VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay....

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Thanks for the input ladies. I just had to vent that out!

I mean, I personally am not getting a whole bunch of back-lash so far for my decision to go natural. Aside from my mom's comment when I told her, everyone (I've told so far) has been pretty cool about it. I just happened to tell my mom on April 1st that I had made the decision to go natural, and she thought it was an April Fool's joke! She would NOT believe me! I have not said anything about it since, but she'll know in time when she sees that I have stopped going to the salon for relaxers.

Idk...Just reading what some women have had to go through on different hair boards due to going natural just made me feel so bad for them. I know I'm going to get some backlash eventually SOME where. Either that, or people will do the quinetessential "ignore", and then talk badly about you behind your back.

I'm just SOOOO thankful that I have this wonderful forum full of knowledge and friends who are natural so I don't have to feel so alone in this journey.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

This is just sad all the way around. Black women should be able to wear their hair natural without any issues. IMHO I think that some people are really insecure about who they are. shoot me if you want but as I keep living I truly believe that there are tons of Black folk who would REALLLY want to be white if they had the opportunity this is just a small manifestation of that sickness it starts with hair. They won't admit it but I see it and I know its there

I completely agree on both the bolded. We should be able to wear our natural hair without any problem just like anyone else.

And while I have NO problem with anyone who wants to or decides to relax their natural hair (after all I've been relaxed myself for 18 years ), I do believe that in some way this practice has its roots in history and how we as a people were treated.

Believe me, if "kinky" hair was what WHITE people had, and twa were the "in thing", and what was deemed beautiful, sexy, accepted, and "normal", I bet all black people would be running to the nearest shop to get their hair "kinkified".

I also believe that if white people had "kinky" hair, there would be more products on the market for kinky hair, more knowledge about how to maintain, nourish, and style kinky hair, and straight hair would be looked at as "unprofessional", "boring", "unmanageble", "difficult to style", etc.

So really, it's not really the HAIR that's the problem. It's the mindset. We've ALL been basically brainwashed into thinking that our hair is too "difficult" to manage, hard to "tame", "wild-looking", "not attractive", whatever.... Honestly, who says our hair has to be "tamed"??

For so long we have thought our hair was unmanageable but we just needed education. The majority is straight so joining the masses was a way to survive. But now - set my hair FREE!

So true.

With this new journey I feel like a child all over again. I have so much to learn about how to care for my NATURAL hair!!! I don't know about anyone else...but I'm excited!

It's a shame that I dont' even know how to care for the hair that naturally grows out of my scalp, but I will learn. Just like I learned how to care for relaxed hair, I can also learn how to care for my natural hair.

I KNOW thats right!!! We as AA's have a SERIOUS problem. And what's worse, the whole world knows about it, and the world continues to capitalize on our insecurities and hatred of the features GOD gave us. Especially AA men! If anyone on this board has seen Chris Rock's doc, "Good Hair", you can see the ignorance of our own men, as well as the billions of dollars being made off our self-hatred.

I haven't seen the movie yet, but I can just imagine.

I don't know, sometimes I feel like SOME people don't even care about the health of your hair! As long as it's "straight....it's GREAT!" Shedding?? Oh well....if it's straight...it's GREAT! Balding on the edges.....who cares?? As long as it's "straight...it's GRRREAT!" It really is a shame.

 

[doll-baby]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I think it's because by and large they don't understand our hair (heck most of us still don't). White, Asian, Indian, and most Hispanics have straight hair, or nearly straight. For the most part we (of African decent) are the only group that have tightly coiled " kinky" hair, it's what sets us apart and what makes us special

 

[Mad Scientist]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

ha when I decided to go natural, I told my mom and she said "Okay, until you get out of college and get a job." and then she told me natural hair wasn't very professional. She's natural herself, but she's always had long curls and she ALWAYS straightens. A lot of women are in that mindset, thinking that hair that isn't straight or slicked back is wild and somehow unprofessional. As if straight relaxed hair is how we're SUPPOSED to look. smh.

OH, and when my mom saw me with my hair straight for the first time she said "It's getting long! Maybe it's time to get a relaxer." as if I'm growing my hair out just to get a relaxer again. lol You should've seen her face when I told her I was never getting a relaxer again.

 

[Amber_moon]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Has it ever occurred to you all that perhaps, the standard of straight shiny sleek hair is unattainable to many? Even white women cant attain it as many of them have naturally curly hair. MANY MANY other races of women straighten their hair and are as ashamed to wear their naturally curly hair as we are.

