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Brit031586

Well-Known Member
HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Hey ladies...

MY SO/ Father of DS is getting on my last nerve... we have been together for six almost 7 years and our DS is 2 years old... we live together yet i feel like we are sooo distant. sometimes we are sooo happy together but other time he just pisses me off and throws me off...dont get me wrong he is a good man and he takes care of home its just how he treats me sometimes he gets mad for reasons that i dont even know then he just wont speak to me... the other day i went to the doctor which i dont do on a regular basis ( i know i should) but he didnt even bother to ask me how it went or anything and that really hurt my feelings he hangs out with his family yet he never invites me and if i am around he wont take our DS either his mom lives down south yet she and everyone else knows everything he is doing but when I ask he either ignores me or he gets an attitude... i always thought his family didnt like me until his cousin was like i told him that he needs to bring you around more we never get to see you... that made me feel really special... but he still continues to leave me out not EVER asking me if I would like to hang out with him and his fam... tonight they all went bowling and he didnt even bother to invite me he's just like im going out bowling with so and so and im like umm ok but inside i felt really bad, hurt and left out... am i being to sensitive? I love him soo much and I put up with alot of bs that many other women wouldnt take... i know that he loves me but he says that he thinks if he lets his guard down with me i'll hurt him but im like we've been together for 6 years already and u cant even let ya guard down... i love him and i try to show him as many ways that i can that i wont do anything to hurt him but a woman can only take so much and im getting tired of this one sided relationship... he goes out and does what he wants and i stay with the baby n i dont mind usually because i LOVE my DS more than anything and anyone but sometimes i just want to go out with my friends alone like he does but I can never do that unless I find a sitter and that sucks sometimes I just feel like a single parent... Im 23 years old dont smoke dont drink barely go out NEVER go to clubs ( ive been clubbing maybe 10 times since i turned 18 pathetic i know n i live right by NY) and barely have any girlfriends to hang out with and its all because I was all caught up in him but im realizing that he isnt all caught up in me and will probably never be... I love him and I really dont wanna have to end our relationship but im getting so tired of the crap drama and mood swings Love isnt suppose to hurt or is it? Whew..!!! just needed to vent damn that felt good
 
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He has the best of both worlds: a dedicated woman sitting at home waiting for him and the ability to live the single life. He knows that you aren't going anywhere which is why he is not putting any effort into what you perceive to be a relationship.

Bottom line: he isn't as serious about the relationship as you are. If he were, he would have been put a ring on your finger. I hope you don't feel obligated to tolerate his behavior just because you have a child together. It's been 6 years hun.....time for you to change things up. Sometimes who you love isn't the best person for you.
 
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You've been together 7 years, and have a two year old and live together. He hasn't married you.

Why? When you answer that, you'll know what you need to do.
 
Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Brit031586 said:
Hey ladies...

he hangs out with his family yet he never invites me and if i am around he wont take our DS either his mom lives down south yet she and everyone else knows everything he is doing but when I ask he either ignores me or he gets an attitude... I love him soo much and I put up with alot of bs that many other women wouldnt take... i know that he loves me but he says that he thinks if he lets his guard down with me i'll hurt him but im like we've been together for 6 years already and u cant even let ya guard down... Im 23 years old dont smoke dont drink barely go out NEVER go to clubs ( ive been clubbing maybe 10 times since i turned 18 pathetic i know n i live right by NY)
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DarlingNikki has already said everything that needs to be said in here, I just highlighted the above for emphasis, and I was curious as to how old this guy is, as he may have outgrown the relationship but doesn't know how to tell you. You're only 23, way too young to be tied down to anyone anyway. If this relationship is over, count it as a blessing, take this as an opportunity to figure out what you want/need to do for you and your daughter and move forward with your life.
 
Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

awhyley said:
DarlingNikki has already said everything that needs to be said in here, I just highlighted the above for emphasis, and I was curious as to how old this guy is, as he may have outgrown the relationship but doesn't know how to tell you. You're only 23, way too young to be tied down to anyone anyway. If this relationship is over, count it as a blessing, take this as an opportunity to figure out what you want/need to do for you and your daughter and move forward with your life.
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He's 28 the thing is that he's very weird he doesnt like to do anything he goes to work comes home goes to his family and once in a while hangs out with his cousin( whom i refer to as his friend even tho there blood)he has no like boys he just hangs with just his cousin and maybe 1 other guy but other than that he's just blah we sometimes go bowling n to play pool n out to eat but as far as doing things that other young adults like nope he doesnt like to and honestly hasnt since we've been together... i think he wants me to b like his mom she doesnt wear make up or get her hair done or anything she is very heavy into church(nothin wrong with that) never wears pants or anything and thats just not me he says that me my mom n aunts r all divas and we love attention because we get our hair done and wear make up... he also says that i need to learn to think of the future and that i always wanna do stuff right now when we could be saving for a big house n have lots of money to do everything later which i guess makes since but sometimes its just so... boring:ohwell: I think that he feels that ive turned into some highclass "diva" but i really have not I just like to feel and look pretty (who doesnt). As far as marriage we have looked at rings( his choice i was very surprised) but thats as far as its gone because we argued about the type of wedding honestly i want a big wedding that i will remember forever n he says we cant afford that and he doesnt want to waste money on that which is true right now... but another thing is im not really ready to be married yet i love him but i know we're not ready for that yet i rather have all my ish together before i get married (i kno its backwards we already have a child) i wanna be done with school n into my career which is why i really never bring up the marriage aspect to him.... I may be weird but im not all that into marriage at the moment yes in the future i want a big wedding but thats in the future maybe at 30 not now...
 
No offense, but at this point, the last thing you need to be thinking about is a big wedding.

I'm not saying that you must be married (it might or might not be a good idea depending on the strength of your relationship), but if this man wants to marry you and actually has talked about it, you need to get past this big wedding fantasy and march on down to the courthouse and get a certificate. Have a big commitment ceremony later.

He actually sounds pretty grounded and level-headed trying to think about and plan for a future and it sounds like your attitude about living for the present (which would be fine if you all didn't bring a kid into the picture) is turning him off big time.

Of course, if he's 28 and you're 23 and ya'll have been together six years... uh... so you were 17 and he was 22 when you started dating? Okay... :ohwell:

Anyway, now you have a child and although you are still "young," you need to act and think more maturely for the sake of your son. Children force you to grow up fast, so you need to start thinking about what's best for you and your child and not fantasy dreams that you once wanted... the cart came before the horse, so now you need to adjust your thinking to reality.
 
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Bunny77 said:
No offense, but at this point, the last thing you need to be thinking about is a big wedding.

I'm not saying that you must be married (it might or might not be a good idea depending on the strength of your relationship), but if this man wants to marry you and actually has talked about it, you need to get past this big wedding fantasy and march on down to the courthouse and get a certificate. Have a big commitment ceremony later.

He actually sounds pretty grounded and level-headed trying to think about and plan for a future and it sounds like your attitude about living for the present (which would be fine if you all didn't bring a kid into the picture) is turning him off big time.

Of course, if he's 28 and you're 23 and ya'll have been together six years... uh... so you were 17 and he was 22 when you started dating? Okay... :ohwell:

Anyway, now you have a child and although you are still "young," you need to act and think more maturely for the sake of your son. Children force you to grow up fast, so you need to start thinking about what's best for you and your child and not fantasy dreams that you once wanted... the cart came before the horse, so now you need to adjust your thinking to reality.
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I understand what your saying completely however im not let me correct that we're not ready for marriage... i have no fantasies or anything about marriage that are stopping us because i would gladly go to the courthouse n a minute i dont have to have a big wedding its just something id like... we're not ready and i know we're not ready because we are not on the same page about everything yet... yes we've been together long but we we're both very young when our relationship started... i also know we're not ready for marriage because everytime im on the phone or on the comp or leaving the house he always says im cheating which im not n never have he feels that since i caught him texting other girls at 3 different points n our relationship that i have some sort of revenge out for him... i have forgiven him but def have not forgotten and im slowly getting past... and honestly right now im not thinking of ANY wedding big small or medium lol i just want to get us back to where we were n the past happy n in love... he's very level headed and ground he's a great guy and i know that everything he's doing is for our future as a family... but leaving me out and ignoring me and getting mad at me when i dont even kno what i did isnt cool at all but i dont know how to make him understand that... he's naturally a mean person lol everyone is scared of him cuz he just looks at you wont speak or anything he'll cut you off in heartbeat family or not he's a real weirdo so i kno that its not just me he ignores n is mean too but i feel like im your girl you suppose to be nice to me... am i wrong for that
 
