Three Weeks of Great and Voila, he Disappears!

[Bunny77]

What else should he have been doing iyo?

I guess I should explain a little more.

What he was doing was fine, but he needed to continue to do it over a period of time. Taking a woman to one movie and one party is a good start, but that's all it should be. A start. Potential for more. Not something to make a woman automatically think, "Ooh, I got a good one."

If a man is really into me, the amount of contact and number of dates would stay consistent over months.


You know, maybe I'm missing something... Angelica, what was the elaborately planned date that happened on Aug. 14? Was that different from the movie?

 

[ThickHair]

You are really trusting to go on a trip 2 hours away with a guy you barely know and even considering staying in a hotel.

 

[MissJ]

He tried to sleep with you on the first date. What do you think happened?

 

[LoveisYou]

Err....what could you have possibly done wrong?

You are questioning your actions over a man who tried to "go down" and get the nookie on the second date?????
I mean I'm questioning him, he doesn't know you like that and he was comfortable tasting you??? How many women is he walking around tasting, I'd be scared to even kiss a ninja like that, call me paronoid, but?????
Everytime after the second date, he tried to get the nookie
Red Flags - doesn't seem like this guy wad trying to get to know you unless there was nookie involved.
From experience let me keep it real with you
A man will do almost anything to get to know a woman he's really into, sex or no sex.

 

[kmn1980]

(and i noticed he had a great bod!),

First, let me start off by saying that ^^^ had me LMAO! Took me right back to the late 80's.

Anyway, I don't think you did anything wrong. You have to remember that you met him at a club where he may have gotten 5 or 6 other women's numbers also. Maybe he found one of them more interesting. Maybe he just wants to have you as a buddy that he can eat with every now and again without the formality of a "call you everyday" relationship. Who knows? He moved on, you should do the same.

ETA: Wait a minute. I missed that he tried to get it on the first date. Okay. That's an easy one. He didn't want you...he wanted your panocha.

 

[NYAmicas]

He tried to sleep with you on the first date. What do you think happened?

Thank you! I read the OP and by the second or third paragraph I saw what was up. He was trying to get some from jump OP, c'mon now. He wanted to go down on you, wanted to get a hotel room (conveniently inviting you to a party late and hours away from home), claimed you two were dating, then all of a sudden got an attitude that night. He probably thinking his absence is going to have you all sad and calling and ready to drop the panties. Stop playing. His game is mad weak.

 

[jada1111]

odd, don't waste time trying to figure it out.......move on to the next one!

I agree. Keep it moving. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Remember, you did meet him at a club.

If he calls back with no decent explanation like he was in the hospital in a coma, got kidnapped by aliens or was in jail for a spell, then you know he's about headgames and hang up.

You'll thank yourself later.

 

[Raspberry]

He tried to sleep with you on the first date. What do you think happened?

I agree.. and I know that sounds harsh and belittling, but if you were to ask other men to analyze the situation I'm positive they would say it boiled down to 'ol boy not getting sex as quick as he expected or wanted. That's it. Men are a lot more single-minded about the dating thing than women tend to be; they have a purpose in mind, whether that be sex & fun, or pursuing a relationship.

I know it feels awful when someone triggers good feelings and you think you found a solid connection, and yes it does seem unfair that a guy can be engaging and show you a great time while simultaneously not considering something deeper than sex. He's probably not a bad person, just a self-absorbed man who wants to have sexy fun times with a cute girl. He's most likely not the one for you, don't attach your worth or mental energy to trying to figure out some guy's self-centered actions -cause it really wasn't about you personally outside of your decision to deny him easy sex. To him its probably not that serious and he'll move on to another chick at the club - another infuriating thing about the male mentality lol.

 

[Lynnerie]

Don't be surprised if this man comes back calling in a few weeks. Thats usually how it goes because he went down on you and still didnt get any. He was going down on you not because he wanted to but because he thought it would lead to the homerun.