A lot of the white girls you see at work with straight hair... Dont ACTUALLY have straight hair. You just assume they do because you see it like that every day. Just like THEY assume you do because you chemically treat yours.

I had a friend who is Mediterranean who's hair is thick and shiny and curly, and she refuses to wear her hair in its naturally curly state and I have heard her call it "nasty, disgusting, gross, ugly, horrible, ratty, nappy etc etc" I have other firends who are German and Irish whom I have seen on two occasions each CRY because their hair wouldnt stay straight.

The media portrayed ideal of pin straight hair doesnt just effect us. It is visible to ALL, which is why its so sad. Its unattainable for MOST people. No matter the ethnicity.

 

[R4L]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I have friends of different ethnic backgrounds that spend PLENTY of time doing their hair too. There are plenty of women with naturally curly hair who blowdry their hair EVERY DAY, so no one realizes their hair is curly until they caught in the rain without an umbrella.

I have an Asian homey who curls her hair EVERYDAY. She refused to go out one night b/c she wouldn't have enough time to do her hair.

 

[preciouslove0x]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I haven't worn my natural hair out yet (newly natural and decided to protective style w/ braids one last time) but in two weeks I'll be wearing my TWA. I actually can't WAIT for the comments (if I get any considering I live in atlanta). I've always liked being 'different'. My real name is Precious for goodness sake lol. But I'm ready. I want to educate whoever comes my way. I take up a job as a cashier during the summers so I'll be seeing all walks of life daily. I would like to encourage all of you ladies to wear your natural hair proudly as well. Change can and will only start with us. We can end this natural-hair-taboo thing. When people give you a 'smart' comment just give them an 'intelligent' reply. Don't be rude. Show them kindness and clearly explain to them why you wear your hair the way you do.

 

[Mad Scientist]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I have friends of different ethnic backgrounds that spend PLENTY of time doing their hair too. There are plenty of women with naturally curly hair who blowdry their hair EVERY DAY, so no one realizes their hair is curly until they caught in the rain without an umbrella.

I have an Asian homey who curls her hair EVERYDAY. She refused to go out one night b/c she wouldn't have enough time to do her hair.

But I think even though a lot of them do straighten their hair, other people wouldn't have a problem if they did wear their natural curly hair. Like if a white woman walks into an office with curly hair, no one tells her she looks unprofessional or that she needs to straighten her hair. But if a black woman walks into an office with a fro, it's a little different...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Has it ever occurred to you all that perhaps, the standard of straight shiny sleek hair is unattainable to many? Even white women cant attain it as many of them have naturally curly hair. MANY MANY other races of women straighten their hair and are as ashamed to wear their naturally curly hair as we are.

A lot of the white girls you see at work with straight hair... Dont ACTUALLY have straight hair. You just assume they do because you see it like that every day. Just like THEY assume you do because you chemically treat yours.

I had a friend who is Mediterranean who's hair is thick and shiny and curly, and she refuses to wear her hair in its naturally curly state and I have heard her call it "nasty, disgusting, gross, ugly, horrible, ratty, nappy etc etc" I have other firends who are German and Irish whom I have seen on two occasions each CRY because their hair wouldnt stay straight.

The media portrayed ideal of pin straight hair doesnt just effect us. It is visible to ALL, which is why its so sad. Its unattainable for MOST people. No matter the ethnicity.

Thanks for bringing this up, because this is true too.

Not ALL white women have straight hair naturally. Some women have curly hair. Some VERY curly! But they always blow dry or flat iron it or something.

However, I don't think we can lump them in the same boat as black women because even a white woman with curly hair won't be ridiculed as much as a black woman who decides to go natural. It's almost scary to think that MOST black men have never ever seen their own mother's "natural" hair (hence the "straight hair bias") to this day. If a white woman wears her hair curly one day, it is very rare that she is asked whether or not she is making a "statement" with her hair, or is rejected or passed over by other white men in her race SIMPLY because her hair is curly and not stick straight.

We as black women have so many more issues due to the past, history, and everything else that puts us in a different category. I'm not trying to undermine the hurt, rejection, or ridicule that some white women or jewish women have had to go through due to their curly hair at alll...I'm just saying that it's hard to compare the two.

Even white women with naturally curly hair rarely ever go to the salon every 3 or 4 months to get their hair CHEMICALLY straightened...enduring potential chemical burns, scabs, dryness, etc that comes along with relaxers. SOME white women may chemically alter their hair in that way, but it's not typical.

