This "Come Over and Chill" Stuff??? Is it really this common?

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I know this happens but it's never happened to me, even the kang-iest of guys that have approached me they've always asked for a public date. In any event heaven help the guy who tries to get me to "come over and chill."evil:

 

[aasem]

Interesting way to look at things.

I believe this is my golden time. If I don't make use of it now I can't relax later. I need someone who believes the same

 

[LoveisYou]

This is unacceptable behavior, and no woman should accept it. Set a standard and if he can't step up to it then let him go about his merry way. Absolutely ridiculous.

 

[JeterCrazed]

This is unacceptable behavior, and no woman should accept it. Set a standard and if he can't step up to it then let him go about his merry way. Absolutely ridiculous.

A simple thanks couldn't do it.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Just got hit with it...smh....

 

[Angelinhell]

I'm only 20 and I've known what this meant since junior high lol. "Come over and chill", "come spend some time with me", yep all code for sex.

 

[StarScream35]

Yeah it's common. It makes dating frustrating but you have to recognize it and KIM.

 

[cluelezz]

Only ever experienced this in college. I chilled (and didn't have sex) with my ex lol. I thought we were just friends initially though. We did have meal plan and food truck dates, and when he got his work study job, we went on actual dates. I didn't have a problem with it because I was college-poor myself, eating ramen (oodles o noodles, or whatever you call 'em) and tuna all the time.

Edit: I've never been on a real first date. I haven't dated anyone since him and we didn't go on real dates until after we'd already been official. I have been asked to "chill" recently though.

 

[ambergirl]

Yeah, this is nothing new. The other thing I've seen is when a man is in a relationship or dating a bunch of women, they push for the chill at home date because they don't want to get busted in public.

 

[ElegantPearl17]

This is so true. But I also think it's a sign you are not a priority or his #1. I prefer a balance. Sometimes I like to go out and sometimes I like to chill..depends on my mood. But I typically want to decide either way...especially during the initial stages of the relationship.

Yeah, this is nothing new. The other thing I've seen is when a man is in a relationship or dating a bunch of women, they push for the chill at home date because they don't want to get busted in public.

 

[knt1229]

I was reading this article http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2012/06/dating-vs-come-over-and-chill.html posted in the OP and it got me to thinking.

It seems that dating for many people is more about getting over on someone than getting to know someone. In his scenario of the "classy lady" the woman is taken advantage of and in the scenario of the "hoe" the guy is being taken advantage of. IMO, all parties are losing in both scenarios because there will be long term negative repurcussions for all the people involved.

It got me to thinking that maybe these types of dysfunctional relationships is the reason it is so difficult for blacks to marry and have stable healthy families, instead of, all the baby mama's and daddy's we have.

I mean it's more likely that whether you are the "classy lady" or the "hoe" you probably won't be getting any proposals. And since sex is apart of both those scenarios mistakes/slip ups will happen.

It seems that as a group we stay losing because we are our own worst enemies. I'm sure alot of women think the "hoe" is winning because she is getting gifts/money and I'm sure alot of men think they are winning when they can get sex without spending any money, but, that's not the way to building a family or community. And, unfortunately, some people continue behaving like this well into adulthood. It's not just young twentysomethings acting like this.

The long term effects of behaving this way isn't good for our communities as a whole. It's sad to think that dating has devolved into getting over on someone or getting them before they can get you.

 

[NaiyaAi]

Girl thank you. I'm a young'n, but even when I was a freshman in college my bf would scrounge up something to at least take us to Applebee's or the Cheesecake Factory on special occasion (lol, I'm not even ashamed. We were very young). This "young" thing is just an excuse, and not even a good one.

Ashamed? I love the Cheesecake Factory! Then again... I'm 20. =)

I saw a lot of "come over and chill" among people I knew in high school, myself included. Now that I'm in college, though, the people I knew who did a lot of that stuff are in relationships now, whereas the people I know now in college are more into actual dates. Most people I know are actually in relationships, but even the ones that aren't still go on real "someone takes someone out" dates, just not always with the same person.

For some people I think it's a cycle, though. Be in a real relationship, have a nasty breakup, find a "chill buddy", get tired of being a jumpoff, be single, eventually find a new relationship. That's not how it is for all people... But for some.

Apologies if I just repeated anyone else's comment. I didn't read after the post I quoted. I just really love cheesecake.