The Queen's Code By Alison Armstrong Bookclub

I thought we were talking about reworking our own format. But honestly, I checked out the website after I wrote my post above and now Im probably going to do the course with Alison
 
hopeful said:
So are we talking about us doing the Queen's Code Course (http://queenscodecourse.com) that starts October 27th? Or reworking our current stuff on GoodReads? I'm confused.
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I hope we are talking about reworking the current stuff on GoodReads. The other course is $297. I think it is an excellent value if you can afford it but.. I really have confidence in the group here to be able to pull great things from the book at cost of $0.00
 
Kimbosheart said:
I hope we are talking about reworking the current stuff on GoodReads. The other course is $297. I think it is an excellent value if you can afford it but.. I really have confidence in the group here to be able to pull great things from the book at cost of $0.00
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Okay, thanks for clarifying.

Layluh said:
I thought we were talking about reworking our own format. But honestly, I checked out the website after I wrote my post above and now Im probably going to do the course with Alison
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Yes, me too. I think I need the structure and I want to do it with my daughter.
 
I'd love to do the course with Alison but I doubt I'd be able to participate live. She's holding it at such a random time.

ETA: I'd love to see us do our own formal course, but it almost seems as if some of this would be a richer experience with a moderator who is trained and well-versed in the topic, or else it's a bit like the blind leading the blind. That's where the appeal of Alison's course comes in
 
ladysaraii said:
I'd love to do the course with Alison but I doubt I'd be able to participate live. She's holding it at such a random time.

ETA: I'd love to see us do our own formal course, but it almost seems as if some of this would be a richer experience with a moderator who is trained and well-versed in the topic, or else it's a bit like the blind leading the blind. That's where the appeal of Alison's course comes in
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You're right about the blind leading the blind part. Alison's bookclub is probably THE best option available right now.
 
ladysaraii said:
I'd love to do the course with Alison but I doubt I'd be able to participate live. She's holding it at such a random time.

ETA: I'd love to see us do our own formal course, but it almost seems as if some of this would be a richer experience with a moderator who is trained and well-versed in the topic, or else it's a bit like the blind leading the blind. That's where the appeal of Alison's course comes in
Click to expand...

The tapes will be available right after I believe. You don't have to listen to them live. I think the only thing you will miss is some of the interactive stuff ("Each session includes an hour of clarification and additional material from Alison, followed by a half-hour Q&A, when she’ll act as your encyclopedia of men and women") that follows but meh I'm not worried about that.
 
ladysaraii said:
I'd love to do the course with Alison but I doubt I'd be able to participate live. She's holding it at such a random time.

ETA: I'd love to see us do our own formal course, but it almost seems as if some of this would be a richer experience with a moderator who is trained and well-versed in the topic, or else it's a bit like the blind leading the blind. That's where the appeal of Alison's course comes in
Click to expand...

I agree and I don't agree with the blind leading the blind. I think as far as some of the "behind the scenes" stuff she's offering in her bookclub as well as just the in-depth on her research it would definitely be of a value to do her. However, I've been in other bookclubs and groups that were self-lead and it turned out pretty well. Plus the main benefit I see to reading this with the group here is that Allison doesn't mention any nuance of black men and black women. And I think that intersectionality is important.

To that end, I also think that those of us who are doing the one Allison is leading can try to bring the other questions to that group for all of our benefit and we can help clarify if a question comes up here that Allison has already answered.
 
hopeful said:
The tapes will be available right after I believe. You don't have to listen to them live. I think the only thing you will miss is some of the interactive stuff ("Each session includes an hour of clarification and additional material from Alison, followed by a half-hour Q&A, when she’ll act as your encyclopedia of men and women") that follows but meh I'm not worried about that.
Click to expand...

That would be helpful. Hmmm, I may have to consider this. I could listen to them that following weekend.

Even if we had a few people participate, it would probably make our discussions here richer b/c people could share additional insights.
 
Kimbosheart said:
I agree and I don't agree with the blind leading the blind. I think as far as some of the "behind the scenes" stuff she's offering in her bookclub as well as just the in-depth on her research it would definitely be of a value to do her. However, I've been in other bookclubs and groups that were self-lead and it turned out pretty well. Plus the main benefit I see to reading this with the group here is that Allison doesn't mention any nuance of black men and black women. And I think that intersectionality is important.

To that end, I also think that those of us who are doing the one Allison is leading can try to bring the other questions to that group for all of our benefit and we can help clarify if a question comes up here that Allison has already answered.
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We posted at the same time, but I absolutely agree. It would be nice to have concurrent groups going, esp at the same time. Maybe if we had our discussion for the chapter a week or few days ahead that way we have questions that could be sent over if possible and the following discussion could be wrapping up the previous chapter and starting the new one.

