The Queen's Code By Alison Armstrong Bookclub

hopeful said:
Thank you. You stated this better than I did. This is what I was trying to say.
Click to expand...

No problem lol....:yep:

I actually wish more of us as bw would let go of some of the hurt feelings/past feelings of anger due to mistreatment that we've experienced. I understand why so many of us are upset/angry/resentful...I totally get it. We bear the brunt of so much in life. But I think in the end it only hurts US...it NEVER hurts anyone else but ourselves. :nono:

Holding on to resentment is like drinking down a bottle of poison and expecting your enemy/the person you're upset with to die. :nono: It only harms the one holding on to resentment. It never harms the other person. It only harms you.

I know it sounds so cliche and "kumbaya", but in life I've often found it to be true that when you fully LET GO and love others unconditionally (whether they deserve it or not :look:), you in turn feel SO much better, so much happier, and so much LIGHTER. Just like Jesus says in the bible (Matt. 4:44-48; Luke 6:34-36). I think this is what Alison alludes to in most of her book. :yep: When you think the BEST of men (or of people in general), even if they let you down, YOU are still the bigger person and in turn feel good regardless because you don't internalize their mistreatment of you. :yep:
 
I also think that good boundaries and maintaining our femininity eliminates a lot of the issues with people in general. I like how she talks about being careful where we spend our energy, not being too nice with everyone, because being and staying feminine takes a lot of energy. Never giving too much of ourselves away to anyone and making sure we share ourselves wisely and with those who matter most.
 
I'm in chapter 2. And y'all...I'm frustrated with the way the author writes. It's taking everything in me to key onto the meat of what is in the chapters but I can't get with the writing.

Chapter 2 does have good points but I wish there was some more meat and nuance to it. The section about when a woman asks a man a question, interrupts with a rewording of the question, and then interrupts with a multiple choice question I really did identify with. I do tend to not let a person get in their thoughts because I have to say what I have to say. I'm a great listener in general but when I'm worked up, nothing stops me.

The letting the other party get their thoughts out and actually listening hit home. I need to practice that when I'm upset. I'm great about it if I'm not emotionally wrapped up in it but if I am...watch out. lol

I just want it worded better and expanded upon. Once she said that, she started talking about Burt rubbing Claudia's feet. I don't care about that!

I'm going to keep going because the book does have great insights.
 
crimsonpeach said:
I'm in chapter 2. And y'all...I'm frustrated with the way the author writes. It's taking everything in me to key onto the meat of what is in the chapters but I can't get with the writing.

Chapter 2 does have good points but I wish there was some more meat and nuance to it. The section about when a woman asks a man a question, interrupts with a rewording of the question, and then interrupts with a multiple choice question I really did identify with. I do tend to not let a person get in their thoughts because I have to say what I have to say. I'm a great listener in general but when I'm worked up, nothing stops me.

The letting the other party get their thoughts out and actually listening hit home. I need to practice that when I'm upset. I'm great about it if I'm not emotionally wrapped up in it but if I am...watch out. lol

I just want it worded better and expanded upon. Once she said that, she started talking about Burt rubbing Claudia's feet. I don't care about that!

I'm going to keep going because the book does have great insights.
Click to expand...

Girl, wait til you get to the chapter on sex. Lawd. I'm re-reading it now and I want to stab Mike every time he talks.

"Your ta-tas".... What?! Why?
 
I've just downloaded the book because you all have literally twisted my arm.
AND because,
While trying to do an honest reflection on my life, I realize that I need to fix some things....(for a start)...
  1. I grew up in an unhealthy and dysfunctional environment.
  2. I am JUst starting to grasp how the dysfunctional elements still influence me to this day......Hell I thought this was normal
  3. From 17 to 45+ I was in the high testosterone elements of the Military; where many men were my competition
  4. Due to #1, I still see needing or asking for help as a sign of weakness; many of my life experiences have reinforced this belief.
  5. The concept of "inter-dependancy" is intimidating to me. Yet in a relationship this is necessary
  6. I need to learn to both project and pick better...
From what I've read of you all's reviews this book may be a good start; of course I also listened to a youtube video or two of hers too. This one struck a nerve:
 
hopeful said:
The writing in TQC and KTTK is pretty bad, but once you get into it it is so worth it. It's almost magical. When I got my first big aha moment I was standing and my knees buckled. She really gets to the heart of relationships. I have never read anything so transformative.
Click to expand...
Same here.
I had probably gotten to Chapter 3 or 4 and kept saying to myself little things the whole time (yeah, yeah, heard all this before, tell me something I don't know, I've been tricked into reading another dumb relationship book, not going to learn anything new, etc.) until I found something that resonated with me. I'm still trying to figure out now, days later, why that "problem" is one I have. I've already started using some of the new things I've learned with very good results.

Have to stop myself from saying more because I don't want to spoil it for others and I know there's a book club to discuss these things with.
 
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so glad y'all feel this. I was starting to think I was a little off because it hit home so much.

