The REAL reason our hair is "so difficult"?!...

[sonce]

And to the OP I don't think that the suggestions that are given fall on deaf ears. It may not help that person but someone else reading the thread may find a solution to their problem. When someone has a issue and they call on the board for help it serves many purposes, such as helping that person and showing others how to avoid that same issue, and what to look out for. No information is disregarded here. Someone is always making "a mental note" and you never know who it can help. I often search previous threads and find information that was posted years ago and it has helped alot!

Very true, Lboogie!

 

[Soliel185]

Sing it from the mountain tops!!

I LOVE my hair. Do I always love say...detangling my hair? Uh -- no, not even a little. But I think people look at other races and forget

a) that they get frustrated with their hair all the time -- everyone wants the opposite of what they have and ...
b) When you're completely and utterly fighting your natural texture -- you're going to have to expect some problems!

I know that with methods and products I've learned on LHCF I've PURPOSELY grown out my hair for the first time in my life. It's grown plenty of times before, but I can actually look at the difference and say -- I did that because I knew what I was doing. And that's something that LHCF gave to me.

 

[sunnydaze]

Great post

 

[WriterGirl]

Great post, OP!

Although I would love to grow my hair longer, I just want it to be thick and healthy. I learned things on this board that have helped me greatly. If I get longer hair in the process, then it's just icing on the cake!

Like the OP said, you have to WANT it, and nothing worth having is easy...

 

[ravenmerlita]

This is a great thread. My perspective is that the negativity can sometimes go both ways. Yes, you have posters that ask for advice and then shut down and can't receive it. But you also have posters that give advice and become very negative if their advice isn't considered the absolute answer or they give the advice in a negative way.

I don't start a lot of threads but I learn a great deal from all that is posted. Even if the advice given didn't appear to help the person who asked for it, many times it has helped me. And I am thankful to the posters who ask and those who give advice. But let's be real -- a lot of this advice isn't new. The same tips and techniques and such have been on the board for years. But IMO the greatness of this forum is within the discussions, the back and forth, the opinions offered, the exchange of ideas. It would just be nice if there could be a little less negativity and nastiness all around when opinions differ.

 

[tinkat]

Thank you for sharing, great post.

 

[Misseyl]

Great post Artemis. Some people get on here and want long hair overnight, it doesn't happen; it takes months, maybe years to actually see progress, especially if you started with damaged hair. Until some people realize that hair care requires patience, consistency, and time they will never reach their goal of healthy hair.

 

[shtow]

This is a great thread. My perspective is that the negativity can sometimes go both ways. Yes, you have posters that ask for advice and then shut down and can't receive it. But you also have posters that give advice and become very negative if their advice isn't considered the absolute answer or they give the advice in a negative way.

I don't start a lot of threads but I learn a great deal from all that is posted. Even if the advice given didn't appear to help the person who asked for it, many times it has helped me. And I am thankful to the posters who ask and those who give advice. But let's be real -- a lot of this advice isn't new. The same tips and techniques and such have been on the board for years. But IMO the greatness of this forum is within the discussions, the back and forth, the opinions offered, the exchange of ideas. It would just be nice if there could be a little less negativity and nastiness all around when opinions differ.

ITA! Yes, people give advice and since I have been here everyone has been helpful. Yet, I have noticed some sarcasm. I was warned of this before I joined. It doesn't bother me though, no one is paying my bills and no one is going to come thru the computer and lay a finger on me (I wish some one would lol) so I keep it movin. I think sometimes people do read post the wrong way but I have read some smug post. This is a board dominated by women. Unfortunately, the attitudes were expected. At the same time, I have learned a lot here and thats all that matters at the end of the day because that is what we are here for.

 

[Amber_moon]

I think this thread should be a sticky.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Thanks for this, Armetis!!

I think you are so right. I've just experiences a double-whammy setback due to my own negligence of my hair. Because I was trying to stretch and doing it the wrong way, I'm having to cut off at least 2 inches of hair. In addition, instead of being patient, I went ahead and did my own relaxer which has left me with at least 3 inches of underprocessed hair. Right now, I'm waiting for a few weeks to perform a corrector. But it took my visit to Balisi kiss to get me to see that I was doing all the wrong things and being a slave to my hair, not *really* listening to it as I should have.

I vowed to put my length goals on the backburner this year. I have absolutely NO length goals. My only goal is to address what's going on with my overall health because I've been feeling really bad lately. I am working on my health first, then hair health is going to be a byproduct of that.

