Thread for the opimist

I always have to verify the source of info. If I’m meant to be age isn’t a factor. Often doing things from a herd group think will have you going against your best interest. I’m 37 and feel I wasn’t together as much as I would like and understanding the rules of the engagement it’s a blessing I’m alone.
 
Chicoro said:
I think it is difficult to find a genuine, authentic person that fits YOU no matter how young or old you are. You are smart to spend your time with people who are successfully married and supportive of you and your marriage goals. Congratulations on getting on Eharmony! That's a big step and takes a lot of courage and confidence to do.
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I completely agree. I’m 39 now. Honestly I find dating easier now than when I was in my 20s. I trust myself way more and it saves me a lot of time and energy. I find that most dates are not worth going on. Yes, the hard part is finding your perfect match. He won’t be a perfect man but he’ll be perfect for you. I’m so happy I didn’t get married when I was younger. I would’ve married the wrong man! Also yes about the likeminded friends! The truth is I’m already losing friends on this journey out of nowhere. All single and they revealed themselves in such a weird way. No one is more surprised than me. I’ve heard married women say that they lost a lot of friends around the time they met their spouse and got married. I thought they were exaggerating yet here I am in the same boat, minus the spouse part. I only have friends now who are either happily married or happily single and working on themselves either through therapy or self help books. Who knew this process would teach me so many lessons? It’s all working out for my good though. I believe that. :yep:
 
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caribeandiva said:
I completely agree. I’m 39 now. Honestly I find dating easier now than when I was in my 20s. I trust myself way more and it saves me a lot of time and energy. I find that most dates are not worth going on. Yes, the hard part is finding your perfect match. He won’t be a perfect man but he’ll be perfect for you. I’m so happy I didn’t get married when I was younger. I would’ve married the wrong man! Also yes about the likeminded friends! The truth is I’m already losing friends on this journey out of nowhere. All single and they revealed themselves in such a weird way. No one is more surprised than me. I’ve heard married women say that they lost a lot of friends around the time they met their spouse and got married. I thought they were exaggerating yet here I am in the same boat, minus the spouse part. I only have friends now who are either happily married or happily single and working on themselves either through therapy or self help books. Who knew this process would teach me so many lessons? It’s all working out for my good though. I believe that. :yep:
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That's right, Baby!
 
Plushottie said:
I always have to verify the source of info. If I’m meant to be age isn’t a factor. Often doing things from a herd group think will have you going against your best interest. I’m 37 and feel I wasn’t together as much as I would like and understanding the rules of the engagement it’s a blessing I’m alone.
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I totally agree. :yep: Some people make it seem like if you’re single after 30 or 35 then your life is over. Now you’re forced to settle because all the good ones are taken. You’re a “leftover woman” like they say in China. I call bs on this. Age doesn’t matter. You can’t force love to fit your timeline. That’s how people end up in the wrong relationships. I thought I’d be married with 3 kids by age 28! :lachen: God must’ve had a really good laugh at that one! :lol: I’m so happy that didn’t happen! The guy I was obsessed with in my 20s turned out to be a serial cheater who wanted me to chase him. I found out that my family was dysfunctional and abusive towards me. When you’re in that situation your picker is broken. You WILL choose to be with the wrong men! I needed help and it took years to heal from all of that and fix my picker. After that I took time to enjoy the life that was denied me my early years. I got to be selfish and discover who I was, outside of what other’s expectations. I had a blast along the way. Now I’m finally at a place where I want a relationship and I’m excited about it. Instead of dreading it like I used to. This kind of journey you cannot put a timeline on it.
 
caribeandiva said:
I totally agree. :yep: Some people make it seem like if you’re single after 30 or 35 then your life is over. Now you’re forced to settle because all the good ones are taken. You’re a “leftover woman” like they say in China. I call bs on this. Age doesn’t matter. You can’t force love to fit your timeline. That’s how people end up in the wrong relationships. I thought I’d be married with 3 kids by age 28! :lachen: God must’ve had a really good laugh at that one! :lol: I’m so happy that didn’t happen! The guy I was obsessed with in my 20s turned out to be a serial cheater who wanted me to chase him. I found out that my family was dysfunctional and abusive towards me. When you’re in that situation your picker is broken. You WILL choose to be with the wrong men! I needed help and it took years to heal from all of that and fix my picker. After that I took time to enjoy the life that was denied me my early years. I got to be selfish and discover who I was, outside of what other’s expectations. I had a blast along the way. Now I’m finally at a place where I want a relationship and I’m excited about it. Instead of dreading it like I used to. This kind of journey you cannot put a timeline on it.
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Woo a sermon. The bolded really speaks for me too. It def taking time to release and accept what I am and see that the goals I had were missed aligned.
 
Plushottie said:
Woo a sermon. The bolded really speaks for me too. It def taking time to release and accept what I am and see that the goals I had were missed aligned.
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Yay! I’m glad it helped you. Lemme get off the pulpit now. :lol:

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I might come back and delete this...

My brother is engaged. Well, they'll be getting engaged tomorrow and getting married within the next few weeks / months. This is all happening within 1 year of dating :yep:.

He's my road dog. We've spent the last two year swapping stories and experiences around dating. This has greatly helped with my perspective since he and I are similar in age.

When I hear disparaging comments about black men, I automatically think of my male siblings. More than half of them are happily married and none of them have random babies. So, I get annoyed when they are lumped in with a demographic that is probably smaller than we think.

Anyway, he asked if I can help plan their big day. I am nervous about this because I want it to be nice.

When he first announced that May* is his GF I starting feeling more hopeful. However, I felt a little pressure for myself. No one in the family is harassing me, it's just that I wanted to settle down a little sooner than later. What's helping is that I am focusing on more projects and fun stuff like my new job and joining a new gym.
 
