caribeandiva
Human being
Good job!!
The Rori Raye Way
- Thread starter ArrrBeee
- Start date
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Has anyone else noticed that people seem to relate to you more positively and notice you more? Today, this woman was watching me while I waited for my coffee LOL. So I smiled at her and she smiled back. From the corner of my eye I could see she was still watching me LOL. I also try to smile at and speak to men wherever I can, young, old, professional, homeless 
As RR says everyone is practice. I also notice when people trigger me and I immediately try to walk myself through some of her tools to stay even-keeled. I feel so much more in touch with myself as well. 
I think the combination of RR, Brene Brown, Louise Hay, Rachel Jayne Groover and random youtube affirmation videos are making me feel like a brand new person
As RR says everyone is practice. I also notice when people trigger me and I immediately try to walk myself through some of her tools to stay even-keeled. I feel so much more in touch with myself as well. I think the combination of RR, Brene Brown, Louise Hay, Rachel Jayne Groover and random youtube affirmation videos are making me feel like a brand new person 
ArrrBeee
Well-Known Member
Has anyone else noticed that people seem to relate to you more positively and notice you more? Today, this woman was watching me while I waited for my coffee LOL. So I smiled at her and she smiled back. From the corner of my eye I could see she was still watching me LOL. I also try to smile at and speak to men wherever I can, young, old, professional, homeless
What were you wearing?
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I don't even remember to be honest. Most likely a dress.
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
In total agreement! I try to wear dresses about 80% of the time now. The other day I was wearing a new dress that I've had sitting a while in my closet. I was complimented by a young, White guy on a skateboard, lol. And later a sales associate at Lush complimented me as well. The dress was cute but nothing special, IMO. Dresses make women stand out in a positive way.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Another RR-trained master coach: http://helenahartcoaching.com
It's totally worth signing up for her newsletter. She actually has a masters in psychology and she has a different take on the RR tools. I think it's good to pull from different sources even if the foundation is the same.
It's totally worth signing up for her newsletter. She actually has a masters in psychology and she has a different take on the RR tools. I think it's good to pull from different sources even if the foundation is the same.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
In total agreement! I try to wear dresses about 80% of the time now. The other day I was wearing a new dress that I've had sitting a while in my closet. I was complimented by a young, White guy on a skateboard, lol. And later a sales associate at Lush complimented me as well. The dress was cute but nothing special, IMO. Dresses make women stand out in a positive way.
I agree about dresses and I'm in a dress 95% of the time. I just don't own a lot of pants and I don't think they flatter my butt
hopeful
Well-Known Member
How is she different from Rori?
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
In her recent newsletter she talked about high degree of difficulty vs low degree. I think her products also talk about energy and LOA. The concepts are essentially the same. But there's a reason RR is outsourcing her coaching. I think each one puts a different spin on it.
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AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
My summer was on Fleek cause I wore dresses... I was able to look fabulous AND get dressed FAST!!! I need to get my Fall/Winter dress game up like entirely cause I never wear a dress during this season...In total agreement! I try to wear dresses about 80% of the time now. The other day I was wearing a new dress that I've had sitting a while in my closet. I was complimented by a young, White guy on a skateboard, lol. And later a sales associate at Lush complimented me as well. The dress was cute but nothing special, IMO. Dresses make women stand out in a positive way.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
I just won't wear them unless I have to. I'm a leggings, long shirts, and sweaters kinda girl.In total agreement! I try to wear dresses about 80% of the time now. The other day I was wearing a new dress that I've had sitting a while in my closet. I was complimented by a young, White guy on a skateboard, lol. And later a sales associate at Lush complimented me as well. The dress was cute but nothing special, IMO. Dresses make women stand out in a positive way.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I agree. Dresses are SO easy! Trying to coordinate a top and bottom are too much work LOL. I just wear tights in the winter to keep my legs warm but it's dresses all year round
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
I understand completely. I was the same for years, even up to this year but I decided to change it up and it's definitely been for the better for me.
caribeandiva
Human being
After giving up dresses for years out of rebellion, I have seen the light y’all!! I’m back and slowly building up my dress repertoire again.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Today someone told me out of the blue: "I just wanted to tell you that you look GREAT."
Me:
I was just shocked but really touched.
Me:
I was just shocked but really touched.
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sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Today someone told me out of the blue: "I just wanted to tell you that you look GREAT."