Brit031586 said:
I understand what your saying completely however im not let me correct that we're not ready for marriage... i have no fantasies or anything about marriage that are stopping us because i would gladly go to the courthouse n a minute i dont have to have a big wedding its just something id like... we're not ready and i know we're not ready because we are not on the same page about everything yet... yes we've been together long but we we're both very young when our relationship started... i also know we're not ready for marriage because everytime im on the phone or on the comp or leaving the house he always says im cheating which im not n never have he feels that since i caught him texting other girls at 3 different points n our relationship that i have some sort of revenge out for him... i have forgiven him but def have not forgotten and im slowly getting past... and honestly right now im not thinking of ANY wedding big small or medium lol i just want to get us back to where we were n the past happy n in love... he's very level headed and ground he's a great guy and i know that everything he's doing is for our future as a family... but leaving me out and ignoring me and getting mad at me when i dont even kno what i did isnt cool at all but i dont know how to make him understand that... he's naturally a mean person lol everyone is scared of him cuz he just looks at you wont speak or anything he'll cut you off in heartbeat family or not he's a real weirdo so i kno that its not just me he ignores n is mean too but i feel like im your girl you suppose to be nice to me... am i wrong for that
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Okay, yeah, I think that you need to get out of this relationship and move on... forget about getting back to the past. That's over now and it's not coming back.

Focus on your son, your education and career and in the future, get in a relationship with a man who will love, cherish and honor you.
 
I hate to say this, men do not marry women, if they don't have to work for them. Men think differently from women, despite all what the woman's magazines say. Men think differently for women and when a man has to fight for you. Men fall in love fast and they fall out of love fast, you have to make him want you , he would move heaven and earth to marry you, and he has to realise that you are special, within three to six months, he should have proposed, if not dump him. If he was a deal, he would not be worth it.

You have to decide what you want for you, if he cannot marry you for whatever reason, have faith and leave the relationship, you want a commitment and if he cannot commit to you, there is someone, who will commit you.


LADIES UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MUST NOT LIVE WITH A MAN, IF THEY WANT TO GET MARRIED, THEY DO NOT THINK THEY WAY WE THINK. THEY ARE NOT US! MARRIAGE IS A CONTRACT NOT A PIECE OF PAPER. If any party is unfaithful, you divorce, because the contract is already broken, you forgive them, bless them and let them go.
Yes, it is very painful, marriage has been ordained by God and his way of marriage, people want to treat it like a joke.
He has to be worthy of you, and you have to regard yourself as a princess and the prince is asking for your hand in marriage, if he cannot do things, within a certain time period, he is not worthy of you. Move on and get someone else.

Men are extremely resourceful, much more than we give them credit for. One story I read was set in the time, when black men after the civil war were able to buy lands in the West, anyway a group of men was asking for mail order brides and there was a stage coach taking them to meet these men. One lady was engaged for two years, and her fiance could never find the time to get married, he never had enough of anything, and he wasn't quite ready, anyway, when he realised that his fiancee was going on that coach, the coach was leaving at nine on Monday morning, before she could have catch that coach, he married her on the Saturday and she came to tell her friends who were going, he was ready eager and very persistant. Nothing when a man wants something focuses his mind.

If you say in the relationship, you will end up more miserable ask God to give you the strength and LEAVE FAST!! for the sake of your child, so they get to know how people should behave!
 
You have given too much of yourself for too little in return.

I think you should consider moving out. Additionally, you should consider laying down the groundrules with him about furthering a relationship with you.

Things like: 1) shared responsibilities with your son - non-negotiable
2) visiting with his family - he should begin to incorporate you into that
3) quality time for you and he
4) nights when he takes the baby and YOU enjoy yourself solo
5) and it's time to get engaged and set a date.


But mainly, move out. If you want to leave the relationship, that's on you, but the living with him is ruining you. You don't want to end up used up, shriveled over and bitter do you? Move out.
 
Have you told him how you felt? If you've told him and it's still falling upon deaf ears, what can you do/say that you haven't......Besides leaving him. Life is too short to be unhappy. Before you know it 6 or 7 more years have gone by and you're still puttin up with the same sh*t.
 
I found this on LHCF somewhere ( i couldn't find the thread, but luckily I saved it.)


