The Girlfriend title and Calling

[natstar]

Ladies, I need you advice.

I have been dating this guy for two months now and it is a long distance relationship. We talk or text everyday on the phone and we meet up when we can on some weekends and spend the entire weekend together (we have done so twice already). One weekend when I was over in his city, someone asked if that was my boyfriend/husband. He was in hearing range. I said he was a good friend.

Afterwards my guy stated that he thinks taking things slow is a good idea too. I stated "good friend" earlier, because I didnt want to give this guy a title when he formally didnt ask me. Its been 2 months since we started and I dont know how I can go about asking what am I to him or if I should at all.

**P.S. Also. he asks me to call sometimes, when I get time but I don't know if I should or just continue to have him initiate contact.

(Ive been reading that Why men love Bit&*es book and its a little hard to know what to do sometimes.)

Any advice on all this

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Well, do you want a title?

About initiating contact, if he does majority of the contact initiating then its ok for you to initiate contact sometimes. It shows you want to talk to him. Depending on the person, you increase or decrease frequency of that.

 

[Xavier]

You both have been dating for two months right? When did he mention you both should take it slow?

 

[Theresamonet]

Ladies, I need you advice.

I have been dating this guy for two months now and it is a long distance relationship. We talk or text everyday on the phone and we meet up when we can on some weekends and spend the entire weekend together (we have done so twice already). One weekend when I was over in his city, someone asked if that was my boyfriend/husband. He was in hearing range. I said he was a good friend.

Afterwards my guy stated that he thinks taking things slow is a good idea too. I stated "good friend" earlier, because I didnt want to give this guy a title when he formally didnt ask me. Its been 2 months since we started and I dont know how I can go about asking what am I to him or if I should at all.

**P.S. Also. he asks me to call sometimes, when I get time but I don't know if I should or just continue to have him initiate contact.

(Ive been reading that Why men love Bit&*es book and its a little hard to know what to do sometimes.)

Any advice on all this

It sounds like he agrees that you are just "good friends". This is what you said to someone else and he made it a point to co-sign...It sounds like he is trying to make sure you know you ain't his girlfriend.

If that makes you uncomfortable and to want to be more than that you should tell him and see what he says. You will know then if it is worth it to continue seeing him.

ETA: It doesn't sound like ya'll are taking it slow if you are making trips out of town. It seems like you've already gone beyond that. Personally, if he said that to me at this stage in the game I would get ghost on his a$$...*poof* no more Theresa for him...but do what you think is best for you.

 

[Bunny77]

First, how long is the long-distance? (Just out of curiosity). Like I wouldn't see it as much of a big deal if you were in Chicago and he was in, say, Indianapolis or Milwaukee. Sure, it's a time commitment, but not as much sacrifice on your part as opposed to him living in, like, Kentucky.

Of course, my idea of long-distance is pretty liberal, as I will get in my car and drive a few hours somewhere just on a whim, but I wouldn't want to continually be driving somewhere/flying somewhere for a while without knowing where I stood with a man.

As for the "take it slow" comment, I would just ask him what he meant by that. I wouldn't do it in a badgering way, but see what he means and see if the conversation ends up helping define what you two expect out of this relationship.

With the calling... what you could say at some point when he asks to call more is something like, "Oh, I thinkn that's a good idea, but I feel more comfortable making those calls when a man is my boyfriend." Maybe he'll take the bait and start a conversation then.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I can see if this were a crossroads in like 4-5 months when ya'll have had time to date more often...but ya'll can't because your LD and its tough...

Had you been w/in distance than I can see ya'll having been on 5-6 dates w/in 2 months and then asking ?'s about "where is this going?"...but ya'll only had 2-3 weekends together...not enough IMO to ask him about a girlfriend status just yet...I would say yea after 5th or 6th+ (and even 6 is pushing early to me...) date...not 2nd and 3rd...ya'll have to take twice as long because of the distance and the time ya'll get to spend get to knowing each other is spread over time....

and why keep a tally/tab on who's calling who?...why not make it so technical and just go with the flow and if and when you feel like it call him...whether it be just for a chat or late nite conversation?

