A Married Man

[Farida]

OP don’t waste your time. It is 2018. We have no-fault divorces and default judgments. Divorces are as cheap as filing fees (like under $600) save for maybe alimony and attorney’s fees. I say this because he sounds typical. His next argument will be he cannot afford the divorce. Or right now is not a good time for him to leave, she won’t sign the papers...you can divorce a person even if they refuse! This is not the 1800s.

Lies straight out of the cheating fool’s play book.

Even if he left his wife for you he would cheat on you. And he would have to pay alimony/child support. And I bet he doesn’t have money like that...

You’d be in a household struggling to help pay for another.

And if he cheated on his wife who has a NEWBORN...what makes you think you would be immune if you were dating him. He probably has other side pieces right now.

Cut your losses. There are better-looking, richer, faithful, unmarried dudes out there.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

I would definitely recommend what some of the ladies here suggested and ask if they’re married and have kids. Check their social media accounts for pictures of kids or significant others. Also dating someone at work is always a recipe for disaster no matter how fine, sexy or flattering he is. I would also wait to have sex with someone you’re dating. Really get to know him before giving up the goods. If he’s bad news you’ll figure it out before you guys make it to the bedroom. Are there exceptions to the rule? Sure, but most snakes can’t act like angels 24/7.

 

[LushLox]

Don’t tell a man where you live in those early days of dating, too much risk.

 

[Evolving78]

Sis you could have posted this with your real username
You might have to start looking for another job.

I was thinking the same thing. She is gonna have to find another job.. I know some people would say different, but OP you need a clean break and fresh start.

 

[lavaflow99]

Twice I am quoting this book today....not a good sign. . #wherearethegoodmen

But I would recommend "How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved" by Sandra Brown. This guy is a classic "dangerous man" case of "Man with the Hidden Life." Nothing you can do to change his messy situation. All you can do is distance yourself and learn the signs to look for to not get got again.

These type of men are good.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I suppose me being commitment phobic and easily aggravated/annoyed has its advantages. Cuz I have never felt compelled to sleep with a coworker. It’s too much. I also saw the negative consequences of it up close and personal with my colleagues. Folks being stalked, losing their job, spouses showing up to kick someone’s ass. Sorry no peen is worth my pay check.

Also my acquaintance in Dallas had a new guy she was talking to. Twice she had him on speaker and each of those times she spoke with him he was always on his way home from work or the gym.....immediately I knew he was involved with someone else based off those two times he called her. I’m thinking hmmmmm why can’t he call her once he’s home and settled in? I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t my place but I turned out to be right.
I’m not a paranoid person but somethings are so blatantly obvious. I only use google to confirm what I already know.

 

[roxyg22]

Ya"ll he had the nerve to text me "Are you interested." If he dont leave me alone....

 

[sunnydaze]

^^

Block him.

I suppose me being commitment phobic and easily aggravated/annoyed has its advantages. Cuz I have never felt compelled to sleep with a coworker. It’s too much. I also saw the negative consequences of it up close and personal with my colleagues. Folks being stalked, losing their job, spouses showing up to kick someone’s ass. Sorry no peen is worth my pay check.

Also my acquaintance in Dallas had a new guy she was talking to. Twice she had him on speaker and each of those times she spoke with him he was always on his way home from work or the gym.....immediately I knew he was involved with someone else based off those two times he called her. I’m thinking hmmmmm why can’t he call her once he’s home and settled in? I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t my place but I turned out to be right.
I’m not a paranoid person but somethings are so blatantly obvious. I only use google to confirm what I already know.

Girl, I'm saying.

 

[Saludable84]

Ya"ll he had the nerve to text me "Are you interested." If he dont leave me alone....

Block his number and enjoy your life. Just act like you dont know him.

 

[Transformer]

Ya"ll he had the nerve to text me "Are you interested." If he dont leave me alone....

Text back. I’m good. Forward the guy’s informative to your wife, it seems that she needs a hookup.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

In lieu of the other thread tangent about how long it takes to go on 10 dates, I am curious: How many dates did you go on with this dude? By date I mean the two of you spending time together in a public place for at least 2 hours. If there were no dates, how long did you know him before hooking up?

Ordinarily, I'd feel like I'm prying but the most scandalous tea has already been poured not spilled.

 

[syze6]

Ya"ll he had the nerve to text me "Are you interested." If he dont leave me alone....