Even blowdrying or flat ironing your natural hair straight is a little different than CHEMICALLY altering your hair. I know some would disagree, but this is just how I personally feel.

I remember when curly hair was "in", and a lot of girls in my school were getting curly perms lol. So curly hair comes in season every once in a while. But right now it is pretty clear that stick straight is "IN" in Hollywood, the media, tv, etc. Look at how straight (and BLOND ) a lot of Beyonce's weaves are!

 

[LongHairNWaiting]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Well Ladies, I have read all of our post. I must add my tid~bit in there also..lol I AM A NATURAL! Have been for almost 1 year, come the end of next month.

Now I have to say -- in the beginning it was ruff of me being natural! (Not b\c of family or friends), but for me -- itself I had a bad hair day for 2 months straight b\c I wasn't sure on how to take care of it, style it, and 1/2" of hair doesn't leave you with many options...hahaha

But now that my hair is almost shoulder length (stretched) I can produce many more styles. But, check this out. I have more 3c\4a hair type. Actually diff. grades all ova (but who cares!); as my hair grows, I like it more wooly - wild -out there! Yep! you hurd me (ghetto momma)..lolrofl

You see, I have a "S" type curl pattern so I manipulate my curls often. But I like them wild, big or shrunken (I don't care). I have only now at almost 1 year bc, gotten MANY compliments. I've had sistah walk up to me and tell me they love my hair grade! I have ASIAN women tell me this style or that style looks good on me!

But actually Ladies...I just like doing me! I will be 46 y.o. this Nov. and DOING ME, IS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO! Too many years I have tried to please others, speak certain way, perform certain ways etc. But I believe that we as individuals reach a point in our lives where we say "Who Freak'n Cares" (the clean version..lol), and just start DOING ME!

Now if it DOES NOT hurt your job performance where you can get a paycheck, THEN DO YOU DAMMIT and let the rest fall where it may!

My Motto: THEY WILL GET OVER IT ~~AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

HHG My Sistahs...
*Note: The picture was taken today (4/22/10) via my cell phone (while at work)! That is downtown Houston Skylight behind me. It's hard to see, but look at those tight curls. I lov'em!...lol
<We dun need no stink'n perms...lol>

 

[Determined22]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Maybe I'm just lucky, but I have only had 1 negative experience since I went natural. When I BC'ed my hair was like an inch shrunken & my mom's friend called me bald-headed (I gave her the side eye of death about that, I hate that woman). Now I did have some Black men that I knew say that they missed my long hair, but no one ever gave me comments saying that I needed to relax or anything. In fact, I've gotten many compliments on my natural hair, and now that I'm doing twists & twistouts, I get compliments like everyday.

If you wanna go natural, then go natural. Don't let worrying about what folks could potentially say stop you.

 

[mscocoface]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

For all of you ladies who are having trauma and drama in your life from friends, family and aquantances just know that you have HUNDREDS of people who are here to support you and listen to your vents.

There is so much on here I agree with but the bottom line is YOU. You are strong enough to endure and teach by example that this is now a NEW NORM for many black women across the world and that is to have and maintain the naturalness that is growing out of your head.

It is a new norm and with anything becoming mainstream you will have those who you will have to educate and those who will just down right not accept it.

I know of some women who this day want to go natural but because of their families and/or husbands they have been FORBIDDEN to go natural. These women have been threaten and they do NOT feel they are strong enough to handle the consequences if they chose to go natural. No I am not joking.

Then you have others who are just terrified to go natural because they are too scared of the comments they would received in their families or their workplace.

Naturalness is becoming a mainstream but we still have a loooooooong way to go. What is even more tragic is that some women will never see their natural hair in their lifetime because of the people around them.

For some people it is NOT just hair.

Stay strong my beautiful sistahs, carry one and keep showing and believing in the naturalness that is your hair.

 

[MsLizziA]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

maybe im the odd one out...but ive never had any negativity when it came to my natural hair..i only hear about this stuff online actually

Where do you live?

 

[peachfuzzz]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

UGh.....it's just really disheartening. Other women (white, asian, hispanic, indian, etc) can all wear their natural hair and have it grow healthy and long w/out the use of chemicals (if they chose) and nobody says a PEEP! But let a black woman do this, and oh boy....you would think World War 3 has started.


Okay....I'm done with my vent... *sigh* I just don't get it. I mean, when you look at it abstractly, why would people want to deter or discourage you from wearing the hair that naturally grows from your scalp? Have we been that conditioned in society to think that our hair is so "ugly", "difficult to manage", etc that we can't even be happy for one another when one makes the decision to stop putting harsh chemicals in their hair?

