Was our hair meant to be this difficult?

[JewelleNY]

Jewelle, the Mizani tub may still be in your home, but at least you are recognizing there IS something deeper to this hair thing. You are questioning your motives for relaxing and going natural. This is great and healthy and I applaud you for this.
Heck, there are times I consider getting another relaxer but then I am like, for what? To make my hair more so called 'manageable?' To be pampered? To have swanging hair that flows in the wind? To have more chemical burns all in the sake to get straight hair? Been there done that, got a t-shirt and everything. I think we as black people will always have remnants of issues we thought we dealt with a long time to creep back up, but that's just being a human.

Thanks so much Bubbln, I have a gut feeling that I won't be using the relaxer at all but it does help get me through this transition. It can be hard at times because I am so used to relaxing that it just comes natural at this point. I think many of us have relaxed so much that it is a part of our normal routine, you stop thinking about and just do it. I love Countrygal's thread a while back about being prepared to go natural. You guys have all been so inspriing to me I can't thank you enough
And thank you for posting pics, you are my numero uno hair inspiration and I can't wait to get to where you are!!! I am doing a long transition because I love long hair on me but I am pretty excited! I just picked up a tub of hair meringue from Ricky's NY and can't wait to try it out.

BTW: I just love you new siggy pic, just beautiful

 

[facets]

My niece was born with a head FULL of thick tightly packed coiled strands of hair. My little cousin hair was the same way. I have seen many babies in my family born with this type of hair. Their hair is very soft to the touch, but from a distance it looks like 3C-4A natural hair.

Mine was the same when I was a baby. I had a fro. My brother had the straight, then wavy-wiry hair. His hair is still straighter than mine. I don't think our hair has changed much at all.

My older son has darker curlier hair than the younger. I wish we didn't put so much value on degree of curl and/or kink. I like the variety in human appearance, it would be horribly boring for everyone to have the same hair, etc. even if society places false value on certain types.

FTR, Type 4 is just as "wash and go" as any other type of hair. It's just fear of criticism, not fitting in, not being appealing by straight or loosely curled hair standards that makes some ppl think otherwise.

It's sad that so many ppl have been deluded(Including myself when I was much younger) into believing that decent hair ends at type 2 or 3. Hair is not difficult. The hard thing is shedding the warped perceptions & loathing.


***
I think it is healthy to get this sort of thing out into the open, no it's not PC and Afro-centric to admit but, imo, some discussion and analysis is much better that letting it fester in the heart.

I had some shame of my hair when I was young, my mom pressed my hair and once we(a group of friends) got caught in a downpour and saturated. Everyone else had relaxed, natural 1,2,or 3 hair,or braids. While everyone else went limp or wavy, etc, Mine proceeded to shrink from a sleek neck length bob to an amorphous sponge-cloud.

It's hilarious to me now but the horror and embarassment I felt took me *forever* to get over. Some of my AA friends clowned me the hardest.

Another time years later(in my 20s) I was wearing weave extensions and definitely due for a trip to the salon. It was superwindy and the weave hair was blowing all around, revealing seperations, tracks, new growth etc... I was waiting in line for the bus to campus and this homeless guy(AA) starts cracking weave jokes and getting increasingly louder, after a minute or so(I was praying so hard for the bus to arrive) he goes "Hey you, i know you hear me<drunken/insanelaughing>..why dontcha just go on and get yursef a natural or something?!" the bus came just seconds after but again like the 'incredible shrinking 'do' in middle school, i wanted to become invisible again. ppl on the bus were looking confused and amused.

As silly as these incidents might sound, I feel like they were messages for me...
No disrespect to the hardcore straighteners(Like my mom)&relaxies but I know it's not for me. Once I started making friends with my natural hair, I felt more confident and cared less and less about what others thought. Even when I went back to relaxing temporarily I didn't have that old sense of relief and transformation that I used to. I found that I had actually grown to prefer the vitality and humor of my own texture. The relaxer was just too deadly serious, sedate, and whipped for who I had become.

Each to her own and I've seen some of the most gorgeous relaxed and blowdried heads ever here @ LHCF but I feel each woman has to experiment to find what type of styles/treatment make them feel the happiest and most beautiful. For some, it'll be a straightened or texlaxed 'do, while others may need to commune with their natural hair to reach that peace & heightened self-esteem.

 

[firecracker]

I just picked up a tub of hair meringue from Ricky's NY and can't wait to try it out.

Let me know how you like that curly meringue chica.

 

[JewelleNY]

Just wanted to add that even with the ups and downs, this thread has literally re-inforced for me my decision to transition I am so glad we have such inspiring women on this board

 

[JewelleNY]

Let me know how you like that curly meringue chica.

I will I am dying to try it but I have such a small amount of new growth after just 9 months. I don't know how it will work with the relaxed ends but I'll find out Saturday, haha!!!

