Was our hair meant to be this difficult?

[AvaSpeaks]

Anyway- whats your point? Are you on the board as a provocateur? Are you a cyber-bully? Or are your statements sincere and you are trying to work this out?

We are you always jumping on me? I am so tired of you always jumping or me or questioning my motives. You never understand anything I'm trying to say in my post, whenever I say "all" or "most" you take it as I mean everybody.

I know our hair can grow with good care! I know that!!! And I know my hair can grow with proper care!! And I know that most of the AA population ain't going to GNC! And I know that I don't know what most races are doing, I'm not stupid.

I understand if you don't understand my post or don't agree with me, that's fine. But calling me names and calling me a "cyber-bully" and trying to find my angle is totally uncalled for and hurtful. If you can't figure out that I'm a sista that has troubles with her hair and is trying to find a solution and trying to vent out some underlying frustrations that she thought she talk about on this board, then you just need to leave me and my posts alone, okay?

Everybody doesn't have the same conclusions, results, and experiences with their hair; be it natural or relaxed or be it on this board or off. So just leave me alone. You never understand or get what I'm saying anyway.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

This is a REALLY good, thought-provoking thread.

JDub and AvaSpeaks, your thoughts and frustrations are reasonable and valid. I, for one, think the differences and difficulties you speak of actually exist. What may be getting missed is the fact that these differences are few drops in an ocean of versatility.

I normally praise my hair but these kinds of threads bring these kinds of deep feeings out of me.

I mean I love being natural, but only because of the natural hair type I have NOW. I hate to say it but it's true. If my hair was natural like it was as a kid, I would never had stayed natural this long.

I hate that I still feel this way, but that's me and my issues, nobody else. I think it could be a form of self-hate that I have and I think lots of women, especially dark-skinned sistas still have trouble dealing with some of these same issues in regards to their hair. But then when I get off this board, I look in the mirror and love the fact that I'm have this beautiful brown color with this great, versatile hair.

I know some people would look at this as me hating being black or something. That's not the case, moreso just tired of this short hair and still feeing ugly, and wishing it would grow much, much longer. I don't know what it is or what I can do about it but I am working on it.

But I know having my hair grow longer with really help me with my self-esteem. And I know there are others like me on this board and reading this board that feel the exact same way; they are just not posting or saying that they do.

I don't know, just an honest post. Go ahead, flame me. I'm tired of fighting

 

[PinkSkates]

Originally posted by AvaSpeaks
I normally praise my hair but these kinds of threads bring these kinds of deep feeings out of me.

I mean I love being natural, but only because of the natural hair type I have NOW. I hate to say it but it's true. If my hair was natural like it was as a kid, I would never had stayed natural this long.

I hate that I still feel this way, but that's me and my issues, nobody else. I think it could be a form of self-hate that I have and I think lots of women, especially dark-skinned sistas still have trouble dealing with some of these same issues in regards to their hair. But then when I get off this board, I look in the mirror and love the fact that I'm have this beautiful brown color with this great, versatile hair.

I know some people would look at this as me hating being black or something. That's not the case, moreso just tired of this short hair and still feeing ugly, and wishing it would grow much, much longer. I don't know what it is or what I can do about it but I am working on it.

But I know having my hair grow longer with really help me with my self-esteem. And I know there are others like me on this board and reading this board that feel the exact same way; they are just not posting or saying that they do.

I don't know, just an honest post. Go ahead, flame me. I'm tired of fighting

 

[charmtreese]

Awww Ava, I get what you are saying!

I know a lot of black women that have the same feelings as you. Im not natural, but before I really started caring for my hair I had many of the same feelings and it took me a minute to see that my hair is/was not difficult. I had to re-educate myself about my hair. Even now I still have days were Im at a lost, but that's okay! The relationship you have with your hair is your's, and if some days you feel its difficult and have to vent and questions why then sista you do it. HHG

 

[nappity]

Anyway- whats your point? Are you on the board as a provocateur? Are you a cyber-bully? Or are your statements sincere and you are trying to work this out?

why are you always jumping on me? I am so tired of you always jumping or me or questioning my motives. You never understand anything I'm trying to say in my post, whenever I say "all" or "most" you take it as I mean everybody.
You never understand or get what I'm saying anyway.

Yes. Thats why I asked you "whats up"?. All is everybody and Most is over 85% gross generalizations and I am offended when 1 person attempts to use random examples to speak for "all and "most". Im not jumping on you, dear, truly unfortunate that you feel that way. Noone can speak for all or most- not even the holy Oprah okay?