For this year, I've been trying to change my entire mentality with regards to my hair. For example, I will continue to stretch, but I will listen to my hair when it's time to relax. I was stretching for thickness and I did get some of that, but I was doing more damage than not by stretching as long as I did. Stretching caused the setbacks in some sense because I didn't trim. I love all the ladies on this board, but listening to many women assert that one doesn't have to trim really did a disservice to MY hair. I found that not trimming contributed to my setback, despite my 99% bunning and moisturizing my ends religiously. The fact that I didn't start my stretch with a trim was my fault, but I have do what's best for MY hair in the future instead of running behind trends and doing all the wrong things.

I never want to be a slave to my hair. I found that I was allowing my hair to rule my life. Wearing it up and not feeling beautiful because of it caused some unhappiness. Not going out and enjoying life because I needed a touch-up or would have to wear my hair up was just crazy. Now, if I want to wear my hair down, using heat and having it swang, and going out to enjoy myself, then I will.

For me this is all about healthy living and enjoying life, rewarding yourself, loving who you are. Sure, I will continue to put in the work, continue to wear protective styles, etc. But this time I will effectively *listen* to my hair when it's ready for a relaxer; or when it doesn't like a product; or when it needs a trim...

I feel you on this Armetis! Thank you so much for stating what needs to be said.

I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO MY HAIR!!!!

 

[lovenharmony]

Beautifully said!!! I agree with you totally.

The sad part is, is that a lot of people will read this and STILL NOT GET IT I remember this one chick who sent me a message in my fotki with a million and one questions. I took the time to write out everything I did, answered all of her questions...back it up with websites and everything ...you know this chick sent me back a one-line reply sayin, "I can't do all that, maybe I'll just get a weave." What?! I'm like wow, why even bother??

Hair care, at the end of the day, is not that hard. Finding products is the hard part. Everything else is smooth sailing (if you let it be).

Wear your hair up maybe 4 days a week...
Use heat maybe once a week AT MOST...
Deep condition once a week...
Moisturize your hair...
Cover it at night...

It's so simple. And this is coming from someone who came here with jacked up hair! I *take note* from other long-haired women on this board - they leave their hair alone.

Sometimes we're so committed to get longer hair, that we end up shooting ourselves in the foot when we do x + y + z and all this extra unnecessary stuff. The ones that get me, are the ones who trim off all their progress....

I just don't get it

Regardless of what you do, your hair is growing. All you gotta worry about is keeping it on your head. How do you do that? STOP MESSING WITH IT SO MUCH!

Ok, rant over.

The bolded is what it all boils down to IMO. Keep it simple

 

[ddean]

... Simple regimens, consistency, and positive thinking are the keys for us, ladies, not all that other foolishness...

I can definitely attest to this!

 

[AvaSpeaks]

This is a great thread. My perspective is that the negativity can sometimes go both ways. Yes, you have posters that ask for advice and then shut down and can't receive it. But you also have posters that give advice and become very negative if their advice isn't considered the absolute answer or they give the advice in a negative way.

I don't start a lot of threads but I learn a great deal from all that is posted. Even if the advice given didn't appear to help the person who asked for it, many times it has helped me. And I am thankful to the posters who ask and those who give advice. But let's be real -- a lot of this advice isn't new. The same tips and techniques and such have been on the board for years. But IMO the greatness of this forum is within the discussions, the back and forth, the opinions offered, the exchange of ideas. It would just be nice if there could be a little less negativity and nastiness all around when opinions differ.

Now this I completely agree. It's a back and forth thing.

 

[Artemis]

Wow! I didn't expect this many co-signers! Haha.

Thanks, ladies!

Nixx, I am glad that you posted this point.

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with learning by "trial and error". When people get here, it's new and folks are going to want to try a variety of methods and products. Everyone has their own style of learning what works for them and imo there is no "right" or "wrong" way nor is one way easier or more difficult than the other. Everyone's journey is personal and we all come from different backgrounds that vary in knowledge and experience. It is going to take time to "get it" or find 'their way'. Sure you may give your advice/opinion but just like you're free to give your advice/opinion, other people are free to accept it or not. Also, to you it may fall on "deaf ears" at the time of posting, but you never know; that poster may refer back to in the near future. That's the beauty of a message board; there are so many options available to you.

It needed to be said, because those people who need to find their own way are on here and they are doing just that.

My post was really for those ppl who claim to be open-minded and ready to learn but aren't really, and in that respect are sabotaging themselves, setting themselves up for failure. Those are the ones who need to check themselves before they wreck themselves, LMAO.

Thanks to all who have added your feedback, I really wanted to see how others felt.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

I never want to be a slave to my hair. I found that I was allowing my hair to rule my life. Wearing it up and not feeling beautiful because of it caused some unhappiness. Not going out and enjoying life because I needed a touch-up or would have to wear my hair up was just crazy. Now, if I want to wear my hair down, using heat and having it swang, and going out to enjoy myself, then I will.