Good point on the race issues
 
Kimbosheart said:
I agree and I don't agree with the blind leading the blind. I think as far as some of the "behind the scenes" stuff she's offering in her bookclub as well as just the in-depth on her research it would definitely be of a value to do her. However, I've been in other bookclubs and groups that were self-lead and it turned out pretty well. Plus the main benefit I see to reading this with the group here is that Allison doesn't mention any nuance of black men and black women. And I think that intersectionality is important.

To that end, I also think that those of us who are doing the one Allison is leading can try to bring the other questions to that group for all of our benefit and we can help clarify if a question comes up here that Allison has already answered.
Click to expand...

Completely agree re the nuanced black men and women issue. I think the problem is the leading part. The lessons are so deep and complex. Like we can learn from each other, share, discuss, support, etc. But not sure any of us could lead but idk. I don't really do book clubs. We are all just learning and trying our best to implement. Our group could probably lead someone in 6 months maybe? Or in a year?

ladysaraii said:
That would be helpful. Hmmm, I may have to consider this. I could listen to them that following weekend.

Even if we had a few people participate, it would probably make our discussions here richer b/c people could share additional insights.
Click to expand...

Yes :yep: I do think that those of us who do her course can provide additional insight.
 
My answers in red
Layluh said:
-For me a chapter each week is ideal. If we did it bi-weekly, then it would take 4 months to get through it. Yep, 1 chapter/week is good.
-Weekends and/or evenings are good for me. Anytime after 7pm cst. Works for me.
-I don't want to lead any discussions. I'm willing to give it a shot if no one else wants to do it. Maybe we could rotate?
-I don't think there should be a max number. Once you're in the club, you should be in it for life and be able to participate in the discussions whenever you see fit. This is one of those books where I'll have to reread and reread over and over again to make sure it becomes a part of who I am and that may take several iterations of going over the book and participating in live discussions. Now we may want to implement a max number of participants for the live calls due to costs and making sure people get the attention they need. I don't think she meant a maximum number indefinitely; just a manageable number for each cycle. Is that what you meant @Kimbosheart ? Because I don't plan on leaving- ever!
-I'd say reading the book once through should be recommended but not a requirement as we still have profound insights from just reading it once. Yep
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Kimbosheart said:
I agree and I don't agree with the blind leading the blind. I think as far as some of the "behind the scenes" stuff she's offering in her bookclub as well as just the in-depth on her research it would definitely be of a value to do her. However, I've been in other bookclubs and groups that were self-lead and it turned out pretty well. Plus the main benefit I see to reading this with the group here is that Allison doesn't mention any nuance of black men and black women. And I think that intersectionality is important.
Click to expand...

This. I don't think it's like the blind leading the blind at all. I've also been in bookclubs and while I would've loved for Toni Morrison to come and explain parts of her book, I think we did okay by ourselves.:lol: They're not mutually exclusive paths and I'd hate to see everything brought to a halt because some ladies can't - or don't want to - buy the course. I also believe it would be beneficial for us to speak from our personal experiences as BW since our experiences are often very different from others' experiences.

Kimbosheart said:
To that end, I also think that those of us who are doing the one Allison is leading can try to bring the other questions to that group for all of our benefit and we can help clarify if a question comes up here that Allison has already answered.
Click to expand...
That would be VERY useful, especially for the women that can't do the course right now.

That said, can we agree on a cut-off date to for people to "sign up"? How about 10/3 by midnight and we can officially start on 10/4 Sunday? The Goodreads board can stay as is, but we can start a new "Week 1 - 10/4-10-11 (or whatever we decide)" thread where we can put only questions pertaining to the book. The other week 1 thread can be used for personal stories/observations. That way questions from the "official" thread can be used as discussion points for the group call.
 
hopeful said:
Completely agree re the nuanced black men and women issue. I think the problem is the leading part. The lessons are so deep and complex. Like we can learn from each other, share, discuss, support, etc. But not sure any of us could lead but idk. I don't really do book clubs. We are all just learning and trying our best to implement. Our group could probably lead someone in 6 months maybe? Or in a year?



Yes :yep: I do think that those of us who do her course can provide additional insight.
Click to expand...

aarrgh how do you do the multiquote thing?

But @hopeful I think it's less "leading" and more moderating. Keeping the discussion on topic and making sure all opinions and questions can be aired. Perhaps also starting the calls off before we get into the discussions. I was also hoping that you would volunteer to help moderate. We have women in so many stages of life reading this book now. You've been married for awhile and have a daughter and I would love to hear from you and how you relate to this information from those perspectives. It's as valuable as the newlywed, in a serious relationship, single and looking, etc... Because of where we are in life we all connect with this information in a slightly different way.

BK Bombshell said:
My answers in red





This. I don't think it's like the blind leading the blind at all. I've also been in bookclubs and while I would've loved for Toni Morrison to come and explain parts of her book, I think we did okay by ourselves.:lol: They're not mutually exclusive paths and I'd hate to see everything brought to a halt because some ladies can't - or don't want to - buy the course. I also believe it would be beneficial for us to speak from our personal experiences as BW since our experiences are often very different from others' experiences.

