we believe the lies then we have to ask why some some mysterious boundary line STOPPED AT THE DARK RACES!!! and use our minds and wisdom instead of swallowing "racist" theories".
7. Oh yes. I believe that there is a lot more to our hair than meets the natural eye.
I love our thick healthy bushy curly hair and it is good. But the not having ability to grow it long without jumping through hoops, I believe someone and something else is involved in this. The curse of slavery,(not God's!) the curse of baldness, the curse of submission that was a result of European greed! That's what I believe. My opinion. It may not agree with Massa's explanation. bonjour

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[navsegda]

And all this talk about babies' hair: babies don't need the grown up structure of hair, because they are protected in the womb. Baby hair lack the core of the hair that we have. So do white, Asian etc babies' hair. Hair consists of three layers and the center is not present in babies' hair. Just as our eye sight is not completely developed at birth, our hair needs to develop too.

I get that hair needs to develop and I am not referring to the hair they have in the womb; I am talking about the smooth, straight or very loosely coiled hair that they are allowed to continue have growing from their scalps for months (sometimes a few years AFTER each layer of the hair has formed) before all of a sudden a new texture comes along. I know that there are changes in the brain and the body that occur from birth onward. Small babies also do not have myelinated nerves because they do not yet need the fast propagation of action potentials until later. However, my entire point is that most babies' hair of other races remains the smooth, loosely coiled texture that it is even after it is fully developed later on, regardless of later developments in their body, but a lot of black hair does not.

 

[ebonylocs]

Many of the replies to this thread make me sick at heart. I can't believe what I'm reading.

Let me just make one thing absolutely clear: THERE IS NOTHING INNATELY GOOD ABOUT LONG HAIR. Hair, like every other part of the body, evolved for a function and evolved into its current form because of the function it served - in the environment it served it in. That is all.

To hear some of you speak, one would think you had never seen a beautiful woman with short hair. Halle Berry anyone? Marilyn Munroe?? - with her long hair she was just another pretty girl - she cut it off into a curly little blonde bob and became a bombshell.

Is our hair really that bad? I sure as heck have never thought so. As a matter of fact, many times I look around me (e.g. surrounded by whites, Indians and Pakistanis on the train) and I am bored of seeing lank, limp, greasy, straight, heavy hair. Why should we all have hair like that? It would be dang boring. When I look around me in situations like that, usually I'm thinking, "Wouldn't it be great to see some fluffy heads of gravity defying, upward growing, textured hair in this place?"

Can you imagine it - if many many black women were to wear their hair in big *** afros (maybe with a flower to the side - like the Fijians do), high puffs, low puffs, twists, dreads, cornrows in intricate designs. Don't you think that would be a great spectacle? We would have them staring at us in awe. There is strength in numbers - so when all you see around you is hair that looks one way, you start to wonder what's wrong with yours why it doesn't look like that. The answer is: nothing is wrong with yours - it is what it is and it is beautiful.

I'm not saying that natural is the only way to go (I have relaxed hair myself). I'm just saying that seeing our hair all around us styled attractively in the way it naturally grows would be a positive thing for many many women with unnecessary inferiority complexes. So the next time you're surrounded by people of other races - pls try to imagine the image I painted above.

Again: THERE IS NOTHING INNATELY GOOD ABOUT LONG HAIR. It is not necessary for your health, your happiness, or your beauty. It's just something we have *chosen* to pursue - for whatever reason. So don't take it up like the Cross of Calvary and use it to beat yourself - this should be fun. Or else, don't do it at all, and just let your hair be. A few months ago, I wanted, and had, big natural hair. Now I want long relaxed hair and I'm working at it. But there was a time in my life when I kept my hair no more than a few millimetres long and would take a pair of scissors to it every month - sometimes every other day. It suited my personality, features and figure quite well, and I am very likely to go back to that cut in a decade or so.

I'm a shocked at those who are trying to attach some kind of essential goodness or rightness to long hair by quoting scripture and what not. Every time I read that quote about "A woman's hair should be a coverning and a glory to her" in this context, I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Come on. Which would you really guess is true?:
Option 1: God really is really concerned that women should have long hair.
Option 2: Maybe Israelite chicks at that time were getting their hair cut short and the men didn't like it, so they decided to tell them what "God liked".
Option 3: Those men were just affirming and reinforcing a prevailing cultural or aesthetic preference at that time and place for long hair on women. (and remember that at other times and places, long hair on men has also been the ideal).