I read it pretty quickly the first time through so the bad writing didnt bother me, but the subsequent readings were more painfu

Layluh said:
You're taking it too far.
Click to expand...
:lachen::lachen:

because Alison can definitely take my blood, but that doesn't change one feeling I have about ww.
 
hopeful said:
The writing in TQC and KTTK is pretty bad, but once you get into it it is so worth it. It's almost magical. When I got my first big aha moment I was standing and my knees buckled. She really gets to the heart of relationships. I have never read anything so transformative.
Click to expand...

I agree. I've never been a fan of "fluffy" writing, so this is how I know that she touched some very deep and true points. Whenever Burt speaks I read it in a voice of how I imagine Santa Claus to sound, and some parts are Velveeta cheesy, butttt..I've really never read a relationship book that's making me want to change my life lol.
 
Thank you @Ivonnovi for posting that video.
Some interesting takeaways for me:
*Men are complicated just like us just in a different way -- but like to think they are simple
*They instinctively and naturally protect themselves at a molecular level -- I find this fascinating.
*Satisfied women make the world a better place!

She is a very deep well of information, an encyclopedia like Claudia.
 
hopeful said:
The writing in TQC and KTTK is pretty bad, but once you get into it it is so worth it. It's almost magical. When I got my first big aha moment I was standing and my knees buckled. She really gets to the heart of relationships. I have never read anything so transformative.
Click to expand...
She says that she wrote it like that on purpose. She said that she experimented on telling it as a nonfiction, self-help book before. When she told the story in a novel format, her audience was just captivated by it and wanted to know more!! She said that in one of her radio interviews from this page (can't remember which one to be exact). All of those interviews teach me something new.
 
caribeandiva said:
She says that she wrote it like that on purpose. She said that she experimented on telling it as a nonfiction, self-help book before. When she told the story in a novel format, her audience was just captivated by it and wanted to know more!! She said that in one of her radio interviews from this page (can't remember which one to be exact). All of those interviews teach me something new.
Click to expand...

I get why she's writing it like a novel. I understand how that helps the message sink into our psyches. I heard or read that she said she kept trying to help a friend by sharing the advice directly and she wouldn't listen, but when shared the info in story format she finally stopped and paid attention. I'm just saying that she isn't a good writer, not compared to a real novelist. When I was younger I loved Danielle Steele novels. I'm comparing her writing to someone of that caliber.
 
hopeful said:
I get why she's writing it like a novel. I understand how that helps the message sink into our psyches. I heard or read that she said she kept trying to help a friend by sharing the advice directly and she wouldn't listen, but when shared the info in story format she finally stopped and paid attention. I'm just saying that she isn't a good writer, not compared to a real novelist. When I was younger I loved Danielle Steele novels. I'm comparing her writing to someone of that caliber.
Click to expand...
She ain't no Danielle Steele. :lachen::lachen: and yes that is the interview I was talking about.
 
hopeful said:
I get why she's writing it like a novel. I understand how that helps the message sink into our psyches. I heard or read that she said she kept trying to help a friend by sharing the advice directly and she wouldn't listen, but when shared the info in story format she finally stopped and paid attention. I'm just saying that she isn't a good writer, not compared to a real novelist. When I was younger I loved Danielle Steele novels. I'm comparing her writing to someone of that caliber.
Click to expand...

I agree with you. I like the fictional format, it helps me relate it to better than I think I might otherwise. It gives you "real" people to connect with.

Yeah, she might just benefit from an actual novelist to help smooth out the fine edges.
 
I'm interested in joining because many of the men in my life confuse me, and I'm interested to see if this book can help.

I am in the middle of reading the first chapter on the website, and OY! The writing really bothers me. :(

It is very hard to write, and I respect the author's endeavor to provide this information to so many. But oy, oy, oy! Reading this book is not enjoyable so far. :(
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
No problem lol....:yep:

I actually wish more of us as bw would let go of some of the hurt feelings/past feelings of anger due to mistreatment that we've experienced. I understand why so many of us are upset/angry/resentful...I totally get it. We bear the brunt of so much in life. But I think in the end it only hurts US...it NEVER hurts anyone else but ourselves. :nono:

Holding on to resentment is like drinking down a bottle of poison and expecting your enemy/the person you're upset with to die. :nono: It only harms the one holding on to resentment. It never harms the other person. It only harms you.

I know it sounds so cliche and "kumbaya", but in life I've often found it to be true that when you fully LET GO and love others unconditionally (whether they deserve it or not :look:), you in turn feel SO much better, so much happier, and so much LIGHTER. Just like Jesus says in the bible (Matt. 4:44-48; Luke 6:34-36). I think this is what Alison alludes to in most of her book. :yep: When you think the BEST of men (or of people in general), even if they let you down, YOU are still the bigger person and in turn feel good regardless because you don't internalize their mistreatment of you. :yep:
Click to expand...

Have you read "The Mastery of Love" by Miguel Ruiz? This book really provides an awesome rationale for simply loving people but not putting yourself through things that aren't acceptable to you -- lovingly. :) Totally transformative book. I re-read it often.
 
hopeful said:
The writing in TQC and KTTK is pretty bad, but once you get into it it is so worth it. It's almost magical. When I got my first big aha moment I was standing and my knees buckled. She really gets to the heart of relationships. I have never read anything so transformative.
Click to expand...
Yall are really selling this book!
I'm always reading several books at once and rarely finish, ugh! But this post really is tempting!