That would be VERY useful, especially for the women that can't do the course right now.

That said, can we agree on a cut-off date to for people to "sign up"? How about 10/3 by midnight and we can officially start on 10/4 Sunday? The Goodreads board can stay as is, but we can start a new "Week 1 - 10/4-10-11 (or whatever we decide)" thread where we can put only questions pertaining to the book. The other week 1 thread can be used for personal stories/observations. That way questions from the "official" thread can be used as discussion points for the group call.
Click to expand...

I love the idea of rotating and with 8 chapters I think that's a good way to break up the work.
I did mean that we should cut off the number of participants for each cycle. But I plan to stay in the good reads group forever too
 
Kimbosheart said:
aarrgh how do you do the multiquote thing?

But @hopeful I think it's less "leading" and more moderating. Keeping the discussion on topic and making sure all opinions and questions can be aired. Perhaps also starting the calls off before we get into the discussions. I was also hoping that you would volunteer to help moderate. We have women in so many stages of life reading this book now. You've been married for awhile and have a daughter and I would love to hear from you and how you relate to this information from those perspectives. It's as valuable as the newlywed, in a serious relationship, single and looking, etc... Because of where we are in life we all connect with this information in a slightly different way.

...
Click to expand...

I see what you mean : ) Yes I will be happy to help. One of the reasons so many of us are natural is because of forums like this one that created a community that supported natural hair as beautiful. So a community of black women working together and supporting each other on being happily married and loving our men (whatever race they are) is lovely and needed. This is exciting.
 
caribeandiva said:
You're right about the blind leading the blind part. Alison's bookclub is probably THE best option available right now.
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I just wanted to say Caribeandiva, thanks so much for shouting me out to read the Queen's code.

At first I wasn't too sure about reading something that was a fiction on this topic.

But I began reading it last week and it is such an interesting book. It kind of reminds me of the movie "The War Room" with passing down the knowledge.

Anyhow, I am still reading it and so many insights. Many. Especially about not interrupting men when they are talking (and we shouldn't be doing that to anyone) and how emasculation can lead to violence, and about the issue of objectification.

The objectification topic is so interesting to me. I never got that men objectified women because they felt a loss of power and not because they were duschebags. And that objectification is to us what emasculation is to them. I am still trying confused about that issue. So when a woman walks down the street and a man calls out a sexual name to her he is doing it because he feels a loss of power because he wants to talk to her or he is trying to reduce her or he just feels like he is powerless on a whole and reducing women sexually makes them feel like men.

Best,
Almond Eyes
 
Not married and rarely date but this book has been eye opening for me. All I can say is that the next good man that falls in my path with be a lucky man. Hopefully by then I will have been able to figure out how to bring out the best in each other with him playing his part as well. We will never be perfect but we will come close to being perfect for each other. Thanks OP for the recommendation. Totally worth it.
 
I understand why she wrote the books in the order she did. But I really think the information in KTTK is more easily absorbed once you understand your behavior towards men in general. I almost feel like the KTTK information, unless you are in a relationship and need that immediate help, is advanced coursework.

I think maybe there might need to be a separate Goodreads group, but that's just my initial thought.
 
Thank you Kimbosheart. I am finding KTTK harder to digest. I thought it was just that I was tired from reading Queen's Code. I'm not much of a romance novel type anymore either so I thought that was the issue too. But I see what you mean.

But I must say that I opened my heart to the receiving message in KTTK and was stunned at the results.
 
I know we haven't officially started or decided whether we will just start discussing the Queen's Code or if we will just join the main Allison Armstrong book club on the same.

I went to a party last night and I observed the following:

1. My companion was talking over her husband while he was driving and trying to tell him where he should drive even though she didn't know how to get there. The GPS was on and the man was following that very well but she kept interjecting with her own set of directions. And the husband was very upset.

2. At the party, when the male host and relative for the person the party was for was making a speech an afro latina woman interrupted him to make her own speech even though she is not related to the person that the party was for. Everyone was stunned.

On a side note, a good friend of mine put out on Facebook yesterday that he was tired of female bashing and women putting men down by not knowing their roles in the marriage. He told me he was hoping to get responses from the females on this topic so far no one has responded.

And the more I read Queen's Code why does it remind me a lot of the movie "The War Room" and this thing about rubbing women's feet?

Best,
Almond Eyes
 
Very nice @almond eyes. Thanks for sharing those observations.

I was watching Blackish and they had a scene where the wife was giving him the silent treatment and withholding sex and it all seemed very normal. If I hadn't read the book I wouldn't have questioned her tactics at all.
 
Last edited:
hopeful said:
Very nice @almond eyes. Thanks for sharing those observations.

I was watching Blackish and they had a seen where the wife was giving him the silent treatment and withholding sex and it all seemed very normal. If I hadn't read the book I wouldn't have questioned her tactics at all.
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Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Knowledge is power.

Best,
Almond Eyes
 
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