I honestly didn't realize how bad "our" self hate was until I started my journey. Educating myself about our hair has opened my eyes WIDE. What makes it so sad is that it's taught by many of our family members from the time our hair "naps up". I've had to do some serious self evaluating because this is the very thing that I don't want to pass on to my children.

This is just sad all the way around. Black women should be able to wear their hair natural without any issues. IMHO I think that some people are really insecure about who they are. shoot me if you want but as I keep living I truly believe that there are tons of Black folk who would REALLLY want to be white if they had the opportunity this is just a small manifestation of that sickness it starts with hair. They won't admit it but I see it and I know its there

Our natural hair hasn't been the "norm" for most AAs. While many of us our conditioned to be tolerant of certain things, our hair is not one of them. Society has a particular "look" that is acceptable. AAs who are natural take heat from people who've accepted this "norm" and refuse to understand that there is beauty in our natural tresses as well. I was born in the 80's and I remember growing up thinking that my life would be easier if I were white. I was ridiculed by kids in my neighborhood(AA hood) because I "talked white", did my hw, and refused to disrespect myself. I felt that I was passed over in many things because of my skin color. (I grew up in a small town in GA where I was told I could no longer be friends w/my then bff cause she was white and her dad didn't like blacks. Keep in mind, I was the only black girl in my class and there was only one other AA girl in our grade level at the time).

I am grateful for maturity! I now know that I wasn't the problem and there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. Rather it's them that have a problem! I approach my hair in a similar manner. I confronted my mom (in a nice way, of course) and found out that many of her hair comments and decisions were because she didn't know how to take care of our hair. BTW, my mom now sports a low cut that's au naturale!

Sorry about the flashback....whew!

In all honesty, i think society has watched one to many Roots Episodes cuz when you talk about afro hair, thats all people think about. Lets get some education people and come up a notch before you just assume sh$t cuz life is not like TV

And need a reality check!! I do think that more women would go natural if they knew of all the options available to them to care for their tresses. I'm so thankful I found this forum!

There were a few people in my family that made fun of me and asked me if I was going through some kind of mid-life crisis LOL I took it with a grain of salt, didn't pay them any mind. It was between me and God, nobody else. That's what I kept saying to myself.

BTW a few people that laughed at me now ask me for help transitioning. I even found out that I inspired a co-worker that I don't even know to transition. To this day I still don't know who she is. You'd be surprised who you will inspire, even if its indirectly.

It's just ignorant. For so long we have thought our hair was unmanageable but we just needed education. The majority is straight so joining the masses was a way to survive. But now - set my hair FREE!

I KNOW thats right!!! We as AA's have a SERIOUS problem. And what's worse, the whole world knows about it, and the world continues to capitalize on our insecurities and hatred of the features GOD gave us. Especially AA men! If anyone on this board has seen Chris Rock's doc, "Good Hair", you can see the ignorance of our own men, as well as the billions of dollars being made off our self-hatred.

Exactly

Idk...Just reading what some women have had to go through on different hair boards due to going natural just made me feel so bad for them. I know I'm going to get some backlash eventually SOME where. Either that, or people will do the quinetessential "ignore", and then talk badly about you behind your back.

I'm just SOOOO thankful that I have this wonderful forum full of knowledge and friends who are natural so I don't have to feel so alone in this journey.

I feel bad for the ignorant people who think they are justified to act so obnoxiously toward another person! I've had ignorant comments thrown at me. They can be hurtful, but I know much of it is out of ignorance or self-hatred, so I pity them. Most importantly is my motive for doing it in the first place. I know that a superficial motive would be grounds to fold and change my mind about my choice. I'm not saying a woman is superficial because she goes back to a relaxer. I'm saying, it should be because she desires to, rather than because of ignorant and hurtful people, KWIM?

 

[shortycocoa]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Has it ever occurred to you all that perhaps, the standard of straight shiny sleek hair is unattainable to many? Even white women cant attain it as many of them have naturally curly hair. MANY MANY other races of women straighten their hair and are as ashamed to wear their naturally curly hair as we are.

A lot of the white girls you see at work with straight hair... Dont ACTUALLY have straight hair. You just assume they do because you see it like that every day. Just like THEY assume you do because you chemically treat yours.

I had a friend who is Mediterranean who's hair is thick and shiny and curly, and she refuses to wear her hair in its naturally curly state and I have heard her call it "nasty, disgusting, gross, ugly, horrible, ratty, nappy etc etc" I have other firends who are German and Irish whom I have seen on two occasions each CRY because their hair wouldnt stay straight.