 

[dinaaike]

I mean I love being natural, but only because of the natural hair type I have NOW. I hate to say it but it's true. If my hair was natural like it was as a kid, I would never had stayed natural this long.

I hate that I still feel this way, but that's me and my issues, nobody else. I think it could be a form of self-hate that I have and I think lots of women, especially dark-skinned sistas still have trouble dealing with some of these same issues in regards to their hair. But then when I get off this board, I look in the mirror and love the fact that I'm have this beautiful brown color with this great, versatile hair.

Well you certainly aren't the only one who feels this way! I'm sure a lot of us can remember being told as children how difficult our hair was.

I still have memories of complaints about how big my hair got after being blow-dried. I remember dreading the combing sessions because I was tender-headed. I remember looking at 3a hair and being told how "good" that hair was; the implication being that my hair, by contrast, was not good at all. I remember a time when it seemed like everyone was claiming to have "indian in their family", when you know that if they were mixed at all it was with black and blacker (I know I'm not the only one who remembers )! I remember being envious as an impressionable child of those who were "better" than me because of something I could not control.

Then I got older and began to do my own hair. I stopped relaxing (which was NEVER relaxing) and pressing and greasing it up like an oil slick. I stopped ripping the comb through it and overprocessing it for every possible treatment because it was "coarse" and "difficult" and things "might not take". I started to treat my hair kindly and it started to thank me by it's health.

Only THEN did I ask myself what people of my childhood were complaining about. Only THEN did I think they were crazy because my hair is awesome. Only THEN did it hit me that it must have always been awesome because I only came with one head of hair and it never changed.

It's not a form of self-hate AvaSpeaks, it's just your memory of what you experienced at the mercy of those who couldn't do better because they didn't know better.

I know some people would look at this as me hating being black or something. That's not the case, moreso just tired of this short hair and still feeing ugly, and wishing it would grow much, much longer. I don't know what it is or what I can do about it but I am working on it.

Give it time, honey! Watching hair growth is like watching paint dry. You know it's happening, but you can't prove it unless you mess it up by poking at it.

Hair grows. You can't stop it. You can only slow it down. You'll experience the most growth when you leave it to it's own devices.

But I know having my hair grow longer with really help me with my self-esteem.

Finally, DUH! Why do you think most of us are here?! Don't worry AvaSpeaks, it will take years for most of us to reach our goals. Haven't you noticed that those who measure all the time usually seem to have less obvious growth than others who seem almost surprised by progress because they weren't paying all that much attention?

 

[bellebebe]

I think God made mine that way because I'm such a rebel.erplexed

 

[Blossssom]

Sorry for bumping this old thread, but some of the other threads in other forums made me remember this one!

You so bad

 

[Blossssom]

Great analogy!

Yes, I 100% concur with Flower... our hair is only "difficult" when you insist on trying to make it do something it wasn't DESIGNED to do!

I bet Nappity (sorry if I mispelled your name, girl) has no difficulty with her hair because she wears it the way GOD intended... go figure!

 

[Blossssom]

I was thinking about this the other day. My roommate is from Bolovia. When we first met, I envied her hair very little. There was always a small part of me who was a little jealous, but only of the length. I knew that as a black women, I could attain the same length and I am reminded of this every time I log in. Anywhere, I do her hair for her all the time. The first time I did her hair, I was like, this is it? I realized my hair is versatile. Don't get me wrong, her hair is gorgeous, but at the same time, it is damaged and hard to style. She hasn't cut or trimmed her hair in 9 years. And although it is long, it is damaged. Could this be from her ripping her hair with a comb, not conditioning, not trimming, sleeping wildly on cotton pillowcases? Who knows. But I know one thing, she watches me do my hair every night and gets so excited because she loves the way my pin curls and my bantu knot sets comes out. So I want her length and she wants my thickness lol But all I realized is that while other girls are drooling over her hair, mines is just as beautiful, but in its own way.

Why doesn't she get a trim? One thing I can't stand on other race women's heads is super long hair with see-through, scraggly ends.

It's not a CRIME to trim!

 

[Blossssom]

Exactly. Black women aren't happy with what God gave them, hence the difficulties. I've come across Asian women who want locs that are as perfectly kinky and symmetrical as those of black people with 4b hair. What they go through to achieve (and they never do quite get there) and maintain those locs is comparable to what black women who want other races' textures go through.

