To all the "Other Women" out there

[dlewis]

I can just picture you saying this to somebody!!!

Girl, you cut your hair. It looks nice. See ya in two months.

 

[MissScarlett]

What is it about married/attached men that makes it so easy or desirable to get with them?

I have a GF that recently complained to me that she is a married man magnet. She has been seeing a married man on and off for several years, and was involved with a man that lived with another woman for a while. She was not able to explain what it was all about, and is trying to figure it out for herself, too. But it always works out that way: the men who hit on her and who she will talk to-- all of them are hooked up with another woman. What's going on here?

Men prey on women with low self-esteem, I think its more obvious to them than it is to us. If she seems needy and doesn't value herself then yes other men see this to, thus probably why she thinks she's a magnet for married/involved men.

She doesn't have standards and they know it. A man immediately recognizes a woman who is down for it and who is not and who they can try that with

 

[MissScarlett]

I think these married men's self esteem is just as low as hers. They just don't get called out on it. Any man who cheats in his marriage, has issues that go beyond his wife. He is showing a lack of respect first for himself and his wife. He ultimately is showing you what his relationship with God is like. If he doesn't think twice about his vows, that speaks volumes to what he believes!

Men are just as insecure as women, they do a better job at hiding it. Outside affairs are all about making him feel good about him. When he chooses this outlet it shows you exactly the issues he has within himself. I guess that's why he attracts a women who has issues within herself also.

ITA with this

To go futher, I also think that a man that cheats or is a serial cheater as a fear of intimacy and that is because of his lack of self-esteem. He feels like he can't put all his trust into ONE woman because he's not good enough.

 

[TCatt86]

ITA with this

To go futher, I also think that a man that cheats or is a serial cheater as a fear of intimacy and that is because of his lack of self-esteem. He feels like he can't put all his trust into ONE woman because he's not good enough.

ITA with this statement.

 

[motherx2esq]

blame the married men and not the women. society needs to stop blaming the woman. a woman cannot get with a man if he doesn't want to stick it to her. literally.

How about we blame them both. They are both adults and need to be held accountable for their actions.

 

[envybeauty]

ITA with this

To go futher, I also think that a man that cheats or is a serial cheater as a fear of intimacy and that is because of his lack of self-esteem. He feels like he can't put all his trust into ONE woman because he's not good enough.

I don't think most are looking for intimacy. This is where I think men differ from women. Married women would be looking for intimacy. I believe most married men are looking to hit it and split.

They are not looking to have long term relationships with many of these women. Some do where they have the mistress and the wife but most have just women on the side. For those men, they are looking for sex not trust or intimacy.

Hence the millions of threads about meeting a guy, hitting it off, hitting the sheets, a call or two before not hearing from him again.

 

[motherx2esq]

I don't know if anyone else said it, but I did.

I take issue with it because the underlying premise is that the woman is "seeking" out the man (as your post also states). Most of the time, it is the married man seeking out the single woman. He is the one approaching her. He is the one propositioning her. Yes, she should resist, but he is the one seeking her out. Some of them are ruthless in how they doggedly pursue single women with their wives at home.

I am not defending such extramarital affairs but if people would stop looking to the woman and turn to these lowlife men who seek after what they should not be seeking, life would be better for all.

eta: if we were to change the premise and truly recognized that it is the married man who seeks the single woman, there would not nothing to understand as to her psyche. would one question the psyche of the deer when it is the lion hunting him down......

Oh please, there are also women who seek out married men only. I know some personally. I'm not saying there are not women who fall victim to these men but there are those that prefer to date men who are attached or married.

 

[motherx2esq]

What about a woman who becomes involved in a relationship with a man that she didn't know was married? By the time she finds out (whether by him informing her or otherwise...) she's already emotionally invested in him and their "relationship". Can she be blamed then?

Simply put yes. I can understand him tricking you but that can only go on so long. Once you find out that he will cheat on his wife why on earth would that woman think she is the only OTHER one? I say count your loses and move on. Emotionally wounds heal. I've been there and there is no reason to stay. I cannot stand a cheater or those who enable a cheater.

 

[motherx2esq]

I was in that exact situation. I left my husband because he is a serial cheater. Yes, I loved him desperately when I left, and my pain felt unbearable but I walked anyway because I love myself MORE! It was the only way to preserve my own self-worth, value, integrity...