The media portrayed ideal of pin straight hair doesnt just effect us. It is visible to ALL, which is why its so sad. Its unattainable for MOST people. No matter the ethnicity.

I agree...I went to school all my life with white girls who straightened their hair, and then one day I would see them with curly hair. Maybe it was due to the fact that it was raining cats and dogs and they didn't see the point straightening their hair that day, or if they didn't have time to do it before school.

My last semester in college, I took a ceramics class and there was a girl in my class who had red and curly hair. I would have never known if she didn't come to class with it curly. She straightened it on the regular. I remember not paying much attention to her with her straight hair, but for some reason, when she came to class with her hair curly that day, I couldn't stop sneaking glances at her curly hair.

I told her that her curly hair was pretty, and she said she didn't like her curly hair. Go figure.

ha when I decided to go natural, I told my mom and she said "Okay, until you get out of college and get a job." and then she told me natural hair wasn't very professional. She's natural herself, but she's always had long curls and she ALWAYS straightens. A lot of women are in that mindset, thinking that hair that isn't straight or slicked back is wild and somehow unprofessional. As if straight relaxed hair is how we're SUPPOSED to look. smh.

OH, and when my mom saw me with my hair straight for the first time she said "It's getting long! Maybe it's time to get a relaxer." as if I'm growing my hair out just to get a relaxer again. lol You should've seen her face when I told her I was never getting a relaxer again.

That's what a lot of people think--that if natural hair isn't pressed it is unprofessional. Even sometimes if you have a relaxer and your hair is straight but not "together" or hanging straight down some people think it looks "bad" or "wild" if that makes sense. I know when I was in high school and had a relaxer, one summer day I had my hair out but it wasn't bone straight and hanging smoothly against my scalp. She told me I needed to pull it back in a ponytail or something because it looked "wild."

My reaction to her was .

Some people also decide to go natural for a brief stint not because they want to or choose to, but because they suffered from relaxer damage. Then as soon as they grow their hair out enough, they go and relax again. My mom only contemplates going natural when she doesn't like the way her relaxer comes out or if she suffered damage from it.

Even now on the few occaisions she has mentioned going natural, she has said she would just press it all the time.

Believe me, if "kinky" hair was what WHITE people had, and twa were the "in thing", and what was deemed beautiful, sexy, accepted, and "normal", I bet all black people would be running to the nearest shop to get their hair "kinkified".

I also believe that if white people had "kinky" hair, there would be more products on the market for kinky hair, more knowledge about how to maintain, nourish, and style kinky hair, and straight hair would be looked at as "unprofessional", "boring", "unmanageble", "difficult to style", etc.

I don't know, sometimes I feel like SOME people don't even care about the health of your hair! As long as it's "straight....it's GREAT!" Shedding?? Oh well....if it's straight...it's GREAT! Balding on the edges.....who cares?? As long as it's "straight...it's GRRREAT!" It really is a shame.

In regards to the first part of your quote about if kinky hair was the norm, Diego2Memphis from the Yahoo group Naturally You has a comic strip called Val and Nadine. She touched on this same issue and I remember that one VERY well.

And you also made a great point when you said some people don't care about the health of your hair as long as it's straight. I think that's also true as long as your hair is long. I remember when I wanted to go natural, the lady I went to (the one I mentioned a few posts upthread) said I didn't have enough new growth at the moment. I was determined to get my hair cut, so I told her to cut half the length off, and she did.

When I came home, my mom noticed after a few minutes that my hair was shorter than it was when I left the house. She was immediately on my back asking me why I cut my hair. My answer was simple. I told her I did it because I wanted to. I hadn't told her about my decision to go natural at the time and didn't plan on it. She just wouldn't leave it alone. She kept prodding, asking me if I cut my hair because it was damaged. I said no, I just felt like cutting my hair.

Sometimes she also used to do the same thing if I roller set my relaxed hair. She would have 50-11 questions about why I curled my hair. I guess those would be the times when she preferred to see my hair straight, because sometimes it would be the opposite and she would ask why didn't I "do something with my hair instead of just having it hanging in my face."

People really do make a big deal out of stuff like that.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I too never experienced negativity about my natural hair, but received comments about me cutting & chopping my hair off. They didn't care about it being natural, I guess it was Long vs. Short.