Doing my hair is extremely easy and I'm a black woman with 4a/b hair. *Shocker* Maybe it's because I'm not trying to beat my hair into submission.

Right on, Sonce

 

[Blossssom]

i have definately thought about this topic but now I have a new perspective. I am loving taking care of my hair and nourishing it so that I can maximize my growth potential and get it to it's healthiest state. Before I was like " why do we have to go through so much!?!

But now I am enjoying the process very much.. especially since I have y'all to go through this journey with me

Yes, life is beautiful when you know how to do your own hair and not have to worry about rip-off con artists who exploit many black women's desire to have hair that looks like someone else's.

And although my hair is relaxed, I seldom straighten it anyway, and some folks don't even know I have a relaxer.

You can definitely have healthier hair and note your own progress without the scissor happy stylists trimming your hair EVERY visit, which for a lot of shop goers is every one to two weeks

I thank God every day that he FREED me from that sh**! I will NOT be going back!

 

[Blossssom]

I feel that way too. Naturally worn hair can be beautiful but I struggle with mine everytime I wash my hair. It seems everything we do to our hair no matter how innocent can wreck havock. I see alot of non-black women walking around with perms (curly) and color in their hair and most of the time they still have most of their hair. If I or most black women with 4a/b hair were to do that we would have nothing.

Sometimes it just seems unfair.

Oh, don't you worry your "pretty little head" about any of that, darlin... I live around mostly whites and those white women when young, permed and colored their hair and thought nothing of it... advance 30/40 years... they are almost BALD from doing that, so while their hair may seem to be able to sustain a color/perm simultaneously during their youth, trust that it's not and at the end of the day those black women who were not in their youth able to do the same thing and didn't "push the issue" will have more hair on their head than their white counterparts

You're the first natural I've heard complaining about caring for her hair, however.

 

[Blossssom]

We have issues when we go against the grain of what our hair was intended to look like. But knowing that, embracing that and working with that fact has helped me learn how to manage my hair and enjoy it.

Even my relaxed hair won't be "bone straight" like another races, and I'm OK with that. My relaxed hair still looks like AA hair, it's thick, kind of kinky, still has a life of its own. And I'm actually very happy about that.

Whenever I try to get my hair bone straight it ends up being a hot mess everytime!!!

It is? How often do you relax? I'm at the two months' period and am beginning to "feel it". I won't give in, though, before three months. I won't be going four months EVER again. I almost died!

I so agree with the first bolded.

I'll tell you all this, our hair may not grow as fast as other races because of the natural curl and because of the way God intended it to be worn, and perhaps that's the reason why it doesn't because considering how some of the styles that women here wear their house (in a free-style), if our hair did grow as fast as that of others, it would be all over the place and I bet those women would be complaining.

We would like like the Lion King! Hair everywhere! We should just be grateful we HAVE hair because a lot of women DON'T!

 

[Blossssom]

I share the sentiments of those who admit frustration. Yes, I do like the versatility of my hair and when my curls are having a good day, they are quite gorgeous and often garner compliments (usually from white women with straight hair ). But still....pain in the butt!!! I can't just wake up with them looking like that, alot of time, sweat, sometimes tears, and expensive products go in to the maintenance. Even when I was natural it was a timely, pain-staking process managing it. Infact, having it relaxed has cut the time in half and makes life easier for me so not sure about all of my hair troubles coming from trying to make it do something it isn't suppose to. JMO.

I don't know, D... relaxed hair is easier for me, but that's all I know... I don't know if Kally has natural hair and is trying to straighten it to look like other's hair or what.

But I would have to imagine that our hair in its natural state and being styled to complement it has to be as easy as a fresh relaxer, once you figure out how that is supposed to be.

 

[Blossssom]

honestly I think god meant for us to wear our natural hair textures be it nappy, kinky curly or naturally straight.

If we would stay natural (im not natural) it would be easier for us and we wouldn't even have to stress on how to get it to grow and to shine etc. Because we would have our natural locks, and imo natural hair grows faster when taken care of correctly.

putting these perms in our hair makes it more fragile (and i have strong hair) it makes our hair depend on the relaxer and if you notice when we don't perm then the breakage starts.

And that's why I'm not perming less than three months... perm does weaken the hair but think about the result you're looking for? STRAIGHT! Perm has to weaken the structure of the hair for it to go south.