I'm sorry you had to go through that but hella happy that you had so much self worth to get out of that situation!

My thing is for the other woman is, I understand that you are not the one who made vows but what about simple respect for the wife or the sanctity of marriage? This is for the ones who know going into the relationship with a married man and those that find out after. I mean first off I believe in karma. Second just because he doesn't respect his marriage why not have your own self worth, values and what have you and tell him to push on. Why as women can we not have the next woman's back by not even entertaining these men. Yes when I was younger I date a married man or two but that was when I was young, stupid and had no respect for anyone. Those days are long gone. I wouldn't even look in the direction of a married man out of respect for his wife and their marriage regardless if he was trying to step to me or not.

 

[firecracker]

Oh please, there are also women who seek out married men only. I know some personally. I'm not saying there are not women who fall victim to these men but there are those that prefer to date men who are attached or married.

I ran into a couple of those back in the day too. I don't understand but its whateva

 

[envybeauty]

Those women are not the majority of the women who end up in relationships with/sleep with married men. Every rule has an exception...even the ones you know or represent the woman you once were.

Oh please, there are also women who seek out married men only. I know some personally. I'm not saying there are not women who fall victim to these men but there are those that prefer to date men who are attached or married.

 

[motherx2esq]

Those women are not the majority of the women who end up in relationships with/sleep with married men. Every rule has an exception...even the ones you know or represent the woman you once were.

I'm sorry but I would really beg to differ. I think the minority are those who find out later. I think that is a sad fact but a true one.

 

[envybeauty]

I'm sorry but I would really beg to differ. I think the minority are those who find out later. I think that is a sad fact but a true one.

Our experiences in the matter lead us to different conclusions.

 

[motherx2esq]

Our experiences in the matter lead us to different conclusions.

Very true but a fact is a fact.

 

[MrsBKJ]

Well I never intended to be the other woman, I have morals and values and say what you will they are pretty decent standard. I always said I would never be with a married man or a divorced man...heck I got both!
Married men don't call out to me - it did just happen - no really people fall in love or they make mistakes and I'm human so I did both. He did both too, but BEFORE we got together he finished off what he had to and got his divorce sorted out his son etc and only then pursued a relationship with me.

I dont have low self esteem, I'm shy but don't have self esteem issues nor is it a power thing nor is it my upbringing. And no he wasn't the first and only man to show me a bit of love and I felt like it couldnt get better than that - I have since realised that yes he is the best in the world and that no it doesnt get better but at 19 I was like wutevaaaaa.
Yes HE was in a bad place and we had a very good friendship and he realised he didn't have to be stuck with her no matter how much she blackmailed him - abusive and a little unhinged (not what he told me but what I know from letters she wrote me..."He left me and I slit my wrists in front of him and our son and he only stayed for 2 weeks after that he will leave you too". If he wanted to leave I would let him go!).

I would not intentionally ever set out to be with a married man and i hope I am never in that situation. But I told him if you want a relationship with me you need to get a divorce - he did. ETA: because I will not come second best to another woman and I want my mans undivided attention and affection and love.
So actually I have never really been the other woman because we didnt have a relationship till he was divorced we had a very good and solid friendship.

Uzz

 

[SugarBaby]

I would not intentionally ever set out to be with a married man and i hope I am never in that situation. But I told him if you want a relationship with me you need to get a divorce - he did. ETA: because I will not come second best to another woman and I want my mans undivided attention and affection and love.
So actually I have never really been the other woman because we didnt have a relationship till he was divorced we had a very good and solid friendship. Uzz

I swear I tried to stay out of these topics....This last line just did it!

That's what every "other woman" says ..we had a very good friendship, it is IMPOSSIBLE TO BE THE GOOD FRIEND OF A MARRIED MAN UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO HIS WIFE AND YOUR "FRIENDSHIP" INCLUDES THE WIFE'S KNOWLEDGE.

Every Affair FIRST starts out in secret...So if the wife did not meet you and did not approve of it, that is not a friendship.

I am going to jump out of this topic, it is too toxic for me, I can't debate people that call something what it is not.

 

[MrsBKJ]

I swear I tried to stay out of these topics....This last line just did it!

That's what every "other woman" says ..we had a very good friendship, it is IMPOSSIBLE TO BE THE GOOD FRIEND OF A MARRIED MAN UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO HIS WIFE AND YOUR "FRIENDSHIP" INCLUDES THE WIFE'S KNOWLEDGE.