 

[navsegda]

Navs, it kinda seems that your logic requires someone to explicitly voice their particular reasons for relaxing. And that reason only, is the final proof and/or truth for that person at that time. Only by that person admitting or voicing that particular reasoning can it be said that this reasoning is valid. From this standpoint, the individual herself is the final authority. The reasoning behind the actions are as concrete as the answer given. But here, the predisposing, enabling, and reinforcing factors that may be governing the behavior are essentially ignored.

the fact that many people are following a "social script" when they relax and may not truly be fully aware of the deeper social roots of their actions. In this case, many will not admit that their relaxing comes from something beyond them and their manageability issues simply because they are not aware of it.

Edit: I have deleted the some of your response because once again, I have surpassed the character limit.

Now that I've had enough time to get off rampage mode (hahaha) and have my Mariska Hargitay fix, I think my first answer could have been more developed the first time around. I personally feel that I owe you more than what I gave you.

I do not believe that just because someone says something isn't true that that means they are always telling the truth (the same is true for the contrary, just because someone says something is true doesn't mean it is). Human beings can lie. They can even lie with their facial expressions (for instance, there are certain muscles around the eyes and in other areas of the face where you can often tell if someone is really smiling at you or just faking). Sometimes even human beings do not understand their own personal feelings so I definitely see where you are coming from about people not being able to admit something that they are not aware of. It's kinda like asking if an insane person actually KNOWS he or she is insane?

Thus, I believe that the individual is the authority in cases where the person is being truthful with you and has a good grasp on her knowledge, self esteem, and levels of consciousness in her mind. But in some cases there doesn't have to be an authority and there doesn't have to be a certainty (I will get to this later). If someone voices her reasons for relaxing and she IS educated about hair issues, sane, aware, and telling the truth, then that makes her the authority for your certainty. But if someone does not voice her reason for relaxing then you do not know what she feels or doesn't feel with any certainty at all.

Here is where the certainty/authority issues become shaky. I'm sure several of us have had people lie right to our faces. At face value, if I think someone is acting the way she is because of any particular reason and she denies it, I still cannot say with absolute certainty that she is lying. The only thing I can say with certainty is "Well, I think she really does have a problem with her hair and that is why she relaxes but I don't know that for sure."

I also believe that this hair query is a deeper psychological issue for MANY people. Many people do follow a social construct when they relax and some may be aware of this, some may not. However, many who relax may not be following any type of social construct or suffering from a self esteem issue, they may just be doing so on their own personal accord. For some it may be much deeper than a manageability issue (I said myself that there are other ways to manage your hair without relaxing). However, for some others, the level of (perceived) manageability really may be all it is (maybe people are going for not just what is manageable but for what is MOST manageable or the EASIEST to manage in their opinion).

I feel that trying to say for certain that someone does anything to their hair based on the views of many others leads us into slippery territory. People can internalize things based on what they hear from someone in the environment. Sometimes if you say something enough times even if it isn't true, someone may decide to believe it. So if you wrongly perceive that someone has a self esteem issue who really doesn't and you repeatedly drill all this stuff into her head (in an abrasive manner) it may shake her confidence and she may start believing that she is just being a conformist and/or she is rejecting certain elements of her race (even though you may not have said this), which could lead to her questioning other areas of her individuality, and could subsequently lead to her becoming depressed about her hair and making decisions about her hair that could hurt her in the long run. On the contrary, what you say may not have a negative effect on her at all (especially if you were cordial; a lot of the time how our message is taken depends on how it is delivered). But if it did have a negative effect, it would be like when some psychologists convinced women that they were raped based on observations they'd made from other people. They did the research and personal interviews and they saw that many women who were raped yet somehow had repressed their rape growing up exhibited certain types of telltale behavior. Thus, they used the same methods they used to evoke these repressed memories in women who were actually raped on women that they mistakenly thought had been raped based on showing behaviors or making statements that were similar to the ones who truly had been. Some of these women "saw the light" in a sense that they truly believed that they had been raped just to find out later that these "memories" were planted into their heads. These psychologists made something they interpreted into a big deal/issue when it should not have been in the first place and thus they were somehow responsible for the damage on these girls' lives (and anyone else's they may have falsely accused of raping them), even if their initial intentions were good.

**Note: I am in no way saying that having an issue with your hair is in any way nearly as traumatic as being raped.

With that being said, I think this also applies to other psychological issues (such as many black women's views or self esteem issues with hair). It has been shown by word-of-mouth testimonies, research, and various other methods that many women do have a problem relating to this matter. Thus, based on this, we could say that many women who are relaxed do so because they are following (whether blindly or not) some social construct of beauty. However, we cannot diagnose someone on an individual basis on what may hold true for many others without more information than a comment she may have just made about her hair.

