TIRED TIRED TIRED

[Honey6928215]

LOL i understand you but he isnt going to break up with me because one this isnt something new he's always been how he is its just getting real old and annoying and two if he wanted to HE would move because its my house he has plenty of places he could live rent free ( with his cousins who own their own house with more than enough rooms) or he could get his own place he makes great money... I have told him to leave even packed his stuff once but he NEVER does... He didnt just becomes this person he has always been this way... My family all live in my area and they just say he's crazy lol but they love him all the same... Ive never really hung out( by hung out I just mean at there house they just recently started going bowlingonce in a while after a HUGE tragedy hit the family he invited me the 1st time but not the 2nd time) with his family that way (his older cousins they are a married couple) even though I knew them before i knew him... When his mom and sister come to nj Im always included in that... Im not saying its impossible but I know him and I highly doubt he's about to "kick me to te curve" especially since nothing is really different it was just that its starting to get on my nerves and im at the point now where i tell him he need to get over whatever his problem is but usually I just ignore his a$$ n he eventually stops acting crazy...

Okay. Well instead of worrying about him not taking you around his family why don't you create a social life of your own? Since you mention that your family lives in your area then that tells me they are not too far away therefore you can let your son visit them while you get some 'me' time whether it's shopping, eating out alone (I do that myself), going to a concert or girls nite out. Let's him know that you will no longer be just sitting around the house. You have a life, too.

 

[Brit031586]

Okay. Well instead of worrying about him not taking you around his family why don't you create a social life of your own? Since you mention that your family lives in your area then that tells me they are not too far away therefore you can let your son visit them while you get some 'me' time whether it's shopping, eating out alone (I do that myself), going to a concert or girls nite out. Let's him know that you will no longer be just sitting around the house. You have a life, too.

ITA!!!! im just a very shy/weird person ive always wanted to try going out to eat alone but im always like id have no one to talk to... My mom babysits once in a blue but she has her own social life dating and stuff so usually one of my aunts keep my son when I go out... As far as friends I have like 3 lol I know pathetic and one live in VA n is pregnant the other's bf is 30 million times worse than mines (i.e. abusive whole nother story) and the other is 23 and her parents have her on a curfew (SP?) of midnightso in the end thats usually why I end up in the house i NEED more FRIENDS!!!ASAP

 

[healthynhappy]

All I have to say ladies, is please stop fooling yourselves.

If you've been with a man for a very long time and he:

1. Has not married you (I know you think you are the one controlling this decision, but if you take a realistic look at your situation, you might be able to admit that it's really his decision not to be married, not yours. Whether he verbalizes it or demonstrates it via his actions...)

2. Does not talk to you....hello???

3. Does not socialize with you....

4. Does not help you.

5. Does not take responsibility for his own child, as if the child is yours alone.

6. Is constantly angry with you for no apparent reason.

7. Does not make you feel good about yourself, but makes you feel bad instead.......

He is not going to change. You ladies say 7, 8 years? When do you think things are going to be different? Another year or two? After he marries you? After you make more babies with him? After he's finished using you up and breaking you down?

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I can guarantee you ladies that he's not going to change. And then, when you finally leave him or he is finally finished with you, he'll probably marry someone within the next 2 years. And it will be someone who doesn't put up with his bs, and will gladly show him the door when he begins to show his arse.

You love him so much, but how much does he love you? He's a good man, but he won't "babysit" his own child?erplexed

I've heard great things about Steve Harvey's "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man" book. You might want to read it.

 

[Honey6928215]

All I have to say ladies, is please stop fooling yourselves.

If you've been with a man for a very long time and he:

1. Has not married you (I know you think you are the one controlling this decision, but if you take a realistic look at your situation, you might be able to admit that it's really his decision not to be married, not yours. Whether he verbalizes it or demonstrates it via his actions...)

2. Does not talk to you....hello???

3. Does not socialize with you....

4. Does not help you.

5. Does not take responsibility for his own child, as if the child is yours alone.

6. Is constantly angry with you for no apparent reason.

7. Does not make you feel good about yourself, but makes you feel bad instead.......

He is not going to change. You ladies say 7, 8 years? When do you think things are going to be different? Another year or two? After he marries you? After you make more babies with him? After he's finished using you up and breaking you down?

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I can guarantee you ladies that he's not going to change. And then, when you finally leave him or he is finally finished with you, he'll probably marry someone within the next 2 years. And it will be someone who doesn't put up with his bs, and will gladly show him the door when he begins to show his arse.