This was written by a man,
I submit that a man’s “true colors” don’t manifest themselves over night. They are there, hiding, all along. However, your power of discernment becomes clouded by a noxious layer of lust/love/infatuation. Admittedly, there are some issues that, even after decades of marriage, Superwoman would not be able to detect, but in most women’s cases there are multiple red flags lining the road to perdition. You didn’t think he’d change, did you? Too many women marry men expecting them to change and they don’t; too many men marry women expecting them not to change and they do. (Take a second to let that digest.) Or maybe you ignored them because you were too enamored with the thought of finally being with someone that you neglected to consider whether you were with the right one.

The reason behind your man’s sudden “change” is relatively simple. Are you ready? Here it is. The number one reason your man has stopped doing the little sweet things he did to get you is the same reason your man is acting “brand new”, and it’s the same reason your man will continue to dog you out for years to come (Drum roll)….. It’s because you allow him to. Period.

On dates, when he should be showering you with attention, you allow him to answer his cell phone and hold ten-minute-long conversations with his “boy” (hmmm). You allow him to continue a friendship with an ex even though you know it gets a little “too friendly” at times. You allow him to interrogate you every time he hears that you were out with a male friend. You allow him to grow more dependent every time you reach into your purse to pay before giving him the chance to offer. You allow him to disrespect you when you let him drive your car without insisting that he fill up the tank and when you allow him to dart through a door ahead of you. And worst of all, you allow him to come crawling back after he has strayed outside of your “committed relationship” (does this relationship label even mean anything in 2007?). The humiliation of being cheated on should only happen once, not “time and time again” as Ater described in her piece.

Regrettably, you allow him to weasel his way out of answering the hard questions (if you even asked them) about painful memories and events from his childhood, his sexual history, his morals and values, and his faith in God. Despite the fact that he gives the shallowest, cliché answers to these inquiries, you still allow him free reign over two of God’s greatest gifts: your heart and your mind. (I won’t mention how you allow him to do whatever he pleases with your vagina. The rate at which women are serving up their bodies to strange men with no promises of fidelity could be the subject of another blog all by itself). I’ll stop here, but you get the point.

After lamenting the plight of black women for the first half of her piece, Ater hit the nail on the head with a much-needed message to black women. To the women who repeatedly find themselves in relationships with duplicitous dogs, she stated that “a person can only do to you what you allow them to.” In my words, YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!” That’s worth repeating: YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!

At the height of his career, the legendary Spanish painter Pablo Picasso made a famous remark about women that enraged feminists worldwide. Picasso asserted, “There are only two types of women in the world—goddesses and doormats.” Picasso was only partially right because his remark suggests that some women are born into a Doormat caste to dwell there in perpetuity. In my mind, all women (black, white, orange, purple) enter the world as goddesses since they were fearfully and wonderfully made at the wave of God’s infallible hand. However, it’s up to them to maintain their positions as royalty by demanding that the men who claim to love them treat them as such. Isn’t it about time you demanded more respect?

Lastly, understand that it’s not as simple as ordering men to grovel at your feet. You’ve got to be worthy of the type of man you desire. Be completely honest and ask yourself, “Am I the type of person my ideal man would want to be with?” If there’s very little about you that would attract a respectful, classy, thoughtful, grounded, educated brother, then it’s about time you make an about face.

Decide this day—this very second—how you will allow men to treat you. The choice is simple. The choice is yours. What will it be? Goddess or Doormat?



Women, we give each other advice all the time. But, to hear a man's pov- it's very enlightening and empowering. I pray for your ability to properly decide what's the best thing to do and for your wisdom. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a man you love is SHOW him how to love you. Showing him may be hard for us sometimes because it might require us to let go, leave, check him and other things that has to be done.

Good luck.
 
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I feel you!!! I am sitting here as I type this crying because of my SO. We have been together for 8 yrs and we haven't made it official yet. We met when we were 20 and now that I'm 28, I'm ready!! We don't have any kids, but we relocated to Ga together and have been living together for the past 4yrs. He is a good man, but he has such a hard time expressing his feelings and emotions, because of how he grew up and I am so frustrated. I just asked him a few minutes ago if he plans on marrying me and soon, he says yes because he feels it should be the next step in our lives. I am glad he wants to get married, but I don't feel like he wants to because he is just so head over hills in love with me, he has the hardest time showing affection and communicating, because he didn't grow up hearing I love you or getting hugs and kisses from his family. I have tried to be understanding to this, but I feel like after all this time it should just be more from him on his part. He takes care of home, he never runs the street, but I just feel emotionally unsatisfied!! I am sitting here so torn, because this man has been apart of my life for almost 9yrs, I am terrified of starting over!!!