Now, let's say someone (let's call her Exhibit A) does have self esteem issues because of her hair and is well aware of this. Based on what you know to be true about other people having self esteem issues about hair, you may bring up some questions or points that could help her overcome these issues. She could deny them coming and going and swear up and down she has no problems. Your head may be telling you she is lying but it still wouldn't solve anything to argue any further because some people are too close-minded or stubborn to admit the truth. In this case, NO ONE is the final authority because the individual is lying to you and you may feel that she is, but you just cannot say beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is with 100% certainty. I mean, you could make her take a polygraph but those won't hold up in court because people know how to trick them hahaha. What I'm saying is that everything isn't black and white. It's not always a case of the individual is the final authority or the observer is the final authority or the community is the final authority. It's ok for there not be a final authority. It's ok not to be certain of everything. Sometimes there are just things we will never know for certain and we would waste our time and energy trying to say for sure that a particular thing is what it is because of X, Y, or Z.

Now, Exhibit B. She makes a negative comment about her texture and because this comment is the same that many others who have issues with their texture have made, you proceed to tell her that she has deeper underlying issues because in your head you feel she is. For her, it is true that she only made this comment this time about hating her hair because she is the one who chose to manipulate it the wrong way that day when she and her natural hair had been getting along just fine otherwise haha. And for what it's worth, I'll tell you that Exhibit B really didn't have any underlying deeper issues just because of that one comment. So in this case, who is the final authority? She is. Does that mean that all you have learned about other people who do in fact have self esteem issues/are following a construct with their hair is any less valid? No. It just means this person is the exception and you may find many others as well.

And last but not least you have Exhibit C who you think has a problem with her texture and it turns out that she even admits she does after you've brought up helpful information. I am going to inform you that Exhibit C is telling the truth and she's not just agreeing with you to make you stop talking lol. Now who is the final authority? She is. However, you were the initial authority on this case because it turns out that you were right all along.

Cliff Notes Version: Sometimes we are right, sometimes we are not. That's what we know for certain. Sometimes someone is the authority on letting us know the truth but sometimes there isn't anyone to give us truth or a definite answer so we can just accept that and move on. There are many mysteries to be had in life.

 

[Dee-Licious]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Oh gosh NAVS!!! That's a dissertation ... now I'm off to read it because I just HAD to say that!!

 

[cocoberry10]

In the journey to acheive healthy, longer hair it is very overwhelming.


Our hair is something else. I can't take it anymore. Chemicals, heat , the wrong diet, protective stlyes, wrong products, to many of the right products , oils, grease, wrong clothing, braids,weaves,wigs, using the wrong tools, brushing,combing, using to many product, using not enough products, you name it causes damages. Everything that you can possible do for our hair seems to cause damage. There seems that there is nothing out there that does not cause damage to our hair. Proper care is key, but you have to go to great lengths to get it and never stop once you have master the art of what it takes for your hair. This can get very costly and time consuming, because what works for one may not work other as we find out in updated threads.

I firmly believe that God did not design our hair to be so fragile. I believe that someone way back in the day messed it up for us. I never heard of other races having to tie up their hair in silk or satin to prevent it from spliting or having to add oil etc... I know they have issues to but not as fragile as ours.

Sorry so long I am just frustrated. I thought I had my regimen down and now have to revise it.

Kally:

I'm sure when you posted this thread, you had no idea it would "take off" like it did. After re-reading some of your posts, I feel your pain. We live in a world that doesn't value our "differences" like it values other differences mentioned (blue eyes, blond hair, etc.).

I have struggled with my hair like many women on this board. I was blessed to have a family that valued me for me, and not my hair or skin. However, I have 2 sisters and both have more "desirable" hair (by society's standards). No one in my family ever made me feel ugly or different b/c my hair was kinkier. However, the world is not so kind.

My mom brought us to hairdressers. Some were good, but some made references to the fact that my hair was more "difficult" than my sisters. This created a complex in me, one of inferiority. I understand that you felt bad about your hair being different. I also was raised in a white environment, and although no one ever said anything bad about my hair (the white kids), actually they complimented me, I admit that I used to want my hair to lay flat like theirs, or have big long ponytails like them. My older sister had "Rudy hair." It was big and long, and almost wavy-like. My younger sister had curls, the cutest little curls to go along with her big cheeks and big round eyes. No matter how many people told me I was pretty, I always secretly felt an inferiority to my sisters. My mother and father didn't tolerate the "good hair, bad hair" thing, but unfortunately the poison of the world can make you feel bad.

Now that I've found this site, I am extremely inspired. Some days I hate my hair, some days I love it. I look at all the beautiful heads of hair on here of different textures, and I know that it's possible. Maybe I'll never be waistlength, but I know my hair can and HAS grown. I am somewhere between armpit and brastrap now (may even be at brastrap if I straighten my hair). This is the longest my hair has ever been.

Another thing I've realized is that ALL WOMEN have something that they don't like. That's the society we live in. Our society (US mostly) is poisoning women to believe that if they aren't "this" or "that" then they are no good. Look at all the white female celebrities that are anorexic and hurting themselves, starving and using drugs to stay thin, so they can get a role in a movie...How crazy is that???

