Too many rules??

[Helpmeblongagain]

Ive recently started dating again...and as a safeguard I came up with a few rules, but a few of my friends think I have too many rules and they indeed may prevent the relationship from progressing...

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man...

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww..

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates...

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...

Please tell me what you think...I really need to know if I'm overdoing it...I honestly dont think so...

 

[Bunny77]

Uh, I do this all the time... I was expecting to read some crazy junk! These are very loose "rules," and if more women had them, maybe they wouldn't have so many dating problems...

Now, I don't think you should tell a man from jump that these are your five rules, but if you encounter a situation in which one happens, like he wants to come over and chill, just say sweetly, "Oh, I really don't chill with guys who aren't my boyfriend, so let's go out!"

He'll get the point!

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Uh, I do this all the time... I was expecting to read some crazy junk! These are very loose "rules," and if more women had them, maybe they wouldn't have so many dating problems...

Now, I don't think you should tell a man from jump that these are your five rules, but if you encounter a situation in which one happens, like he wants to come over and chill, just say sweetly, "Oh, I really don't chill with guys who aren't my boyfriend, so let's go out!"

He'll get the point!

ITA! And no, I don't tell them...

Thanks...

 

[fmnnity]

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

 

[butterfly_wings]

Ive recently started dating again...and as a safeguard I came up with a few rules, but a few of my friends think I have too many rules and they indeed may prevent the relationship from progressing...

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man...

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww..

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates...

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...

Please tell me what you think...I really need to know if I'm overdoing it...I honestly dont think so...

I don't think there is anything wrong with your rules just as long as you comminucate them to him in advance and not assume he already knows. Just don't make it sound like a lecture

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

No no no!! There is nothing wrong with these "rules" at all! In fact, you almost sound like a "Rules Girl"!

Your rules sound like perfect logic if you ask me, and any guy who thinks you're being too "hard" on him with these "rules" is not even worth it IMO. You should ALWAYS be thinking about your best interests when you're dating someone. Besides, we as women tend to get emotionally involved or attached a little more quickly than men, and so we do well to protect ourselves from unnecessary emotional heartache. Not spending the night over a man's house when he's NOT your boyfriend, or you two aren't "official" yet is not silly...it's SMART! In fact, I personally won't be spending the night over some man's house unless he's my husband. But that's just me. Men just don't understand how women feel and how we can get attached.

So no, your rules are not too harsh. In fact, I prefer to think of them not so much as "rules" per se, but more so as STANDARDS. You're a woman who has certain standards for the man that she is dating or intends to get serious with. Like Bunny mentioned, if more women had these types of standards, I think we'd see less problems in our relationships, and I think the men would be more inclined to be on thier best behavior.

 

[UmSumayyah]

You are not overdoing it and run the hell away from ANYONE who says otherwise.

 

[mw138]

Sounds fine to me!

 

[Jade Feria]

Uh, I do this all the time... I was expecting to read some crazy junk! These are very loose "rules," and if more women had them, maybe they wouldn't have so many dating problems...

Now, I don't think you should tell a man from jump that these are your five rules, but if you encounter a situation in which one happens, like he wants to come over and chill, just say sweetly, "Oh, I really don't chill with guys who aren't my boyfriend, so let's go out!"

He'll get the point!

So true! You don't have to lay it all out to him...just do it! Men respond to actions, not words. Sometimes you can tell them something until you're blue in the face, but they won't move until you act. And then they get the picture....Clearly.

No no no!! There is nothing wrong with these "rules" at all! In fact, you almost sound like a "Rules Girl"!

Your rules sound like perfect logic if you ask me, and any guy who thinks you're being too "hard" on him with these "rules" is not even worth it IMO. You should ALWAYS be thinking about your best interests when you're dating someone. Besides, we as women tend to get emotionally involved or attached a little more quickly than men, and so we do well to protect ourselves from unnecessary emotional heartache. Not spending the night over a man's house when he's NOT your boyfriend, or you two aren't "official" yet is not silly...it's SMART! In fact, I personally won't be spending the night over some man's house unless he's my husband. But that's just me. Men just don't understand how women feel and how we can get attached.

So no, your rules are not too harsh. In fact, I prefer to think of them not so much as "rules" per se, but more so as STANDARDS. You're a woman who has certain standards for the man that she is dating or intends to get serious with. Like Bunny mentioned, if more women had these types of standards, I think we'd see less problems in our relationships, and I think the men would be more inclined to be on thier best behavior.

Yes, yes, and yes, especially at the bold.

I don't see anything radical or outrageous about these "rules". They are very reasonable and smart.

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same. Sounds good to me..you don't have to tell him you're doing this (unless he asks..and even then, don't divulge TOO much info), but this is also the best way to see which one is best for you. Also decreases the time-wasting factor.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man... Also a good one. 1 +1 =2. Plus, you're seeing other people..sleeping with any of them pre-exclusivity is bound to make things messy.

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww.. It is indeed a setup

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates... The "chill" is another setup. And an excuse for a guy to not take you out anymore!

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...Exactly. Plus he will take you more seriously when he sees you're not with the BS.