Ohhhh I'm glad it was mentioned about the writing!!!! I read the free chapter online and was like huh ?! My attention started drifting off and I felt annoyed. I think that's why I didn't end up buying the book. You guys say it's a lot of gems in here so I'll get around to purchasing.
 
At the website, I was not able to use PayPal to purchase the book. Guess I'll have to lose out on the video content.

Did anyone purchase the book using PayPal? If so, from where? TIA! :)
 
I went ahead and purchased it from Amazon: I just can't put my card into all these sites anymore. So no video access for me. Oh, well.

NOTE: Chapter 2 writing is a smidgen better than Chapter 1 writing. OMG, thank you, Lord. Phew! ;)
 
Duchesse said:
I just finished the book. I'm sad its over! I feel like it ended abruptly or perhaps I just wanted more...

There's ALOT I have to say, but I'll save for the book club.

One thing I will say is that it literally opened my heart to men...like I want to give them all a hug now and build them up..lol..wow..this was a really awesome book. I'm actually surprised with how it's making me feel right now.
Click to expand...

That's encouraging, @Duchesse. I'm really wondering if the book will have even a little bit of that effect upon me. I guess I have to admit that I have started to just give up on men, meaning I can view them as really well-meaning and nice and all but see them as SEVERELY limited and irresponse-able. They tire me so, if I admit it. I'm at the place where if I have to choose between relying on a fellow woman to help me with a task and a man, almost 100% of the time I'm going with the woman. I just . . . I find men to be EXTREMELY stressful and tiring unless I put them in a special category upon sight: "He likely will not be able to put anyone else first or follow through or think about others in a balanced way, soooooo don't even expect it and set yourself to get upset over this, Blossom."

If this book helps me to start having victory in that area, well . . . :laugh:
 
I'm on Chapter 2.

Maybe the author (A.A.) addresses this more later on in the book, but what if you think many men truly lack competence in being responsible? Chapter 2 has centered on women believing that men don't respect them enough to be responsible. For me, I've started to wonder if they mean well but just aren't too competent at it? Anyone else have this feeling?

I'll keep reading! Perhaps the book can help me with that. :)
 
mysblossom said:
I'm on Chapter 2.

Maybe the author (A.A.) addresses this more later on in the book, but what if you think many men truly lack competence in being responsible? Chapter 2 has centered on women believing that men don't respect them enough to be responsible. For me, I've started to wonder if they mean well but just aren't too competent at it? Anyone else have this feeling?

I'll keep reading! Perhaps the book can help me with that. :)
Click to expand...

If you still feel the same way after you finish the book, come back and ask for support and clarification. I don't want to give too much away.
 
mysblossom said:
I'm on Chapter 2.

Maybe the author (A.A.) addresses this more later on in the book, but what if you think many men truly lack competence in being responsible? Chapter 2 has centered on women believing that men don't respect them enough to be responsible. For me, I've started to wonder if they mean well but just aren't too competent at it? Anyone else have this feeling?

I'll keep reading! Perhaps the book can help me with that. :)
Click to expand...

I believe the point of the chapter is that we keep judging Men by Women standards. By doing this We women are constantly disappointed, this disappointment that WE repeatedly set ourselves up for ultimatly leads to our dissatisfaction, low/damaged self-esteem, and dare I say Heartache.

A bit controversial but: Think of it like this; YT folks have and enjoy a popular color called "nude"; however that same color on US could more accurately be judged as "tan or khaki" yet many of us are running around stating they have on Nude shoes (judging themselves (or the color) by the wrong standards). Correctly labeled those shoes would be called: tan or khaki
 
Ivonnovi said:
I believe the point of the chapter is that we keep judging Men by Women standards. By doing this We women are constantly disappointed, this disappointment that WE repeatedly set ourselves up for ultimatly leads to our dissatisfaction, low/damaged self-esteem, and dare I say Heartache.

A bit controversial but: Think of it like this; YT folks have and enjoy a popular color called "nude"; however that same color on US could more accurately be judged as "tan or khaki" yet many of us are running around stating they have on Nude shoes (judging themselves (or the color) by the wrong standards). Correctly labeled those shoes would be called: tan or khaki
Click to expand...

Thanks for the explanation and analogy. I'll keep reading! :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

C
Going Natural Does Not Mean Going Broke!
Replies
6
Views
2K
lolascurls
lolascurls
kayte
CF Woman of the Month for February..The Bride..Shulamite Womn..
Replies
4
Views
2K
kayte
kayte
CaraWalker
The Difference Between Soulmates And Life Partners
Replies
22
Views
1K
tallnomad
T
loolalooh
How to Hear the Voice of God
Replies
14
Views
3K
Laela
Laela
kanozas
The Right Philosophical Way To Argue A Case For Pro-life
Replies
1
Views
2K
kanozas
kanozas
Back
Top