My Daughters friend yesterday told her that Her Hair was ugly, Natural hair is ugly & Relaxed hair is Beautiful, My daughter said "Really"? Then why do you keep complaining that it won't grow? why do you keep it covered in weave? Why you complain of your hair falling out but tell me my hair is thick and wished you had it? Why? She went on to tell her that she Loves her Natural hair, she loves her hair smells good, she love that she don't have to worry about hiding her hair cuz she need a "perm", she loves that her edges don't thin, she loves she don't depend on weaves & fake pony tails to cover up damage etc.

I was like "Calm Down Ms. Thang, It is alright" She said Mama it is not alright, you will not be my friend and talk about my hair, that is unacceptable"

She told me this when I picked her up yesterday from school she is 14 by the way, I was shocked that she said all that! She is proud of her hair and can't NOBODY take that away from her! I honestly didn't know she felt so strongly about her hair.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I too never experienced negativity about my natural hair, but received comments about me cutting & chopping my hair off. They didn't care about it being natural, I guess it was Long vs. Short.

My Daughters friend yesterday told her that Her Hair was ugly, Natural hair is ugly & Relaxed hair is Beautiful, My daughter said "Really"? Then why do you keep complaining that it won't grow? why do you keep it covered in weave? Why you complain of your hair falling out but tell me my hair is thick and wished you had it? Why? She went on to tell her that she Loves her Natural hair, she loves her hair smells good, she love that she don't have to worry about hiding her hair cuz she need a "perm", she loves that her edges don't thin, she loves she don't depend on weaves & fake pony tails to cover up damage etc.

I was like "Calm Down Ms. Thang, It is alright" She said Mama it is not alright, you will not be my friend and talk about my hair, that is unacceptable"

She told me this when I picked her up yesterday from school she is 14 by the way, I was shocked that she said all that! She is proud of her hair and can't NOBODY take that away from her! I honestly didn't know she felt so strongly about her hair.

Well Damn! your daughter deserves some ice cream for that lol.

 

[preciouslove0x]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Where do you live?

I want to know too lol

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I was shocked, I guess she see what happens when one relaxes and don't take care of it, I always went back and forth with my hair, but she is TRUE to her Natural She had one relaxer in her life and that was enough for her. I guess her friend just wanted to try to make her feel bad or mad or something, but it didn't work.

 

[shortycocoa]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

It's almost scary to think that MOST black men have never ever seen their own mother's "natural" hair (hence the "straight hair bias") to this day.
Even white women with naturally curly hair rarely ever go to the salon every 3 or 4 months to get their hair CHEMICALLY straightened...enduring potential chemical burns, scabs, dryness, etc that comes along with relaxers. SOME white women may chemically alter their hair in that way, but it's not typical.

true...and I think it is so common for a lot of males that that's why they end up preferring long, straight hair. I remember once my nephew was spending the night and I was simply in the bathroom curling my hair. I wasn't gone that long, but when I came back, he asked me if I was finished PERMING my hair. I guess that was what he was used to being around, seeing, and hearing all the time from the women he was exposed to...them getting their hair chemically altered.

I also saw a video on youtube two years ago of this white girl who had a slight wave pattern to her hair. It was barely noticeable, but she had a box relaxer with a black woman on the front (I forgot the brand) and she was relaxing the living daylight out of her already straight hair.

I remember thinking to myself, "what more do you want? your hair is already bone straight, it can't get any straighter!" But to her, that slight wave that probably would have went away if she combed or brushed it or just hit it with a flat iron, was a big problem that needed to be addressed (relaxed).

All of the comments that followed the video were of people ripping her a new one, of course. Everyone was asking her if she was crazy and how dangerous that was for her to have done that when her hair was already straight, etc. etc.

Well Ladies, I have read all of our post. I must add my tid~bit in there also..lol I AM A NATURAL! Have been for almost 1 year, come the end of next month.

Now I have to say -- in the beginning it was ruff of me being natural! (Not b\c of family or friends), but for me -- itself I had a bad hair day for 2 months straight b\c I wasn't sure on how to take care of it, style it, and 1/2" of hair doesn't leave you with many options...hahaha

But now that my hair is almost shoulder length (stretched) I can produce many more styles. But, check this out. I have more 3c\4a hair type. Actually diff. grades all ova (but who cares!); as my hair grows, I like it more wooly - wild -out there! Yep! you hurd me (ghetto momma)..lolrofl

You see, I have a "S" type curl pattern so I manipulate my curls often. But I like them wild, big or shrunken (I don't care). I have only now at almost 1 year bc, gotten MANY compliments. I've had sistah walk up to me and tell me they love my hair grade! I have ASIAN women tell me this style or that style looks good on me!