Me:
I was just shocked but really touched.
Immaking more of an effort as well. It's like we are all coming into our own together on this board.
The other day I went to the mall and wore a dress and had makeup on. This older guy made sure he stopped walking and complimented me and some guy followee me around the food court lol
I think feeling and looking feminine is powerful because it brings men down to their knees. We don't realize the power we have as women..
caribeandiva
Human being
So I’ve been reading and listening to Rising Strong, her latest book. This one tackles how to deal when you fall flat on your a$$ and the murky feelings and emotions that go along with that. I’m only halfway through and I had several lightbulb moments already. I’ve already decided I need to read her books several times because they’re so chuck full of information that it’s hard to get ALL of the lessons with only one listen. I found myself in tears at some point because something she said unexpectedly triggered long buried emotions. A must read for sure! Should we start a different thread to discuss her books and the concept of wholehearted living? I don’t want to derail this thread.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
LOL good question! Sometimes I feel like I derail but I do feel like it's all related/connected...
BTW, I have 1 more audible credit to use in the next week and am having a hard time deciding between BB, Melodie Beattie (mentioned earlier) or other audio books. I'm LOVING The Power of Vulnerability. Let me know if you have any recommendations.
caribeandiva
Human being
Having read all of the authors you mentioned above, I say go for Brene Brown. Melodie Beattie is next
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Bumping. How are you ladies doing?
AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
Funny, I been up on material, reading, not actually putting into play though... Havent been getting out as much as I would like...
ArrrBeee
Well-Known Member
I think I'm finally done grieving. I went out this weekend and I was looking like a snack pack. I'm finally in love with my body after growing up with a mom who shamed me for having t and a. I tried for so long to camouflage it bit now I'm embracing all my curves.
Seriously, I noticed the way men looked at this weekend and it made me feel good. I think I may try online dating because it will give me more practice.
What's poppin ladies?
Seriously, I noticed the way men looked at this weekend and it made me feel good. I think I may try online dating because it will give me more practice.
What's poppin ladies?
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I found RRs newsletter yesterday helpful on when silence is ok:
She then goes on to plug her love scripts program. I think energy is really everything. Men can sense when you're obsessing about them or behaving a certain way for them, and when you've moved the hell on. I think the only thing we can really control is our thoughts and actions which in turn affect our energy. And once we've shifted that energy onto ourselves and what would make us feel amazing (which is what I think all her tools are about) it's like a vacuum and we become magnetic. This happened recently with someone I leaned forward in the past.
...I want to help you with the "not say."
Because, sometimes - often, in fact - NOTHING is the thing to say.
Sometimes, just letting there be AIR between you, and breathing, and quiet is the way to go.
Sometimes, you want him to FEEL you instead of HEAR you.
And - most important - you want to be able to hear the most important voice of all - the ones inside your head that are yelling and doing their best to make you DO something and damage whatever wonderful might be happening in the moment of silence.
Don't Be Afraid Of Silence...
It doesn't mean he's not interested. It doesn't mean he's angry or upset.
Sometimes - a man just has to pee.
Sometimes - he just needs a moment to go inside himself.
Sometimes he just doesn't have anything to say.
How Silence Can Bring Him Closer To You
If you've ever felt miserably uncomfortable with a man when it got quiet - I know how you feel, and there isn't a woman on the planet who doesn't squirm and feel weird when things all of a sudden go silent.
But it doesn't have to be awful.
In fact - you can USE the silence to your advantage with a man - if you know HOW.
What you do with that moment can be KEY to what happens next - especially to the amount of ATTRACTION he feels for you.
Get More Emotionally Connected To Him:
1. Stop yourself from speaking automatically.
This is the place most of us women get ourselves into trouble. At the first sign of silence, our hearts go into panic mode, we make up that he's withdrawing from us, we call the moment "cold" and we get fearful.
We go into "repair" mode.
We instinctively try to step into the gap. We instinctively want to "fix" whatever's wrong. We want to fill the silence, create something.
And that's going to take you in the opposite direction from where you want to go.
2. Drop your attention from the situation and focus in on your body.
Start with your breathing. Focus on your belly, just below your belly button, and put your hand on it. Now let your tummy relax right into your hand. Now, take a breath right into your tummy and let it expand into your hand.