BRIT0136 thank you for posting this thread, because I really needed to vent myself!!!
I wish you the best in your situation and I hope it works out for you!!
 
^^^ 28 years old is not too old to start over, if fact it's excellent time. You're old enough to know what you what, and young enough to search for it and find it in a reasonable amount of time. (Thank goodness you don't have any kids as yet). Your bf may have issues, i.e. expressing his feelings, etc., but if you're at the point were you know that his behavior is not pleasing to you, you have to let him know. He at least should try to make an effort, if he's serious about taking the relationship to the next level.
 
awhyley said:
^^^ 28 years old is not too old to start over, if fact it's excellent time. You're old enough to know what you what, and young enough to search for it and find it in a reasonable amount of time. (Thank goodness you don't have any kids as yet). Your bf may have issues, i.e. expressing his feelings, etc., but if you're at the point were you know that his behavior is not pleasing to you, you have to let him know. He at least should try to make an effort, if he's serious about taking the relationship to the next level.
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thanks I needed to hear this!!!
 
Girls you are young...don't settle for just living with a man playing wifey. Life offers more than that and especially, when you want more. I thank God growing up I had people in my life that would always say" when you grow up don't be shanking up with no man". I grew up with those words in my head. At the age of 41 I never did, I got married at the age of 39. When you come into a relationship you have to let that man know what you stand for and don't settle for he believes in.........Good Luck!
 
qns1980 said:
I feel you!!! I am sitting here as I type this crying because of my SO. We have been together for 8 yrs and we haven't made it official yet. We met when we were 20 and now that I'm 28, I'm ready!! We don't have any kids, but we relocated to Ga together and have been living together for the past 4yrs. He is a good man, but he has such a hard time expressing his feelings and emotions, because of how he grew up and I am so frustrated. I just asked him a few minutes ago if he plans on marrying me and soon, he says yes because he feels it should be the next step in our lives. I am glad he wants to get married, but I don't feel like he wants to because he is just so head over hills in love with me, he has the hardest time showing affection and communicating, because he didn't grow up hearing I love you or getting hugs and kisses from his family. I have tried to be understanding to this, but I feel like after all this time it should just be more from him on his part. He takes care of home, he never runs the street, but I just feel emotionally unsatisfied!! I am sitting here so torn, because this man has been apart of my life for almost 9yrs, I am terrified of starting over!!!

BRIT0136 thank you for posting this thread, because I really needed to vent myself!!!
I wish you the best in your situation and I hope it works out for you!!
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Don't waste your time. Everyone has baggage. Just because of he grew up without affection doesn't give him a pass. It has been 8 years. How long are you going to wait?

You're still young, have no kids.

Most men know very early whether they will ever marry the woman they are with. In your case, I'm pretty certain he doesn't want to marry you. Or isn't mature enough to...either way, it's not a good situation.

Perhaps move out, tell him to find a counselor "find" himself and come looking for you...if you are still waiting, which I don't think you should.

A man telling you he wants to marry you means nothing. Several women have heard that line.

You have to start over! There are things I thought I was too young to start over at 19!!! Now I look back and I can't believe I was such an idiot! I can't believe it! Even simpler things.

I see people starting over in their 50s, 60s. Life is too short to live on what ifs.
 
Ladies thank you for the honesty and the encouragement!! I am waking up a renewed woman today! I know that I need to focus on making me a better person and stop worrying about me and him!! I have to get myself together so when GOD brings my mate in my life I have something to give him!!!!

You girls are the best!!!
 