He will be calling...but don't be a fool.

 

[Bmack]

I don't think you did anything wrong. I would have probably waited on the oral, but whatev! ur grown and so is he. People should be able to handle this without becoming all crazy.

I would suggest you fall back and just erase him from ur mind (as hard as it might be) its not very easy when you like someone and have shared a piece of urself. I suggest this because another poster suggested a while back in one of my post that men only respect silence. I would not even call, text, email, morse code, message in a bottle-nada.

I think ur email/message about having a good time was cool, but I would leave it at that. Its not been that long so you never know if he might call...if he does be prepared. Don't ask what happened, nothing. Just be like, Hey, whats up! and play it smooth. This time though, make his arse sweat!!!!!! No kissy, lickey-nothing.

If he doesnt, then his loss. Do you, take extra time to make sure u look beautiful everyday (when u look good u feel good) and go about doing u still. Trust there will always be another dude waiting in the wings. In the meantime do you!

I missed the first date thing too...um, yeah...let him skate.

 

[kayte]

Aug 14th: we spend practically the whole day together on his carefully planned elaborate date, go back to his place for a while, eventually madeout (inevitable as he had no TV!), he tried to go down on me twice but i said 'no not yet' (same with sex). So it was just second base, petting and he "used his fingers" once or twice .

My humble opinion...and everybody is different and so no judgement
but all of the above is a flaming red flag ....
I think you are just..not experienced with hound dogs


In the beginning stages with guys...unless you two fell head over heels....
it's been in my experience it's best to stagger the time you are with a guy.
a date a few hours..and then goodbye...
why? ..you are getting to know him..... and his motives

going to his home only a couple of weeks after meeting him
gives him a certain message
AND he tried to have sex with you???????????????????????
repeatedly trying ..fingering?
Clear message... Bill Clinton tried to brush off..oral sex..
but that's some serious play..right there....this man doesn't even know you
more importantly you do not even know him...
so what is he's doing down there by the lower chakra

& no....not every guy who tries to sleep with a woman bolts
some stick around and some even stick around in relationship
but they tend to be the exception and there are other variables

but in the textbook of hound-horn dogs
it..says be suspicious of any man who is making sex ..
using fingers...oral etc....a repeated agenda
because chances are....that is his PRIMARY agenda

I'm sorry that happened

If you want to give a guy a chance....remember this
you are a goddess and he has to earn the right to touch you

 

[angelica2u]

Thanks a bunch for the honest insights so far guys! Much appreciated. I am definitely gonna keep it platonic for much longer from now on. Truth is i have a pretty high libido so i moved to the making out, etc sooner more for myself than the guy but I will definitely enforce self restraint from now on (wont be too easy but i'll do it) cos i am looking for an actual relationship. It may not seem like it but i actually am

Also, the planned date was (from his email):
"What I had in mind was something along the following lines: Take a nice stroll along lake shore to open up and appetite, enjoy the sunshine and the water front. Arrive at a nice restaurant that I know of that overlooks the lake. From there go to little Italy enjoy a nice espresso for me and your delight for you. Given that it is still summer, and Italians are famous for their gilato, I thought we might go to this renowned gilato place, have no idea what its name is but its fantastic. From here on in it would depend on spirits, and whats going on. From little Italy it is possible to go to Kensington market and do a bit of perusing, maybe buy some nice fruits to much on. Eventually we would be hungry again and there are infinite possibilities, I know of an amazing Jamaican place or a nice Persian restaurant. Again depending on spirits and time constraints, if you are into jazz and that type of music we could check out the Rex jazz club which is reportedly the best jazz joint in Toronto. Ok lots of detail and things don't have to go this way simply as a matter of reference, to give a taste of what I was thinking."