You love him so much, but how much does he love you? He's a good man, but he won't "babysit" his own child?erplexed

I've heard great things about Steve Harvey's "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man" book. You might want to read it.

Make sure you add to the list, 'Why Men Love *****es' & 'Why Men Marry *****es' by Sherry Argov. I read 'Why Men Love *****es' and it's pretty good. I'm going to read the second one. But OP, I really suggest you read the first one I posted. It will open your eyes to a lot of things and it's pretty hilarious, too. I'm sure you will enjoy it.

 

[envybeauty]

For the life of me, I will never understand women who have been with a man for years, have a baby for him, and live with him, who say they are not ready for marriage.

I'm like....your daily life right now has bigger commitments than some marriages. you jumped through all sorts of hoops so what is it to jump a broom.

i'm not saying to marry ole boy but REALLY think about your attitude towards marriage. Having a child with a man is greater than any committed marriage.

 

[Brit031586]

Ok Ladies I can totally agree with what your saying to a certain extent... but on the other hand not everyone wants to be married thats my argument... My Bestfriends mom and dad have been together for over 25 years and are not married my aunt and her bf have been together since before I was born and have a child and live together and are not married and are quite happy with their situation so you really cant say that if youve been together a long time and arent married you shouldnt and cant be together and in love... Not everyone's dream or want in life is to be married to someone... Also I didnt say that my SO just started acting this way or that he NEVER EVER speaks to me or anything there are just times when he has nasty attitudes for whatever reason its not every single day... My thing is everyone is different not everyone has the same thoughts on marriage... I have read act like a lady think like a man by steve harvey its a great book and whats crazy is everyone here says i should leave him and stuff but the book says something completely different... I dont know if my Original Post confused people or maybe I was unclear because I was very angry at the moment (sorry 4 that) but he does take care of me and our DS he just gets on my nerves sometimes with his attitudes and how when he goes out with his cousins he usually wont invite me... When the original was posted I was upset that he didnt invite me but I wasnt saying that we NEVER EVER go out and he never takes care of the baby its just that I feel as tho I do it more...

 

[tatiana]

In my experiences when a man does not want to bring his girlfriend around his family it is because of one or more of the following reasons:

• He belongs to a different race/ethnic/culture group from you.
• He has another girlfriend/woman that may or may not have his child that his family likes or respects more than you.
• Or he has another girlfriend that may or may not have his child that he does not want his family to tell you.
  
• He does not respect you.

My gut tells me bullets 2 and 4 are true. I do not mean to be mean but you are in denial. There is an old saying "Why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free." why should he move to his cousins house. It may be rent free but he is getting free nookie from you. Some men like to control women and he sounds somewhat controlling. If he is accusing you of cheating that is because he is cheating. Older men like to date younger women because younger women are more easily controlled.

Question, out of the six/seven years you been with the dude, how do you two spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, and/or Mother's day? Does he spend it with you alone, does he spend it with them without you, or do you two spend it together with either his or your family?

 

[Angelicus]

“People wallow in mediocrity knowing what they should do.

We know in our minds that staying in the pit isn’t smart; but it is our pit, and it feels safe.

Our very own pit is like sitting in a dirty diaper. We are sitting in a mess and it stinks; but it is warm and it is ours, so some folks choose to stay."

-from Dave Ramsey

 

[Brit031586]

In my experiences when a man does not want to bring his girlfriend around his family it is because of one or more of the following reasons:

• He belongs to a different race/ethnic/culture group from you.
• He has another girlfriend/woman that may or may not have his child that his family likes or respects more than you.
• Or he has another girlfriend that may or may not have his child that he does not want his family to tell you.
  
• He does not respect you.

My gut tells me bullets 2 and 4 are true. I do not mean to be mean but you are in denial. There is an old saying "Why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free." why should he move to his cousins house. It may be rent free but he is getting free nookie from you. Some men like to control women and he sounds somewhat controlling. If he is accusing you of cheating that is because he is cheating. Older men like to date younger women because younger women are more easily controlled.

Question, out of the six/seven years you been with the dude, how do you two spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, and/or Mother's day? Does he spend it with you alone, does he spend it with them without you, or do you two spend it together with either his or your family?

Im not in denial its just that people arent understanding me... I do spend time with his family once in a while and he's not with them all the time maybe once a week on a friday or him and his cousins husband go fishing on a saturday or something... I know that I am not immune from getting "played" but my OP wasnt about that...