Many white women don't like themselves either. Many Indian women hate themselves, they are as color struck as Blacks. Asian women get plastic surgery done to their eyes, so they are "occidental" (Western looking). And even though our hair is the most "different" most women I know hate their hair. A good friend of mine who is Jewish, with wavy (not even curly) hair, NEVER wears her hair natural. And I've seen it natural and it's beautiful. It's not even kinky like some Jewish people. But she HATES her natural hair.

Don't be mad at yourself that you feel this way. But understand that the world has made you feel this way. God loves you the way He made you...perfectly!

Sorry to give a sermon, but I really felt the need to post this!

 

[CaramelMiSS]

Kally:

I'm sure when you posted this thread, you had no idea it would "take off" like it did. After re-reading some of your posts, I feel your pain. We live in a world that doesn't value our "differences" like it values other differences mentioned (blue eyes, blond hair, etc.).

I have struggled with my hair like many women on this board. I was blessed to have a family that valued me for me, and not my hair or skin. However, I have 2 sisters and both have more "desirable" hair (by society's standards). No one in my family ever made me feel ugly or different b/c my hair was kinkier. However, the world is not so kind.

My mom brought us to hairdressers. Some were good, but some made references to the fact that my hair was more "difficult" than my sisters. This created a complex in me, one of inferiority. I understand that you felt bad about your hair being different. I also was raised in a white environment, and although no one ever said anything bad about my hair (the white kids), actually they complimented me, I admit that I used to want my hair to lay flat like theirs, or have big long ponytails like them. My older sister had "Rudy hair." It was big and long, and almost wavy-like. My younger sister had curls, the cutest little curls to go along with her big cheeks and big round eyes. No matter how many people told me I was pretty, I always secretly felt an inferiority to my sisters. My mother and father didn't tolerate the "good hair, bad hair" thing, but unfortunately the poison of the world can make you feel bad.

Now that I've found this site, I am extremely inspired. Some days I hate my hair, some days I love it. I look at all the beautiful heads of hair on here of different textures, and I know that it's possible. Maybe I'll never be waistlength, but I know my hair can and HAS grown. I am somewhere between armpit and brastrap now (may even be at brastrap if I straighten my hair). This is the longest my hair has ever been.

Another thing I've realized is that ALL WOMEN have something that they don't like. That's the society we live in. Our society (US mostly) is poisoning women to believe that if they aren't "this" or "that" then they are no good. Look at all the white female celebrities that are anorexic and hurting themselves, starving and using drugs to stay thin, so they can get a role in a movie...How crazy is that???

Many white women don't like themselves either. Many Indian women hate themselves, they are as color struck as Blacks. Asian women get plastic surgery done to their eyes, so they are "occidental" (Western looking). And even though our hair is the most "different" most women I know hate their hair. A good friend of mine who is Jewish, with wavy (not even curly) hair, NEVER wears her hair natural. And I've seen it natural and it's beautiful. It's not even kinky like some Jewish people. But she HATES her natural hair.

Don't be mad at yourself that you feel this way. But understand that the world has made you feel this way. God loves you the way He made you...perfectly!

Sorry to give a sermon, but I really felt the need to post this!

I get told about my hair when it's compared to my sisters. My older and younger sister have fine wispy hair, but mine, it's sooo thick and the hair dresser always had to say something, it would get to me but then I was like hey I love my thick hair. I even had to get through middle school and high school dealing with girls that when they saw my hair natural say: "Oh your hair is like THAT? But it's sooo long when you have it pressed!" Once again it was what they were though people with coily and kinky hair does not grow long, it does grow long but it's so coily you never know the true length of it. So I think when I was in school I put alot of those black hair myths to rest, because I was living proof, but then again the thought of good hair and bad hair is so installed in a person that no matter what you do or say you can probably never change their minds

 

[facets]

Hairdressers can really be crushing. I remember one who would press my mom's hair(fine type 3?) but refused to press mine because it was too 'thick and wooly.'

 

[Cayenne0622]

I agree with everything you said....and dealt a bad hand...period!!!
And others won't admit it, but I'm not white-washing a thing here!

I totally understand where you guys are coming from. I've mentioned before that I come from a family of women with long hair (most of them have really thick hair). They also come from a world of hair types 2a -3b. Here comes little old me - BAM 4a/b (meaning kinky hair and it has the nerve to be fine on top of that). I cried many, many, many nights as a child about my hair. I truly believed I was unnattractive because of it. I won't tell you the things my grandmother (Spanish, Scottish/Irish, Native American) would say where my hair was concerned. Anyway, I don't want to do a long post but I had to say that I understand the ladies who had low self-esteem or no confidence because of their hair.

P.S. I think straightening our hair came at a time when Black people just wanted to be accepted and be like everyone else. In this day and age individuality is encouraged and even admired so its a lot more fun and easier to rock the naturals, braids, locks, etc. Back then, that was not the case. You were encouraged to blend in and do what everyone else was doing.