 

[Jazzmommy]

Umm these are tough... perhaps he was trying to "save face" when he said he agreed with taking things slow since you called him a "good friend." If you two have been intimate, I would try to initiate a convo about titles if that's impt to you. I'm a title girl my self. LoL

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Umm these are tough... perhaps he was trying to "save face" when he said he agreed with taking things slow since you called him a "good friend." If you two have been intimate, I would try to initiate a convo about titles if that's impt to you. I'm a title girl my self. LoL

You know, I was actually thinking that myself. What else COULD he say?? You know how guys ego's are so fragile.

Some guys are more forthright and will let you know from jump that you are going to be their girlfriend...heck...WIFE! But not all guys are like that. In fact, I'm finding (sad to say) that more and more guys are getting soooo "scared" and afraid of rejection that they will have the woman asking where they stand and THEN they'll say something. OR, the woman will threaten to leave, or the guy finds out that the woman has some OTHER men interested in her, and THEN he will make a move, or say something to "seal the deal" w/her so-to-speak. I don't know if it's this generation or what...but it truly is sad.

I wouldn't stop doing your WMLB thing (I love that book btw! ), but if he's asking you to call him sometime, he's obviously interested in you in SOME way. I don't think a guy would be worrying about why you don't call him if he's not interested in you in some way.

I don't advise ANY woman to ask where she stands before the 3-month mark. It's just too soon before then if you ask me. People don't usually even show thier true colors before 3 months anyway, so how would you know if you even WANT to call this guy a "boyfriend" before that time?

Since you two are long-distance, I say just chill, relax, have fun w/him for at least another month and see where things go before you start asking him to "define" things. Still continue to casually date other men (which you probably should be doing anyway), and then if this LD guy STILL hasn't determined what you two "are" after the 3rd month, then I would say something.

 

[natstar]

Thanks for the response ladies- He actually lives in Milwaukee its not that long distance. It just feels that way sometimes with the weather - i can drive by or he cant come up every weekend. I think I will just give it some time and then revisit this and enjoy his company in the meantime. As I think about it more, it is probably best to spend more time with hime before asking about a title. Thanks again for advice on both issues.

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks for the response ladies- He actually lives in Milwaukee its not that long distance. It just feels that way sometimes with the weather - i can drive by or he cant come up every weekend. I think I will just give it some time and then revisit this and enjoy his company in the meantime. As I think about it more, it is probably best to spend more time with hime before asking about a title. Thanks again for advice on both issues.

Woo hoo! I guessed the right city! Milwaukee ain't nothin'... Long distance to me is like, over three hours driving time!

Anyway, I've been in a similar situation, and titles weren't made clear until after the three month mark... and we lived four hours way, but saw each other almost every weekend. Before there were titles though, I dated other people and there was absolutely no intimacy involved... I needed time to see if I even wanted to be his girlfriend and see how serious he was... but I made sure to keep my interactions light with him until that point.

He drove to see me the majority of the time, for example. I needed to see how serious he was, and that showed me a lot.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Ditto. It was not long distance but DH and I did not have "titles" until the 3 month mark. I was dating others (no intimacy) and I did not even ask to define our relationship. He took me to dinner and formally asked to be exclusive.

Until a man does the asking, assume he is dating others and you should be dating others too.

Woo hoo! I guessed the right city! Milwaukee ain't nothin'... Long distance to me is like, over three hours driving time!

Anyway, I've been in a similar situation, and titles weren't made clear until after the three month mark... and we lived four hours way, but saw each other almost every weekend. Before there were titles though, I dated other people and there was absolutely no intimacy involved... I needed time to see if I even wanted to be his girlfriend and see how serious he was... but I made sure to keep my interactions light with him until that point.

He drove to see me the majority of the time, for example. I needed to see how serious he was, and that showed me a lot.

 

[Sosoothing]

I agree with whoever said you should ask him or let your feelings known. It would be nice for you to know just how he is going to go about deciding to call you his girlfriend or even if he intends to. There is nothing wrong with making your expectations known when you enter into a friendship or relationship.

My current boyfriend was on the slow side too. We are also in a long distance relationship. I was ready for the title before he realized that he was too. I made it known to him and let him know that until he was ready, I would be seeing other people. I chose to let him know I would be seeing other people to make a point but also because, I wasn't about to waste my time if the man was not sure what he wanted.