For Christmas we're together in the morning with my family and then we're with his cousins in the evening afternoon Thanksgiving we're usually with my family Mothers day he always spends with me n my DS to add on Easter and 4th of july we usually go down south to visit his mom grandma and sisters...

As far as the old saying ( to lazy to type it out) ive heard that but we were doing the do way more when we didnt live together than now that we do so i know it as nothing to do with that...

I feel like maybe I shouldnt have started this post because he's a good man but i think I may have given everyone the wrong impression of him... Im not trying to make excuses because his stank mood swings arent excusable but he is a good person and I know that he loves me and isnt cheating on me (believe me ive snooped followed and done so much more thats how i found out he was texting other girls a few years ago) In the past he has talked to other girls and admitted it to me and I was PISSED and hurt but in the end I respect that honesty because alt of guys wouldnt admit it and am trying to get past it but I feel like everyone has rough times and pieces of their relationship that need fixing... We're happy and inlove 90 maybe even 95% of the time but we do have our arguments like anyone else

 

[Bunny77]

There's a lot of backtracking going on here.

Your feelings were clear in your first post. I think that you're now being forced to think about things that you might not be ready for yet, and a lot of it is really hitting you where it hurts, so you keep explaining things.

But what you said the first time is the real deal.

Now, I know that most people that post on this board about a relationship problem aren't yet ready to leave. They might not leave the situation for a LONG time because they haven't reached the breaking point, but they KNOW something ain't right... otherwise, they wouldn't have posted.

I recognize that you are going to be staying with this man for the near future and I wish you luck. I also hope that you continue to listen to your inner voice -- which is usually the right one -- and sooner than later, reach the point where you recognize that your situation is more f'ed up than you want to admit and that you need to make some serious changes.

I'm out....

 

[Brit031586]

For the life of me, I will never understand women who have been with a man for years, have a baby for him, and live with him, who say they are not ready for marriage.

I'm like....your daily life right now has bigger commitments than some marriages. you jumped through all sorts of hoops so what is it to jump a broom.

i'm not saying to marry ole boy but REALLY think about your attitude towards marriage. Having a child with a man is greater than any committed marriage.

The thing is ive seen ALOT of people happy in love have children live together for YEARS all while unmarried then they get married and everything changes for whatever reason and they end up divorced im not gonna go through that I rather be unmarried and happy than to get married b4 I feel im ready My friend got married at 22 and is still in love with her husband but admits if she could do it again she'd wait because it was much easier b4 they were married... I dont want to have regrets thats just me though

 

[Tarae]

Im not in denial its just that people arent understanding me... I do spend time with his family once in a while and he's not with them all the time maybe once a week on a friday or him and his cousins husband go fishing on a saturday or something... I know that I am not immune from getting "played" but my OP wasnt about that...

For Christmas we're together in the morning with my family and then we're with his cousins in the evening afternoon Thanksgiving we're usually with my family Mothers day he always spends with me n my DS to add on Easter and 4th of july we usually go down south to visit his mom grandma and sisters...

As far as the old saying ( to lazy to type it out) ive heard that but we were doing the do way more when we didnt live together than now that we do so i know it as nothing to do with that...

I feel like maybe I shouldnt have started this post because he's a good man but i think I may have given everyone the wrong impression of him... Im not trying to make excuses because his stank mood swings arent excusable but he is a good person and I know that he loves me and isnt cheating on me (believe me ive snooped followed and done so much more thats how i found out he was texting other girls a few years ago) In the past he has talked to other girls and admitted it to me and I was PISSED and hurt but in the end I respect that honesty because alt of guys wouldnt admit it and am trying to get past it but I feel like everyone has rough times and pieces of their relationship that need fixing... We're happy and inlove 90 maybe even 95% of the time but we do have our arguments like anyone else

It does seem like you're making excuses for him. We're only going on what you posted in your OP.

In the OP, you made it seem like he doesn't want to "babysit" his own son, he doesn't talk to you, he doesn't take you around his family, and that the relationship is one-sided so of course we're wondering "wtf is the point of being with him?" You said yourself that it's like you're a single parent. I think everyone was understanding that very well.

 

[Brit031586]

In my experiences when a man does not want to bring his girlfriend around his family it is because of one or more of the following reasons:

• He belongs to a different race/ethnic/culture group from you.
• He has another girlfriend/woman that may or may not have his child that his family likes or respects more than you.
• Or he has another girlfriend that may or may not have his child that he does not want his family to tell you.
  