Now go to your shoulders. If they're up high, close to your ears - consciously let them drop down, so you feel like our arms are just hanging off your shoulders.
So - when he goes quiet, and you're just sitting there - here's what you can do to move the moment emotionally deeper and...
(The soft hands Tool in Modern Siren is terrifically helpful for this.)--I can't remember this exercise. Gonna look it up.
3. Find someplace to put your attention that feels useful.
I personally love the "cleaning out your purse" Tool: Either clean it out or find something (lipstick, eye pencil, that you can USE to DO something with - Do NOT go into PHONE mode!
Getting all caught up in your cell phone is the worst thing you can do - it's what everyone does, and you want to NOT be EVERYONE.
Don't go there because it's easy, or because you feel compelled to check your texts and email.
Another great thing to do is REALLY look out the window if you're in a car, look at the other people if you're in a restaurant, watch the screen if you're at a movie or watching tv.
Eating is always a great thing to do - slowly.
And eating healthy food helps tremendously - you could eat your way slowly through a bowl of popcorn, or kale chips, or a bag of salad, one leaf at a time.
4. Touch him.
Gently put your hand under his butt
If it's a first date, turn to him, look at his face and smile (that's almost as good as touching...)
After you've gotten comfortable with silence - that's when knowing the right WORDS to say can make all the difference...
She then goes on to plug her love scripts program. I think energy is really everything. Men can sense when you're obsessing about them or behaving a certain way for them, and when you've moved the hell on.
I think the only thing we can really control is our thoughts and actions which in turn affect our energy. And once we've shifted that energy onto ourselves and what would make us feel amazing (which is what I think all her tools are about) it's like a vacuum and we become magnetic. This happened recently with someone I leaned forward in the past. 
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
I’m feeling a bit frustrated, annoyed, and doubtful. I’ve read dating material over the past few years and I’m feeling tired of people telling me what to do. Everyone has a different approach, MDLWLY promotes an aggressive and leaning forward model, and any leading back model has yielded me with nothing.
I just don’t know if I need to stop trying to control things by stop reading/listening more (I have the Rori Raye audio collection, but I haven’t listened yet) or the opposite. I’ve also read tons of books over the past 5 years to help me heal from a major breakup as well as childhood trauma. I’m tired of continuously trying to change myself; it’s making me feel as if the essence of who I am as a person isn’t good enough to wife up. I feel like it’s making me awkward around people in ways that it hadn’t in the past. I’ve tried and I still haven’t met anyone whereas I’m seeing people pairing off all the time. Anyone else feel this way?
I just don’t know if I need to stop trying to control things by stop reading/listening more (I have the Rori Raye audio collection, but I haven’t listened yet) or the opposite. I’ve also read tons of books over the past 5 years to help me heal from a major breakup as well as childhood trauma. I’m tired of continuously trying to change myself; it’s making me feel as if the essence of who I am as a person isn’t good enough to wife up. I feel like it’s making me awkward around people in ways that it hadn’t in the past. I’ve tried and I still haven’t met anyone whereas I’m seeing people pairing off all the time. Anyone else feel this way?
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I don't think these teachings are really about changing the essence of who you are but rather understanding how you might act in ways that don't honor who you truly are and are counter-productive with men--that is masculine/alpha men. It's also about figuring out how to be whole and complete first as a woman without feeling that you need a strategy to find love. These methods (RR, KP, etc) are actually anti-strategy. Other than doing inner work, you really shouldn't have to "work" to find love. You might appreciate KPs "tough love" approach more than RR? You could start with her blog posts and go from there. She advocates leaning back too but her approach is a little different than RR. She also advocates no resistance--being in the moment and accepting what comes your way. If something/someone is no longer useful to you or lowers your energy, you simply walk away.
Personally I feel more grounded and less awkward because I keep the focus on me and how I'm feeling instead of worrying about whether I'm turning off a guy or worrying about what to say. Now it's take it or leave it. And he'd be a fool to leave it. You are the star of your own movie. You don't have to worry--the right people will show up.
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Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Bumping! This thread has been quiet for a while. I still love RR's method (although I feel some of her associate coaches present it in a more understandable way than she does). I love this excerpt from her latest newsletter:
"Switching Your Perspective To Get What You Want
I'm going to give you a HUGE Tool here.
It's more of an understanding, an attitude, a new way to think and communicate with men about what you want in a relationship.