TODAY WE HAVE OPTIONS AND WE ARE THE PERFECT RACE OF PEOPLE TO DO IT ALL - STRAIGHT, CURLY, KINKY, COLORED, NATURAL, RELAXED, PRESSED, BUNNED, SWANGIN, FRO'D, LOCK'D, BRAIDED...WHOO HOO! We set the trends, baby!

 

[Enchantmt]

I've been thinking about this some more, and I know its been discussed and proven here time and time again, but I want to restate that part of the reason some feel our hair is difficult or undesireable is because of a lack of knowledge on how to care for it. I do think part of this reason for the lack of knowledge still stems from the social mindets (black hair is ugly, you dont care for it, you hide it, it has no value or beauty, etc). A lot of ladies here have been on hairboards for a while, so many women here are enlightened about ideas of good vs bad hair and proper hair care, but In situations outside of hair forums, this isnt always the case. ( I also realize that these types of topics get old and tiresome for people who have been here for some time, but with the constant influx of new people exploring hair care for the first time in their lives, don't look for them to stop anytime soon)The "knowledge is the key" speech has been said and done before but I wanted to repost some previous LHCF threads.

I see women everyday with JACKED UP HEADS. Tore up. (or TOW as blosssom would say) bald patches, dryness, breakage, packed with grease or brown gel, thin from breakage and shedding. Unable to retain length because of over processing. (The hair looks nice, but they dont gain length) I don't think this is unique to my area. Increasingly I see very young children with relaxed hair and chewed up ends or braids put in too tight. I had shared before that after joining this forum I started noticing everyones hair, and when I went to vote one election, after standing in line two hours and seeing dozens of, maybe 100-200, black women and girls, only two had healthy looking hair. One was in an updo and the other was below shoulder relaxed with healthy ends. Some here have said they hated their hair until they learned how to take care of it and make it beautiful. If you havent already please visit so's thread, it's very inspirational and shows what good care can do for you:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=102697

To be truthful, rational or not, when I used to see women with jacked up heads there was a part of me that used to feel a lil shame. In my own life if my own hair wasnt perfect I felt a lil shame also. Like they represented me or I represented other black folx. (I think thats why blosssoms avatar was so disturbing to folx, we dont want to see images of ourselves looking unkempt.) I expected us to know better and to do better. I sort of got lost in the individual vs a group thing. (I think, fair or not, we are seen as a group instead of individuals but thats another topic for another thread, and if you search its been done before too.) Then one member posted some pics of a slave ship:

http://www.homestead.com/wysinger/mapofafricadiaspora3.html

(It's from this thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=78563 )

I stated in the thread then, and it still stikes me now how young everyone was. In my mind, I always saw traditional tv slave images and thought of adults being sold, I never once considered all the young ones ripped from their families. How many of us at a young age 9-16 if taken would have been able to preserve our traditions? Personal care, holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, our spoken language. After days and weeks in a slave hold we wouldnt even know what day it was, let alone when to observe something. Even after one was able to think beyond survival, living somewhere, not having the same vegetation and resources, maybe not having the knowledge to create the tools and products needed to care for ourselves, we wouldnt be able to make what we needed. Not able to speak or read the language of our oppressors. I no longer wonder about our loss of culture or feel shame for those who arent able to do better. I have also read accounts that after being packed in ships, forced to lay in feces, we developed sores and fungus on our skin and scalps, which contributed more to the hair thing. As far as modern day mindsets I cant recommend enough the sisterlocks book. I'm not considering locks, but my cousin was interested in them so when I saw the book I picked it up for her. I read it first, wanting to read something positive on black hair and I'm glad I did. She doesnt really go into how to do locks, just how she came up with the system, but she does touch on a bunch of social aspects including the fact that our own people, black stylists who specialize in black hair, still cant do black hair in its natural state, and why she feels our black men feel its acceptable to ridicule their women and things of that nature. Its an interesting read. I cant speak on her credentials, but what she wrote rang true to me, and once I realized the reasoning behind our actions, I lost the ability to get heated over the choices people make, tho it stil saddens me to see the state of some of our own.

So, anyway, self hate and social mindsets aside, I thank God for sites like this that can show black women the way to beautiful hair, whether relaxed or natural and I'm glad that all the thousands of women here have become enlightened and are in a position to teach young girls in their social sphere their true beauty and value. I think it will have a huge impact in upcoming generations.

 

[glamgal198]

UGH! I definitely understand. I grew up in an all white neighborhood, went to an all white school, and i used to ENVY all the white girls and their beautiful long hair. My mom would never let me get a perm in my hair so it was always a nappy little afro... until 7th grade when i saved up my money and snuck off and got perm on my own . When my hair was relaxed it was past bra strap, and the longest it's ever been, and sooooo healthy. Ok...flash forward a year and a half later, my hair was shoulder length. I guess what im trying to say is if we leave our hair in its natural state, it will grow, it will be healthy! But when we color it, perm it, constantly put heat on it, and make it into something it's not, of course it's going to be difficult to manage and maintain. I do understand completely what you were saying. I have seen white girls in my classes tho with damaged over processed hair with major breakage (yes breakage). I have a asian friend who has damaged hair from a bad fusion weave from 2 years ago. So i guess if anyone, any race puts to much stress on their hair, they will run into difficulty. Sorry for the loooooooooooong response . Great thread!