Those friends sound like guys who tell women to lower their standards. I don't think so! OP, I'm not sure what kind of friends you have, but look at their romantic situations..if their relationships/dating situations are ideal to you and you would like to emulate them, by all means, go ahead and take their advice. If not......

 

[TayMac]

Excellent rules. It'll eliminate the bullsh-- guys. I wouldn't tell them the rules..just let your actions speak for you.

 

[awhyley]

Too many rules? Uh-uh, in fact, I'm sure that you will be adding MORE rules as time goes by . . .

 

[a_g_doren]

Ive recently started dating again...and as a safeguard I came up with a few rules, but a few of my friends think I have too many rules and they indeed may prevent the relationship from progressing...

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man...

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww..

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates...

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...

Please tell me what you think...I really need to know if I'm overdoing it...I honestly dont think so...

Rules 1-4 are right on!

As for rule 5 another way around that is the talking to multiple guys at once. You can have long chats and not get overly attached if you're talking to 2 or 3 guys at the same time.

 

[tiara76]

i dont think thats too many personal standards to set for yourself nor are they ones that will drive somebody who really wants to be with you away....those are things you set for yourself based on what you want and how you feel and the knowing of yourself, they aren't guidelines other people are telling you to follow so you do em just cause, you do em cause its how you truly feel and thats all that matters...be true to yourself always, have faith you will get what you want and don't listen to what others are telling you to do or how you need to be doing it

 

[Ms Red]

Sounds very smart. You are safeguarding your heart and giving him the opportunity to step up.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Thank you ladies...your responses gave me the confidence to stick to them!!

 

[PG480]

What? your friends said these are too many rules. Seems like you'll also be needing to make new rules for the kinds of friends you keep in your close circle. That advice just don't seem like they also have your best interest at heart.

 

[Jade Feria]

What? your friends said these are too many rules. Seems like you'll also be needing to make new rules for the kinds of friends you keep in your close circle. That advice just don't seem like they also have your best interest at heart.

Right?!!?!

 

[laCriolla]

these aren't rules, these are GOOD VALUES! tell your friends to get some! Do your thing girl

 

[chiprecious]

I don't think there is anything wrong with your rules just as long as you comminucate them to him in advance and not assume he already knows. Just don't make it sound like a lecture

ITA with everything you said. However you CAN'T make it a lecture. The items have to come up when the situation happens. Like he gets the number and suggests you come chill...tell him then. He tries to get in your pants but you know he's seeing Tanya and you're seeing Johnny...tell him why its not happening...

And he might say you have too many rules, but so what. It he don't like it, he's not for you, not on the same page, or simply used to getting his way. Which in my book means not worthy of my time.

 

[lexi08]

I don't think these rules are unrealistic at all. You really don't have to actually tell him your rules outright anyway. Oh and maybe you should find new friends??? I find many woman these days allow all kinds of crap to have have a man in their lives. You do not have to do the same thing, you will end up much better off. Trust me....

 

[Peacan Tan]

Rules 1-4 are right on!

As for rule 5 another way around that is the talking to multiple guys at once. You can have long chats and not get overly attached if you're talking to 2 or 3 guys at the same time.

I like that switch-aroo, it gives you the feeling of being impowered.

 

[darlingdiva]

Ive recently started dating again...and as a safeguard I came up with a few rules, but a few of my friends think I have too many rules and they indeed may prevent the relationship from progressing...

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man...

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww..

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates...

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...

Please tell me what you think...I really need to know if I'm overdoing it...I honestly dont think so...

You're not overdoing it at all. EVERYTHING in your post is ON POINT. These are some of my standards too. My husband met them, which is why he's now my husband.

 

[jada1111]

Ive recently started dating again...and as a safeguard I came up with a few rules, but a few of my friends think I have too many rules and they indeed may prevent the relationship from progressing...

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man...

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww..

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates...

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...

Please tell me what you think...I really need to know if I'm overdoing it...I honestly dont think so...

Except for number 2, everything else seems fine to me.

Sex isn't a bad thing. It's a natural human urge that women are told to suppress for fear of being called a "whore". You can have it even if he's not your man, just don't get open if you know he's not going to reciprocate.

 

[blue_flower]

Ive recently started dating again...and as a safeguard I came up with a few rules, but a few of my friends think I have too many rules and they indeed may prevent the relationship from progressing...

1) Until we have a conversation confirming we are exclusive...I will continue to see other people and assume you are doing the same.

2) U ain't gettin no poons if u ain't my man...

3) I'm not spending the night at your house while we are both seeing other people...I just feel like spending the night sets me up...and I'm not comfortable knowing that I may be in your bed Monday and Susie on Tuesday...eww..

4) After I give you my number...you must take me out if you would like to see me...not invite me to your house to "chill"...Id actually prefer for it to be this way for the first couple of dates...

5) If you tell me you're not open to being in a relationship...I wont allow myself to speak you daily...I honestly feel that those "innocent" daily, hr long conversations can really lead to some emotional attachment...

Please tell me what you think...I really need to know if I'm overdoing it...I honestly dont think so...

These are basic rules for establishing respect in the beginning of a "courtship." You have to demand respect up front or you'll be played left and right. Guys these days are lazy and don't want to be gentlemen, so you gotta tell them what you will and won't tolerate.