• He does not respect you.

My gut tells me bullets 2 and 4 are true. I do not mean to be mean but you are in denial. There is an old saying "Why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free." why should he move to his cousins house. It may be rent free but he is getting free nookie from you. Some men like to control women and he sounds somewhat controlling. If he is accusing you of cheating that is because he is cheating. Older men like to date younger women because younger women are more easily controlled.

Question, out of the six/seven years you been with the dude, how do you two spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, and/or Mother's day? Does he spend it with you alone, does he spend it with them without you, or do you two spend it together with either his or your family?

For the highlighted parts I knew his family before I knew him because my bestfriend is his cousin and she would tell me in fact she helped me snoop when we're "broken up" n he was texting another girl....

 

[Brit031586]

There's a lot of backtracking going on here.

Your feelings were clear in your first post. I think that you're now being forced to think about things that you might not be ready for yet, and a lot of it is really hitting you where it hurts, so you keep explaining things.

But what you said the first time is the real deal.

Now, I know that most people that post on this board about a relationship problem aren't yet ready to leave. They might not leave the situation for a LONG time because they haven't reached the breaking point, but they KNOW something ain't right... otherwise, they wouldn't have posted.

I recognize that you are going to be staying with this man for the near future and I wish you luck. I also hope that you continue to listen to your inner voice -- which is usually the right one -- and sooner than later, reach the point where you recognize that your situation is more f'ed up than you want to admit and that you need to make some serious changes.

I'm out....

I completely respect you opinion and thank you for your advice but im explaining because my inner feelings were never to leave my SO as many of you are thinking.... but thank you

 

[Brit031586]

It does seem like you're making excuses for him. We're only going on what you posted in your OP.

In the OP, you made it seem like he doesn't want to "babysit" his own son, he doesn't talk to you, he doesn't take you around his family, and that the relationship is one-sided so of course we're wondering "wtf is the point of being with him?" You said yourself that it's like you're a single parent. I think everyone was understanding that very well.

Yes you understood very well and I do feel like a single parent when im at home with our baby majority of the time... I should have been more clear in saying when he gets into his moods this is the way he acts instead of in general because he isnt lie that all the time but he's been this way since i met him im not making excusing just being honest because everyones telling me i should leave and that hes cheating n when i was writing the post i wasnt thinking that at all... my feelings were hurt and I was asking if I was wrong for being hurt nd if was being to sensitive...

 

[envybeauty]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

If you were happy in your non-married relationship, then you wouldn't have posted all of this. So yeah, there are folks out there together and a day without "a piece of paper" but some of those are actually happy.

you are not one of them.

so for now, you can do all the backtracking and rationalizing you want, but you are not a part of his larger family (married or not) in your eyes or in his.

you keep talking about how he won't take you around his family, how you thought his family didn't even like you, etc. read bold parts below.

when two folks are really just as one (in name or in spirit) there is no separation, no wonders. you wouldn't need him to tow you along to family events. they would be your family too and you would just jump in your car and roll with junior to his cousin or mama house with or without him. six years and counting and you gotta ask him to tag along.....wth.

if my mother had to ask my father every time she went to see so and so...that woulda been messed up. she didn't have to. she has even spent holidays without my father at her inlaws. weeks on end.

so yeah....you need to rethink your situation.

Hey ladies...

MY SO/ Father of DS is getting on my last nerve... we have been together for six almost 7 years and our DS is 2 years old... we live together yet i feel like we are sooo distant. sometimes we are sooo happy together but other time he just pisses me off and throws me off...dont get me wrong he is a good man and he takes care of home its just how he treats me sometimes he gets mad for reasons that i dont even know then he just wont speak to me... the other day i went to the doctor which i dont do on a regular basis ( i know i should) but he didnt even bother to ask me how it went or anything and that really hurt my feelings he hangs out with his family yet he never invites me and if i am around he wont take our DS either his mom lives down south yet she and everyone else knows everything he is doing but when I ask he either ignores me or he gets an attitude... i always thought his family didnt like me until his cousin was like i told him that he needs to bring you around more we never get to see you... that made me feel really special... but he still continues to leave me out not EVER asking me if I would like to hang out with him and his fam... tonight they all went bowling and he didnt even bother to invite me he's just like im going out bowling with so and so and im like umm ok but inside i felt really bad, hurt and left out... am i being to sensitive? I love him soo much and I put up with alot of bs that many other women wouldnt take... i know that he loves me but he says that he thinks if he lets his guard down with me i'll hurt him but im like we've been together for 6 years already and u cant even let ya guard down... i love him and i try to show him as many ways that i can that i wont do anything to hurt him but a woman can only take so much and im getting tired of this one sided relationship... he goes out and does what he wants and i stay with the baby n i dont mind usually because i LOVE my DS more than anything and anyone but sometimes i just want to go out with my friends alone like he does but I can never do that unless I find a sitter and that sucks sometimes I just feel like a single parent... Im 23 years old dont smoke dont drink barely go out NEVER go to clubs ( ive been clubbing maybe 10 times since i turned 18 pathetic i know n i live right by NY) and barely have any girlfriends to hang out with and its all because I was all caught up in him but im realizing that he isnt all caught up in me and will probably never be... I love him and I really dont wanna have to end our relationship but im getting so tired of the crap drama and mood swings Love isnt suppose to hurt or is it? Whew..!!! just needed to vent damn that felt good