 

[cocoberry10]

I get told about my hair when it's compared to my sisters. My older and younger sister have fine wispy hair, but mine, it's sooo thick and the hair dresser always had to say something, it would get to me but then I was like hey I love my thick hair. I even had to get through middle school and high school dealing with girls that when they saw my hair natural say: "Oh your hair is like THAT? But it's sooo long when you have it pressed!" Once again it was what they were though people with coily and kinky hair does not grow long, it does grow long but it's so coily you never know the true length of it. So I think when I was in school I put alot of those black hair myths to rest, because I was living proof, but then again the thought of good hair and bad hair is so installed in a person that no matter what you do or say you can probably never change their minds

I totally agree with your post. It's so on point!

 

[JazzyDez]

Enchantment thanks for the great post. The comparison shots is my favorite thread!!!

Glamgal I too had long hair as a child when it was natural. My mom would keep it pressed and it stayed very long. Once I slapped a relaxer in my head (which I too begged for) it all went downhill from there.

The key is learning how to take care of your relaxed hair (which is unfortunately uncommon knowledge in our community). It is much more time consuming and expensive due to all the DC's with the high quality conditioners, daily moisture, oil etc but those things have to be continuously done to regain some of what was lost when the hair was chemically treated. For this reason, I think the "difficult" or rather high maintenance part should be expected when the hair is chemically treated. I dont think that natural hair is extremely difficult either unless you are trying to straighten it or comb it or make it lay flat. If you just "let it be" then of course it wont be difficult. Both hairstyles are beautiful to me when healthy, I just prefer my hair relaxed at this time.

 

[kally]

Kally:

I'm sure when you posted this thread, you had no idea it would "take off" like it did. After re-reading some of your posts, I feel your pain. We live in a world that doesn't value our "differences" like it values other differences mentioned (blue eyes, blond hair, etc.).

I have struggled with my hair like many women on this board. I was blessed to have a family that valued me for me, and not my hair or skin. However, I have 2 sisters and both have more "desirable" hair (by society's standards). No one in my family ever made me feel ugly or different b/c my hair was kinkier. However, the world is not so kind.

My mom brought us to hairdressers. Some were good, but some made references to the fact that my hair was more "difficult" than my sisters. This created a complex in me, one of inferiority. I understand that you felt bad about your hair being different. I also was raised in a white environment, and although no one ever said anything bad about my hair (the white kids), actually they complimented me, I admit that I used to want my hair to lay flat like theirs, or have big long ponytails like them. My older sister had "Rudy hair." It was big and long, and almost wavy-like. My younger sister had curls, the cutest little curls to go along with her big cheeks and big round eyes. No matter how many people told me I was pretty, I always secretly felt an inferiority to my sisters. My mother and father didn't tolerate the "good hair, bad hair" thing, but unfortunately the poison of the world can make you feel bad.

Now that I've found this site, I am extremely inspired. Some days I hate my hair, some days I love it. I look at all the beautiful heads of hair on here of different textures, and I know that it's possible. Maybe I'll never be waistlength, but I know my hair can and HAS grown. I am somewhere between armpit and brastrap now (may even be at brastrap if I straighten my hair). This is the longest my hair has ever been.

Another thing I've realized is that ALL WOMEN have something that they don't like. That's the society we live in. Our society (US mostly) is poisoning women to believe that if they aren't "this" or "that" then they are no good. Look at all the white female celebrities that are anorexic and hurting themselves, starving and using drugs to stay thin, so they can get a role in a movie...How crazy is that???

Many white women don't like themselves either. Many Indian women hate themselves, they are as color struck as Blacks. Asian women get plastic surgery done to their eyes, so they are "occidental" (Western looking). And even though our hair is the most "different" most women I know hate their hair. A good friend of mine who is Jewish, with wavy (not even curly) hair, NEVER wears her hair natural. And I've seen it natural and it's beautiful. It's not even kinky like some Jewish people. But she HATES her natural hair.

Don't be mad at yourself that you feel this way. But understand that the world has made you feel this way. God loves you the way He made you...perfectly!

Sorry to give a sermon, but I really felt the need to post this!

Girl you ain't never lied. I only expected 1 or 2 pages. I am glad it did growthis big to get the help. I PMd you.

 

[angie10]

This post is wayyyy too long, and I'm not exactly sure why. I'm not about to write a book on here, I will keep it very simple. Our hair is a little hard to manage, but it has nothing to do with if you relax or leave it natural. Everyone that's saying if you leave it in it's natural state, it will not be difficult can forget about that nonsense. Your hair will be difficult or not difficult based on your mindset. If you don't understand and love your hair texture and everything about it, then it will be difficult.

