"The Good Men" ... Where are they at?

[dlewis]

I have many male relatives there, good men, handsome, too, but they have already been snatched up

I lived in Jackson years ago. Several ladies here live there.

 

[HollyGolightly]

DC is filled with good men! If you look approachable, you can meet them everywhere. Bookstores, gyms, Starbucks, Whole Foods, U Street, Lima... Just get out of the house, make eye contact, and smile.

If you're open to dating outside your race, finding a good man is even easier.

 

[Phaer]

I see I am going to have to take a trip to DC.

DC is filled with good men! If you look approachable, you can meet them everywhere. Bookstores, gyms, Starbucks, Whole Foods, U Street, Lima... Just get out of the house, make eye contact, and smile.

If you're open to dating outside your race, finding a good man is even easier.

 

[lushcoils]

DC is filled with good men! If you look approachable, you can meet them everywhere. Bookstores, gyms, Starbucks, Whole Foods, U Street, Lima... Just get out of the house, make eye contact, and smile.

If you're open to dating outside your race, finding a good man is even easier.

RoxyScores

Can you give more specific places in DC where men aren't hesitant to approach black women? Thanks. I'm asking because I've been Whole Foods, gyms, etc etc, but men aren't approaching and don't really make eye contact.

 

[ctosha]

DC is filled with good men! If you look approachable, you can meet them everywhere. Bookstores, gyms, Starbucks, Whole Foods, U Street, Lima... Just get out of the house, make eye contact, and smile.

If you're open to dating outside your race, finding a good man is even easier.

I think I need to take a trip to DC...I am more than serious b/c Toronto aint got s**t!

 

[HollyGolightly]

RoxyScores

Can you give more specific places in DC where men aren't hesitant to approach black women? Thanks. I'm asking because I've been Whole Foods, gyms, etc etc, but men aren't approaching and don't really make eye contact.

I've met good men at:
- Tryst (grad students study there during the day)
- Starbucks on Howard U's campus
- Eighteenth Street Lounge (where I met my bf)
- Lima (upscale international guys. I've met a lot of guys here; doctors, laywers, accountants, and diplomat's sons. I usually go during the week.)
- Washington Sports Club on Connecticut Ave (there's a co-ed sauna!)
- The stores around Georgetown
- Peacock Cafe (Go for brunch and sit on the patio when it's warm)
- U Street (attracts a better crowd than Adam's Morgan)
- Any indie coffe shop
- Soul Vegetarian (if you like Neo Soul guys. Get the vegan mac and cheese, it's delish)
- the bar at Busboy's and Poets and Alero
- walking around Capitol Hill
- downtown Bethesda around lunch time
- when I was in undergrad, I met a couple good guys when I was doing volunteer work

This area attracts motivated networkers, so you can meet good guys in just about every nice neighborhood. If you are confident and look approachable, you'll get hit on. From what I've seen, European and Persian men are into Black women here. White American men are usually hesitant to make the first move, but if you smile at them then they'll approach.

 

[ThickHair]

Quit saying there are no good men. I know the women who say, "All men are dogs", guess what they end up with? DOGS. I will say such and such was a dog because of the experience I have had with such an dsuch, but I do not lump all men together. I found me a good one and I am going to keep him.

 

[KEIONI'S MOM]

I find good men all the time, but can't find the one that's "my type". You know, the one that loves you, loves you?

There's no spark there. They are incredibly attractive on paper, but they usually lack charm and experience with dealing with a woman especially a woman like me. And what am I to do? hold on to them until they mature? Ripen, like a mango? What am I supposed to eat in the meantime?
lol

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

 

[DayStar]

African men are great options...my hunny is half Ghanaian .

I know quite a bit of single "good". Here are three examples.
#1. Is from Uganda. Just got into Law school. Mother is dipomat and I believe dad works in the UN.
#2. Very hardworking, loving and dedicated (he's Nigerian). He was getting ready to propose to his girlfriend when she told him she wanted to see other people. Also college grad
#3 is an computer engineer who just got a position with Goldman sacks

So they are out there

I'm currently trying to hook them up with some Haitian sisters. I have to look out for my people

 

[MizAvalon]

I definitely think there are good men all over the place, I meet them fairly often.

There are lots of obstacles though. I am not attracted to them, they live in some far off place(I meet great men all the time when I am in other cities), or the biggest obstacle of all, they are not available.