 

[Brit031586]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

If you were happy in your non-married relationship, then you wouldn't have posted all of this. So yeah, there are folks out there together and a day without "a piece of paper" but some of those are actually happy.

you are not one of them.

so for now, you can do all the backtracking and rationalizing you want, but you are not a part of his larger family (married or not) in your eyes or in his.

you keep talking about how he won't take you around his family, how you thought his family didn't even like you, etc. read bold parts below.

when two folks are really just as one (in name or in spirit) there is no separation, no wonders. you wouldn't need him to tow you along to family events. they would be your family too and you would just jump in your car and roll with junior to his cousin or mama house with or without him. six years and counting and you gotta ask him to tag along.....wth.

if my mother had to ask my father every time she went to see so and so...that woulda been messed up. she didn't have to. she has even spent holidays without my father at her inlaws. weeks on end.

so yeah....you need to rethink your situation.

Ok so what your basically telling me is because of a post everyone knows that I am not happy and that i can never be happy with the person ive been happy with for 6 years? You guys ALL think that I should throw him out and not be with him ( which I know will really make me unhappy) and not even try to let him know how I feel and see if we can fix it ? also his family to me is his cousin and her husband thats who I thought didnt like me not his mom or sisters or brothers I know they all like me so does that matter at all? I know that im young but I feel like this is the person that I WANT to be with forever ( which will include marriage when im ready) there are just things that we need to work on on both our parts or am I just being dumb? My mom thinks we should get married now and she see's us everyday and she's one of those people who doesn't take sh*t from a man but she see's that we love eachother but he can be very "antisocial" and I have a bad temper those are things I feel we could fix.... LADIES there has to be another solution than to just break up cuz i really really really dont want to

 

[lux10023]

your settliNG big time for a man who is not treating you how you deserve to be treated--

YOU ARE YOUNG 23 AND HAVE SO MUCH LIFE TO LIVE--WHY NOT GO LIVE IT--YOU WILL BE OKAY WITHOUT HIM STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO

6 YRSSSSSSSSSS

YOUR UNHAPPY---SO WHY STAY---WHAT IS THERE TO STAY FOR?

 

[Tarae]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Ok so what your basically telling me is because of a post everyone knows that I am not happy and that i can never be happy with the person ive been happy with for 6 years? You guys ALL think that I should throw him out and not be with him ( which I know will really make me unhappy) and not even try to let him know how I feel and see if we can fix it ? also his family to me is his cousin and her husband thats who I thought didnt like me not his mom or sisters or brothers I know they all like me so does that matter at all? I know that im young but I feel like this is the person that I WANT to be with forever ( which will include marriage when im ready) there are just things that we need to work on on both our parts or am I just being dumb? My mom thinks we should get married now and she see's us everyday and she's one of those people who doesn't take sh*t from a man but she see's that we love eachother but he can be very "antisocial" and I have a bad temper those are things I feel we could fix.... LADIES there has to be another solution than to just break up cuz i really really really dont want to

I'm not going to tell you to break up with him and I'm not going to tell you to marry him. But after 6 years, what do you think can happen? If I'm reading your posts correctly, he's been like this since you got with him. He told you he's afraid to open up to you. It's been 6 YEARS! He can't open up to you and take you to visit his family but he can live with you and have a baby with you?

What is so great about this relationship? Or is it just that you've put so much into the relationship that you don't want to let it go? If he hasn't opened up to you and changed yet, when will he?