I relax my hair, not because I don't like my hair texture or don't know how to manage it. I have the mindset that if my hair was to turn nappy right now, it wouldn't be a big deal. When my new growth is growing out, I don't go out of my way to make it look really slick and straight. I don't mind it looking puffy when it's air dried, I have no problem going out like that. The reason a lot of relaxed heads might have difficulty is being quick to relax all the time, resulting in overprocessed hair. Not liking their hair texture, which in turn causes them to want to relax bone straight, always greasing, geling, flat ironing to get that sleek look. That's when it becomes diffcult to manage your hair. So having relaxer have nothing to do with making your hair diffcult to manage, it will be diffcult if you make it that way.

It's okay to say that our hair is hard to manage, it's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you don't like your hair or being black, *shoot, I know I'm not my hair* For those saying leave it natural, and it's all fine and good with no difficulty can't be that serious. I have two daughters who're natural, and I know it's not the easiest thing to manage. I make it in a way that it's not difficult for us. I know as soon as I wash it, I have to moisturize and braid it quick or it will be hard to comb later. That's what makes it not so hard to manage. The moral of my story is, being natural doesn't mean that it will be easy, being relaxed doesn't mean it will be difficult, It's only difficult based on how you make it out to be.
I said I wouldn't write a book, and it looks like I'm heading there I have so much to say, but I will need pages and pages of this thread.

 

[so1913]

Wow...well, being that I'm 400+ posts late, I don't have much to add to what has already been said. Browsing through as much as I could, a lot of my thoughts have already been expressed on the subject. P1 and Enchantment, I always enjoy your commentary.

 

[TwistNMx]

UGH! I definitely understand. I grew up in an all white neighborhood, went to an all white school, and i used to ENVY all the white girls and their beautiful long hair. My mom would never let me get a perm in my hair so it was always a nappy little afro... until 7th grade when i saved up my money and snuck off and got perm on my own . When my hair was relaxed it was past bra strap, and the longest it's ever been, and sooooo healthy. Ok...flash forward a year and a half later, my hair was shoulder length. I guess what im trying to say is if we leave our hair in its natural state, it will grow, it will be healthy! But when we color it, perm it, constantly put heat on it, and make it into something it's not, of course it's going to be difficult to manage and maintain. I do understand completely what you were saying. I have seen white girls in my classes tho with damaged over processed hair with major breakage (yes breakage). I have a asian friend who has damaged hair from a bad fusion weave from 2 years ago. So i guess if anyone, any race puts to much stress on their hair, they will run into difficulty. Sorry for the loooooooooooong response . Great thread!

I just have to say that I love your response.

 

[cocoberry10]

Sorry for bumping this old thread, but some of the other threads in other forums made me remember this one!

 

[MsKipani]

I agree with the others - our hair is soooo simple and easy to care for. Provided that one doesn't try to make it into something it really isn't.
Like for instance wanting stick straight hair 365 days a year when the hair is really a 3b-4b

Imagine how difficult it would be for a white woman to achieve a perfect 4b afro every morning She would have difficult hair for sure! And destroyed by chemicals and heat appliances!!!

Great analogy!

 

[shtow]

I was thinking about this the other day. My roommate is from Bolovia. When we first met, I envied her hair very little. There was always a small part of me who was a little jealous, but only of the length. I knew that as a black women, I could attain the same length and I am reminded of this every time I log in. Anywhere, I do her hair for her all the time. The first time I did her hair, I was like, this is it? I realized my hair is versatile. Don't get me wrong, her hair is gorgeous, but at the same time, it is damaged and hard to style. She hasn't cut or trimmed her hair in 9 years. And although it is long, it is damaged. Could this be from her ripping her hair with a comb, not conditioning, not trimming, sleeping wildly on cotton pillowcases? Who knows. But I know one thing, she watches me do my hair every night and gets so excited because she loves the way my pin curls and my bantu knot sets comes out. So I want her length and she wants my thickness lol But all I realized is that while other girls are drooling over her hair, mines is just as beautiful, but in its own way.

 

[sonce]

I agree with the others - our hair is soooo simple and easy to care for. Provided that one doesn't try to make it into something it really isn't.
Like for instance wanting stick straight hair 365 days a year when the hair is really a 3b-4b

Imagine how difficult it would be for a white woman to achieve a perfect 4b afro every morning She would have difficult hair for sure! And destroyed by chemicals and heat appliances!!!

Exactly. Black women aren't happy with what God gave them, hence the difficulties. I've come across Asian women who want locs that are as perfectly kinky and symmetrical as those of black people with 4b hair. What they go through to achieve (and they never do quite get there) and maintain those locs is comparable to what black women who want other races' textures go through.

Doing my hair is extremely easy and I'm a black woman with 4a/b hair. *Shocker* Maybe it's because I'm not trying to beat my hair into submission.

