Vent About Nephew: Updated

ClassyJSP said:
ETA; my SO says I should call his parents and tell them to pick him up and drop my motion grating me temporary custody of him.
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Have your lawyer file whatever needs to be filed to relinquish your custody and then wash your hands of him and his janky a* parents for the next 20 years. If that means your nephew goes into the systemt then that's just what it's going to have to mean. Don't take any phone calls from him or his parents when things go down. How is your child doing in the midst of all this nonsense? All of the effort and money that you are spending on someone who doesn't appreciate it can be redirected to you and yours.
 
This is a common Blackistan problem. Trifling family taking advantage of good-hearted, hard-working family. How good, and kind, and sacrificing are you supposed to be? What if he has 2 or 3 more kids? Are you and your mom expected to take them in too because you have a nice, stable home? You have that home because of your wise choices, which included having only one child. You have to protect yourself and your child first. That’s not being selfish. It’s protecting and honoring your life and well-being. There is nothing wrong or selfish about self-preservation.
 
hopeful said:
This is a common Blackistan problem. Trifling family taking advantage of good-hearted, hard-working family. How good, and kind, and sacrificing are you supposed to be? What if he has 2 or 3 more kids? Are you and your mom expected to take them in too because you have a nice, stable home? You have that home because of your wise choices, which included having only one child. You have to protect yourself and your child first. That’s not being selfish. It’s protecting and honoring your life and well-being. There is nothing wrong or selfish about self-preservation.
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Yep. 2 of my cousins just went through this with their niece. They took custody of her for over a year, only to have her mother come to Boston, take the girl out of school one day and go back down south. Last I heard, they were living in a motel and she was back to not attending school. She was already several grades behind when she came here. When asked what they should do with all the stuff they bought her (and the Christmas gifts she didn’t get to open), she told them “burn it”.

Both of my cousins have grown kids in their 20s. They were done raising kids and this was the thanks they got.
 
hopeful said:
This is a common Blackistan problem. Trifling family taking advantage of good-hearted, hard-working family. How good, and kind, and sacrificing are you supposed to be? What if he has 2 or 3 more kids? Are you and your mom expected to take them in too because you have a nice, stable home? You have that home because of your wise choices, which included having only one child. You have to protect yourself and your child first. That’s not being selfish. It’s protecting and honoring your life and well-being. There is nothing wrong or selfish about self-preservation.
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This. If he appreciated the help and wanted to stay I might be inclined to say the opposite (the boy), but since he wants to go to his parents I say let him.
 
I'd keep him til July/end of the school year and then let him decide what he wants to do. At least he'll be on summer vacation while things get settled. He's my nephew and I wouldn't want to break his schooling over something like this.
 
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Crackers Phinn said:
Have your lawyer file whatever needs to be filed to relinquish your custody and then wash your hands of him and his janky a* parents for the next 20 years. If that means your nephew goes into the systemt then that's just what it's going to have to mean. Don't take any phone calls from him or his parents when things go down. How is your child doing in the midst of all this nonsense? All of the effort and money that you are spending on someone who doesn't appreciate it can be redirected to you and yours.
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My son is doing well with all of this. I explained to him early on I was taking in his cousin because his parents were not able to properly care for him and as a 9 year old he actually understood. My son isn't going without and I've been shielding him from a lot of the drama.
 
onyxdreams said:
I feel sorry for all parties, however, I would drop the petition. The young man stated he wants to be with his parents, let it be. You have done all that you can do, focus on your family. If he faces a situation where the child is headed into the system, try again to regain custody.
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But she already said that’s where he’ll go. The options are staying with her or going into the system. If she takes him to his parents he won’t be able to stay because it’s already been determined they’re unfit.
 
Does his parents have a substance abuse problem? I'm trying to figure out why neither of them can get their kids.

I'm a fan if tough love. So the nephew would be with me and I'd get all benefits related to him (saving the money to give to HIM if I didn't need it to help raise him. I'm tired of seeing crappy behind parents expecting other people to raise their kids. He's old enough to know right and wrong. If he truly wanted to go live with them I would set him up with everything he needs and send him on his way with my love and support.
 
yeah. As much as its terrible, I would drop him by his parents immediately and drop your petition once there aren't any legal implications for you.
I would also cut any lines of communication, because they seem the type to send him back 'temporarily' again.
I feel bad for your nephew but if he doesn't appreciate what you are providing even keeping him is all for naught, just a waste of money, emotions and continued entanglement in drama
 
My concern about dropping him off with his parents with a custody order that runs through July is that the OP is responsible for him until that order is over. If he doesn't go to school or something happens between now and July, CPS (and the court) will be looking at her not the boys parents.
 
shortdub78 said:
They don’t want him at all. They don’t want her to have him either. That’s what I’m getting.
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You know I think they do want her to have him BUT they don’t want her to feel good about it and they want it to look like they fought for him, but that she took him from them, even though they are the ones who dropped him off and never came back to get him. Crazy making stuff. It’s cruel. The parents are cruel. The brother wants to burden down his sister but doesn’t want to thank her or allow her to feel good about it. He’s all about him. I think the parents are jealous of the OP and are actually enjoying putting her through this.

It just came to me too that they intended for her to keep the boy but not make it legal. They wanted to give her full responsibility but not have any rights. The parents are users. They wanted to take advantage of her kindness but didn’t expect her to take legal action — oh well too bad.

Hope she can untangle herself soon legally and keep her distance from the parents moving forward. They don’t love her or care about her happiness or wellbeing.
 
Were they paying child support? I assumed the state would make them pay it (assuming they have any income) and they are trying to get out of that, as well as using him for tax purposes sigh.

Then again I'm sure they didn't have enough income for it to make a dent in your expense for him. So wrong.

I don't know what the best answer is, this is hard. In the meantime, you can enforce some rules and take away his phone if he continues to bad mouth you to his parents. You cannot use the device that I paid for and talk about me in my home, while on said device. Nope. You also cannot tell outright lies either so the lying about seeing his parents and whatever else needs to stop.

I'd point out their lies during the family meetings too. It's obvious to prove that they didn't see him.
 
Some people should never have kids.

I have no advice. But thank god for people like you op. I feel sorry for the child. The purest love is the love a child has for its parents. These people are taking advantage of that.

I hope one day he realizes how blessed he is to have an aunt like you.
 
hopeful said:
This is a common Blackistan problem. Trifling family taking advantage of good-hearted, hard-working family. How good, and kind, and sacrificing are you supposed to be? What if he has 2 or 3 more kids? Are you and your mom expected to take them in too because you have a nice, stable home? You have that home because of your wise choices, which included having only one child. You have to protect yourself and your child first. That’s not being selfish. It’s protecting and honoring your life and well-being. There is nothing wrong or selfish about self-preservation.
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I wish I read this post about 30 years ago.
 
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