Every Affair FIRST starts out in secret...So if the wife did not meet you and did not approve of it, that is not a friendship.

I am going to jump out of this topic, it is too toxic for me, I can't debate people that call something what it is not.

Thats cool I respect that. She has never met all his friends because she refused to let "ni**ers" into "her" house so that doesnt really apply and thats why she never met me she did know about me. He hasnt met all my male friends so that doesnt mean I am cheating on him. I wasn't THE good friend I was a friend and there was no attraction at the start of it at all - he is not the kind of guy I would have been attracted to.

He was completely faithful until one particular incident and it was actually his other friends who told him he needed to leave her - these being male friends who he had grown up with. When it became clear that we MIGHT be developing feelings for one another thats when I told him if he wanted anything he needed to get divorced.

I was 19 (i'm 30 this year!) and fell head over heels in love, I realise it wasn't the best move I made in my life but it happened would I change it? No way. Would I change the way it happened...yes of course I would! But I love him to death and I would do anything for him. We make mistakes and we learn from them as we grow and develop.
It is a part of me and yes there have been days when I dealt with issues of guilt but I know I didnt set out to hurt anybody or harm anyone and so I have put it behind me and I have moved on.
There are people who have much more malice in their hearts that carry out acts which are a whole lot more heinous and that affects many more people and don't ever look back at it.

I know its a touchy subject but the issues are not always so negative nor are they clear cut.

Uzz

 

[SugarBaby]

Thats cool I respect that. She has never met all his friends because she refused to let "ni**ers" into "her" house so that doesnt really apply and thats why she never met me she did know about me. He hasnt met all my male friends so that doesnt mean I am cheating on him. I wasn't THE good friend I was a friend and there was no attraction at the start of it at all - he is not the kind of guy I would have been attracted to.

He was completely faithful until one particular incident and it was actually his other friends who told him he needed to leave her - these being male friends who he had grown up with. When it became clear that we MIGHT be developing feelings for one another thats when I told him if he wanted anything he needed to get divorced.
I was 19 (i'm 30 this year!) and fell head over heels in love, I realise it wasn't the best move I made in my life but it happened would I change it? No way. Would I change the way it happened...yes of course I would! But I love him to death and I would do anything for him. We make mistakes and we learn from them as we grow and develop.
It is a part of me and yes there have been days when I dealt with issues of guilt but I know I didnt set out to hurt anybody or harm anyone and so I have put it behind me and I have moved on.
There are people who have much more malice in their hearts that carry out acts which are a whole lot more heinous and that affects many more people and don't ever look back at it.

I know its a touchy subject but the issues are not always so negative nor are they clear cut.

Uzz

That shows you crossed the line...You don't develop "feelings" for your friends. A friend is a friend. PERIOD.FINAL.

I appreciate your youth (19 at the time) and your sincerity to do the right thing.

However...When you allowed it to develop to a point that you have to call it something else. YOU WERE THE OTHER WOMAN EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T MEAN TOO.
(This is what I mean when I say calling it something that it was not)

I don't kiss, have intimate conversations or catch feelins for my buddies.

You were young then, but that don't mean it was right.

 

[MrsBKJ]

That shows you crossed the line...You don't develop "feelings" for your friends. A friend is a friend. PERIOD.FINAL.

I appreciate your youth (19 at the time) and your sincerity to do the right thing.

However...When you allowed it to develop to a point that you have to call it something else. YOU WERE THE OTHER WOMAN EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T MEAN TOO.
(This is what I mean when I say calling it something that it was not)

I don't kiss, have intimate conversations or catch feelins for my buddies.

You were young then, but that don't mean it was right.

Yes I was young but I never said it was right - I did say I would change the way it happened. I never once thought "i'm going to fallin love with this man and have a long term relationship with him"...at 19? certainly not - I was adamant I would never marry. lol

I didnt kiss him or have intimate conversations or even hold hands and hug him or sit on the same sofa as him nor was I EVER alone in a room with him till he applied for and got his divorce despite having moved out the home 18 months previous to work away.

But yes I caught feelings which is why I knew something had to happen he either had to leave me or her. So when I came to that point and he realised he was there too we took action - he moved out of the marital home.