@C@ssandr@ I can totally understand how you feel. It's wonderful that you can see quality men in your life. I feel because you are focused on making your life even brighter, a man that can really be well in your orbit will come. You're not a generic beauty so he must be top-tier or not apply.


I have been avoiding dating topics as it feels very meh esp as my focus on finding a new job is top of the list.I wish in my 20's someone would have pulled me aside and said lose the weight now and fix up now. I feel now at my age the desires of being kept and finding a quality partner are very hard not out of reach which is growth for me but do feel hard and I do feel the pressure of trying to focus on being something desirable yet living life in stress like now. Who knows this time next yr I could be partnered and not worried about shelter.
 
Plushottie said:
@C@ssandr@ I can totally understand how you feel. It's wonderful that you can see quality men in your life. I feel because you are focused on making your life even brighter, a man that can really be well in your orbit will come. You're not a generic beauty so he must be top-tier or not apply.


I have been avoiding dating topics as it feels very meh esp as my focus on finding a new job is top of the list.I wish in my 20's someone would have pulled me aside and said lose the weight now and fix up now. I feel now at my age the desires of being kept and finding a quality partner are very hard not out of reach which is growth for me but do feel hard and I do feel the pressure of trying to focus on being something desirable yet living life in stress like now. Who knows this time next yr I could be partnered and not worried about shelter.
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I understand where you're coming from. I just started my job 2 weeks ago so I am finally freed up to meet people. Since last August, I was off-and-on the market because I was job hunting and dealing with sudden health issues. I am finally in a place where I can meet people and be consistent.

I think we are taught to believe that it is not possible to be happily boo'ed up unless we are at a certain weight or even look a certain way. Tbh, this is a current idea I've been contending with. When I hear someone else suggest that this is not possible, it sounds totally ridiculous. I didn't know that this was a deep seated idea that I've had for some time. It's been work countering it, but I've made a lot of progress (and I am proud).

What's helping me is loving myself unconditionally as a whole and embodying where I am currently at. Yes, there are some thing I'm working on, but that doesn't mean that I don't deserve the best in this life. Assuming that a quality man wouldn't like me as-is is me counting myself out before I even get to have the experience. Also, if I don't like the product, which is myself, how can I sell it to anyone else? Lol.
 
C@ssandr@ said:
I understand where you're coming from. I just started my job 2 weeks ago so I am finally freed up to meet people. Since last August, I was off-and-on the market because I was job hunting and dealing with sudden health issues. I am finally in a place where I can meet people and be consistent.

I think we are taught to believe that it is not possible to be happily boo'ed up unless we are at a certain weight or even look a certain way. Tbh, this is a current idea I've been contending with. When I hear someone else suggest that this is not possible, it sounds totally ridiculous. I didn't know that this was a deep seated idea that I've had for some time. It's been work countering it, but I've made a lot of progress (and I am proud).

What's helping me is loving myself unconditionally as a whole and embodying where I am currently at. Yes, there are some thing I'm working on, but that doesn't mean that I don't deserve the best in this life. Assuming that a quality man wouldn't like me as-is is me counting myself out before I even get to have the experience. Also, if I don't like the product, which is myself, how can I sell it to anyone else? Lol.
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I very much agree. On one hand I see me and see someone who is deserving but I also know this world. It’s been an area of conflict for decades. I know what I desire means I have to be very together. But I have been pushing myself to enjoy the things I desire now so it’s common place.
 
Plushottie said:
I very much agree. On one hand I see me and see someone who is deserving but I also know this world. It’s been an area of conflict for decades. I know what I desire means I have to be very together. But I have been pushing myself to enjoy the things I desire now so it’s common place.
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That is awesome, but is this true? I am currently dismantling this idea that xyz needs to be in place in order for abc to happen. In a way it does, but the way I look at it now, is that I just need to either be receptive to it, or willing to surrender to it...since it is already my birthright.
 
C@ssandr@ said:
That is awesome, but is this true? I am currently dismantling this idea that xyz needs to be in place in order for abc to happen. In a way it does, but the way I look at it now, is that I just need to either be receptive to it, or willing to surrender to it...since it is already my birthright.
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If I wanted a regular relationship yes, I think being in my current state but actively working on improving me would be everything. But since I want a much higher type of relationship I know the game. You don’t see many overweight trophy wives unless they are older but even then they are fixing that stat. I’m working on shifting my paradigms on relationships as I know that is the key.
 
Hey ya'll happy Tuesday...or whatever day it is for you :love2:

So much positive has happened in the last few months that I don't even kow where to begin!

My therapist dumped me :cry3: . She said I made progress, read off the goals we made in the beginning and pointed out that I reached them. She had the nerve to say that I don't need her anymore :cry3: We agreed to meet less frequently for now, because I'm gonna miss her y'all :/

My business finally had its first client and he wants to be a repeat customer :love2: In fact, the Ceo (I have business partners) wants to talk to me today about the division of our duties since we are a start up and I have a day job. Get schmoney.

On the dating front, I noticed that the quality of men that I am meeting has improved. I'm starting to enjoy the game even though it wasn't easy. This is a post for another day.

And, there's a man coming to fix a lamp in my home this week lol
 
I can't believe this thread is a year old. What's shakin' y'all? What are we leaving behind in 2023?
 
C@ssandr@ said:
I can't believe this thread is a year old. What's shakin' y'all? What are we leaving behind in 2023?
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Prob the desire of relationships. Past 5 yrs I was super focused on doing all I can to be and it just got me no where. It’s hard as so much of society is couples good/bad/neutral and there are perks to being but even from spiritual level it seems no one is coming and it would be wise of me to stop.
 
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