For me this is all about healthy living and enjoying life, rewarding yourself, loving who you are.

I agree with this completely as well. Health is very important to healthy hair growth.

Our hair reflects our health.

 

[Artemis]

My humans, my humans!

Whether it's beauty, weight loss, whatever, people always want an easy route. It's worse in the area of Black folks' hair because somebody is always coming out with some "miracle" product, and so many of us don't understand our hair's properties.

Getting hair quick is like getting rich quick, but you can't tell people that if they aren't ready to hear it.

Bingo!!

 

[Artemis]

This is a great thread. My perspective is that the negativity can sometimes go both ways. Yes, you have posters that ask for advice and then shut down and can't receive it. But you also have posters that give advice and become very negative if their advice isn't considered the absolute answer or they give the advice in a negative way.

I don't start a lot of threads but I learn a great deal from all that is posted. Even if the advice given didn't appear to help the person who asked for it, many times it has helped me. And I am thankful to the posters who ask and those who give advice. But let's be real -- a lot of this advice isn't new. The same tips and techniques and such have been on the board for years. But IMO the greatness of this forum is within the discussions, the back and forth, the opinions offered, the exchange of ideas. It would just be nice if there could be a little less negativity and nastiness all around when opinions differ.

Very true! You have to think about where the advice is coming from. Is it from a good place, where the person is trying to help you from having a setback that they had when they were in your spot, or do they just want everyone to adhere to their regimen b/c they have issue with things going their way (yeah, I went there! Psyc degree in full effect lol!) It can be a little difficult to discern when reading one's words, but keeping this in mind can help both posters when this type of situation comes into play

Thanks for this post!

 

[Artemis]

I never want to be a slave to my hair. I found that I was allowing my hair to rule my life. Wearing it up and not feeling beautiful because of it caused some unhappiness. Not going out and enjoying life because I needed a touch-up or would have to wear my hair up was just crazy. Now, if I want to wear my hair down, using heat and having it swang, and going out to enjoy myself, then I will.

For me this is all about healthy living and enjoying life, rewarding yourself, loving who you are.

I agree with Ava...Well said!!!

 

[PinkPeony]

Artemis you speak the truth.
You shoulda seen how I got eaten alive b/c I said there are no shortcuts here and you need to listen to your hair in order to reach your goals.
Ella looks over her shoulder and throws monkey ball sweat into the crowd to distract them

 

[Artemis]

Artemis you speak the truth.
You shoulda seen how I got eaten alive b/c I said there are no shortcuts here and you need to listen to your hair in order to reach your goals.
Ella looks over her shoulder and throws monkey ball sweat into the crowd to distract them

Aww! I got your back, girl

 

[remnant]

I give this thread 5 stars

 

[localhost]

Great thread!! OP - you are not alone in your observations, and what you've said is on point!

One point I want to make is this:

The advice that has been researched and posted by people who want to help others' woes may be overlooked by the OP but it's very valuable to lurkers and others who read the threads but don't post! There have been plenty of threads that I've read and thought, "what a good idea!" yet the OP must've ignored it or didn't think much of it. It sure helped me out, though! So please, don't stop posting just b/c the OP is in left field somewhere or on a different page in a different book. LHCF has thousands of members, so you are helping someone somewhere, you just may not know it!!

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Great thread!! OP - you are not alone in your observations, and what you've said is on point!

One point I want to make is this:

The advice that has been researched and posted by people who want to help others' woes may be overlooked by the OP but it's very valuable to lurkers and others who read the threads but don't post! There have been plenty of threads that I've read and thought, "what a good idea!" yet the OP must've ignored it or didn't think much of it. It sure helped me out, though! So please, don't stop posting just b/c the OP is in left field somewhere or on a different page in a different book. LHCF has thousands of members, so you are helping someone somewhere, you just may not know it!!

I agree with this as well. And your dogs are beautiful!

 

[localhost]

Thanks, AvaSpeaks!

 

[charmtreese]

I see where the OP is coming from.

However, I do believe that some textures/hair types are more difficult to maintain than others. For example I work with "at risk families" from all ethnic backgrounds. Many of the children have an absentee parent or guardians whose focus is on feeding the household (understandably) and not haircare. What I have noticed is that children with a type 1 or 2 have no problem retaining length and a overall healthy hair appearence. While children with type 4 have very short, dry, brittle looking hair, and it is noticably uncared for.

I used this as an example, since this is something I see on a daily basis, and I was really bothered by it. Today on my ride home I started thinking that maybe some hair types ARE harder to maintain then others.