Now, given my experience of the world and plain common sense, I would think that options 2 and 3 are most likely. God (if he exists) has better things to think about than to go around prescribing long hair.

And let's be real - the closer you are to pure sub-Saharan African, the harder it usually is to grow your hair extra long. Everyone who talks about "women in my family who grow their hair without effort" knows well and good that they have a little something something mixed up in their family. Yes, most of us Blacks in the West are mixed to some extent, and not all mixed people have long hair yadda yadda - but we all know the truth. My mom has thick hair that she grows past shoulder length quite easily. But I'm not going to pretend that the little bit of Asian blood a few generations back in her family has nothing to do with that. My sis and I have inherited some of that - so shoulder length is not a big deal for us - but our hair is more fragile than hers - we have to care more to get the results she doesn't do anything for.

But SO WHAT?? Hair that doesn't grow long easily isn't "bad hair". Who told us that hair "should" be long anyway? Where did we get that from? Are you cold and need it to cover you? Let's leave aside the scripture quoting - totally irrelevant IMO. What we're doing here growing our hair is purely an aesthetic, vanity project, and we should just leave it at that and smile.

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

This may be the saddest post I have ever read. I am so sorry your frustrated like this. Our hair is what it is. I think it's beautiful. I think the problem comes in when we work against our hair instead of working with it. We are African American just like our body shapes tend to be different from other races so is our hair. I think your feelings are normal and your going threw a normal stage in finding out who your hair really is. God Bless.

 

[navsegda]

In the journey to acheive healthy, longer hair it is very overwhelming.


Our hair is something else. I can't take it anymore. Chemicals, heat , the wrong diet, protective stlyes, wrong products, to many of the right products , oils, grease, wrong clothing, braids,weaves,wigs, using the wrong tools, brushing,combing, using to many product, using not enough products, you name it causes damages. Everything that you can possible do for our hair seems to cause damage. There seems that there is nothing out there that does not cause damage to our hair. Proper care is key, but you have to go to great lengths to get it and never stop once you have master the art of what it takes for your hair. This can get very costly and time consuming, because what works for one may not work other as we find out in updated threads.

I firmly believe that God did not design our hair to be so fragile. I believe that someone way back in the day messed it up for us. I never heard of other races having to tie up their hair in silk or satin to prevent it from spliting or having to add oil etc... I know they have issues to but not as fragile as ours.

Sorry so long I am just frustrated. I thought I had my regimen down and now have to revise it.

I also would like to respond directly to the first part of your post. With all the do's and don'ts around here and the wealth of information, it's easy to get caught up in the madness. For some people, genetics plays more of a factor in their hair so if they do not have the correct diet and do X,Y, and Z to their hair then they MAY not gain and retain really long lengths (like waist length). This of course does not mean it is the same for you. Someone else may feel like they absolutely HAVE to protective style to retain length but maybe you don't. For other people, environment may actually play a larger role than genetics and regardless of if they are predisposed some way to have short, weak hair, they can still accomplish great lengths because of what they are doing in the environment. For those who may be genetically more predisposed to having long hair, sometimes they really do almost nothing to their hair in their environment and they can STILL grow long hair much quicker than someone who has a strict regimen and has been working for years but is still only a little past shoulder length. But none of these are always the case. What works for some may not work for others. If you feel that you need X,Y, and Z to get long hair, then don't tell someone else that they need X,Y, and Z to get and retain the length, too. There is a lot of the mentality around here that it can make it seem like everything you do or don't do can cause damage or prevent you from obtaining your goals, but you kinda have to just step back from the masses and figure out what's right for you and you alone. Yes, some things are scientifically proven to cause damage and others are scientifically proven to help elevate and nourish your hair, but this doesn't mean that either of these factors will produce the exact same results in one person as they do the next. So my advice to you is to figure out what works for you and BUMP the rest. The majority is not always right. We need more leaders in this society, not followers.