So do I need to ask,"Why you haven't blocked that fool?" Better yet, his number would have been deleted.

 

[syze6]

In lieu of the other thread tangent about how long it takes to go on 10 dates, I am curious: How many dates did you go on with this dude? By date I mean the two of you spending time together in a public place for at least 2 hours. If there were no dates, how long did you know him before hooking up?

Ordinarily, I'd feel like I'm prying but the most scandalous tea has already been poured not spilled.

I too was wondering that as well.

 

[OhTall1]

Sorry no peen is worth my pay check.

Yeah, a long time ago someone gave me the advice "Don't go looking for honey where you're making your money."

 

[mrselle]

Yeah, a long time ago someone gave me the advice "Don't go looking for honey where you're making your money."

Or "Don't lay your head where you make your bread."

 

[syze6]

OP have you blocked his number, yet?

 

[syze6]

Hey ladies

Ive been lurking for a while unfortunately this is my first post:

Im feeling heartbroken. So this guy at work was pursuing me like crazy I even avoided him for some time but he still pursued me. So I gave in and began seeing him. So one night after intimacy he says he has to pick up his daughter from his mother in law? I said: YOURE MARRIED?! He did not answer instead he said this is the thing he has a 12 week old baby. I was so in shock he left immediately then he calls me and asks me if Im leaving him (as if we were ever together) I shouted Yes.

A day go by I avoided him att work he was to stop by Saturday but I didnt answer his call. So now that its been a few days we had lunch at work then the convo turns he asks me if I want kids at this age I told him I dont know yet then he brings up I should look into getting married. Then he goes on to say he knows some good guys he can hook me up with. ( I told him No.)
I was never looking for a hook up at all. Then to add even more insult to injury he asks me how many guys am I seeing right now. For the record I was not seeing anyone else.

I assumed we had a relationship and it would lead to more. He figured I would go go along with it after he blurted out mother in law (on purpose) but my reaction told him different. But yea Im done with him but getting over this hurt is another thing...

Any comments will be helpful

Wait...did you guys have a relationship or are we misunderstanding? Earlier you said (as if we were ever together) then you said, (I assumed we had a relationship). I'm confused or am I just being slow?

 

[niknakmac]

This sounds like some island dyck that is trying to help his friends get papers. RUN. Look for a new job and get a new number. These guys think this stuff is cute.

Questions to ask:
Have you ever been with a guy?
When asking this act like you are totally down for whatever and its no big deal. That's the only way you may get the truth.

Are you married?
If they say no...go on to ask about a girlfriend. Also ask them if they are living with anyone. Men often attepmt to say their BM, wife, girlfirend is their roomate. Question the roomate situation.

Trust your gut.

 

[syze6]

Wait...did you guys have a relationship or are we misunderstanding? Earlier you said (as if we were ever together) then you said, (I assumed we had a relationship). I'm confused or am I just being slow?

???????

 

[roxyg22]

???????

We did confirm we were in a relationship but "as if we were even together" meaning it was all smoke and mirrors now knowing he was married all along.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Call it a lesson learned and move on best you can. You asked. He lied. Now you know who you're dealing with.

For the record, I don't think he was really offering to hook you up with one of his friends. The question about wanting to have kids and whatever else he's bringing up are pathetic ways to get you to engage. He's not expecting you to go for it. He wants you to argue with him because if you're mad enough to go there then it means you still care and he still has a chance - in his mind. It's like a child being bad because negative attention is better than no attention at all. He knows you're in ghost mode and he hasn't accepted it's over.

 

[hopeful]

In lieu of the other thread tangent about how long it takes to go on 10 dates, I am curious: How many dates did you go on with this dude? By date I mean the two of you spending time together in a public place for at least 2 hours. If there were no dates, how long did you know him before hooking up?

Ordinarily, I'd feel like I'm prying but the most scandalous tea has already been poured not spilled.

I too was wondering that as well.

Me three.

 

[Ganjababy]

I would thank op if I was the wife. I would want to know. Dirty bastard.

Do you feel the need to send an apology letter to his spouse or is that too vengeful?

 

[syze6]

I would thank op if I was the wife. I would want to know. Dirty bastard.

My cousin had a woman send her a letter. My cousin was devastated and she even felt bad the woman was hurt. I told her, that was big of her because most women would not feel bad for the woman who knowingly got involved with a married man. Not knowing is a call for sympathy, but if you know in the beginning then cry foul...I'd have to think on that one.