But actually Ladies...I just like doing me! I will be 46 y.o. this Nov. and DOING ME, IS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO! Too many years I have tried to please others, speak certain way, perform certain ways etc. But I believe that we as individuals reach a point in our lives where we say "Who Freak'n Cares" (the clean version..lol), and just start DOING ME!

Now if it DOES NOT hurt your job performance where you can get a paycheck, THEN DO YOU DAMMIT and let the rest fall where it may!

My Motto: THEY WILL GET OVER IT ~~AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

HHG My Sistahs...
*Note: The picture was taken today (4/22/10) via my cell phone (while at work)! That is downtown Houston Skylight behind me. It's hard to see, but look at those tight curls. I lov'em!...lol
<We dun need no stink'n perms...lol>

I see you! Your hair looks good. I love the little coils sticking out. I used to love that about my hair at that stage also.

I know of some women who this day want to go natural but because of their families and/or husbands they have been FORBIDDEN to go natural. These women have been threaten and they do NOT feel they are strong enough to handle the consequences if they chose to go natural. No I am not joking.

Then you have others who are just terrified to go natural because they are too scared of the comments they would received in their families or their workplace.

What is even more tragic is that some women will never see their natural hair in their lifetime because of the people around them.

For some people it is NOT just hair.

I know that's right! I remember one time my sister-in-law came by and I was maybe 8 or 9 months into my natural journey. She said she liked my hair and had 20 questions about why I decided to go natural. Then she said she wanted to go natural and cut her hair and have a cute TWA but my brother "wouldn't let her."

Of course this was me ....and I was just like, "it's YOUR hair!" But I didn't say much of anything else on the issue, partly because I don't get into grown folks' business.

I too never experienced negativity about my natural hair, but received comments about me cutting & chopping my hair off. They didn't care about it being natural, I guess it was Long vs. Short.

My Daughters friend yesterday told her that Her Hair was ugly, Natural hair is ugly & Relaxed hair is Beautiful, My daughter said "Really"? Then why do you keep complaining that it won't grow? why do you keep it covered in weave? Why you complain of your hair falling out but tell me my hair is thick and wished you had it? Why? She went on to tell her that she Loves her Natural hair, she loves her hair smells good, she love that she don't have to worry about hiding her hair cuz she need a "perm", she loves that her edges don't thin, she loves she don't depend on weaves & fake pony tails to cover up damage etc.

I was like "Calm Down Ms. Thang, It is alright" She said Mama it is not alright, you will not be my friend and talk about my hair, that is unacceptable"

She told me this when I picked her up yesterday from school she is 14 by the way, I was shocked that she said all that! She is proud of her hair and can't NOBODY take that away from her! I honestly didn't know she felt so strongly about her hair.

SignatureBeauty, what a beautiful post! I was getting ready to ask how old your daughter was but you told us. I think it's great that she has that positive attitude and can enlighten others. I also believe that some girls end up not liking their natural hair at such a young age because they don't stand up for themselves when somebody puts their hair down. This can sometimes be the parents' fault for not teaching their daughters the positivity in their hair, partly because they can't see it either.

This is a great thread!

 

[O-ren]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I was testing the waters with my sister to see her reaction about natural hair (when I was transitioning), and she said "It's just a fad," and "You want your head to look like that nappy *ish." I was thinking, "Okay, know where you sit on the issue."

What bothered me was just recently when my other sister was looking in the mirror, messing with her hair and said, "Oooo, I'm getting them n***a roots," and as I'm listening to her ignorance, it amazed me. I just wanted to scream "Your hair doesn't grow out of your head looking straight, so why do you hate what you have soooo much or be so demeaning of it!?!" Geez!

 

[ChristmasCarol]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I believe this is mainly a length issue. This is not going to be pc, but the reason many women don't want to "go natural" is because they associate being natural with jacked-up short hair. Luckily, I'm old enough to remember the "pre-relaxer" decades of the 70's and 80's when press and curl was standard operating procedure. No one associated un-relaxed hair with short hair then, to my knowledge.

It's the advent of the BC that makes "natural" seem foreign. If women were still walking around in large numbers with LONG natural hair that is sometimes worn straight, it would be seen differently. This is certainly true of most Black men. If you have a lion's mane of natural hair, then you're an "African Queen". If it's short, then you just got "nappy hair". Grow natural hair to WSL and beyond and I doubt many negative comments will be heard. When's the last time you heard anyone say anything negative about a little girl with very long, natural hair - regardless of the type? I've never seen it happen.