 

[nappity]

I don't know, D... relaxed hair is easier for me, but that's all I know... I don't know if Kally has natural hair and is trying to straighten it to look like other's hair or what.

But I would have to imagine that our hair in its natural state and being styled to complement it has to be as easy as a fresh relaxer, once you figure out how that is supposed to be.

Yup. Its all about figuring it out no matter how you choose to wear it.

 

[Amarech]

Yes, I 100% concur with Flower... our hair is only "difficult" when you insist on trying to make it do something it wasn't DESIGNED to do!

I will have to kindly disagree with this statement and all others like it. At first I was like "Yeah!!!" then I realized that it really isn't true.

First of all, you have to define easy. For some people natural hair is easier. Being natural was not easier for me. I did enjoy it and I learned to accept my natural hair as being good in its own right. But at the end of the day, it took a lot of work to make it look the way I wanted it to.

I know myself and what kind of work I am willing to put into my hair's appearance. I have a lot of hair (don't we all) I for one am not interested in nursing a hand and arm cramp everytime I wash.
Being natural was never about easy styling. For me, being natural was all about accepting my natural hair texture.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

For me, being natural was all about accepting my natural hair texture.

Exactly! I know plenty of people who in college went natural, thinking it would be much easier to style their hair. But they really had to work at it, if they wanted their hair to grow longer. The ones that really didn't think about hair growth, well it kept breaking off and staying the same length and they couldn't understand why?

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Well you certainly aren't the only one who feels this way! I'm sure a lot of us can remember being told as children how difficult our hair was.

It's not a form of self-hate AvaSpeaks, it's just your memory of what you experienced at the mercy of those who couldn't do better because they didn't know better.

Not just memories as a child. I mean there are times when I am praised for my hair and then there are times when I get the worst treatment from my own people.

You know how hurtful it is when 9 of your 15 line sisters asked you "are you going to get a relaxer after we cross?" or things like, "your afro puff is bringing us down"?

Or even coming here and being asked if I'm natural? On natural threads because people don't understand my point? Trust me, I feel so alone in the "hair war".

 

[SouthernTease]

We've been socialized to think our hair is difficult.
Work with the texture instead of against it.
That's why I threw away all my combs & brushes...
except for my trusty Jilbere shower comb that
I only use over satin cap when scritching and
once a week when I wash.
I need to practice what I preach... now if only I could
get rid of that flat iron.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Yes, I must wear my "twisty-knots" this whole month. Or at least I'm going to try to.

I like using my comb to part my hair, because even though I work at a radio station, you know the saying, appearance is everything, blah, blah

But yeah, I'm going to try to be more loving and nicer to my hair because it is a beautiful hair texture

 

[dinaaike]

Not just memories as a child. I mean there are times when I am praised for my hair and then there are times when I get the worst treatment from my own people.

You know how hurtful it is when 9 of your 15 line sisters asked you "are you going to get a relaxer after we cross?" or things like, "your afro puff is bringing us down"?

Or even coming here and being asked if I'm natural? On natural threads because people don't understand my point? Trust me, I feel so alone in the "hair war".

Actually yes. My whole family has had something to say since the day I cut the rest of my relaxed hair off. I didn't know what a BC was, I just thought the contrast of textures looked dumb. So I cut it and took the comments about not looking "like nobody cares about me", about losing all my hair, about my "naps looking bad". One of my sisters still reaches for the nape of my neck and comments on my "kooka bugs".

The difference is, to me it doesn't matter. I made this choice. I like this choice. And I stand by my choice AND original comment, some people "can't say or do better because they don't know better." Just think about how many women here had to argue the point of how long kinky hair can actually grow with those closest to them, right up until their hair reached out and snapped their brastraps. THAT'S when the comments stop and the questions start. Until then you're just dealing with people unwilling to let go of the concepts they learned a long time ago.

I have a saying: "When people won't pay your rent, they forfeit the right to comment on where you live." Do your thing girl! Then smile at the naysayers and politely ignore them.

 

[cutiebe2]

hair genetically was not meant to be styled


it was meant to lay on our heads and protect us from the sun

when we try to make it do otherwise its gonna cause trouble

 

[pringe]

wow..there's so much to say.

Everyone has a valid and much needed to hear point. That's the beauty of it all and that's why i love boards like this.