 

[Phaer]

Ok, can someone please tell me where to find 'good men' in Philly? I keep attracting the 'yo shorty' kind, and that is a total turnoff for me. Do I have to go to NYC or DC, to find someone? and if so, someone please give me an excuse; Jazz fair...hair event...something.

 

[MizAvalon]

Maybe part of the problem is that in the black community, we leave soooooo much up to chance and churches. Maybe we need to change that.

:::just thinking out loud:::

This is a part of it as well. Men will actively go out and seek a woman. Most single black women in their 30's that I know, spend their free time with other women doing "women friendly" activities, no men in sight. You can't meet good men if you are not going to the places where they are.

Don't even get me started on the church thing.

 

[Strangefruittree]

I live the sordid boon of being around alot of successful black men, who are mostly married to a female of another race... I think they encounter that its hard to find a large group of black women, usually in or involved in their professional field or interests that are "everything" they are looking for. just cause you think you are hot stuff on a platter, doesnt mean that person you are "looking" for will think the same. all those attributes "good" men have you should probably have too... Good men eat healthy, keep a look out at the grocery stores and farmers markets- i see em
good men work out- I see them at the gym on the hiking trail playing ball at a park
good men care about their appearence- they shop, I see em at the hot spots
I love to cook and so do some good men- they are at all the "culinary spots"
Good people fix things- i see em in homedepot and lowes and such when im fixing my things
good people enjoy art and support it- I see them at museums and events housed in galleries
be a good person and do good things and love yourself... you will either find a good person to love you or get mad love from living a good life
peace yall

 

[Lovelylife]

I do a lot of things but I don't generally get approached.
I don't really see other women getting approached either.

 

[chocolat79]

I do a lot of things but I don't generally get approached.
I don't really see other women getting approached either.

ITA, in general.
I actually get approached, but not by the guys who are about something. For instance, I was approached by a guy at a black professional discussion group and though I wasn't necessarily attracted to him, I gave him my number, just because he was very outgoing and seemed to be a lot of fun. Well, I come to find out that's he's only interested in sex. Literally, that was it. So, though I was in a neutral, professional environment with educated BM, the one that WOULD hit on me, wasn't interested in a relationship or even dating for that matter. But, yes, on paper and by all accounts, he is a "good man", I guess.

 

[chocolat79]

OT (sorta): I always think this question needs so many qualifiers, because it's subjective as well as relative. The REAL questions are: Where are the "good men" who are looking for serious dating/relationship? By whose definition are we defining a "good man"?

I can meet a random dude who wants sex ALL the time...that's not hard at all. Now he may be single, educated, and telling his friends/family that he's looking for a "good woman", but when he's out in public, it may be a different story. Therefore, the women who say, "oh I know a "good man", perhaps they do, but he may not be coming across as "good" to someone else. I'm saying that to say...it's really a hard question to answer which is why, although we're getting good answers on where to find them (LuckiestDestiny was mad thorough! ) they're not presenting themselves to be looking for the same thing we're looking for. A guy as a friend can act differently as a potential. Thus, the question gets re-asked again and again.

Also, there's the the other variables as to what he's looking for first---the physical (I'm just mentioning that because men see the physical first). I think I'm an attractive woman, although I'm not a 10. BUT, with the surge of interest in the masses of "lonely BW" flooding the media and presenting us as educated, but single and lonely, some of these men know they're in demand and only want a certain look or a 10 or extremely specific criteria. So, that also can add other dimensions to the "good man" who is known, but not found and also can't find someone.

Unfortunately, though that question can be answered superficially, there's never really a concrete answer. I think it's about timing and being at the right place at the right time...simply put. I've been to so many events and got nothing...or went out randomly and met a decent guy, so I think it's just the luck of the draw.

I think we as BW keep searching for logical answers to this question and superficially, it can be answered, but once you start digging, it's much harder than that.

P.S. I think the fact that a BM can't find a good BW is BS. Plain and simple. There is not enough convincing in the world to make me believe that with ALL these single BW running around this country, a BM can't find ONE. I refuse to believe it; I REFUSE it with all my heart and EXTREME PREJUDICE, LOL. IMO, if we were to break it down, we'd see that these men are 1) being unrealistic in what they're looking for, 2) dismissing a "good" woman on the basis of something stupid, 3) looking for a "good" woman in a "bad" place, 4) or finding a "good" woman and not putting in the work and then determining it must be her.

The best bet these days is through mutual friends OR a group that meets on a regular basis with a mix of men/women.