Also, i dont think he'll have the nerve to call again ;-)

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks a bunch for the honest insights so far guys! Much appreciated. I am definitely gonna keep it platonic for much longer from now on. Truth is i have a pretty high libido so i moved to the making out, etc sooner more for myself than the guy but I will definitely enforce self restraint from now on (wont be too easy but i'll do it) cos i am looking for an actual relationship. It may not seem like it but i actually am

Also, the planned date was (from his email):
"What I had in mind was something along the following lines: Take a nice stroll along lake shore to open up and appetite, enjoy the sunshine and the water front. Arrive at a nice restaurant that I know of that overlooks the lake. From there go to little Italy enjoy a nice espresso for me and your delight for you. Given that it is still summer, and Italians are famous for their gilato, I thought we might go to this renowned gilato place, have no idea what its name is but its fantastic. From here on in it would depend on spirits, and whats going on. From little Italy it is possible to go to Kensington market and do a bit of perusing, maybe buy some nice fruits to much on. Eventually we would be hungry again and there are infinite possibilities, I know of an amazing Jamaican place or a nice Persian restaurant. Again depending on spirits and time constraints, if you are into jazz and that type of music we could check out the Rex jazz club which is reportedly the best jazz joint in Toronto. Ok lots of detail and things don't have to go this way simply as a matter of reference, to give a taste of what I was thinking."

Also, i dont think he'll have the nerve to call again ;-)

So you ended up doing all that on the date? It sounded like a nice day, if so!

Anyway, glad you gained some insight from the thread. There's nothing wrong with having a high libido, but as I always say to people in such situations, just because you want it doesn't mean you need to give in every time the opportunity presents itself!

It doesn't have to be difficult though to restrain yourself for a bit. Most people who say that, in my experience, usually never try and continue to use a high libido as an excuse for always moving too quickly and getting into bad situations. Don't be that person.

Good luck in the future!

 

[Mahoganybeauty]

Also i forgot to add, at the party, when asked if we were together, he said "yes we're dating"....

He was running game (on you) with that statement. Don't pay that any mind.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I think one or both of the following scenarios happened:

1. He brought you to his friend's party because he wanted his friend to rate you. If you rated high, then you were trophy material and he would keep you. If you rated low, then you were going to get put to the side.

2. He brought you to his friend's party because he wanted to use you to make his ex-girlfriend or current on-off girlfriend jealous. He showed up with you but didn't get the reaction he wanted because she knows how to play the game - or she brought someone else. That pissed him off and he left with a 'tude.

He knows he's not going to keep you but he tries to slay you before he puts you to the side. He makes a final attempt to get the cookies...he gets a little tasted, but that doesn't matter to him because he wasn't planning on keeping you anyway.

He disappears into oblivion, probably still pissed about whatever (or whomever) it was that pissed him off at the party.

 

[angelica2u]

So you ended up doing all that on the date? It sounded like a nice day, if so!
...

hehe, it was a nice day (part of the reason why i was fooled into thinking he could be one of the good ones, stupid me!) but we werent able to do everything cos there was quite a bit of walking involved so we skipped a couple of things .

And i will be strong about the physical stuff. I have be for my own good

 

[angelica2u]

I think one or both of the following scenarios happened:

1. He brought you to his friend's party because he wanted his friend to rate you. If you rated high, then you were trophy material and he would keep you. If you rated low, then you were going to get put to the side.

2. He brought you to his friend's party because he wanted to use you to make his ex-girlfriend or current on-off girlfriend jealous. He showed up with you but didn't get the reaction he wanted because she knows how to play the game - or she brought someone else. That pissed him off and he left with a 'tude.

He knows he's not going to keep you but he tries to slay you before he puts you to the side. He makes a final attempt to get the cookies...he gets a little tasted, but that doesn't matter to him because he wasn't planning on keeping you anyway.

He disappears into oblivion, probably still pissed about whatever (or whomever) it was that pissed him off at the party.

hmmm, yep. Lessons learned....

 

[Bunny77]

hehe, it was a nice day (part of the reason why i was fooled into thinking he could be one of the good ones, stupid me!) but we werent able to do everything cos there was quite a bit of walking involved so we skipped a couple of things .