I have a war within myself too. Because i know that the only reason you would totally HATE your hair is because you are still believing that something is wrong with Our hair. i'm not coming down on anyone because it was me years ago. At times i still have to talk to myself, to realize that there's nothing wrong with me & my hair.

When i was a child i was always told i was picky headed and had hair that didn't grow (i'm west indian). My head at a early age was pulled and tugged, permed and dry jheri curled within an inch of its life. It taught me that my hair was ugly and didn't grow but at the same time made me wish for "good and better" hair than what i had on my head. Even as an adult, i hated my hair. at times i still get down because i wonder why it takes my hair so long to grow. Part of it is my own fault. Too much manipulation & touching and prodding and not enough TLC . I finally went natural cause i couldn't take it no more. I felt i should be beautiful to anyone even with natural hair. I had strangers touching my hair telling me it was ugly @ 22. I had friends saying what the hell is that? But guess what?! The SAME people, same friends that said that then followed my trend. Now I have 3 friends who went on to be natural now! Everyone LOVES my hair now! Hmmph!

Guys, We got to get that love back for ourselves. IF you hate ur hair, then we really haven't grown as a people. EVERYONE has issues with their hair. White girls stay blow drying their hair within an inch of their lives. Asian girls are always putting permanents in their hair to make it curly. Most other races, although they won't tell you, admire the versatility that our hair affords and the fact that our hair is rule defying lol.


Hating our hair is almost equal to hating our complexions. And we are passing that down to the younger generations.

On the flip side i also have to say, alot of u are saying who cares about long hair. Well many people who say that have always had hair that grows pretty quick and have never gone through what girls who belong to the "short hair club" lol . ( i am a member) its true long hair isn't everything but everyone has their own opinions.

Kally, we all go through periods when our hair is getting on our nerves. Our hair does require tlc just because. I applaud u for being woman enough to state what's on ur mind and trying to reach out. never be ashamed of that. I say girl, get ur hair hooked up, do a cute little style and go out and dance. Forget all this, cause at the end of the day, its so much more than hair.


BTW, in terms of God. God don't make NO mistakes. Period. Let's focus on healthy practices and hair friendly styles and not worry about why our hair is the way it is. It just is

 

[justNikki]

I have a love/ hate relationship with my hair and it is beautiful. I do not try to change its natural state to much and I fully believe we can have long hair, the proof is on this board it just seems we have to work so much harder at it.

I know for a fact that once God puts a curse one someone it can be for generations to come. Take Eve for instance: Child birth was suppose to be painless, once she took the apple God said that she would experience pain and joy at the same time. All women have suffered because of it . Jesus Christ died for our sins so that we may be forgiven I fully believe this. Also there are somethings that I feel God have set in place due to past actions. This has to be one of them. Look how different our hair is.

When it comes to our beautiful skin color, you have dark Lations and indians as well but their hair is also wash and go like the white race. So something is up.

As far as MSM I really believe it does change the texture, because as you all know by now I cut my hair really close and have been taken it and my har truely is growing in 3bish where ae before it was 4aish.

This entire post sounds crazy.

 

[shtow]

This entire post sounds crazy.

 

[justNikki]

Since YT put in our heads in the beginning, that you're black and ugly with that old crazy hair, why are we, having advanced in this society still struggling with this issue? Why, because in several instances we as black people have BOUGHT INTO THOSE LIES and have decided that hey, something IS wrong with us. WE are the ones keeping this junk up. NO need for YT to do it anymore, since we are doing it to ourselves.

By you bringing up those other issues that we as black people face is more of a justification to CONTINUE to envy other hair textures, since, hey, some black folk don't like their color, noses, lips, hips, butt, so what's the big deal about disliking my texture,too?

I didn't say that black women texturize/straighten their hair for the same reason, (I was one who relaxed because I wanted other styles that I couldn't obtain through my natural hair) ,but once again, let's keep it real- majority do out of dislike of their texture. Can't STAND to see a crinkle in their fresh do.


With this said, I see that I will keep repeating myself so I remove myself from this discussion.

Amen, Amen and AMEN!!!

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Again I don't think it's my hair texture that is bothering me. I think it's the fact that my hair is still so short. If my hair was let's say at least SL, with my texture, you couldn't tell me nothing.

But then again, there is still something off in my thinking. Because I say to myself, "so what you trying to look like you got good hair"

At least I think I'm hot

 

[cocoberry10]

Bumping this again after the Macherieamour thread. I wish we could really learn to love ourselves!