This "Come Over and Chill" Stuff??? Is it really this common?

Theo

Theo

New Member
Apparently this thing is really really common. Girls have been posting about it all over Clutch.

True Story: He's Trying to turn me into the 'Come Over and Chill' Girl
True Life: I have never been on a date

:perplexed

And even more randomly, it was apparently this article from blackgirlsareeasy that made them see the light:

Dating vs. Come Over and Chill

I just don't even know what to say. Cuz I thought the ladies over at Clutch were pretty grown (like mid-20s or higher???). I'm just surprised at how big of deal this whole "dating" thing is. They're acting like if you can get a man to take you outside of the house, you've struck gold.

Here's a PSA: If he is hiding you in the house, he does not like you. Leave the premises immediately.
 
It's very common unfortunately.

I know I've tried to give a man a break on going out so much due to suspected financial issues then he tried to abuse it. :nono:
 
Yeah this was posted in OT a few days ago but I think you need to goto a male or mixed to get a better perspective. Here it's going to be the usual even though most of the males are saying similar things also. You have better chances for disagreement which makes for interesting back and forth and I can almost guarantee you not going to get that here so unless you want a co sign thread I'd look for this topic on a mainly male and/or a mixed site.
 
Flawless_JYM said:
Yeah this was posted in OT a few days ago but I think you need to goto a male or mixed to get a better perspective. Here it's going to be the usual even though most of the males are saying similar things also. You have better chances for disagreement which makes for interesting back and forth and I can almost guarantee you not going to get that here so unless you want a co sign thread I'd look for this topic on a mainly male and/or a mixed site.
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Lol point taken. I don't really frequent any other messageboards. I usually talk to my guy friends if I want a male opinion, but I feel like I know their stance on this...
 
kinchen said:
Must be young girls
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im young but im not about that "come over and chill" life:nono: heeeck noo lol but then again ive never had a dude ask me to come over and chill-ive always been taken on proper dates and its pretty sad to read that these women who are older than me havnt even been on a proper date
 
I'm guilty if this to a extent. I'm picky, but a guy made of a flesh. Come over and chill is basically just have sex with me. When I take a girl out nowadays it's on some I think you're a fun person and I want to enjoy you and show you some nice stuff.
 
aasem said:
I'm guilty if this to a extent. I'm picky, but a guy made of a flesh. Come over and chill is basically just have sex with me. When I take a girl out nowadays it's on some I think you're a fun person and I want to enjoy you and show you some nice stuff.
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daaaaaaang aasem you all over LHCF even the relationship forum:lol:
 
aasem said:
I'm guilty if this to a extent. I'm picky, but a guy made of a flesh. Come over and chill is basically just have sex with me. When I take a girl out nowadays it's on some I think you're a fun person and I want to enjoy you and show you some nice stuff.
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Hmm...are you single?
 
niqu92 said:
im young but im not about that "come over and chill" life:nono: heeeck noo lol but then again ive never had a dude ask me to come over and chill-ive always been taken on proper dates and its pretty sad to read that these women who are older than me havnt even been on a proper date
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Girl thank you. I'm a young'n, but even when I was a freshman in college my bf would scrounge up something to at least take us to Applebee's or the Cheesecake Factory on special occasion (lol, I'm not even ashamed. We were very young). This "young" thing is just an excuse, and not even a good one.
 
I've never been asked to come over and chill. Not since high school, and LHCF had to school me that that was NOT acceptable either:lol:
I think a lot of it has to do with mindset. If you're worried that this is what a guy will ask you, or if that's what you think is enough, then maybe that's what you will get asked. I don't worry about it because it isnt my reality and won't be my reality.

A friend asked me how I get guys to ask for my number when we are out clubbing. She is of the mindset that any one you meet in those settings is looking for a hookup. So, if you vibe with a guy there, then what proceeds is a hookup and nothing else. I'm like, well, I don't think like that. I'm not looking for a hookup when I go out, so I don't assume everyone else is. I don't explicitly state it, but the assumption and only option is that if you and I connect while there, and you want to find out more about me, then we will exchange numbers and you will ask me out-- not ask me to come home with you at the end of the night. WTF. Of COURSE we are going out. How else are you supposed to spend time with me??:confused:

So, sometimes on bold and tipsy nights, a guy and I will be talking for a while, and I wanna return to my friends bc I've been away for too long, I announce that I'm leaving, and the guy will usually say lets exchange numbers so we can plan something. On a couple of occasions, I've outright said here, let's do the number exchange bc I gotta go:lol: but these situations are often pretty low-risk mad I don't care if it seems forward.
 
I never encountered this in person with guys I knew in high school and haven't heard of it from acquaintances now in their 20's. Maybe it's race related or more common in big cities.
 
Theo this is not really a new thing. As you know I'm older/60's baby. I saw this start when video's/vcrs and cable tv was more readily available in homes/80's.

Cable tv was called ON TV back in the days and loads of folks stopped going to movie houses. Black Market movies really added to the stay in and kick it theme.

My best advice to women dating is if a man says this you simply say we need to start out in public settings. Its really no different than the reasoning behind parents not allowing men/dates in your bedroom or being in unsupervised/chaperoned settings.