I certainly wouldnt catch feelings now at 29...nope. But I am very glad that he was my friend first and became my partner

i have seen many many MANY relationships start off as friendships and they say it was the best thing that ever happened to them. So I know there have got to be lots of people who catch feelings for their friends.

SO I guess I was the other woman and I guess thats why I responded to the post initially. I dont see myself as that because there was never any infidelity on either of our parts.

I appreciate your insight Suga, thanks

Uzz

 

[meia]

I most certainly blame the other woman....
Its happened to me a handful of times all with the same man spinning
And all of the woman he'd messed with were not, picturesque to say the least...

One of them became suicidal after she messed with my ex and was crying and complaining about her self-esteem (she ALMOST jumped off that building, pity it didn't happen)

One of them cheated on him originally when THEY were in a relationship and she was 14 and he was 15 when it happened- needless to say any 14 year old who partakes in sex and has multiple sexual partners is a cheap slut....plus that b!tch hugged me and called me a "friend" once....When I saw her again at his school, that b!tch was RUNNING from me....(I don't blame her- i'm a pretty crazy woman sometimes)

One of them was foreign and in another country and didn't know I existed...needless to say the distance made it not last long...

One of them was a GOD-LOVING Christian that SWORE she was "god's gift" and still groped up my boyfriend like his as* was free-chicken at a KFC-catered family reunion.... I don't know anyone close to god who would try to "covet another woman's man"- she knew we were together and targeted him anyway

thats just a few of the huzzies....but, to be honest, I blamed him as much as them (in fact until we broke up, 3 years and some change later from some of the incidents) HE WAS STILL HEARING ABOUT IT..... Lets just say he paid for it AND THEN SOME...In these situations I blame the woman IF SHE KNOWS WHATS GOING ON AND PARTICIPATES WITH THIS BEING FULL KNOWLEDGE....This goes for "FRIENDS", "FRIEND OF A FRIEND", "COUSINS"-ANYBODY! THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR TRYING TO GET SOMEONE CAUGHT UP.....& the women who find out they are helping a man to two-time are worthless if they don't leave the relationship.....
They'll be the same women to complain when it happens to them...

BUT I ALWAYS BLAME THE MAN BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES AFTERALL LYING TO YOUR FACE AND LAYING IN SOMEONE'S BED...I blame the woman just as much if she knows- if not shes only a pwan in the situation....I have no sympathy for any cheap tramps who can't keep it to themeslves and find a man that is really their own.. I HAVE NO SYMPATHY. Sorry if that sounds cruel....but I just don't. I won't front...

 

[FreeNewMe]

I agree with the board consensus: low self-worth.

Many married men also bad-mouth their wives/SOs, or tell tall-tales of certain complexities that prevent him from leaving the relationship, i.e. finances, the children, etc... Meanwhile, he gasses the other woman's head up and makes her beleive she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Certain side women also have a certain misplaced arrogance. They convince themselves that their poonannie is better, they look better, and are overall more exciting than the wife. Therefore, eventually he will leave her.

For a lot of us, we have set certain moral standards for ourselves, i.e. I need a man who is educated, or who is a Christian, etc... Some women never really set any standards for the men they allow into their lives. If a man shows interest, basically he's good. So, all in all, it shows that there is a certain lack of self-love.

I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY agree with this! One of my best-friends(somewhat former) is dating a married man and he 'can't leave' because of the children, his wife is awful and bf is SO much better...yadda, yadda.

It's gotten to the point where we rarely even talk to her anymore b/c he's also convinced her that he's socially reclusive, doesn't think taking trips makes sense b/c it's a wasteful use of money, etc.

It's very saad b/c at the end of the day...it boils down to having no self-worth and willing to give up everything (dreams, standards, relationships w/ loved ones) just to have a piece of someone who shows some type of interest in return.

I think someone else spoke to the idea of "something's better than nothing" and I think that's just one of the many affects of not who you are, what you stand for, or having self-worth.

Great thread!

 

[motherx2esq]

I swear I tried to stay out of these topics....This last line just did it!

That's what every "other woman" says ..we had a very good friendship, it is IMPOSSIBLE TO BE THE GOOD FRIEND OF A MARRIED MAN UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO HIS WIFE AND YOUR "FRIENDSHIP" INCLUDES THE WIFE'S KNOWLEDGE.

Every Affair FIRST starts out in secret...So if the wife did not meet you and did not approve of it, that is not a friendship.