Sorry to hijack OP...I guess I just had to some things to get off my heart/mind, LOL. I just kept typing... great question that can rarely be answered thoroughly though. I have more to say and an example, but I'm going to stop now.

 

[lushcoils]

Chocolat, please provide more of your examples.

 

[VelvetRain]

OT (sorta): I always think this question needs so many qualifiers, because it's subjective as well as relative. The REAL questions are: Where are the "good men" who are looking for serious dating/relationship? By whose definition are we defining a "good man"?

I can meet a random dude who wants sex ALL the time...that's not hard at all. Now he may be single, educated, and telling his friends/family that he's looking for a "good woman", but when he's out in public, it may be a different story. Therefore, the women who say, "oh I know a "good man", perhaps they do, but he may not be coming across as "good" to someone else. I'm saying that to say...it's really a hard question to answer which is why, although we're getting good answers on where to find them (LuckiestDestiny was mad thorough! ) they're not presenting themselves to be looking for the same thing we're looking for. A guy as a friend can act differently as a potential. Thus, the question gets re-asked again and again.

Also, there's the the other variables as to what he's looking for first---the physical (I'm just mentioning that because men see the physical first). I think I'm an attractive woman, although I'm not a 10. BUT, with the surge of interest in the masses of "lonely BW" flooding the media and presenting us as educated, but single and lonely, some of these men know they're in demand and only want a certain look or a 10 or extremely specific criteria. So, that also can add other dimensions to the "good man" who is known, but not found and also can't find someone.

Unfortunately, though that question can be answered superficially, there's never really a concrete answer. I think it's about timing and being at the right place at the right time...simply put. I've been to so many events and got nothing...or went out randomly and met a decent guy, so I think it's just the luck of the draw.

I think we as BW keep searching for logical answers to this question and superficially, it can be answered, but once you start digging, it's much harder than that.

P.S. I think the fact that a BM can't find a good BW is BS. Plain and simple. There is not enough convincing in the world to make me believe that with ALL these single BW running around this country, a BM can't find ONE. I refuse to believe it; I REFUSE it with all my heart and EXTREME PREJUDICE, LOL. IMO, if we were to break it down, we'd see that these men are 1) being unrealistic in what they're looking for, 2) dismissing a "good" woman on the basis of something stupid, 3) looking for a "good" woman in a "bad" place, 4) or finding a "good" woman and not putting in the work and then determining it must be her.

The best bet these days is through mutual friends OR a group that meets on a regular basis with a mix of men/women.

Sorry to hijack OP...I guess I just had to some things to get off my heart/mind, LOL. I just kept typing... great question that can rarely be answered thoroughly though. I have more to say and an example, but I'm going to stop now.

I love how you broke all this down. I agree with everything you said especially the bolded. I can't relay just how many times I have been passed over specifically by black men who claimed that they were earnestly looking for a good black women who was kind hearted, educated, honest etc...... Yet I didn't fit the bill despite having other those other qualities because I wasn't the perfect 10 in the looks department or wasn't like a size 2. These are the same men who want women to do all the conforming to be with them but yet unwilling to make any necessary changes within themselves. At some point you just have to say no to all the unnecessary jumping through hoops.

 

[HollyGolightly]

ITA, in general.
I actually get approached, but not by the guys who are about something. For instance, I was approached by a guy at a black professional discussion group and though I wasn't necessarily attracted to him, I gave him my number, just because he was very outgoing and seemed to be a lot of fun. Well, I come to find out that's he's only interested in sex. Literally, that was it. So, though I was in a neutral, professional environment with educated BM, the one that WOULD hit on me, wasn't interested in a relationship or even dating for that matter. But, yes, on paper and by all accounts, he is a "good man", I guess.

I remember talking to one of my friends about a guy that she'd been hooking up with for over a year. She told me how he was perfect, but afraid of commitment. I told her that if he's not looking to commit, then he wasn't perfect! It doesn't matter what else a guy has going for him, if you two don't have similar relationship goals then it'll never work.

If you want a serious relationship, don't waste time on the guys that are only looking for sex. Get rid of them as soon as you see their true intentions. Dating is a numbers game, keep meeting and dating new men until you find someone that you can build with.

 

[Miss_Luna]

ITA, in general.
I actually get approached, but not by the guys who are about something. For instance, I was approached by a guy at a black professional discussion group and though I wasn't necessarily attracted to him, I gave him my number, just because he was very outgoing and seemed to be a lot of fun. Well, I come to find out that's he's only interested in sex. Literally, that was it. So, though I was in a neutral, professional environment with educated BM, the one that WOULD hit on me, wasn't interested in a relationship or even dating for that matter. But, yes, on paper and by all accounts, he is a "good man", I guess.