Here it goes:
You don't want HIM - you want a REAL RELATIONSHIP.
That sounds simple, doesn't it?
But most of us do exactly the OPPOSITE. We express, and sometimes over and over and over again, with words, our body language and things we do, that HE is what we want.
And so he feels cornered, pressured, and his fears jump right up to the top of his mind, heart and body.
This is a good thing sometimes. We WANT to separate out the men from the boys. We WANT to let a man know where we stand, what we want and what we don't want, and some men will run because they don't want what we want - when what we want is a REAL, COMMITTED relationship. And these men who run are the WRONG men.
Sometimes. Sometimes we make men run because we TELL them what we want in ways that don't work.
The Way That WORKS Is To Say:
"I don't want a boyfriend. I'm looking for someone to walk off into the sunset with and get married and have a family." (Or what you envision for YOURSELF.) "And so I don't want to get exclusive with anyone until that guy shows up."
And that's it. You don't ask him for anything.
You simply REFUSE to close up your other options (except sexually, of course) until you're SURE - that means engagement ring, wedding date, house in escrow - that he means to make you happy, forever.
The next step is to make it your job to make sure you DO keep your options open, no matter how emotionally involved you feel yourself getting with any one man. It's your job to make sure that you DON'T get so emotionally involved with any one man until you're SURE he means to make you happy forever.
You take it step-by-step, date-by-date, and you BRIDGE your way to a real relationship with a GREAT MAN.
Notice I Said "Great Man"
I didn't say "this man."
In other words, no man should EVER feel like he's your man of choice, he's your "One" or that you're only seeing him. Not until he's committed.
This way you will NEVER become frustrated, angry, resentful, or heart-broken. This way, you are POWERFUL.
You can be warm, soft and loving, and at the same time NEVER COMMIT yourself to him until he commits first. And I mean a REAL commitment, not just a "let's go steady" commitment.
"Bridging" is the way to get your mind, your heart, your body, and HIM on board for the lifelong commitment you want."
"Switching Your Perspective To Get What You Want
I'm going to give you a HUGE Tool here.
It's more of an understanding, an attitude, a new way to think and communicate with men about what you want in a relationship.
Here it goes:
You don't want HIM - you want a REAL RELATIONSHIP.
That sounds simple, doesn't it?
But most of us do exactly the OPPOSITE. We express, and sometimes over and over and over again, with words, our body language and things we do, that HE is what we want.
And so he feels cornered, pressured, and his fears jump right up to the top of his mind, heart and body.
This is a good thing sometimes. We WANT to separate out the men from the boys. We WANT to let a man know where we stand, what we want and what we don't want, and some men will run because they don't want what we want - when what we want is a REAL, COMMITTED relationship. And these men who run are the WRONG men.
Sometimes. Sometimes we make men run because we TELL them what we want in ways that don't work.
The Way That WORKS Is To Say:
"I don't want a boyfriend. I'm looking for someone to walk off into the sunset with and get married and have a family." (Or what you envision for YOURSELF.) "And so I don't want to get exclusive with anyone until that guy shows up."
And that's it. You don't ask him for anything.
You simply REFUSE to close up your other options (except sexually, of course) until you're SURE - that means engagement ring, wedding date, house in escrow - that he means to make you happy, forever.
The next step is to make it your job to make sure you DO keep your options open, no matter how emotionally involved you feel yourself getting with any one man. It's your job to make sure that you DON'T get so emotionally involved with any one man until you're SURE he means to make you happy forever.
You take it step-by-step, date-by-date, and you BRIDGE your way to a real relationship with a GREAT MAN.
Notice I Said "Great Man"
I didn't say "this man."
In other words, no man should EVER feel like he's your man of choice, he's your "One" or that you're only seeing him. Not until he's committed.
This way you will NEVER become frustrated, angry, resentful, or heart-broken. This way, you are POWERFUL.
You can be warm, soft and loving, and at the same time NEVER COMMIT yourself to him until he commits first. And I mean a REAL commitment, not just a "let's go steady" commitment.
"Bridging" is the way to get your mind, your heart, your body, and HIM on board for the lifelong commitment you want."
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
How does she suggest you close off other options sexually while otherwise keeping your options open? I can appreciate that she’s not advocating sleeping around. I’m just not sure what this looks like in practice.
I need to get back to this. I’d know the answer if I finished listening to the series.