 

[envybeauty]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

who said kick him to the curb? That is YOUR mind telling you to do that. My posts never said that.


Personally, I'd put my foot down before putting it to his back. I'd tell him to get junior ready while I get my purse the next time the "family" gets together. You shouldn't have to ask shyte. You are a grown woman and the mother of his kid living with him. Six years and you gotta ask like you the kid. WTH.

Stop trying to fake the funk. If he proposed tomorrow, you'd say yes. Don't act like you wouldn't. So all this ....I'm not ready, I'm too young, etc. excuses as to why you are not getting married is not flying with folks on this board.

The real reason is probably because you BOTH are not at that point. You are not waking up to him on bended knee every morning. Sit down, chill, and think for yourself as to what you want from him and his future. Then sit down with him and tell him.

Ok so what your basically telling me is because of a post everyone knows that I am not happy and that i can never be happy with the person ive been happy with for 6 years? You guys ALL think that I should throw him out and not be with him ( which I know will really make me unhappy) and not even try to let him know how I feel and see if we can fix it ? also his family to me is his cousin and her husband thats who I thought didnt like me not his mom or sisters or brothers I know they all like me so does that matter at all? I know that im young but I feel like this is the person that I WANT to be with forever ( which will include marriage when im ready) there are just things that we need to work on on both our parts or am I just being dumb? My mom thinks we should get married now and she see's us everyday and she's one of those people who doesn't take sh*t from a man but she see's that we love eachother but he can be very "antisocial" and I have a bad temper those are things I feel we could fix.... LADIES there has to be another solution than to just break up cuz i really really really dont want to

 

[Brit031586]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

who said kick him to the curb? That is YOUR mind telling you to do that. My posts never said that.


Personally, I'd put my foot down before putting it to his back. I'd tell him to get junior ready while I get my purse the next time the "family" gets together. You shouldn't have to ask shyte. You are a grown woman and the mother of his kid living with him. Six years and you gotta ask like you the kid. WTH.

Stop trying to fake the funk. If he proposed tomorrow, you'd say yes. Don't act like you wouldn't. So all this ....I'm not ready, I'm too young, etc. excuses as to why you are not getting married is not flying with folks on this board.

The real reason is probably because you BOTH are not at that point. You are not waking up to him on bended knee every morning. Sit down, chill, and think for yourself as to what you want from him and his future. Then sit down with him and tell him.

Ok i feel you !!! but on some real sh*t if he asked i think id say i need to think about it 1st not just out right yes ( i put that on everything I love) ... but i feel what your saying some other people told me I should leave thats why I wrote that not at you personally.... OMG your soo right imma do that next time they go bowlin!!! Thanks for the advice

 

[tatiana]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Hey ladies...

MY SO/ Father of DS is getting on my last nerve... we have been together for six almost 7 years and our DS is 2 years old... we live together yet i feel like we are sooo distant. sometimes we are sooo happy together but other time he just pisses me off and throws me off...dont get me wrong he is a good man and he takes care of home its just how he treats me sometimes he gets mad for reasons that i dont even know then he just wont speak to me... the other day i went to the doctor which i dont do on a regular basis ( i know i should) but he didnt even bother to ask me how it went or anything and that really hurt my feelings he hangs out with his family yet he never invites me and if i am around he wont take our DS either his mom lives down south yet she and everyone else knows everything he is doing but when I ask he either ignores me or he gets an attitude... i always thought his family didnt like me until his cousin was like i told him that he needs to bring you around more we never get to see you... that made me feel really special... but he still continues to leave me out not EVER asking me if I would like to hang out with him and his fam... tonight they all went bowling and he didnt even bother to invite me he's just like im going out bowling with so and so and im like umm ok but inside i felt really bad, hurt and left out... am i being to sensitive? I love him soo much and I put up with alot of bs that many other women wouldnt take... i know that he loves me but he says that he thinks if he lets his guard down with me i'll hurt him but im like we've been together for 6 years already and u cant even let ya guard down... i love him and i try to show him as many ways that i can that i wont do anything to hurt him but a woman can only take so much and im getting tired of this one sided relationship... he goes out and does what he wants and i stay with the baby n i dont mind usually because i LOVE my DS more than anything and anyone but sometimes i just want to go out with my friends alone like he does but I can never do that unless I find a sitter and that sucks sometimes I just feel like a single parent... Im 23 years old dont smoke dont drink barely go out NEVER go to clubs ( ive been clubbing maybe 10 times since i turned 18 pathetic i know n i live right by NY) and barely have any girlfriends to hang out with and its all because I was all caught up in him but im realizing that he isnt all caught up in me and will probably never be... I love him and I really dont wanna have to end our relationship but im getting so tired of the crap drama and mood swings Love isnt suppose to hurt or is it? Whew..!!! just needed to vent damn that felt good

I think part of the confusion is you accidentally wrote his mother lives "down south" but now I think you mean "down the street".