Its not always about about the money or him not liking you. Women set the standard from day one. If you are a homebody or superfreak 100% of the time then by all means chill in the house. Most folks want to eventually get out so it can be a recipe for disaster if you start out like that. To each his own.
 
firecracker said:
Theo this is not really a new thing. As you know I'm older/60's baby. I saw this start when video's/vcrs and cable tv was more readily available in homes/80's.

Cable tv was called ON TV back in the days and loads of folks stopped going to movie houses. Black Market movies really added to the stay in and kick it theme.

My best advice to women dating is if a man says this you simply say we need to start out in public settings. Its really no different than the reasoning behind parents not allowing men/dates in your bedroom or being in unsupervised/chaperoned settings.

Its not always about about the money or him not liking you. Women set the standard from day one. If you are a homebody or superfreak 100% of the time then by all means chill in the house. Most folks want to eventually get out so it can be a recipe for disaster if you start out like that. To each his own.
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exactly. and dudes will certainly try u just to see.
I can't even remember when ive gotten the come over and chill mess. i know back in the 90's during my 20's.
 
I was online dating this guy and he tried to invite himself over my house...WTF?! and we never met in RL before. Sicko! The sad thing is I bet he does get 'home dates' using this tactic which is why he felt bold enough to ask. And yes, he was younger- 26 to my 38. I never spoke to that fool again after that.

Other than that, I was never asked to chill at home before. Maybe when I was a teenager but not now.
 
I agree that these are young chicks cause us seasoned-aged women know that a man who can treat you well now isn't going to change. Also, when the time cones that he thinks he's got a shot at the drawls, he wants to never miss an opportunity. A dude tried that "come over and chill" nonsense with me and I nipped it in the bud. This ain't gon' work, boo. A young chick is gonna let it slide, especially if she really likes him otherwise.
 
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Flawless_JYM said:
Yeah this was posted in OT a few days ago but I think you need to goto a male or mixed to get a better perspective. Here it's going to be the usual even though most of the males are saying similar things also. You have better chances for disagreement which makes for interesting back and forth and I can almost guarantee you not going to get that here so unless you want a co sign thread I'd look for this topic on a mainly male and/or a mixed site.
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Can you post the link to the OT thread please? Thanks
 
Almost every guy I have ever known (in college) that has shown interest has tried that approach.. It must work on some girls because they all try that same damn line.

Never worked on me though. If you can't take me out we ain't going nowhere together.
 
DarkJoy said:
I was online dating this guy and he tried to invite himself over my house...WTF?! and we never met in RL before. Sicko! The sad thing is I bet he does get 'home dates' using this tactic which is why he felt bold enough to ask. And yes, he was younger- 26 to my 38. I never spoke to that fool again after that.

Other than that, I was never asked to chill at home before. Maybe when I was a teenager but not now.
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I had the same online situation, mine was 34 and acting this way. And had the nerve to claim he wanted something serious. Men have pretty much figured women out. They know we have an orgasm at the mention of the word marriage and relationship. We have been to open about how to get to us and women are feeling mighty "liberated" these days. If they want sex they go for just that. But the problem with that is many of these same women still have a women's mind which will turn around and wonder why the guy isn't pursuing a relationship. :perplexed

If you have seen the film Shame you will see how easy sex is to get from women these days. Men have no need to court, and if they find a woman they like who demands to be courted they just keep it moving and find easy prey.
 
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CurlyMoo said:
I had the same online situation, mine was 34 and acting this way. And had the nerve to claim he wanted something serious. Men have pretty much figured women out. They know we have an orgasm at the mention of the word marriage and relationship. We have been to open about how to get to us and women are feeling mighty "liberated" these days. If they want sex they go for just that. But the problem with that is many of these same women still have a women's mind which will turn around and wonder why the guy isn't pursuing a relationship. :perplexed

If you have seen the film Shame you will see how easy sex is to get from women these days. Men have no need to court, and if they find a woman they like who demands to be courted they just keep it moving and find easy prey.
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This is true, but I think when men are ready to commit most are willing to put in the needed work. I mean, no one wants to say "my girlfriend was so easy to pin down. I didn't even have to do anything."

:lol:
 
Unfortunately, this is common. Especially with black men. I'm not sure about other races. But "lets chill at your place" is just a tactic for the loser to see what you got and what he can get. Sadly, these are the type of guys I meet.
 
I think someone else said it already, but sadly, this is not exclusive to the younger crowd. I have associates that will accept stuff like this...heck I have even seen it on here.
 
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Theo said:
This is true, but I think when men are ready to commit most are willing to put in the needed work. I mean, no one wants to say "my girlfriend was so easy to pin down. I didn't even have to do anything."

:lol:
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From that website:

I was the same way, I lived in a house when I was 23. I was already paying a mortgage so female would have understand if I wasn't trying to go out on date.

But I wasn't trying to impress a chick back then, I was trying to cut

Besides, if she didn't want to come over and "chill" I could always find a female that did
shaq.png
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:yep: There is always a woman who will put out for this type of man and they know it!
 
blue_flower said:
Unfortunately, this is common. Especially with black men. I'm not sure about other races. But "lets chill at your place" is just a tactic for the loser to see what you got and what he can get. Sadly, these are the type of guys I meet.
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This type of behavior crosses color lines. It's a guy thing.
 
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