I went through the EXACT same thing. I met him through friends. Great on paper, attractive, well educated. blah blah blah

But all he wanted was sex. Now, not to toot my own horn, but I'm attractive and at the time I was talking to (not sexing) other guys who wanted to put in the time to get to know me without sex, but somehow he thought that if we were "seeing" each other then we had to have a sexual relationship (minus commitment).

After he realized he wasn't getting any, we couldn't even be friends. His entire attitude changed towards me. It sucks because we have a lot of mutual friends and it's just awkward to be in the same social circle.

The irony is that this is the same guy who rants on and on about how women, in general, are spoiled and he doesn't believe in dating because it's just a man spending money, etc. He believes most women are golddiggers who don't appreciate men like him. He's the guy who believes there are no good Black women out there. I don't get it, but I really don't want to either.

I believe there are good men out there, but I know I don't put myself out there enough to find them. I'm sure once I put in more effort I'll begin meeting more guys. I meet great guys now of every race, but again, I'm not really putting in the effort to make a relationship work right now.

 

[Valerie]

I have friends who went to all these events, one even went with her sister. Black professionals, Black Lawyers society, Black Business society. All the black networking, they went to singles events at church. Busy mingle, eventually with all the mingling, they still didn't meet partners and she added up frustrated. She screamed "God, I need a husband, why can't I find one, anyway, she and her sister found her husbands, both non-black, while they were out and about. One in the high street and another in a restaurant. Another friend, her sister and mother prayed for a husband for their younger sister, after three months, she found her husband in Glades shopping centre!
So there you go!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I have friends who went to all these events, one even went with her sister. Black professionals, Black Lawyers society, Black Business society. All the black networking, they went to singles events at church. Busy mingle, eventually with all the mingling, they still didn't meet partners and she added up frustrated. She screamed "God, I need a husband, why can't I find one, anyway, she and her sister found her husbands, both non-black, while they were out and about. One in the high street and another in a restaurant. Another friend, her sister and mother prayed for a husband for their younger sister, after three months, she found her husband in Glades shopping centre!
So there you go!

Thanks so much sharing this!! Just wanted to say that.

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I have friends who went to all these events, one even went with her sister. Black professionals, Black Lawyers society, Black Business society. All the black networking, they went to singles events at church. Busy mingle, eventually with all the mingling, they still didn't meet partners and she added up frustrated. She screamed "God, I need a husband, why can't I find one, anyway, she and her sister found her husbands, both non-black, while they were out and about. One in the high street and another in a restaurant. Another friend, her sister and mother prayed for a husband for their younger sister, after three months, she found her husband in Glades shopping centre!
So there you go!

Thank you!!! I need to pray for one myself!!!

 

[BlackHairDiva]

This sounds more promising than Boston. I'm in Canada as well and well.... Ottawa sucks!

I love Boston and it feels like home. I think I might try to venture to your area.

Does anyone have any recommendation for Boston? as to where to meet good men?

I've met good men at:
- Tryst (grad students study there during the day)
- Starbucks on Howard U's campus
- Eighteenth Street Lounge (where I met my bf)
- Lima (upscale international guys. I've met a lot of guys here; doctors, laywers, accountants, and diplomat's sons. I usually go during the week.)
- Washington Sports Club on Connecticut Ave (there's a co-ed sauna!)
- The stores around Georgetown
- Peacock Cafe (Go for brunch and sit on the patio when it's warm)
- U Street (attracts a better crowd than Adam's Morgan)
- Any indie coffe shop
- Soul Vegetarian (if you like Neo Soul guys. Get the vegan mac and cheese, it's delish)
- the bar at Busboy's and Poets and Alero
- walking around Capitol Hill
- downtown Bethesda around lunch time
- when I was in undergrad, I met a couple good guys when I was doing volunteer work

This area attracts motivated networkers, so you can meet good guys in just about every nice neighborhood. If you are confident and look approachable, you'll get hit on. From what I've seen, European and Persian men are into Black women here. White American men are usually hesitant to make the first move, but if you smile at them then they'll approach.

 

[Mena]

This sounds more promising than Boston. I'm in Canada as well and well.... Ottawa sucks!

I love Boston and it feels like home. I think I might try to venture to your area.