For the record, I did not say you should break up with your boyfriend but I do believe you do have some form of denial of his disrespect and his lack of consideration for you and your son. From what you wrote I think your relationship has signs of emotion abusive relationship.

Love shown through actions not words. You go to the doctor and he does not ask if you are okay or wonder if you are pregnant. Does that sound like love?

 

[tocktick]

* He doesn't care much about your well-being (emotionally and possibly physically) but he's a good man.
* He doesn't invite you around his fam but he has a child with you.
* He doesn't spend time alone with your son but he "provides" for him etc etc etc.

So many contradictions and backtracking in your posts, OP. You make so many excuses for this guy. If you're able to explain away his actions so easily, why do you have a problem with your relationship? After all, for his every bad point, you have a counterpoint to prove that he's really not as sh*t as you just made him out to be.

Imo, if you cannot get clear in your own mind what the issue is, then you will never be able to express these problems to your SO. Wanting to stay with him doesn't mean that you have to dismiss his flaws; the only way you'll be able to progress is if you admit there are serious problems in your relationship. Otherwise, your relationship will stay the same. Or...maybe you want it that way . Who knows...I'm rather confused.

 

[lux10023]

i know im kinda goin in--but the ladies here---are speaking from experience


he does not invite you out with him and his family--wtbleeep--
WHEN IT GETS TO THE POINT THAT YOU FEEL LIKE A SINGLE MOM IN A RLPS--WHAT MORE IS THERE TO DO--THEN TO MAKE AN IMMEDIATE DECISION--IF YOU HAVENT GOTTEN THRU TO HIM IN 6 YRS---WHAT DO YOU THINK THE NEXT 6 YRS WILL BE LIKE

im perplexed like--at what point do you want more for you and your child--?

like i really feel sad for you -- a young woman who deserves more--but settling for the crumbs this dude of 6 yrs has been giving you--

dude is knockin gon the doors of 30 yrs old--he i snot some lil young boy--he is a grown *** man

sistah girl if anything at all---make a change for your child..you dont have to settle for being ill-treated by any man---

I THINK YOU ARE GONNA LOOK BACK LIKE DAMN I WASTED YRS OF MY LIFE WITH THIS MAN

in the end you are going to do what you want to do--but if anything at all--read what some of these ladies have typed

 

[Brit031586]

Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

I think part of the confusion is you accidentally wrote his mother lives "down south" but now I think you mean "down the street".

For the record, I did not say you should break up with your boyfriend but I do believe you do have some form of denial of his disrespect and his lack of consideration for you and your son. From what you wrote I think your relationship has signs of emotion abusive relationship.

Love shown through actions not words. You go to the doctor and he does not ask if you are okay or wonder if you are pregnant. Does that sound like love?

No his mom lives down south with the rest of his immediate family she lives in South Carolina we live in New Jersey as far as the doctor thing that was addressed once i cooled off a bit I handled that situation.... but thanks for your thoughts!! i appreciate them

 

[Brit031586]

i know im kinda goin in--but the ladies here---are speaking from experience


he does not invite you out with him and his family--wtbleeep--
WHEN IT GETS TO THE POINT THAT YOU FEEL LIKE A SINGLE MOM IN A RLPS--WHAT MORE IS THERE TO DO--THEN TO MAKE AN IMMEDIATE DECISION--IF YOU HAVENT GOTTEN THRU TO HIM IN 6 YRS---WHAT DO YOU THINK THE NEXT 6 YRS WILL BE LIKE

im perplexed like--at what point do you want more for you and your child--?

like i really feel sad for you -- a young woman who deserves more--but settling for the crumbs this dude of 6 yrs has been giving you--

dude is knockin gon the doors of 30 yrs old--he i snot some lil young boy--he is a grown *** man

sistah girl if anything at all---make a change for your child..you dont have to settle for being ill-treated by any man---

I THINK YOU ARE GONNA LOOK BACK LIKE DAMN I WASTED YRS OF MY LIFE WITH THIS MAN

in the end you are going to do what you want to do--but if anything at all--read what some of these ladies have typed

Thanks for the advice... ive never really talked to him about it just brush it off thats my personality... I understand what your saying as far as with me but with my son he's a GREAT father so I wont even get into that... But thanks so much!