 

[janeemat]

I have to agree with the poster. Our hair difficult, very difficult. I wish I could just wake up in the morning, throw some shampoo, a quick cond, fluff up and hit the road. We can't exercise without worrying about the hair, we can't swim w/o worry about the hair, we can't make whoopie without worrying about the hair, we can't even just go bed w/o worrying about what the hair will look like the next morning. When it comes to hair, we got the raw end of deal. Although, I'm loving this forum and hair journey, but goodness, it is indeed a lot of work. I will say, a lot of the work we have created it ourselves. Just think about it if we all just let our hair do it's own thing. No perms, no relaxers, no coloring, etc. Just leave it in it's natural state and go. Life we be much easier and it would take me 15 min to get ready in the mornings, but we would definitely have some "tore up heads" as my husband would say.

 

[Bosslady1]

Tough Question!
I believe it takes alot of time to take care of ANY hair. (black or white)
Damaged hair comes in many arrays.

 

[ebonylocs]

Just think about it if we all just let our hair do it's own thing. No perms, no relaxers, no coloring, etc. Just leave it in it's natural state and go. Life we be much easier and it would take me 15 min to get ready in the mornings, but we would definitely have some "tore up heads" as my husband would say.

I disagree vehemently.

There was nothing "tore up" about my head when I used to do that. It was in a neat little cut, and all it required was to get wet in the shower and have some moisturiser rubbed into it.

I'm sure you also know women from older generations who don't do much to their hair except wash and oil it once in a while, and their hair looks fine. When did relaxers, perms, and colouring become essentials of life?

 

[asha]

The thing is - white women have to worry about that too!! I'm on a majority white hair board - and they talk about the SAME STUFF -

I really think it's a misconception that black people are the ONLY ones who do things (chemical/mechanical) to their hair because they aren't happy with how it grows out of their hair..

Thank you, Thank you...I have posted this same thought before on the board..even giving examples of when I was living in residence in university and how all the girls..no matter what race or nationality had some hair issue. Right now one of my best friends (white) is so frustrated because her hair...although bra strap is dry (it really does look like straw) and fried and dyed. See she was born blonde with straight hair but as she aged her hair got wavier...and not uniform wave but you know a wave hair and a wave there in all the wrong places and it turned what she calls a mousy brown color. So she began dying and high lighting and using the blow dryer every morning to straiten it out. Now it is breaking, feels like "straw" and you can see the damage. If you payed attention you would see many white girls with this type of hair. Products are amazing...when she uses the right products it is like the damage just dissapears. But all she has to do is wash it and it's back. The difference is ...she only really gives a hoot about it when she starts feeling down about herself or wants to "dress up". Most days she just leaves it let it do what it wants because she has a 4 year old, is a single mom and works shift work full time. But I tell ya, if she had more time to think about it...she would be just as concerned as any one of us on here.

As for me, I hate that this hair thing is difficult as it is but you know what...there are many times when I thought my hair was looking harsh and I go out and my friends, coworkers etc would be wow your hair looks good like that or whatever.

 

[kally]

I hope you aren't trying to say that our hair is a curse? Because it's not! If Africans have tightly coiled hair it is a blessing because without it their heads would boil in the scorching sun.

And all this talk about babies' hair: babies don't need the grown up structure of hair, because they are protected in the womb. Baby hair lack the core of the hair that we have. So do white, Asian etc babies' hair. Hair consists of three layers and the center is not present in babies' hair. Just as our eye sight is not completely developed at birth, our hair needs to develop too. Our hair was meant to be this way, people! And it's only ugly if we think it's ugly.

And coily hair is only a curse if straight hair is the norm

What I am getting it is this. I just do not feel that God org intend for our hair to be 4a/4a texture. Yes it is beautiful, yes it is all that, but it also if very hard to maintain, whether you have a simple routine or not, you still have to look out for a lot of things to keep it from damaging compared to other races. Yes true they have their issue but not nearly as many as we do.

I really wish I did not feel this way and have asked God to change my thinking and deal with it. It is sad this I know.

Also I am not saying short hair can not be sexy, attractive etc.., it is just not what I want for me.

I am only trying to discover the real reason my hair is the way it is and it goes deeper then genes I believe. I feel some element or person along the way placed a part in it.