This is not to say that one hair type is better than the other. But I do believe that the tighter the curl pattern is the harder it is to retain moisture and length. Therefore for a person who does not know how to care for this hair type it can be "difficult".

 

[Artemis]

I see where the OP is coming from.

However, I do believe that some textures/hair types are more difficult to maintain than others. For example I work with "at risk families" from all ethnic backgrounds. Many of the children have an absentee parent or guardians whose focus is on feeding the household (understandably) and not haircare. What I have noticed is that children with a type 1 or 2 have no problem retaining length and a overall healthy hair appearence. While children with type 4 have very short, dry, brittle looking hair, and it is noticably uncared for.

I used this as an example, since this is something I see on a daily basis, and I was really bothered by it. Today on my ride home I started thinking that maybe some hair types ARE harder to maintain then others.

This is not to say that one hair type is better than the other. But I do believe that the tighter the curl pattern is the harder it is to retain moisture and length. Therefore for a person who does not know how to care for this hair type it can be "difficult".

Thanks for this insight

I think this point is better akin to the responses that were brought up in the actual "why is our hair so difficult" thread. I say this just because the ppl you are bringing up are not necessarily posting on this board, asking for help and then thinking/speaking negatively about their hair and anyone who wants to genuinely try to help them, via the information the ladies post here daily. Those are the people to which my post was referring.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

I see where the OP is coming from.

However, I do believe that some textures/hair types are more difficult to maintain than others. For example I work with "at risk families" from all ethnic backgrounds. Many of the children have an absentee parent or guardians whose focus is on feeding the household (understandably) and not haircare. What I have noticed is that children with a type 1 or 2 have no problem retaining length and a overall healthy hair appearence. While children with type 4 have very short, dry, brittle looking hair, and it is noticably uncared for.

I used this as an example, since this is something I see on a daily basis, and I was really bothered by it. Today on my ride home I started thinking that maybe some hair types ARE harder to maintain then others.

This is not to say that one hair type is better than the other. But I do believe that the tighter the curl pattern is the harder it is to retain moisture and length. Therefore for a person who does not know how to care for this hair type it can be "difficult".

I agree with this as well.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

im loving this post, and i completely agree people can be so negative at times and have seen it in my short time being here i can understand how people can become disheartened there are a lot of women on here with such beautiful long hair so much that people get blinded by it and forget that those women with long beautiful healthy hair have worked hard for yrs for that hair, you only have to take a look at their fotkis and see their progress pics, yes it will take a while yrs even to reach our ultimate goals so people really need to keep this in mind when looking at other peoples hair.

Also in terms of our hair being difficult i think people should not compare it to any other races hair, the moment i digested this and stopped trying to imitate another races hair i was able to help my hair much easier i tell myself that my hair is unique and even with a relaxer it will not behave like 1a type hair and thats ok cause my hair is just as beautiful.

 

[AfroKink]

I see where the OP is coming from.

However, I do believe that some textures/hair types are more difficult to maintain than others. For example I work with "at risk families" from all ethnic backgrounds. Many of the children have an absentee parent or guardians whose focus is on feeding the household (understandably) and not haircare. What I have noticed is that children with a type 1 or 2 have no problem retaining length and a overall healthy hair appearence. While children with type 4 have very short, dry, brittle looking hair, and it is noticably uncared for.

I used this as an example, since this is something I see on a daily basis, and I was really bothered by it. Today on my ride home I started thinking that maybe some hair types ARE harder to maintain then others.

This is not to say that one hair type is better than the other. But I do believe that the tighter the curl pattern is the harder it is to retain moisture and length. Therefore for a person who does not know how to care for this hair type it can be "difficult".

I don't really thing one hair type is easier to maintain than another. What I think is going on in the situations you described is that parents do not have the time to learn how to maintain type 4 hair. The maintenance of type 4 hair is something that we lost a few hundred years ago, and needs to be relearned. Once you learn how to maintain it, it goes as quick and easy as other types.

Lys

 

[AvaSpeaks]

im loving this post, and i completely agree people can be so negative at times and have seen it in my short time being here i can understand how people can become disheartened there are a lot of women on here with such beautiful long hair so much that people get blinded by it and forget that those women with long beautiful healthy hair have worked hard for yrs for that hair, you only have to take a look at their fotkis and see their progress pics, yes it will tke a while yrs even to reach our ultimate goals so people really need to keep this in mind when looking at other peoples hair.

Also in terms of our hair being difficult i think people should not compare it to any other races hair, the moment i digested this and stopped trying to imitate another races hair i was able to help my hair much easier i tell myself that my hair is unique and even with a relaxer it will not behave like 1a type hair and thats ok cause my hair is just as beautiful.

This is good too! I also agree with this.