Nyssa28 said:
Have you told him how you felt? If you've told him and it's still falling upon deaf ears, what can you do/say that you haven't......Besides leaving him. Life is too short to be unhappy. Before you know it 6 or 7 more years have gone by and you're still puttin up with the same sh*t.
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I may have mentioned one time or another that he should stop being such a jacka$$ on a regular basis but thats really about it... Im the type of person that I just let stuff go it may bother me for the day but then I just let it go( which can be a good thing and a bad thing) and he's not he holds a serious grudge which is part of the reason he is how he is i guess... Maybe I will try sitting down and having a real serious talk with him before I just up and leave him... I dont know maybe im being stupid for wanting to make it work but like i said when we're happy we're HAPPY its just sometimes we have these rough patches...
 
qns1980 said:
I feel you!!! I am sitting here as I type this crying because of my SO. We have been together for 8 yrs and we haven't made it official yet. We met when we were 20 and now that I'm 28, I'm ready!! We don't have any kids, but we relocated to Ga together and have been living together for the past 4yrs. He is a good man, but he has such a hard time expressing his feelings and emotions, because of how he grew up and I am so frustrated. I just asked him a few minutes ago if he plans on marrying me and soon, he says yes because he feels it should be the next step in our lives. I am glad he wants to get married, but I don't feel like he wants to because he is just so head over hills in love with me, he has the hardest time showing affection and communicating, because he didn't grow up hearing I love you or getting hugs and kisses from his family. I have tried to be understanding to this, but I feel like after all this time it should just be more from him on his part. He takes care of home, he never runs the street, but I just feel emotionally unsatisfied!! I am sitting here so torn, because this man has been apart of my life for almost 9yrs, I am terrified of starting over!!!

BRIT0136 thank you for posting this thread, because I really needed to vent myself!!!
I wish you the best in your situation and I hope it works out for you!!
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My SO is the same way even with our son I know that he loves him with all his heart but he's not one of those people who like hug and kiss especially when others are around... though i do catch him sometimes hugging and kissind our DS... He's not one of those emotional types of people and on top of it he's very insecure... I too am very frustrated but I cant see myself with anyone else and I honestly dont want to be... We have broken up for a while in the past and I spoke to and hung out with someone else but that person didnt compare to my SO and I got very bored very fast.... I just needed some advice on what to do to get him to open and want me to hang with him and his fam( when I refer to his fam i means his cousins whom i knew before I met him)

Thanks so much for posting your situation and i to wish you all the best
 
Havent read all the post and I am sorry he's putting you through this but...

Been there, done that. Unless you leave, you'll continue to be treated this way and even if you go back after a while he'll treat you like this again. Starting over its easy but he's not serious and you deserve better.
 
Re: HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

Brit031586 said:
Hey ladies...

MY SO/ Father of DS is getting on my last nerve... we have been together for six almost 7 years and our DS is 2 years old... we live together yet i feel like we are sooo distant. sometimes we are sooo happy together but other time he just pisses me off and throws me off...dont get me wrong he is a good man and he takes care of home its just how he treats me sometimes he gets mad for reasons that i dont even know then he just wont speak to me... the other day i went to the doctor which i dont do on a regular basis ( i know i should) but he didnt even bother to ask me how it went or anything and that really hurt my feelings he hangs out with his family yet he never invites me and if i am around he wont take our DS either his mom lives down south yet she and everyone else knows everything he is doing but when I ask he either ignores me or he gets an attitude... i always thought his family didnt like me until his cousin was like i told him that he needs to bring you around more we never get to see you... that made me feel really special... but he still continues to leave me out not EVER asking me if I would like to hang out with him and his fam... tonight they all went bowling and he didnt even bother to invite me he's just like im going out bowling with so and so and im like umm ok but inside i felt really bad, hurt and left out... am i being to sensitive? I love him soo much and I put up with alot of bs that many other women wouldnt take... i know that he loves me but he says that he thinks if he lets his guard down with me i'll hurt him but im like we've been together for 6 years already and u cant even let ya guard down... i love him and i try to show him as many ways that i can that i wont do anything to hurt him but a woman can only take so much and im getting tired of this one sided relationship... he goes out and does what he wants and i stay with the baby n i dont mind usually because i LOVE my DS more than anything and anyone but sometimes i just want to go out with my friends alone like he does but I can never do that unless I find a sitter and that sucks sometimes I just feel like a single parent... Im 23 years old dont smoke dont drink barely go out NEVER go to clubs ( ive been clubbing maybe 10 times since i turned 18 pathetic i know n i live right by NY) and barely have any girlfriends to hang out with and its all because I was all caught up in him but im realizing that he isnt all caught up in me and will probably never be... I love him and I really dont wanna have to end our relationship but im getting so tired of the crap drama and mood swings Love isnt suppose to hurt or is it? Whew..!!! just needed to vent damn that felt good
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You need to love yourself more.