I am going to jump out of this topic, it is too toxic for me, I can't debate people that call something what it is not.

I was thinking the same thing!

 

[Finesse]

Part of a email I read once from the other woman to her married lover that decided to work things out with his wife, if his wife was willing:

Our season has come to a close!

I could kick your ass for wasting my time all these years. You don't trust me, and I don't trust you. I still love you, but I love me more, I love God the most.


OK! I try my best to stay outta these topics because they are very hot button for me. But the above is a classic example of Lost *** Other Woman. May sound harsh, but it is the way I see it. He didn't waste her time, she gave it willingly. No one can take something from you that you give. Our season is over- Y'all never had one, he was married. I don't trust you- Arrrhg! :headbang: No explanation needed. I still love you- Just dumb, pure dumb and sad. I love me more- No, you don't. I love God the most- Not touching that!


I asked myself when I read this, if he had not decided to work things out with his wife, would she still be hanging on to gettin the brass ring? Yep, she shole would I have absolutely no sympathy for women like this. NONE!! And the cheating *** husband, none for him either because he is the true bad guy in the drama but the other woman....she is most def up for best supporting actress.

 

[Zawaj]

I told an ex-friend this years ago. I told her she must have "I ONLY DATE MARRIED MEN" stamped on her forhead because it doesn't make since that you have 4 kids all my married men and you have only dated married men. Next thing I know the car stops and she yelling "GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!!".

Well, she put me out of her car. First time that ever happend. Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it.

Aww naww! That's wrong but a little funny. I guess she didn't like you putting the mirror in front of her face. You gotta call it like you see it though!

 

[MissScarlett]

I don't think most are looking for intimacy. This is where I think men differ from women. Married women would be looking for intimacy. I believe most married men are looking to hit it and split.

They are not looking to have long term relationships with many of these women. Some do where they have the mistress and the wife but most have just women on the side. For those men, they are looking for sex not trust or intimacy.

Hence the millions of threads about meeting a guy, hitting it off, hitting the sheets, a call or two before not hearing from him again.

You're right, I don't think most married men looking to cheat are in fact looking for intimacy BUT I think that those are the ones that fear true intimacy with their wives, I think its that fear that drives them out to search for the "fluff" if you will of an affair.

*some* men run from the marriage as not to get to vested emotionally/intimately and seek out other women and that's because they aren't confident in their own self-worth or self-esteem to maintain that ONE relationship. I think men express their fears of inadequacy differently

Really, that is what an affair is all about, straight sex, fun and no intimacy or attachment. Its like a man that is a serial cheater doesn't want to put all his 'eggs' in one basket so to speak, he's fearful that woman will leave him.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Thanks for the replies. After consideration, I feel that in her case it is a combo of:

1. low self-esteem
2. feeling that no man would find her worthy of the #1 and only one position
3. her upbringing


For #3, she grew up with an abusive single mom that taught her that men were no good and only about one thing. This childhood I think contributed greatly to #1. She had issues with being overweight and in her eyes, unattractive, this, #2. She was close to 300 #'s when I met her and today fits a size 12-14, her hair has gone from a TWA to SL locs, and her bad acne has all but disappeared. I have seen her confidence levels shoot up. But the one thing that has not changed is that penchant for attracting the taken ones. FYI, I have cut her off as a GF b/c I learned that she went to my DH's job w/o my knowledge to have lunch. He was not there, so she flirted with his coworkers while there, all of whom are married. I was told that she introduced herself as my DH's friend--no mention of me! So, off she goes like a diabetic toe.

Did you confront her about this before you cut her off? What did your dh say?

 

[syze6]

Well I never intended to be the other woman, I have morals and values and say what you will they are pretty decent standard. I always said I would never be with a married man or a divorced man...heck I got both!
Married men don't call out to me - it did just happen - no really people fall in love or they make mistakes and I'm human so I did both. He did both too, but BEFORE we got together he finished off what he had to and got his divorce sorted out his son etc and only then pursued a relationship with me.

I dont have low self esteem, I'm shy but don't have self esteem issues nor is it a power thing nor is it my upbringing. And no he wasn't the first and only man to show me a bit of love and I felt like it couldnt get better than that - I have since realised that yes he is the best in the world and that no it doesnt get better but at 19 I was like wutevaaaaa.
Yes HE was in a bad place and we had a very good friendship and he realised he didn't have to be stuck with her no matter how much she blackmailed him - abusive and a little unhinged (not what he told me but what I know from letters she wrote me..."He left me and I slit my wrists in front of him and our son and he only stayed for 2 weeks after that he will leave you too". If he wanted to leave I would let him go!).