And i will be strong about the physical stuff. I have be for my own good

Yeah, you really don't know if a man is one of the good ones after one date. Even if it's the best date in recorded history, it's just one date.

Now if he keeps it up after months of dating and well into your relationship, you have one of the good ones. Not saying he has to plan a mega-date each time, but his interest in you should always remain consistent.


I went on a first date with a man who took me to a five-star steakhouse and the bill was over $200. He did some other nice things too, but by the third month, he was history. He just wanted a fling... but I definitely hadn't determined after the first date that he was one of the good ones... I still needed to know more.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

hmmm, yep. Lessons learned....

That's what guys do (the yucky ones at least) ... it really is important to drag it out for as long as you can manage.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I was thinking this too.

I think one or both of the following scenarios happened:

1. He brought you to his friend's party because he wanted his friend to rate you. If you rated high, then you were trophy material and he would keep you. If you rated low, then you were going to get put to the side.

2. He brought you to his friend's party because he wanted to use you to make his ex-girlfriend or current on-off girlfriend jealous. He showed up with you but didn't get the reaction he wanted because she knows how to play the game - or she brought someone else. That pissed him off and he left with a 'tude.

He knows he's not going to keep you but he tries to slay you before he puts you to the side. He makes a final attempt to get the cookies...he gets a little tasted, but that doesn't matter to him because he wasn't planning on keeping you anyway.

He disappears into oblivion, probably still pissed about whatever (or whomever) it was that pissed him off at the party.

 

[nikolite]

I agree that you should be in a single committed relationship before you have sex (oral or vaginal) or even fool around. Also, you know what kind of man he was - not knowing you from jack (a week you are strangers who know each other's names) and is going down on you in the most intimate of ways.

He is a jerk who does not know a good woman. I would thnak my lucky stars for a near miss and move on. Typically, a good man will never try to press his advantage. I suspect this man expected you to give in (and you have to admit that you kind of did) and when you did not CAVE he knew that you were more high maintenance than he was looking for.

High maintenance is a good thing.

Yes OP. Think about the fact that if he went down on you in one week, then he is likely to do the same for other women that would let him in one week. Maybe even that same week.

The only thing that you were doing wrong is not knowing your own boundaries and recognizing certain signs that should tell you to stay away. But you are learning. Stay true to yourself and don't worry about what he thinks. Lesson learned and now its time to move on to the next chapter. All a part of life.

 

[kayte]

Truth is i have a pretty high libido so i moved to the making out, etc sooner more for myself than the guy but I will definitely enforce self restraint from now on (wont be too easy but i'll do it) cos i am looking for an actual relationship. It may not seem like it but i actually am :-)

A high libido or a passionate nature in a woman is a beautiful thing!
Some women dont even know what that means and wish they did...
You are quite right in learning through this last scenario,that it's also a big responsibilty...

again...no judgement..a roll in the hay..shrug
if that's what it came down to

but if it's relationship you want
you had better understand.....men look at and experience sex differently
I know there are all sorts of studies about even a certain physiological
component with women that happens in intimacy
differing from and some how eludes the man

yawn yawn

the fact is....what ever the reason..it happened with you
you had sex or aspects of it...and felt the beginnings of a bond
and certain expectations arose... naturally ...whereas for him...it was
the equiv of a garden variety one night stand....cas he couched it with a romantic date


you learn ...that's all
and you learn as some one else posted
what your own boundaries are

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yea....sad to say I echo the same sentiments as most of the ladies on this board.

He just wanted "some" that's all. Next time, don't make it so easy for a man to be touching you all over (using fingers?? ) on the first date. I won't even KISS a man on a first date no matter how into him I am simply because I don't really KNOW him! I don't know where his mouth has been, I don't know if he's really serious about me, etc. There are many things you JUST DON'T KNOW about a person. It's more than just being "prudish", it's about allowing a man the TIME to really show you what type of person that he is.