 

[lilamae]

i have definately thought about this topic but now I have a new perspective. I am loving taking care of my hair and nourishing it so that I can maximize my growth potential and get it to it's healthiest state. Before I was like " why do we have to go through so much!?!

But now I am enjoying the process very much.. especially since I have y'all to go through this journey with me

 

[shtow]

Oh yeah. Lets not forget about the remains found in Africa of a women who lived a gazillion years ago. Scientist claim you can take ANYONE, and their DNA matches hers. It is believed that we all come from her, not matter what race. I do believe that we were here first. A common theory is that mankind originated in Africa and when people began to travel and live in other places, they evolved based on their new environment-hence various skin tones, hair, eye shape, etc. I don't believe African women thousands of years ago hated their hair. It is the influence of those who are/were not open minded who brainwashed others (not only black people) into believing that they are not beautiful. The same belief is currently hidden in most aspects of out culture. However I personally believe everyone is beautiful and that black women, black hair, black everything is gorgeous.

 

[lovenharmony]

Amniotic fluid ehhhh....*ponders getting pregnant* J/k!!!

But yeah, that would be interesting. I wonder why black hair-care scientists hasn't profited off of this (yet)?

Well, in a way, they HAVE!!
Ever heard of products made out of PLACENTA? I use it and they're great for my hair

 

[pisceschica]

I think this is a good hair discussion topic and I hope others chime in.

I was watching the discovery channel one day and it was talking about how different "races" came about. Basicly life began in Africa, but diff. people migrated to diff. areas which had some effect on our features.

It was said in the program ,that due to the climate (hot and humid) of Africa, that Africans weren't really 'designed' to have long hair. That our hair was genetically short to keep us cool and that the coils/napps kept the sun from burning our skin on top of our heads. And white people have long hair to protect them from the cold/wind and other elements from habitating on the Northern hemisphere. And so on and so on...

Don't know how true it is. But it makes (sort of) sense to me.

But often I find myself pondering like you. Like what was GOD's intention when he created diff. ethnic 'features. Anyways, this is a good topic.

It does make sense and it also explains whe africans have very dark skin and why europeans have very light skin.

Most of africa is very hot and b/c of the proximity to the equator they get alot of direct sunlight. So we were made with a high concentration of melanin for defense against the sun

Most of europe isn't so hot, doesn't have direct sunlight and isn't arid more specifically in the north. So their skin evolved to allow them to have lighter skin. You have people along the mediterranean that are "dark" but thats about it. Their skin (especially in the north) was lighter to allow more sun penetration of the sun b/c they don't get as much sunlight so they need every opportunity to get soak up sun, also it helps them to synthesize vitamin D that most dark skinned people cannot do b/c of the concentration of pigtment.

Because of this that is why they people with lighter skin (not necessarily just whites) age faster than people with darker skin. That is why Austrailia with a high euruopean population and very hot climate with with direct sunlight, have the highest percentage of skin cancer of all countries.

I also read that light eyes were a mutation.

 

[pisceschica]

I am going to be real: I am frustrated with my hair because it is taking a lot of effort to grow out. I do sometime feel it isn't "fair" that other races can just have hair without all the extra stuff I have to do. I personally don't feel that I am forcing my hair to be something it doesn't want to be, but it is still taking some effort to grow it out. I definitely love my hair but fighting for length is hella frustrating.

I feel that way too. Naturally worn hair can be beautiful but I struggle with mine everytime I wash my hair. It seems everything we do to our hair no matter how innocent can wreck havock. I see alot of non-black women walking around with perms (curly) and color in their hair and most of the time they still have most of their hair. If I or most black women with 4a/b hair were to do that we would have nothing.

Sometimes it just seems unfair.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

I agree with the others - our hair is soooo simple and easy to care for. Provided that one doesn't try to make it into something it really isn't.
Like for instance wanting stick straight hair 365 days a year when the hair is really a 3b-4b

Imagine how difficult it would be for a white woman to achieve a perfect 4b afro every morning She would have difficult hair for sure! And destroyed by chemicals and heat appliances!!!

We have issues when we go against the grain of what our hair was intended to look like. But knowing that, embracing that and working with that fact has helped me learn how to manage my hair and enjoy it.

Even my relaxed hair won't be "bone straight" like another races, and I'm OK with that. My relaxed hair still looks like AA hair, it's thick, kind of kinky, still has a life of its own. And I'm actually very happy about that.

Whenever I try to get my hair bone straight it ends up being a hot mess everytime!!!

 

[Kalani]

I share the sentiments of those who admit frustration. Yes, I do like the versatility of my hair and when my curls are having a good day, they are quite gorgeous and often garner compliments (usually from white women with straight hair ). But still....pain in the butt!!! I can't just wake up with them looking like that, alot of time, sweat, sometimes tears, and expensive products go in to the maintenance. Even when I was natural it was a timely, pain-staking process managing it. Infact, having it relaxed has cut the time in half and makes life easier for me so not sure about all of my hair troubles coming from trying to make it do something it isn't suppose to. JMO.