I don't know why he doesn't include you with family outings being that you are the mother of his child and you all live together. That is a red flag for me big time.

Keep working on you and school. At this point he can get in where he fits in but you keep working on you and if he wants to be a part of your future he will show and prove. So far he has only shown that he is not that interested in what is going on with you two. Never let him stop being a father to your child but you need to keep working on getting yourself together.

To the poster that said he is doing this because you allow it ^5 to you! ITA!!
 
Honey, I hate to say this but by his actions he's has moved on but trying to find the perfect time to do it. He is slowing distancing himself from you and distancing you from his family which is a red flag. I know you are hurt which is understandable so you might as well prepare yourself for a heartbreak because he's going to break up with you.

But in the meantime what you need to do is get yourself together. I don't know your schedule as far as job/school but while your child in school try to take classes to get a better job or save your money. In other words start looking for a place to stay because your SO is going to kick you to the curve. But you can beat him to it. And you can't do it while you are staying at home with your child. He knows you are not going anywhere because you at home taking care of HIS child while he's hanging out with the boys and his family. While he's doing that I say get missing whether it's taking your son to the park or visit a friends or have a girl's night out. If I were you I wouldn't tell him my whereabout unless he asks. He's keeping you in the dark about his whereabout so I would give him a taste of his own medicine.

The less you are at home the more he'll start coming home or make a clean get away and leave you. Before the latter happens have your ducks in a row and keep it moving. You deserve better. Once you improve yourself he's going to get suspicious. But you have to except the fact that he's probably don't want to get into a relationship with you anymore so you have to protect yourself. Get your bank accounts, lease, bills in order before moving on. You don't want him to pull the rug out from under you. I take it you don't have family that lives near you.
 
Honey6928215 said:
Honey, I hate to say this but by his actions he's has moved on but trying to find the perfect time to do it. He is slowing distancing himself from you and distancing you from his family which is a red flag. I know you are hurt which is understandable so you might as well prepare yourself for a heartbreak because he's going to break up with you.

But in the meantime what you need to do is get yourself together. I don't know your schedule as far as job/school but while your child in school try to take classes to get a better job or save your money. In other words start looking for a place to stay because your SO is going to kick you to the curve. But you can beat him to it. And you can't do it while you are staying at home with your child. He knows you are not going anywhere because you at home taking care of HIS child while he's hanging out with the boys and his family. While he's doing that I say get missing whether it's taking your son to the park or visit a friends or have a girl's night out. If I were you I wouldn't tell him my whereabout unless he asks. He's keeping you in the dark about his whereabout so I would give him a taste of his own medicine.

The less you are at home the more he'll start coming home or make a clean get away and leave you. Before the latter happens have your ducks in a row and keep it moving. You deserve better. Once you improve yourself he's going to get suspicious. But you have to except the fact that he's probably don't want to get into a relationship with you anymore so you have to protect yourself. Get your bank accounts, lease, bills in order before moving on. You don't want him to pull the rug out from under you. I take it you don't have family that lives near you.
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LOL i understand you but he isnt going to break up with me because one this isnt something new he's always been how he is its just getting real old and annoying and two if he wanted to HE would move because its my house he has plenty of places he could live rent free ( with his cousins who own their own house with more than enough rooms) or he could get his own place and pay his own rent instead of paying my rent ( I can pay it on my own if he left) he makes great money ... I have told him to leave I even packed his stuff once but he NEVER does... He didnt just becomes this person he has always been this way... My family all live in my area and they just say he's crazy lol but they love him all the same... Ive never really hung out( by hung out I just mean at there house they just recently started going bowling once in a while after a HUGE tragedy hit the family he invited me the 1st time but not the 2nd time) with his family that way (his older cousins they are a married couple) even though I knew them before i knew him... When his mom and sisters (he has 7 and he's the same over protective sometimes cold person he is with them as he is with me) come to nj Im always included in that... Im not saying its impossible but I know him and I highly doubt he's about to "kick me to the curve" especially since nothing is really different its that its starting to get on my nerves and im at the point now where i tell him he needs to get over whatever his problem is but usually I just ignore his a$$ n he eventually stops acting crazy...
 
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