Bunny hit the nail squarely on the head with her posts. This guy needed to show you that he was interested in YOU...not just your physical "assets" before you allowed him to try to go down.

Girl, he's SO not worth it. Just shake it off, and next time remember that you are a closed book until a man can SHOW you (through consistent pursuing over a LONG period of time) that he is trust worthy enough and interested in you enough to want to stick around for a while. Some of these men out here are just trifling! I can't believe he'd want to take you 2 hours out of the way to a party, and he's only known you for like 14 days. Suggesting a HOTEL room together?? Is he crazy?? I'm glad you did NOT take him up on his offer.

-The RIGHT Man for you will not get "moody" or "quiet" just because you don't want to do sexual acts with him after only knowing him for 2 weeks.
-The RIGHT Man for you will want to get to know your likes, your dislikes, and your MIND and not just your body.
-The RIGHT Man for you won't want even dare try to have sex or do anything sexual with you for at least a couple of months because he respects you too much and wants to really get to know YOU before getting sex in the way.

 

[KPH]

People still just go down on women all willy-nilly like that? Disgusting! When a man keeps trying to put his face in my panties I get the creeps, dude, why are you so cooter hungry and now i'm wondering how many cooters have you licked and lapped on? Nasty butt!!!!!! (i got the screw face typing this)

 

[angelica2u]

Yes i have definitely realized more about myself with this thread alone. Honestly. I'm gonna make the changes we discussed and see where it gets me. Hopefully, things take a positive turn for me cos i was really starting to get discouraged and pessimistic and thats why i started this thread. I was puzzled, sad and lot of other negative emotions bundled up. So i'm very grateful for the insight and honesty from you guys. Cos before i posted this here, i hadnt thought the "physical" stuff we had done were that serious but i started to see things from another perspective.

 

[kayte]

People still just go down on women all willy-nilly like that? Disgusting! When a man keeps trying to put his face in my panties I get the creeps, dude, why are you so cooter hungry and now i'm wondering how many cooters have you licked and lapped on? Nasty butt!!!!!! (i got the screw face typing this)

yeah...my initial thought was WOW...

that kind of sounds like...addiction
mindless...compulsive and continuous...
not only would the date have been over for me but all communication would have been cut
once I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought...

I dont date those kind of guys,tho
and I have a *libido*,too

OP..glad..you are not judging yourself,glad you learned about yourself as wellas men
glad you are moving on!

impresssed~

 

[Missdelicious1]

I honestly don't think you did anything wrong. The reason he stopped talking to you is because he wanted sex, he didn't get it and he figured after trying for a few dates without making his goal it was time to move on to the next. That's it. Getting to second base within the first 3 or 4 dates is not anything out of the ordinary and doesn't make you "fast" or "easy" IMO. A guy who's interested in getting to know you wouldn't have bounced because of that. This guy was never interested in anything more than sex. You let him know you wanted to wait until you got to know each other better. He wasn't interested in connecting in that way, so he rolled out. That's it. Take it as a lesson learned. Don't let your feelings get too attached to someone until you know his intentions. I agree with the other ladies that sex should take place only when you know you two are exclusive. That doesn't mean you're "dating" or "seeing each other" or "talking. That means you are his girlfriend and he states he is committed to you. The only mistake you made was trying to start a relationship with someone who was only interested in sex. You've got to learn to read men better to know the difference.

 

[song_of_serenity]

^Thread is like...a year and a month old lol. I wonder we can get an update!!

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

It seems like he was just desperate to go down on you and once he got it he was gone as odd as that sounds. Perhaps he's a fetishist.
I would also suspect he had oral herpes or something, just seems very suspect to me that he was so randy to do that so soon. Seems like a fetishist or some other kind of a creep that I would run farrrrrr away from lol.

 

[Keen]

You guys be digging some old threads.

angelica2u mentioning OP in case there are updates