Does anyone have any recommendation for Boston? as to where to meet good men?

yea dc is pretty good for meeting guys from good backgrounds...just have to find one who you click with

 

[chocolat79]

Chocolat, please provide more of your examples.

LOL, girl I was rambling that night.

Um, let's see. I'll give you an examples of 1,2,3. I think we've all experienced 4.

#2 example:

Ok, so this friend of mine who is a really good guy, and I went to the SAME professional discussion group that I mentioned in the other post. Well, he and I were standing next to each other, but we weren't together, so a woman and her friend came over to talk to us. Her friend was talking to my friend and the woman I'm referring to was talking to me. Anyway, as soon as there was a break in the friend's and his conversation, the girl I was talking to introduced herself to him (kinda abruptly, LOL). I figured out quickly that the other girl was the wingwoman, LOL. Anyway, so I kinda chuckled and fell back because I understand the game. Anyway, I talked to him later on and said, "Oh, so what did you think of so-and-so?" He was like, "Oh, she's too big." I was, like "huh?" So I said, "The girl with xyz (description)? Not the OTHER one (who WAS bigger)?" He said, "No. We're talking about the same one. Her thighs were too big." I said, "Wait, what? How in the world could you even SEE her thighs? And furthermore, her thighs were not even big!" I was like,"She had a good personality, she was pretty, professional (lawyer), sociable and she came up to you to get to know you." He was like, "I'm not in the least attracted to her, yada yada." I had to take a couple deep breaths.

Here's why. Although he's a very nice guy, he doesn't have enough confidence in himself. He's even too chicken to get someone else's number. So, you have a woman who seems semi-interested, at least, to come up to your punk a$$ and you can't even give her the time of day because you don't feel she's attractive enough for you???

This same guy doesn't feel he's that attractive. I was thinking that men have a LOT of nerve. Meanwhile, the woman he thought was attractive, WAS attractive and WAY out of his league, physically, but he thought he "deserved" someone who looked like her. I just SMDH. So, here is a good woman who is educated, sociable, attractive, good personality and could bring something to the table and you're dismissing her strictly based on what you THINK her thighs look like? *********!
So, that's what I mean about #2 and some of #1, when you're nowhere near a 10 either nor ballin' outta control!

On another note, he's met a woman who seems really cool and whatnot. But I'm schooling him...every step of the way!

 

[chocolat79]

#3 point example-

I have a friend who has met most of his GF's in a club. Now, there's really nothing wrong with meeting women in a club. I personally don't think it's a good place, but if it works for you, do what you do. But, he contends quite emphatically that the club is a fine and dandy place to meet serious and marriage-minded women because that's where he met his other GF's. I was like, "Well, are you with any of them now?" Yeah, crickets. Just what I thought.

So, he just laments and complains about not finding women who are about anything. Well, you think? You're meeting them in a club! Try somewhere else! I mean, sheesh. If one thing isn't working, try something else. Yet, he's resilient in getting things done in regards to business and will go different routes to get what he wants, except when we're talking relationships.

O yeah, and he says he has a soft-spot for the "hood girls, or ghetto girls". His words. Sooo, yeah, good luck with that.

So, that's meeting "good" women in a "bad" place and I put those quotation marks there because I don't mean that a club is bad, but it's certainly not a great place to meet marriage-minded people.

ETA: I'll be back with a real example of #1

 

[ladylibra_30]

Taken or In The Friend Zone.

I kid

They're there for the taking, everywhere we go. Believe in abundance. The question is are we ready for him?

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I just noticed something!!!!!!!!!!! The last few days I have been paying close attention to what i might be doing that is stopping me of finding, meeting mr. right, mr.wonderful or mr.right now.

I noticed today that when I walk I dont necessarily look up or down....I look ahead a few meters ahead of me....I look at the pavement. So my head seems to look straight ahead when its not the case. So I might have passed Mr. right. I noticed this morning, that quite a few men tried to catch my eye...even leaning in as if they are leaning to look into a room. But when i do notice these men try to look into my eyes....I look away because I'm too shy and somewhat chicken to look into their eyes!!!!

See I can be around people and talk. But I'm shy around men...I just noticed that.!!! I was not like that before ( as in high school junior high and university.)

Next week, I will slowly try to work my courage and not look a way when a man tries to look into my eyes.

Lots of men open the door for me and I say thank you but never look into their eyes. I just noticed that TODAY!!!!!!

 

[lushcoils]

Girl, men look at you! You're a step ahead of me. goodluck. lol