I would not intentionally ever set out to be with a married man and i hope I am never in that situation. But I told him if you want a relationship with me you need to get a divorce - he did. ETA: because I will not come second best to another woman and I want my mans undivided attention and affection and love.
So actually I have never really been the other woman because we didnt have a relationship till he was divorced we had a very good and solid friendship.

Uzz

Did you guys only have a good solid friendship? I ask because most relationships start with the two people understanding the other is married and although having feelings settle upon a friendship at the time.

I had a friend who was friends with a MM, her heart really was in it, she really cared for him and wanted to be with him. She settled upon being the one he could talk to about his woes and such. She remained the friend for some time and once he ended his marriage, she stepped right into the woman role. So in a way, he was cheating on some level and she consented to it long before his marriage ended.

So for her, I know her friendship wasn't a pure friendship but just an 'in the mean time' thing. I personally could never maintain a close friendship with a MM. It just seems odd to me, because I don't ever want to have that kind of closeness, with someone's husband. I guess I would rather be safe than sorry. I'm not judging your relationship, but I hear so many stories of the friends turned lover.

 

[MissScarlett]

That shows you crossed the line...You don't develop "feelings" for your friends. A friend is a friend. PERIOD.FINAL.

I appreciate your youth (19 at the time) and your sincerity to do the right thing.

However...When you allowed it to develop to a point that you have to call it something else. YOU WERE THE OTHER WOMAN EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T MEAN TOO.
(This is what I mean when I say calling it something that it was not)

I don't kiss, have intimate conversations or catch feelins for my buddies.

You were young then, but that don't mean it was right.

This is how I feel, there was a point when the conversation took that turn from friendship to feelings, it should have been terminated then. I'm sorry but I find ALOT of women using that excuse and then justifying it.

I understand you weren't techically involved with him but that also sets up a ultimatum of sorts, perhaps he may have been working things out with his wife?

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

I swear I tried to stay out of these topics....This last line just did it!

That's what every "other woman" says ..we had a very good friendship, it is IMPOSSIBLE TO BE THE GOOD FRIEND OF A MARRIED MAN UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED TO HIS WIFE AND YOUR "FRIENDSHIP" INCLUDES THE WIFE'S KNOWLEDGE.

Every Affair FIRST starts out in secret...So if the wife did not meet you and did not approve of it, that is not a friendship.

I am going to jump out of this topic, it is too toxic for me, I can't debate people that call something what it is not.

Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurch!

 

[envybeauty]

I appreciate you sharing your story. How much older is he than you? How old is the guy now?

As wise as we want to seem at any age, we are still only but so mature. At 19, you were not that mature mentally. Maturity only comes with experience and one can only get experience over time. You are certainly more mature now at 29. With your maturity now, it is good to see that you still believe you made the right decision. Hindsight is 20/20 so if looking back, you still believe you made the right decision, then you did.

He was the one in the marriage and he chose to leave it. Who knows what he said to his wife throughout their marriage. At the end of the day, I blame the man in situations like this because he made the decision not to fight for his first marriage. Hopefully teh ex-wife is with a man who treats her better today.




\\\

Yes I was young but I never said it was right - I did say I would change the way it happened. I never once thought "i'm going to fallin love with this man and have a long term relationship with him"...at 19? certainly not - I was adamant I would never marry. lol

I didnt kiss him or have intimate conversations or even hold hands and hug him or sit on the same sofa as him nor was I EVER alone in a room with him till he applied for and got his divorce despite having moved out the home 18 months previous to work away.

But yes I caught feelings which is why I knew something had to happen he either had to leave me or her. So when I came to that point and he realised he was there too we took action - he moved out of the marital home.

I certainly wouldnt catch feelings now at 29...nope. But I am very glad that he was my friend first and became my partner

i have seen many many MANY relationships start off as friendships and they say it was the best thing that ever happened to them. So I know there have got to be lots of people who catch feelings for their friends.

SO I guess I was the other woman and I guess thats why I responded to the post initially. I dont see myself as that because there was never any infidelity on either of our parts.

I appreciate your insight Suga, thanks

Uzz