I believe "long hair" is more of a beauty standard for most AAs, rather than a texture issue, IMHO.

 

[*Muffin*]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Don't listen to what people or those articles say. It's what YOU want, right? Of course most people have a natural aversion to change in someone they already like as they are, but if a person's friends are worth sticking around they'll soon get used to the idea that they want to go natural and accept them. It's just hair. I can understand if it was something drastic, like you wanted to get plastic surgury or something, but you want to wear YOUR natural hair. You could stay relaxed just to make them happy, but trust me you're going to always wonder about being natural if it's what you truly want. So just stick it out and look to the future. When you're rocking some beautiful, lush natural hair they won't be able to tell you nothing! For now, you can silence them by saying "What? Haven't you heard? Going natural is en vogue right now! Guess you must have missed the memo." .

 

[Eluv]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

We have been relaxing our hair for so long that it has become the norm, so going outside of that is just crazy in some minds. People do not like change. Eventually the majority will be Natural.

 

[dyh080]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

OP your question was my EXACT same question over 20 years ago. I answered it myself and went natural when you saw NO naturals walking around.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I'm really glad to live here in New York where natural hair is all over and I'm fortunate that I've always had a natural mom. My natural hair is adored here.

I actually have to mentally prepare myself to be inundated with attention and getting approached repeatedly when I wear my huge fro. Its really fun, people ask alot of questions or give compliments....its always bigger then it was the previous summer so every year its like BAM lol

I'm really sorry for the ladies that have families or regions that are unsupportive, you just have to know whats right for you and tune out the haters.

 

[30something]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I believe this is mainly a length issue. This is not going to be pc, but the reason many women don't want to "go natural" is because they associate being natural with jacked-up short hair. Luckily, I'm old enough to remember the "pre-relaxer" decades of the 70's and 80's when press and curl was standard operating procedure. No one associated un-relaxed hair with short hair then, to my knowledge.

It's the advent of the BC that makes "natural" seem foreign. If women were still walking around in large numbers with LONG natural hair that is sometimes worn straight, it would be seen differently. This is certainly true of most Black men. If you have a lion's mane of natural hair, then you're an "African Queen". If it's short, then you just got "nappy hair". Grow natural hair to WSL and beyond and I doubt many negative comments will be heard. When's the last time you heard anyone say anything negative about a little girl with very long, natural hair - regardless of the type? I've never seen it happen.

I believe "long hair" is more of a beauty standard for most AAs, rather than a texture issue, IMHO.

Wow girl, I was just think this like about 2 minutes ago. I was saying to my self i think the problem people mainly have with "going natural" is that they associated it with short hair.. if every natural had hair like the women on this broad I think people would have a more favorable opinion.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

This is just sad all the way around. Black women should be able to wear their hair natural without any issues. IMHO I think that some people are really insecure about who they are. shoot me if you want but as I keep living I truly believe that there are tons of Black folk who would REALLLY want to be white if they had the opportunity this is just a small manifestation of that sickness it starts with hair. They won't admit it but I see it and I know its there

Apparently this may be possible. I'm sure there are folks the the hook up who are probably taking this. sad

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/BeautySecrets/story?id=1325274

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

Apparently this may be possible. I'm sure there are folks the the hook up who are probably taking this. sad

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/BeautySecrets/story?id=1325274

I would only take that pill if there was another pill to reverse it in a day, so I don't have to worry about heat damage. But that is not going to happen obviously.

 

[JuiceMobsta]

Re: VENT: Why is it that every OTHER woman can wear her "natural" hair and it's okay.

I don't know, sometimes I feel like SOME people don't even care about the health of your hair! As long as it's "straight....it's GREAT!" Shedding?? Oh well....if it's straight...it's GREAT! Balding on the edges.....who cares?? As long as it's "straight...it's GRRREAT!" It really is a shame.

Tell me about it!

I have an old family member who is always saying "Oh my nappy head"
Then when she straightens it with an old fashion pressing comb she always complains that her hair isnt flat enough or straight enough. Well its not meant to be flat so thats why it wont stay flat!! She wants me to go to a hair stylist just to to get my hair pressed...ummmm noooo, and if I wanted it fried dyed and laid to tha side, I have a flat iron that I can dust off,thanks. Idk, older black women just irk me sometimes with the whole pressing comb thing...I feel bad for her because she has never learned how to properly take care of her hair and never will because she is stuck in the old ways...

Like all she uses is shampoo and Dax pressing oil...