 

[Brit031586]

* He doesn't care much about your well-being (emotionally and possibly physically) but he's a good man.
* He doesn't invite you around his fam but he has a child with you.
* He doesn't spend time alone with your son but he "provides" for him etc etc etc.

So many contradictions and backtracking in your posts, OP. You make so many excuses for this guy. If you're able to explain away his actions so easily, why do you have a problem with your relationship? After all, for his every bad point, you have a counterpoint to prove that he's really not as sh*t as you just made him out to be.

Imo, if you cannot get clear in your own mind what the issue is, then you will never be able to express these problems to your SO. Wanting to stay with him doesn't mean that you have to dismiss his flaws; the only way you'll be able to progress is if you admit there are serious problems in your relationship. Otherwise, your relationship will stay the same. Or...maybe you want it that way . Who knows...I'm rather confused.

Ok so everyone says im making excuses for him maybe i am but he's my man and i love him thats why im tryin to make you guys understand he isnt all bad... i dont plan to dismiss his flaws i will address it with him and try to move forward i know that we have problems i totally admitted to that in previous post what i wanted to know originally was if I was being to sensitive about it then people started saying he's cheating and he's doing this and that n im like ummm ok didnt expect that... but idk i will address the problem and start "putting my foot down"

 

[michelle81]

Ok so everyone says im making excuses for him maybe i am but he's my man and i love him thats why im tryin to make you guys understand he isnt all bad... i dont plan to dismiss his flaws i will address it with him and try to move forward i know that we have problems i totally admitted to that in previous post what i wanted to know originally was if I was being to sensitive about it then people started saying he's cheating and he's doing this and that n im like ummm ok didnt expect that... but idk i will address the problem and start "putting my foot down"

I don't even know where to start. You're young (mentally and physically).
I'm just a few years older than you and trust me, six years from now when you're my age, you won't believe the stuff you settled for at 16, 20, or now 22.

There's alot of ladies who posted here who are older (mentally and/or physically) than the both of us. I've learned to listen to those who are older. You may not agree with most of what has been said, but if all these people, with more life experience than you, are telling you the same thing, then you should probably start listening.

He may not be cheating. He seems like an okay guy, but "He's just not into you". Hubby's family and I don't have much in common, but if he goes out of town to visit them, you'd better believe that me and probably all of the kids are with him as well. Even if I didn't his like family, I'd still go along just to get out the house or get out to do shopping. He for some reason even wants his mom and I to be "closer" and see each other more often.

He's not all bad, but you deserve better. One day you WILL for sure wake up and realize you could have had better. That day may be next week, next year, or 30 years from now. I think everyone posting in this thread is just trying to make you realize it as soon as possible. People can definitely change, but he never will if you keep settling for less.

 

[jerseygurl]

Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. OP with all your backtracking and excuses you're making for him, one can't help but wonder what you want us to tell you.

Usually the ladies go by what was posted and you did complain about a lot of things. And they must have been eating at you for you to post them. I do wish you the best and pray that you make the right decision for you and your son.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I feel you!!! I am sitting here as I type this crying because of my SO. We have been together for 8 yrs and we haven't made it official yet. We met when we were 20 and now that I'm 28, I'm ready!! We don't have any kids, but we relocated to Ga together and have been living together for the past 4yrs. He is a good man, but he has such a hard time expressing his feelings and emotions, because of how he grew up and I am so frustrated. I just asked him a few minutes ago if he plans on marrying me and soon, he says yes because he feels it should be the next step in our lives. I am glad he wants to get married, but I don't feel like he wants to because he is just so head over hills in love with me, he has the hardest time showing affection and communicating, because he didn't grow up hearing I love you or getting hugs and kisses from his family. I have tried to be understanding to this, but I feel like after all this time it should just be more from him on his part. He takes care of home, he never runs the street, but I just feel emotionally unsatisfied!! I am sitting here so torn, because this man has been apart of my life for almost 9yrs, I am terrified of starting over!!!

BRIT0136 thank you for posting this thread, because I really needed to vent myself!!!
I wish you the best in your situation and I hope it works out for you!!

This doesn't make any sense. It sounds like you're making excuses for him